The one thing that keeps me sane...

DISCLAIMER : My story, my characters....MINE MINE MINE!!!


Ben closed the door after Cathy and Jess and turned back to Laraine who was sitting on the couch. “Someone’s worked up about something.” Ben said sitting down next to Laraine. “What’s got you so fidgety?”

“Nothing.” Laraine shook his head and smiled up at Ben. “Cross my heart.”

“I wish I believed you.” Ben told him and gave Laraine a small kiss. “Come on, tell me what’s going on.”

Laraine sighed. “Nothing really. I was just talking to Ryan and he told me that Michael asked him to move in with him. I’m just wondering how that went between them.”

Ben smiled. “They’re fun. I hope it works out for them.”

“Yeah me too.” Laraine stood. “I should probably get home before my mom calls the cops.”

“Not before you tell me what’s going on with you.” Ben stood also. “Lain just tell me what’s going on. You know I’ll listen.”

Laraine lowered his head a moment. “Tomorrow...it’s the anniversary of my father’s death.” he looked up at Ben. “I was wondering...if you wouldn’t mind taking me to the beach again.”

Ben smiled down at Laraine. “You want me to take you to the beach on such a special day?”

“Yes.” Laraine nodded. “My mom is throwing some memorial thing and I really don’t want to be there. If you don’t want to I will understand.”

“Of course I do.” Ben kissed Laraine softly. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow at around five okay?”

Laraine nodded and pushed himself up to give Ben a small kiss. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

When Laraine entered his house he could hear people in the kitchen. His mother liked to have people over Fridays so they could play some stupid card game that Laraine had never cared to learn. He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a pop from the fridge.

“Where have you been Laraine?” his mother asked him.

Laraine turned and looked at his mother. “With friends.”

She looked up at him. “Well, go get your homework done.”

Laraine rolled his eyes and left the room. He hated how his mother treated him when her friends were around. Kind of like she actually cared about him. He grabbed a towel and walked into his bathroom. Homework. That was cute. Turning on the water Laraine pressed play on his stereo and stood there waiting for the water to warm. When the bathroom began to steam he pulled off his clothes and stepped into the water.

He knew his mother hated him. She’d loved him before his father had died but after that she had completely shut off from him. He looked to much like his father and he knew it hurt his mother to even look at him. Then of course there was the fact that she now knew he was gay. That didn’t help the situation. God only knew what she would do when she found out that him and Ben were dating.

“Benjamin...” Laraine whispered and leaned back against the wall of the shower. “Why do I have to love you so much?”

He’d never even dated anyone else. Never kissed anyone else, liked anyone else, or had someone else treat him like Ben treated him. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. God he was so confused! Why couldn’t he just make up his mind about what he wanted to do? Why was it so hard for him to just be with Ben?

“God!” Laraine slid down the wall and sat there. “Why am I so pathetic?”

Closing his eyes Laraine pictured Ben in his mind. Pictured Ben kissing him softly and slowly taking off his clothes. A small moan left Laraine’s lips and he tilted his head back against the wall, imagining Ben kissing down his neck, leaving marks for everyone to see. Those hot lips trailing down to Laraine’s nipples.

Laraine moaned again and slowly slid his hand down to his awakening desire. He arched his back as he imagined it was Ben’s hand wrapped around him instead of his own hand. His body wracked with pleasure as he thought about Ben stroking him, his own hand moving faster, and Ben sucking at his neck at the same time.

Quickly Laraine bit the back of his free hand as he came in order to not yell and freak his mom out. He sat there a moment, panting and feeling completely empty. Tears began to fall from his eyes and he folded himself into a ball. “God I hate myself.”

He quickly washed himself off and got out of the shower. Wrapping a towel around his waist he grabbed another and quickly dried off his hair before walking into his room and falling on the bed. God he was not in the mood for anything. He wanted to eat but nothing sounded good, he wanted to sleep but he didn’t want to close his eyes. He didn’t know where he got his morals from. Clearly his mom and dad hadn’t had morals when they had been young, Laraine himself was living proof of that.

Laraine jumped hearing something knock at his window and he slowly got up. He about jumped out of his skin seeing Ben there when he opened the curtain. “Benjamin what are you doing?” Laraine asked as he allowed Ben to crawl through the window. “My mom will kill you, and me, if she finds you up here.”

