Right Turn

((Whew! I\'m almost done! Yay! I shifted things in Chapter Four because I\'m really not editing or anything. I\'m just writing it down as we go. So no-beta! Eep! Then, this is just for fun anyway.

Therefore, if you\'ve read chapter four up til this point, then you may want to go back to see where I pared the chapter, taking away the last part of it. (that will come later) If not, then you don\'t know what this is all about and it doesn\'t apply to you so don\'t sweat it

D-Puppy: Confusion! Ooo! I think the sexuality of everyone is a tad uncertain at present. Jack and I are still wrestling how he falls on the continuum! I\'m afraid to try to talk to Ky about it. He might throw a basketball at me. *w* Thank you for reviewing! It makes my day!
Venus! Woo! You just reviewed and here\'s another update!!! Yay! I\'m so glad you\'re enjoying it!

A/N thingie: I have a weekend planned! I\'ll post up another one when I\'m able! I think we\'re almost done! Dammit, this story keeps getting longer! *L* But I\'m deliberately not stressing or caring about it. I\'m just writing it and putting it out, because this is supposed to be fun, not perfect. *S* So enjoy chapter Five!))

Right Turn

The rest of the week passed in a happy daze for Ben. He and Jack danced around their casual friendship with innuendos that made Ben feel as if he were always on the cusp of leaping up to the top of the nearest rooftop and crowing out in pure delight for the world to see. Jack was apparently busy though and the chat client was quiet. But a note appeared in the same blue ball point on Thursday.

\'Ben - I\'m sorry. I know this is hard for you. It\'s doubly so for me. I wish I could just come out into the open with all of this. Please don\'t hate me. I think that\'s what I\'m most afraid of. That you\'ll hate me for stringing you on like this. Trust me?
I keep writing that. And I keep hoping that I\'ll have a chance to show you how you can trust me. I will. I promise.
I saw you yesterday. (I see you every day, so that\'s stupid to write.) But I saw you talking to Claire yesterday and wishing I could lean on your shoulder. I think you\'d rest your hand on my cheek and maybe Claire would smile and call us cute. I don\'t know about how she\'d react actually. You\'d probably know though. Or one of my other friends would walk by and talk to us. I wish they\'d not be shocked by it. I wish that this world had room for us to act so freely with ourselves.
Benjamin - you have such a lovely name. I whisper it to myself sometimes, just to hear it. And I dream of saying that in your ear, whispering your name to you. But I\'m getting off track. It\'s late Wednesday night and I hope I have the guts to put this in your locker tomorrow. You should hear the trees outside my window. We have a grove of aspens outside. My step mom is a nature freak. Neither of my real parents are, but because she is I guess I am too. Don\'t tell anyone though! That\'s another secret. And I just seem to be telling you so much about me.
Anyway - the aspens are whispering and though it\'s chilled outside, I\'ve opened my window. The spring air is scented with the diminishing winter and I think I can imagine that it smells much like a distant rose garden. I hear that whispering and wonder what you would do if you were there, in the dark under my window, listening to the trees as well. Would you care for them or would they be something distant and common to you? Would you notice the sound of the night hawk as it cries out overhead, chasing the year\'s first insects? Or would you pay attention to the traffic and the distant siren?
Are you a city person or a country person? I want to \"shotgun\" you too, you see. There\'s so much I want to know. I\'m hungry for knowledge of you.
And I\'m the one rambling. I make a fool of myself around you. I\'m always overreacting or underreacting. I never know what to say or do when you\'re around. You send my mind into a tailspin and I can\'t seem to put more than two words together.
I think I like that. As uncomfortable as it is. I think I like being tongue tied around you. I just wish you knew why I was.
~ KSSD\'

Ben had refolded the letter, put it in his shirt pocket, and took it out later that night to reread it. By Friday, less than twenty four hours, he thought for sure it was dogeared enough to have been read for months at a time.

He was fingering it on Friday in the lunch line when Claire and Kyler got into line behind him. He could see Jack across the cafeteria line to where he was getting a salad. And that was cute. Everything Jack did was cute. It drove Ben nuts!

He followed Claire and Kyler to a table and took a seat but gave only a half ear to their discussion on some history assignment they had together. He was too busy watching Jack pick out croutons and suck them into his mouth. Damn, that boy could not do anything that wasn\'t hot or cute or adorable or handsome or.. or...

\"...I thought that your mom was coming back?\" was the first Ben clued into that the topic had changed. Suddenly something else came back to him, hard. Kyler and Claire. Claire was all but dating Jen, so it wasn\'t anything but a friendship. But Claire wasn\'t telling Ben anything anymore. Hurt welled up inside of him and he turned to watch the pair of them.

