Save My Soul

Disclaimer: Characters are mine. You can't have them. *Cuddles Yuki and Matt*

I'm so sorry for not updating sooner. Real life is being a bitch... My grandmother has been sick on and off for awhile now. We don't know how long she'll live. And of course there is work... Don't get me started with that. ^_^

Anyway, I'm really sorry about not updating in months. I'd also like to say it's not going to happen again, but I can't guarantee that. Hopefully next I'll be able to get a chapter of "Student Teacher Relations out."

Also, I'm sorry if there are any mistakes. I tried to proof read this, but I just woke up and I'm in a rush because I have to get ready for work in a few minutes.

Enjoy the chapter and once again, I'm sorry. T_T
_________________________________________________


Matt woke the next morning. He reached out to pull Yuki towards him. His hand grabbed nothing but a silky sheet. He sat up in bed. "Yuki?" His blond haired friend was no where in the room. He rubbed the sleep out of his blue eyes and crawled out from under the warm blankets.

He walked down the stairs and into the living room. There was Yuki sleeping on the couch still dressed in his suit.

Matt tip-toed past his sleeping boyfriend and into the kitchen. The mess from yesterday was all cleaned up. The kitchen was spotless. Poor Yuki stood up late cleaning. Matt smiled and began to cook breakfast.

Yuki woke to the smell of coffee brewing and bacon frying. He got off the couch and headed towards the delicious smell. He sat down at the table and rested his forehead on the table top. He heard Matt laugh and he heard the sound of ceramic hitting wood. Yuki lifted his head and picked up the green mug sitting in front of him. He quickly drank the coffee.

"Poor Yuki. Can't function without a cup of coffee." Matt said smiling at Yuki.

"What time is it?" Yuki mumbled ignoring Matt's comment.

"Five fifteen. For once I'm awake early enough to have breakfast before work." Matt turned around and took two plates from the cupboard. He then turned to the stove and picked up the frying pan. He divided the bacon and scrambled eggs on the two plates. He slid one plate across the table to Yuki. Yuki put down his coffee cup and picked up his fork.

They ate their meal in silence. Matt knew Yuki wasn't a morning person. He couldn't function without two cups of coffee. If you tried to talk to the blond before he had his coffee he'd get angry.

Matt waited until Yuki was almost done with his second cup when Matt spoke to him. "Why didn't you come to bed last night?"

Yuki took a sip from his mug before setting it on the table. His green eyes met Matt's blue. "I figured you'd want to be left alone after what happened."

"I woke up and you weren't there. I must admit I was a little sad. I guess I'm so used to waking up with you next to me. It was weird when I saw you weren't there."

Yuki stared at Matt. Matt could never tell what was going on in Yuki's head. He was usually good at reading people's emotions. Yuki was hard to read. He was almost always emotionless.

Yuki got up out of his chair and walked over to where Matt was sitting. Much to Matt's surprise Yuki sat down on his lap. He rested his head on Matt's shoulder. "I'm sorry." He gently nipped at Matt's neck. He felt Matt shiver and he smiled. Yuki continued to nip and kiss Matt's neck.

Matt stood up suddenly almost knocking Yuki to the floor. "I really have to get ready for work." He quickly walked out of the kitchen and up to his room. He left a confused Yuki standing in the kitchen.

Yuki sat down in the chair. Did he do something wrong? He thought that was what Matt wanted. Yuki wanted to be a good boyfriend. He didn't want Matt to find someone else. There were so many people out there. So many people who would be more than willing to give themselves to Matt. Yuki knew Matt would realize it. He didn't want to be abandoned. He didn't want to be pushed aside again. He would do anything to keep Matt.

Half an hour later Matt came down the stairs. Yuki was waiting for him at the foot of the steps. He wrapped his arms around Matt's neck and gently kissed him.

Matt kissed Yuki back for a few seconds then he placed his hands on the blonds slender hips and pushed him away. "I would love to stay and do this all day, but I've really got to get to work.

Yuki pulled Matt closer and frowned. "Please stay with me."

Matt looked into Yuki's eyes. He knew something was wrong. He wished he could stay and find out. "I can't. I have off tomorrow. We'll do something. Just you and me. Okay?" He leaned in for a kiss but Yuki pulled away.

"O-okay..." Yuki mumbled before running up the stairs. He didn't want Matt to see the tears running down his cheeks.

Matt sighed and walked out the door. Something was definitely wrong. He was glad he hid the razors he found in Yuki's room the other day. He also hid all the sharp knifes in the house. Just in case.