“Lain your mom just left with a bunch of people.” Ben told him. “I pretty proud of myself though, I waited almost an hour before coming over here.”

That made Laraine wonder how long he had actually been wallowing in self pity. “Why’d you come over here Benjamin?”

“To see you of course sugah.” Ben told him and sat down on Laraine’s bed. “Come.” he held out his hand for Laraine and Laraine hesitated, fulling aware that he was still only in a towel. “I’m not gonna bite. Well, not hard.”

“Ha.” Laraine rolled his eyes and walked over to Ben. He’d clearly known that Ben was going to pull him down but when he wound up straddling Ben, the towel coming up dangerously far, he was a tad bit shocked. “Benjamin what are you thinking?”

Ben kept his arms wrapped around Laraine’s waist. “Nothing.” he kissed Laraine softly. “I’m as innocent as they come sugah.”

Laraine laughed and then his laugh was cut off by Ben’s mouth. Laraine slid his arms up to Ben’s shoulders and allowed Ben’s tongue into his mouth. They kissed for a while. Mouths locked and hands innocently touching. One of Ben’s hands touched Laraine’s upper thigh and he tightened his grip on Ben.

They turned and Laraine tilted his head back as Ben’s lips trailed down to his neck. The blankets were twisted in one of Laraine’s hands as the other ran through Brian’s hair. Ben’s hand was still on his thigh, running up through the towel to rest right on his mid-hip. Hot lips trailed down and Laraine arched his back, a small cry escaping his throat, as Ben took one of his nipples into his warm mouth.

“Fuck!” Ben hissed as his phone began to go off. He pulled it out of his pocket and kissed Laraine. “It’s my brother. I’ll be back okay?”

Laraine nodded and watched Ben leave the room. The moment the door shut Laraine sat up and ran a hand through his hair as he tried to think. What was he supposed to do? Did he really want to sleep with Ben? It was the perfect opportunity with his mother being gone till only god knew when. Than again he could never tell what Ben had on his mind. Sometimes it seemed like Ben wanted to sleep with him and then all of a sudden it was over. Other times it seemed like they were just being innocent and it was far from that.

Ben came back into the room and slid up on the bed in front of Laraine. “Sorry about that sugah. He just wanted to know what was going on recently.” Ben kissed him softly. “Lets go get a movie huh?”

Laraine smiled softly, almost disappointed, and nodded. “Yeah, just let me get dressed.”

“Awe,” Ben whined. “Do you have to?” he laughed and left the room.

After Laraine pulled on some clothes the two got into Ben’s car and headed out to the movie store. Apparently it was horror year since all there were in the movie store were horror upon horror movies. Not only were horror movies Laraine’s worst nightmare but Ben was having a ball because he loved nothing more than a reason to have to ‘protect’ Laraine.

“I hate movie producers.” Laraine muttered looking at the back of a really raunchy horror flick. “Can there at least be one horror flick where I don’t have to watch some whore run around in her underwear? I don’t enjoy them enough as it is.”

“What about this one?” Ben handed him a movie. “It’s not rated for any sexuality or anything like that so your wonderful little virgin eyes can stay pure.” he joked and Laraine punched him in the arm before continuing the read the back. “Sheesh you don’t have to hit. I was only looking out for your best interests sugah.”

Laraine rolled his eyes. “This sounds okay. Ghosts don’t bug me that much so it can’t be all that bad.”

Ben bought the movie and they went back out to the car. “So, we headed back to your place now?”

He’d hear that question so many times he knew what it meant but he really didn’t want his mom freaking out on him more than he knew she already would. “Yeah, my place.”

When they got there no one was home, Laraine thanked god for that. They headed up to Laraine’s room and once the movie was in they settled down onto Laraine’s bed. Ben had an arm wrapped around Laraine’s waist and Laraine was leaning against Ben’s shoulder. This was how they usually ended up sitting whatever movie they were watching but when they watched horror movies this position ended up being a lot closer together than what it started out to be.

They had only made it about ten minutes into the movie when a black cat popped out of no where making Laraine jump. Ben just chuckled and held Laraine closer (hence the getting closer part that Ben loved). Not to much longer into the movie and there was actually a part that made Ben jump a little. Now, Ben jumping a little meant that Laraine about freaked out. He let out a yell and turned his head into Ben’s chest gripping him with fists that could have probably crushed steal.