Claire\'s face was wreathed in a cold misery that Ben knew. To others it seemed like she didn\'t care, but he knew the pain that must have been hiding under that chill. His first instinct was to be glad for that. She deserved to be in pain. She\'d bagged out on her best friend.

But then - he quickly told himself, she had the right to tell anyone her troubles. Maybe she just hadn\'t gotten a chance to talk to him about it.

She glanced at him and there was a deepening of the pain. A good portion of his self pity and anger at her washed away. He loved Claire. Even if she was a bitch to have told Prick Kyler before him. She was still in a bad spot right now.

Scooting over, forgetting about watching Jack nibble on tomatoes and laugh his white toothed laugh with his friends, Ben snugged himself up against Claire.

\"Not here,\" she murmured and Ben nodded, loosening his grip some. He knew she would cry if he pushed it. She had to stand on her own for now. But he kept his arm around the back of her chair anyway, just to let her know he was there.

Fiddling with her napkin, Claire sighed. \"Well, the doctor said she should? But they have to do some more tests.\" She gave a shrug. \"It\'s not her I\'m worried about. They\'ve got her on some medication or other and they say she\'s okay. They said she\'s not gonna try anything anytime soon. Or at least the doctor said that. He said that her taking the pills was more of a cry for help. He says she was delusional too. So we\'re lucky that was all she did. And we\'re really lucky that she called 911. The doctor says that that was a good sign.\" Claire glanced at Ben. The silent communication between the pair of them. Sadness on her part for not letting him know, understanding that he\'d not want Kyler to know he was hearing this for the first time, a wish that they could have a quiet spot to talk.

Ben made a silent decision then. \"We\'re skipping.\" He stood with a frown. \"C\'mon.\"

Claire\'s glance at Kyler made Ben sigh heavily. Hell, if Claire needed Kyler there too, he supposed he could allow for that. \"And Kyler. You gonna come too?\"

Claire didn\'t say a word. The promise of leaving the school grounds and having a quiet place to sit and talk was almost too much for her. It was obvious to both boys that she was on the brink of tears and Kyler nodded, standing and scooping up their trays. \"You two go and wait at my car. I\'ll take care of this stuff,\" he said without looking at either of them. Kyler was good at that. He wouldn\'t look at things that made him uncomfortable. Slam them into lockers, yes. Look at them? No.

Ben cast only one wistful glance at Jack before he left. But Jack was busy talking to one of the drummers and didn\'t notice. They would miss band and thus, he\'d miss Jack. But the note almost made up for that. And besides, Claire needed him.

Claire made it as far as the sidewalk next to the parking lot. Her snuffles though clued Ben in and he quickly wrapped his arms around her, letting her cry silently against his chest while they waited for Kyler.

\"You weren\'t there,\" her muffled voice slid out. \"I was so pissed at you. You were so busy mooning at that prick Jack. And you weren\'t there. I needed to talk to you and you didn\'t even notice. You kept wanting to talk about Jack and I felt like a shit to try and pull you down.\"

Ben felt as if his entire world slipped a bit then. He tightened his arms even more and swallowed hard. \"When?\" he felt as if her words would snake into him and just rip him to shreds. Claire, always so strong, had broke and he hadn\'t been there to catch her.

\"Sunday night. Oh God!\" and that was the last she said, her sobs suddenly vocal. It was then that Ben realized that Claire had been holding it in, waiting for someone to care, someone to let her fall apart. He should have let her do that Monday. He should have known. But he hadn\'t. He\'d been too busy with the high from that kiss on Friday.

Well, he was here now. He would be here for her now. He breathed in the scent of hemp soap in her hair and held her close, stroking her back and letting her cry.

Kyler had a SUV and he pulled up and got out. Opening the door, he reached in and arranged the front seat so that Claire and Ben could sit in the front, silently reading how they needed to be together. He helped Claire into the truck with a tenderness Ben wouldn\'t have attributed to the athlete. But bad times can bring out the angel in anyone.

Kyle let Ben get in himself and with the girl tucked in next to Ben, they quietly slipped out of the parking lot and onto the road.

Ben wasn\'t busy paying attention to where they were going. Rather, he sat and listened as Claire quietly related everything that had happened. Her grandmother\'s death over the weekend, her mother\'s sudden depression. Her grandmother had been staying with them for seven years and the doctors said it was related to the fact that her mother had been the primary caretaker for the older woman. Something about how caretakers were often times strong until they no longer needed to be. She had more than likely been depressed for a long time before but hadn\'t allowed herself to give in to it. Once she\'d let go, however, the results were dire. An overdose of pills, hallucinations, a call to 911, and hospitalization ever since.

