My story

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A couple of days later I was in my room after lectures. I put the phone down in silence; it was all too real for me, far too real. I heard her voice; I heard the pain that she was in. This wasn’t right, my mum’s invincible, she can’t be this sick. She said she’s due for an operation soon, but she can barely breathe now. I feel so selfish for coming here, for not being there to help her. Tears threaten at the corners of my eyes.

The phone ringing again jolts me out of my state. I guess it’s time for dinner; I grab a cap and make my way down to the café to meet up with the guys. I pull the peak down low to hide my eyes; I don’t want them to see that I could cry at any minute. I stand in the queue with them in silence.

“Bloody hell Vez, I didn’t know you were there! S’not like you to be quiet, what’s up?” I shake my head and continue to stare dead ahead, they went to ask again.

“Don’t push the subject Nick,”

I felt two hands on my shoulders as I saw her; she was crouching in front of me in an effort to see under my hat. Her eyebrows rose questioningly. I didn’t respond I just forced my hands in my pockets. She didn’t say a word and just took me in her arms again. Right there in the middle of the cafeteria, one day someone would catch on.

As we all sat I ate in silence, too afraid that I would snap at anyone. She sat opposite me stealing glances if I looked up high enough.

“You’re being quiet down there. So what’s wrong with you then?” She jumped in and saved me,

“We’re just hungry that’s all. Can’t talk and eat at the same time.” I turned back to my meal.

“Come on, turn that frown upside down,” Nick, the comic, the clown, really getting on my last nerve. I placed down my cutlery and turned to face him, I glared at him dead in the eye.

“Oh I know that look!” There she goes, trying to make me smile. I hate it when she does that. I just want her more.

He backed down and let me eat in peace. I finished my meal leaving a piece of cake on my tray. I really wasn’t in the mood for sweet things; in all honesty I hadn’t really wanted to eat. I kept my head low just waiting for them to finish. In my line of sight the cake was moving. Or more precisely, it was being moved. Alex, using her fork was pushing the small plate towards me. I looked up at her,

“Cake good,” She held up her own as proof. She wouldn’t stop pushing it around until I took a bite. She just flashed me a childlike grin and continued to finish hers.

The guys finished up soon after, we all clambered into the lifts. The large doors opened on the third floor.

“Oh thanks guys, don’t push the second button then.”

I walked out of the lift and headed for the stair doors but a hand on my arm stopped me.

“Hey, calm down. Come on, come and have a drink and tell me what’s going on with you.” I looked at her; those eyes basically threatened a beat down if I didn’t follow her. I sighed and gave in, it’s the last time I swear it.

“Maybe later.” I shrugged her arm off and returned to my room. Someday I will learn how to say no, I found myself knocking on her door about two hours later. Sitting down on her bed she promptly poured to hearty glasses of Baileys. My tongue involuntarily wet my lips as she handed me the glass.

“So are you going to tell me what’s up or am I just going to have to hug you some more?” I smiled a little which earned a poke in the ribs. She stood in front of her mirror trying to fix her already perfect hair. She said something like, if she straightened it now she wouldn’t have to in the morning. I never really cared; her long black curly hair had a kind of Latino thing to it.

I stared blankly at the floor, too scared of getting caught staring at her. She didn’t push me, she wants to know, but like in my own time. She’s so patient; I don’t know how she can do that. I wouldn’t have dropped the subject until someone struck out, I guess I’m a little thick headed like that.

“It’s…it’s my mum.” She stopped fixing her hair, “She’s kinda ill, and she’s not really getting any better.” She swore under her breath, “I can’t really afford to go home and see her either. She’s got an operation coming up, and I’m here.” I swallowed half the glass in one go, her eyes widened flashing with worry.

“Well you know, if its money you need, I can always lend you some to get home.” She had stopped with her hair completely, her entire attention on me. I shifted uncomfortable; I knew she was looking at me. I didn’t come here for pity, she wanted to know. I went to continue, but a loud knock on the door shook both of us out of our reverie.

Great, in he strolled pissed as a fart. Nick, beer in hand and friend behind him rolled into the room. His words were unintelligible but he was messing with Alex’s hair, I couldn’t sit here and watch him. I glared at him, but her glare at me cemented me to the spot. He joked and laughed at his own comedy. He tried to introduce his friend to me, but I really had no intention of even remembering his face let alone his name.

I sat in silence the entire time he was in the room. It took another knock ten minutes later to break my thoughts.

“Hey, hey people.” It was Rosanna from down the hall, finally someone who I could talk with.

“I wanna go get a kebab from down the road, anyone else?” I wasn’t hungry but I was sure up for the ride, anything to get away from the most uncomfortable evening yet.

“Nah, not hungry, but I’ll go with.” Rosanna smiled and nodded as I left the room with her.

We were gone for about half an hour. In the car I had told her everything about the phone call all the way up to prick and co, coming to interrupt me and Alex. Stupidly I was more annoyed that I didn’t get my hug more than anything else. Somehow I think my priorities are a little out of whack. She took it all in with little retort, not picking sides or backing one up over another.

It was when we came home my heart sank. As we walked into the room Alex just smiled up at me from her position of basically laying on Nick on her bed. They were still fully clothed, but the site repulsed me. He had stormed in here and took her from me; I was about ready to knock the little northern bastard out.

I was basically ignoring the conversation between the three on the bed and passing up the lukewarm kebab meat proffered to me. It was only when he started making jokes at me I finally paid attention. But no one went to stop him, or even defend me. He lay on her bed and mocked me. I folded my arms across my chest and balled my fists out of sight. As he laughed out loud at his own jokes I saw Rosanna lean across to Alex and whisper something in her ear.

“Well guys, it’s getting late and Rosanna wants her bed. So good night guys.” She rose off the bed and hugged me and Alex, glared at Nick and left the room.

“Yeah I think I’m gonna do the same so, if you don’t mind people,” Alex stood up and made a shooing motion with her hands. I got the message, but I wasn’t leaving before he did. She had to stand there hands on hips forcing him out with her gaze to get him to move.

“Ok, ok. Good night” He threw his arms around her knocking them both off balance. I moved quickly to catch them and set them upright. I made no effort to hide the distain on my face; I followed close behind him to the door.

He stumbled out of the room and back towards his, suddenly I felt this gentle pull on my arm. Alex pulled me back into the room; she was looking me square in the eye. This isn’t right; I ripped my head out of her vision and tried so hard to look anywhere but at her. She pulled me into one of her many hugs but all too brief for my liking.

“Hey, you get bored, come back up ok? I’ll leave my door open.” I just nodded.

“What did Rosanna say to you? I know it was about me, I saw you look at me when she said it.” I didn’t force the question, merely implied curiosity.

“She just told me to separate you two, that’s all.” I shook my head and bid her good night once more.

There she was, looking out for me again. She knew I wanted to smack that little prick’s face, but she stopped it. God where was she all those years ago, she could have stopped me from making so many damn awful choices. The consequences then were petty, but now I had my entire future riding on this degree. And she knew it, but she cared. That’s what got me, or at least if she didn’t she was a scarily good actor. She had made me believe so much, that she was my friend, that she was concerned, that she cared. Sometimes I could believe she loved me, but then that’s just me being me and reading too much into nothing.

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