“Babe it’s okay.” Ben whispered to the top of Laraine’s head. Though his reassurance proved not to be all that convincing when the movie made him jump slightly again. “I swear the bad man can’t get to you with me here.”

“Benjamin stop it.” Laraine turned his head just the slightest bit so he could see the movie out of the corner of his eye. “I should have known that a movie you grabbed would scare me like this.”

Ben smirked. “Are you implying that I purposely chose a movie just to scare you silly?”

“More or less.” Laraine answered and turned his head into Ben again as another horribly disgusting part came up. “I’m not going to be able to sleep for a week Benjamin.”

That made Ben laugh. “You get scared and my door is always open.”

Laraine lifted his head to glare at Ben. “Why so you can scare me more?”

“You are so accusing.” Ben told him. “Perhaps I was going to offer a safe place to stay huh? Ever let that thought cross your mind?”

“I know you to well to have let that thought cross my mind.” Laraine turned his attention back to the screen. “Just watch the movie.”

“Better idea.” Ben cupped Laraine’s chin in his hand and made Laraine face him again. “Lets listen to the movie.”

With that they began to kiss. This was a kiss that Laraine enjoyed. Not like he didn’t enjoy any other kisses shared between them but it was the slowness and gentleness in this kiss that Laraine treasured. It was rare that the two were actually alone to share a kiss like this. In fact it was rare that they were alone to kiss at all. When they kissed usually it was during times in which one of the others could at any moment storm in.

Laraine sighed into the kiss and completely forgot all about the screams of terror that were coming from the television not six feet away. When had been the last time Ben and himself had been able to enjoy just a quiet moment like this? Not for a while. Maybe he would yell at Cathy later so he could have her tell everyone else that sometimes friends didn’t need to spend to much time together...for certain reasons.

They pulled away from each other a moment and their eyes locked. Sea green eyes meeting with those of green and blue. It always made Laraine happy when he could see both of Ben’s eyes. Ben usually just let his bangs hang in front of his blue eye but some times he had his bangs back behind his ear and the eye contact then grew to new levels.

Ben’s head came down again and their lips met. There were quite a few conflicting emotions in Ben’s mind. Emotions and arguments that he did not let Laraine know about. He knew that he really liked Laraine and would be hard pressed to let the boy out of his grasp but as for love...that was something Ben just didn’t know about. It wasn’t like anyone in his life had given him any real good examples of love. A lot of people had said they had loved him. Of course that was empty love. That was just ‘I love fucking you and nothing else’ love. Not a real great love to have.

“Laraine I-” Ben muttered and then his phone began to ring again. He groaned and answered it. “What’s up Ali?” Ben asked, running a hand softly through Laraine’s hair as the boy rested against his chest.

“Dani just called me again and I finally figured out what was going on with him.” Ali answered. “Apparently mom called him for the first time in...god, I don’t know when. Greg got out today.”

Ben sighed and Laraine looked up at him concerned. “Is Dani headed over to see you now or what?”

“Yeah, he’s on his way. He just told me to tell you want was going on.” Ali answered.

“Well thanks. I’ll talk to you later.” Ben said and hung his phone up before setting it on the bedside table. He leaned down and gave Laraine a small kiss again. “Greg got out of jail today.”

Laraine sat strait up. “What?” he snapped. “After what he did he should be in for life, if not longer.”

Ben smirked. “Hon he didn’t go in for what he did to us. We never testified against him.” Laraine looked dumb struck. “He went to jail when I turned eighteen for drunk driving and give a minor alcohol.”

“Are you kidding me?” Laraine asked him. “Benjamin why didn’t you ever tell someone about that? You could have put him away for forever! Then no one would of had to be near him every again!”

“Lain it’s not that simple.” Ben told him. “No one would have listened to Dani, Ali, or me. All of us had horrible records, Ali worst of all because he had been put away for about a month when he had been thirteen. Dani kept to himself more than anything and would have never gone up there even if the judges would have believed him. Me, you know me. They would have just said I’d gotten in a fight with my boyfriend or something.”

For a moment Laraine was silent. “You don’t think he’ll go back to your mom do you?”

That made Ben laugh. “I don’t know...or care. I don’t talk to her anymore. If he does it’s not like I have to deal with him.” Ben pulled Laraine over and held him close. “I just don’t want him anywhere near you babe. That is all I am worried about.”