Yuki ran to his bedroom and slammed the door shut. He wasn’t angry with Matt. He was angry with himself. Part of him knew that his fears were irrational. Matt would never leave him for someone else. But there was that little voice in the back of his head that told him that Matt would abandon him like all of his friend. He wish he could explain to it to Matt. He was never good at talking about his emotions. He kept everything bottled up until he exploded.

He opened his suitcase that was sitting on the bed. He rummaged through his clothes. Yuki knew he threw some razors in there. He turned the suitcase upside down and spilled its contents onto the bed. Maybe he didn’t pack them after all.

He walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. The blond searched through all the drawers and couldn’t find a sharp knife. Yuki gave up his search and went back up stairs to take a shower.

While in the shower Yuki picked the scab on his left arm. This was the next best thing to cutting. He scratched his other arm with his sharp finger nails. He wasn’t able to do much damage. There was no blood. He only succeeded in making it look like he was attacked by a kitten.

Yuki came out of the shower wearing nothing but a white towel around his waist. He walked over to the pile of clothes on the bed. He wasn’t in the mood to wear the bright happy colored stuff Matt bought for him. Instead he decided on his favorite outfit. A tight black and emerald green long sleeve shirt and baggy black pants that barely clung to his hips.

Once he got dressed he headed back into the bathroom. He took his time applying his eyeliner and black lipstick. He grabbed a bottle of nail polish and sat down on the tile floor. First he polished his finger nails then moved on to his toe nails. Polishing his nails always calmed him down. Maybe it was just the fumes killing his brain cells.

Once he was finished he went downstairs to the living room. He managed to kill almost two hours. He still had hours to go. Matt wasn’t coming home until six.


Six o’clock came and went. Matt wasn’t home. Yuki looked at the clock hanging on the wall above the television. Eight o’clock. He was thinking the worst. Matt was out with someone else. He drew his legs up to his chest and closed his eyes. They all wind up abandoning him. He knew Matt wasn’t any different.


Matt pulled in the driveway at nine. He almost got out of work early. Right as he was ready to walk out the door the victims of a bus accident came in. There were twenty-two senior citizens on the bus. Matt had to stay and help. None of them were seriously injured. Just some bumps and bruises. He wanted to leave so he could check on the blond. He couldn’t get Yuki out of his mind. He couldn’t concentrate on his job.

He unlocked the door and went into the house. Yuki ran up to Matt and smashed his lips against Matt’s.

Matt felt Yuki’s tongue run along his lip asking for permission to enter. Matt obliged. He felt Yuki’s tongue exploring his mouth.

Yuki pulled away gasping for breath. Matt looked into green eyes. He could see fear and sadness in those eyes. He opened his mouth to speak. Nothing but a gasp came out. Yuki was slowly running his hands down Matt’s muscular chest. Thin; slender fingers worked their way slowly down towards Matt’s belt. Yuki tried to unbuckle it, but his hands began to tremble.

Yuki was nervous. He never did anything like this before. He wasn’t ready yet. He had to do it. He couldn’t lose Matt. He had to keep Matt happy.

Matt took Yuki’s trembling hands in his own. “Yuki, what are you doing?” Matt could tell Yuki didn’t want to go on. He wasn’t ready yet.

Yuki looked down at his feet. “I-I want to make you happy. This is what you want. I-Isn’t it? I don’t want you to leave me.”

Matt let go of Yuki’s hands and pulled him up against his chest. “That isn’t what I want at all. I don’t want sex. Not until you are ready. Right now what I want is for you to be happy. I will never leave you for anyone else. I know you don’t believe it. I need you to take my word for it. Please Yuki. Just trust me.”

Yuki looked up at Matt and smiled a little. “I’m s-sorry. I know. I guess I’m just paranoid.”

Matt touched Yuki’s cheek. “No need to apologize. I’ll just have to work extra hard to gain your trust." Matt gave Yuki a goofy grin.

He lead Yuki over to the couch and gently pushed the blond on it. “What do you say we order some Chinese and spend the night getting to know each other better?”

Yuki opened his mouth to answer, but Matt already had the phone in his hand.


Forty minutes later the Chinese food came. Matt arranged all of the little white boxes on the coffee table. He ordered one of everything on the menu. Yuki had no idea who was going to eat all that food. There was enough to feed twenty people.

They both got their food and settled down on the couch. Matt started to eat an egg roll. Yuki sat at the opposite side of the couch. He couldn't even look at Matt. He acted like a fool. Yuki stabbed a piece of General Tso's Chicken with his chop stick. He wasn't hungry. He just wanted to curl up in a ball and hide from Matt.