\"And the worst of it is,\" she said quietly, almost impossible to be heard over the hum of the heater that warmed the cab of the truck, \"that I think I should have known. We asked the doctor about how we could have missed this. I mean, he says she\'s been depressed for years. Fucking years. He says it was there, we probably just didn\'t realize it was there. I just thought she was tired and it was hard taking care of Mamaw. I thought that when it was over, she\'d have more time, she\'d have more energy. I didn\'t expect this!\"

Ben sighed. \"You couldn\'t have known, Claire. You\'re not a fuckin\' mind reader.\" He could feel how the tears were starting up again and so he held her close once more and looked out the window. Blinking, he turned to where Kyler was driving with a slightly red face and a tense jaw. \"Where the hell are we going?\"

Ben hadn\'t meant for his voice to be so harsh and he was about to say something else, when Kyler took a deep breath and then looked over. He seemed to have almost not heard Ben for a moment, then his face cleared and he gave his attention to the road again. \"It\'s not far. I just thought... she needs some place quiet and safe.\"

Libby High was on a hill just three miles from northern farmlands. They\'d apparently left the city behind. Ben would have chosen a coffee shop but when they pulled into a drive that led up to a gated field, he realized how much more perfect this place is for what was happening.

The truck edged through the gate after Kyler opened it, drove his truck through, and then closed after them. It was a process, Ben could tell, but Kyler didn\'t ask anyone else to do it. The road was slow going, bumpy and with pits in it. But they passed a large tree, Ben wasn\'t sure what kind, but maybe an oak? There the road turned slightly and the land curved downward, into a shallow valley with a small weedy stream at the bottom. A few horses at the bottom took note of them then, as if they recognized the suburban, merely went back to cropping the grass.

Setting the parking brake, Kyler got out and left them the car to themselves. Ben held Claire as she cried and watched Kyler through the front windshield.

Kyler shed his letterman jacket and rolled up the sleeves of his cotton shirt. He didn\'t look the part of a farm boy. But then, neither did he look uncomfortable. He also didn\'t seem surprised when the three beasts began to saunter toward him.

Ben wasn\'t a horse person. He\'d seen them at fairs and stuff, but he\'d never ridden one or was ever very interested. He liked dogs and he liked skate boarding and he liked playing his trumpet and the library and the shit his parents dragged he and his siblings to at the various city play houses and band shows. He had friends who had farms but they always came into town. He never went out.

It was as if he and Claire had a glimpse into another world. The animals were all brownish with black tails and one of them had an almost all white head. It was striking, Ben realized. It was this horse, a medium animal, that led the other two to where Kyler stood and it was this animal who pressed its head in against Kyler\'s chest.

Claire, who had stopped crying, gave a soft laugh. \"Kinda weird, isn\'t it?\" she asked softly.

\"Hmm?\"

\"Seeing something that big be so sweet. C\'mon. That\'s Coca. Ky introduced me to them last summer. Coca\'s the neatest one. He\'s the most friendly.\" She smiled and wiped her face, her blue eyes red slightly but uncaring of how she looked after a good cry. With a sudden hug and a kiss to Ben\'s cheek, she whispered, \"Thanks, Ben-oh\" and slipped to the driver\'s side door where she got out and approached Kyler and the horses.

Ben followed, uncertain, but as the hour passed, realizing how it had been the best thing for Claire. The other two horses quickly gave up when they realized there were no treats. But Coca stuck by Claire\'s side as she walked down to the stream, leading him with an arm under his chin. Her bitty form next to that horse made him look huge.

\"He\'s not gonna bite her or anything?\" Ben asked, worried.

Kyler laughed, low and the sound, out here, was like something soft - rich and chocolatey. \"Nah. Coca\'s a big puppy. He\'d climb in her lap if she let him.\" He smiled at Ben and then frowned. \"Look. I appreciate you letting me help. I know you and me are just trying this truce stuff. But it\'s really helped. I mean - \" he blushed and looked at Claire. \"She needed this and I wasn\'t sure you\'d let me help.\"

Ben shrugged, uncomfortable with this side of Kyler. It was a lot easier to hate him when he was acting like an ass. It would be hard to put the prick with this nice guy image into the same person. They seemed almost like they were opposites. It made it hard to figure out what to say, so instead, he walked to the tree and sat down at the base of it. From there, he watched Claire walk and noticed how Kyler gave her time and then gently intruded into her world. It made him realize just why Claire had gone to Kyler.

Claire wouldn\'t give up on Ben. That was obvious. But Ben had room for Claire\'s other close friends if she needed them. And while he\'d never have thought of Kyler as his first choice, he also could see how maybe Kyler had something special to offer to Claire. Hell, he\'d crushed on her for years even knowing she was a lesbian. That had to take either a lot of stupidity, which he\'d assumed until now, or a lot of tolerance and patience.

It was cool. Weird. But cool.