“Benjamin I don’t want you to get hurt.” Laraine sat up again and look Ben directly in the eyes, though Ben’s bangs were back over his blue eye now. “You swear to me you will tell me if you even see this man again?”

“Sure but babe...what is that gonna help if you know? It’s just gonna make you worry.” Ben argued.
“I just like to know you’re safe.” Laraine told him.

Ben pulled Laraine over again and their mouths locked. It was a passionate kiss. A kiss that said neither of them ever wanted to let go. However, all good moments must come to an end. This one just happened to end in a way Laraine would have chosen death over.

“Laraine!” came his mother’s voice and the two pulled away to look over at the door. “What on god’s green Earth do you think you are doing?”

Laraine was in panic mode as him and Ben cautiously (as if she would attack) got up from the bed. “Mom I...why are you home?”

“Why am I home?” she snapped. “What are you doing in my home? That is a better question! How dare you do something like that in this house!” she looked over at Ben. “Benjamin.”

He sort of nodded. “Um, hi.”

She turned her attention back to Laraine. “What would your father say Laraine? You know the rules in this house and you know what I think! I hope you haven’t made any plans because you are not doing anything for a very long time!” She turned back to Benjamin. “You need to leave now Benjamin.”

“Yeah.” Ben nodded. Laraine went to say something that was clearly going to be him protesting but Ben stopped him. “I’ll see you later, it’s fine.”

Once Laraine heard Ben’s car start he turned on his mother. “I’m going to the beach with Benjamin tomorrow mom.”

“Did you not hear me Laraine?” she hissed. “You are not going anywhere anytime soon! Besides, tomorrow is your father’s memorial and you need to be here! For the first time your father’s side of the family is coming and you are going to be here to meet them!”

“Mother stop it!” Laraine screamed at her. “I do not want to be here! Forgive me if dad’s death is not something I want to have a party over! I don’t want to be around a bunch of people who talk about all the good times they have had with him! I hate hearing it! I am not going to sit there pretending I knew the man that all of them talk about!”

His mother was fuming with anger and Laraine thought he had probably actually crossed the line. “You know that your father was a busy man! He had to be to give you all of the things that you have from him! And thank god he died before he could find out how you really are!”

That one cut deep. Laraine actually looked away from her. “I haven’t changed. It’s not like I’m some alien or anything like that! I am still your son and even if you don’t agree with me being gay you should still respect me as your son!” he turned back to yell at her. “And if you can’t even manage that then at least treat me like a human being!”

“You will always be my son and I will always treat you that way! However, you shall respect what rules I put down in this house and I never want to see you doing anything like that ever again while you are here! Am I understood?”

“Yes you are understood!” Laraine snapped.

She took a deep breath. “Good then. Get nice clothes ready for tomorrow.”

Laraine slammed his door after she left and turned off the movie. His cell phone began to vibrate in his pocket and he pulled it out. The screen said Ben so he answered his phone. “Hey Benjamin.”

“Did anything horrible happen babe?” Ben asked him.

“No...just my mom being a bitch.” Laraine muttered as he sat on his bed. “Listen I...I can’t go to the beach with you tomorrow Benjamin. My mom completely said no to that and told me I need to be here tomorrow cause my dad’s family is going to be here.”

Ben was silent a moment. “Is there a chance in hell I’ll be able to see you soon sugah?”

Laraine laughed. “I’ll probably see if I can sneak out tomorrow night and head over. It’s not that long of a walk so I can see what I can do.”

“Baby I don’t want you walking.” Ben immediately told him. “I’ll come and get you but you are not walking. Not when I know that man is out.”

Laraine heard his mom’s car start and then drive away. “Benjamin I can take care of myself believe it or not.” he stood and walked over to close his curtains. “I’ll see you tomorrow okay?”

A long sigh greeted Laraine. “I’ll see you then babe.”

“Good, I hate arguing.” Laraine grabbed the string the close the curtains. “AH!” he screamed and dropped the phone onto the floor.

All Ben could hear was glass breaking and then nothing...

~*~*~*~*~*~

Well, what do you think huh? Something bad? Something good...lol, something good...that's cute.
Anyway, review pleace. I LOVE YOU MY WONDERFUL REVIEWERS!!! OMG YOU ARE THE COOOLEST EVER!!! AHH! Hehe...girl moment...