"You should forget about the clothes I bought for you. You look hot dressed like that." Matt grinned at Yuki. Yuki looked up at Matt and blushed.

Matt shoveled some rice in his mouth. "So, should I start with the questions?"

They spent the next hour asking each other dumb questions. Favorite foods, favorite color. Yuki thought it was kind of dull and boring. Although it did help him calm down. He felt more relaxed around Matt.

"So," You said taking a sip of his Mountain Dew. "What were your parents like? What about your childhood? Was it good?" Yuki always wanted to know about other peoples pasts. He liked to hear stories of happy families. His was far from perfect.

"Hmm... Where to begin?" Matt nibbled on his lower lip. "Well, I didn't really know my mother. She died when I was two. Breast cancer. I remember visiting her in the hospital, but I can't remember what she looked like. My father said I look a lot like her. She is the reason I wanted to be a doctor. So I could help people who were sick like her. I wanted to find a cure for cancer."

"My father was a kind man. He was always busy. I had a nanny who took care of me. Every Saturday we'd have a father and son day. We'd spend the day just hanging out. I could talk to him about anything. He would always support me in everything I wanted to do. Even if it was something impossible. When I was five I told him I wanted to be a bird when I grew up." Matt smiled. "He didn't even laugh. He told me if I tried hard enough I could do it."

"So how did he die?" Yuki asked drawing his knees up to his chest.

Matt sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair. He closed his eyes. "He died the day of my high school graduation. He got held up at the office. He was speeding... The cops said he didn't stop for the red light. There was a tractor trailer going through the intersection. My father went right under it. The bottom of the trailer ripped the roof right off his car. He was decapitated."

Yuki saw a single tear fall from Matt's closed eyes. He crawled over to where Matt was sitting and wrapped his arms around Matt's neck. He held Matt close to him. "I'm so sorry. I-I know that doesn't make you feel better b-"

Yuki got cut off when Matt gently placed his lips on Yuki's. It was a short; gentle kiss.

"So, what about you?" Matt looked into Yuki's green eyes.

Yuki pulled away from Matt. He didn't really want to talk about his family and his childhood. "You didn't say what kind of business your dad was in."

Matt smiled. "It's not important. Come on. It's your turn to talk." He knew that Yuki had a bad history with his parents. He wanted to know what happened in hope of understanding his boyfriend better.

Yuki went back to the other side of the couch and hugged his knees to his chest. "I-I don't really want to talk about my family. I told my best friend one day, but he didn't believe me. He told me I was lying."

"I know you won't lie to me." Matt reached out to take Yuki's hand, but the blonde pulled away.

"To my friends and relatives we looked like a happy; loving family, but it wasn't like that at all."

"I was expected to do big things. Make big bucks. Be the best and brightest in my class. And if I wasn't I had to pay. If I got under a ninety-five on any test or quiz I'd get hit with an electric cord. They would always do it on my chest or back so no one would see."

"I was also a punching bag. If one of them had a bad day they'd take it out on me. I could of been sitting at the desk and doing my homework and they'd just start hitting me. I-I thought it was normal for parents to treat their kids that way. When I realized it wasn't normal I told my friend and that is when she called me a liar." Yuki didn't want to look at Matt. He felt ashamed.

"Why didn't you tell a teacher or someone?" Matt couldn't believe Yuki had to live like that. How could someone hurt his Yuki so bad?

"I-I was afraid to. I figured they would call me a liar too. I was afraid that my parents would find out I said something. Who knows what they would of done to me."

"Anyway, when I graduated I got up the nerve to tell my parents I wasn't going to Harvard. I told them about my trip to Japan. They knew there was no way to stop me. I was in Japan for a week visiting my mothers family when I got a phone call. I was told my parents sold or donated everything I owned and they changed the locks on doors."

"I didn't let that bother me. I enjoyed my trip. When I came back I started over. The other day was the first time I saw my mother since graduation. Seeing her brought back all the horrible things she said and did to me."

Matt couldn't imaging living like that. How could parents hurt their own flesh and blood? "Do you have scars?" Yuki nodded. "Can I see?"

Without saying a word Yuki stood up and took off his shirt. Matt got off the couch and stood in front of Yuki. At least a dozen scars marred his chest. Matt walked behind the blond. There were over a dozen more etched in the milky white skin of Yuki's back.

He traced one of the scars with his finger. Matt could feel Yuki tense under his touch. He wrapped his arms around Yuki's thin waist and buried his face in the blonds neck. Matt inhaled deeply. His Yuki smelt like vanilla.

"I promise no one will hurt you anymore." Matt murmured against Yuki's neck.

Yuki pulled away from Matt's warmth. "How can you protect me from myself?" He held his arms out so Matt could see what he did.

"It would of been worse if I didn't hide the razors."

Yuki looked up at Matt. "Y-you did that?"

Matt nodded at Yuki. "I won't always be around to stop you, but I'm always available to talk. Even when I'm working. You can't keep everything bottled up. You've got to let me in. I know it must be hard to open up, but please talk to me. I want to help you."

Yuki looked up at Matt and smiled. "I-I'll try my best."

"That's all I can ask for." Matt wrapped an arm around Yuki's waist and pulled him close. He kissed Yuki's forehead.

Yuki looked up and smiled at Matt. "Thank you for everything. If it wasn't for you I probably wouldn't be alive right now."

Matt blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. "Aww. It was nothing." He bent down and picked up Yuki's shirt. "Put this back on. You've got to be cold."

Yuki took his shirt from Matt and quickly put it back on. He never showed his scars to anyone before. He didn't know how people would react. Yuki was glad he opened up to his boyfriend. It felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

"Want to watch the evening news with me?" Matt sat down on the couch and turned on the big screen television. Yuki sat down next to Matt and rested his head on Matt's shoulder.

The news reporter was talking about five more soldiers being killed in Iraq. Yuki sighed. "It's so sad... All these people our age dying. I wish they could just come home..."

Matt turned off the television. "It's too depressing to watch. Want to go to bed?" Yuki nodded but didn't bother to move. He was tired, but he would be content falling asleep with his head on Matt's shoulder.

Matt abruptly stood up causing Yuki to fall over on the couch. "Come on lazy bum. Time to get up." He said as he grabbed Yuki's arm and began to pull the small blond off the couch. Yuki smirked and went completely limp; making it impossible for Matt to pull him off the couch.

Matt dropped Yuki's arm. "Boy, you are lazier than I though. Polishing your nails must require a lot of energy." Matt put one arm behind Yuki's back and the other right below the blonds tight ass. He easily lifted Yuki up off the couch. Yuki gasped; his green eyes went wide. He wrapped his arms around Matt's neck.

Matt laughed as he headed up the stairs. "Don't worry. I won't drop you."

Yuki loosened his grip from around Matt's neck. "You are nuts" He said laughing.

"I'm not nuts. You were the one who fell over and wouldn't get up." Matt said as he walked through the bedroom door. He gently placed Yuki down on the bed. "We really should get some rest. I've got a busy day planned. He placed a tender kiss on Yuki's lips.

"I uh... Have to get changed for bed. I can't sleep in these clothes." Matt was rummaging through is dresser before Yuki even finished his sentence.

Matt wanted to tell Yuki to sleep nude, but he didn't want the blond to get angry at him. He had made progress today. If he made a lewd comment to Yuki now he'd wind up back at square one. Matt tossed Yuki a pair of black boxers with yellow smiley faces and a black t-shirt.

Yuki caught the clothes and got off the bed. "I'll just change in the bathroom." He said as he headed for the door.

"You can stay here. I promise I won't look." Matt un-buttoned his shirt and slowly took it off. He smiled when he caught Yuki staring at him. Once Yuki noticed Matt notice him staring he fled to the bathroom.

He wasn't comfortable getting un-dressed in front of Matt. Knowing the brown haired sex fiend he would probably pounce on Yuki the second he took his pants off. Besides, he still wasn't comfortable showing his body. Yuki knew he was scrawny and with all his scars he was downright ugly.

After washing the make-up off his face and changing his clothes Yuki came back to the bedroom. Matt was sitting on the bed shirtless reading one of his medical books.

Matt glanced up from his book. "Don't wear that black lipstick anymore. It's too messy, but keep the eyeliner. It makes you look hot."

Yuki crawled into the bed. "No more lipstick then." He glanced over to look at what Matt was reading. "Is that a..."

"Giant Tape Worm." Matt finished for Yuki. "It was removed from a guy who ate undercooked food."

"Gross!" Yuki said giggling a little. "How can you read that stuff before bed?"

"It's the only time I have to study. I don't have much of a choice. You really should go to sleep now." Matt said going back to his book.

"What about you? You should get some sleep too."

"I will in a bit." Matt mumbled not looking away from his book. Yuki rolled over and closed his eyes. When he finally fell asleep about an hour later Matt was still awake and reading.