Unforgivables

When I woke up my entire body ached. I didn’t open my eyes right away. I didn’t want to open them and see a social worker standing there to take me somewhere new. All I knew was that my body ached and that I had been asleep. For how long I had been asleep I had no clue but obviously I had been. It felt like just a few minutes but god only knew how long it had actually been. I tried to focus my mind on what had happened, on why I hurt so badly. I remembered being in the barn, in the loft, and I remembered there being people there. There had been a lot of people that was all I knew.

A cold cloth touched my head and I flinched. “Hush now Kit.” It was Jenna. That was her voice I was hearing. That was good. That meant that they hadn’t gotten rid of me. Either that or they were planning to. Whatever, I was still with people I knew and that was good. It was never good to wake up in an orphanage with people you didn’t know. Never was that good. “You’re okay now Kit. Everything is going to be fine. You’re in the house and everyone else is out in town.”

Everyone else. Those were not words I wanted to hear. How many of them had seen? Well, it didn’t matter how many had seen because they would hear from someone about what had happened. He’d done bad things. He knew he had done bad things that he had never been punished for because his mother wouldn’t allow him to be punished but what on Earth had he done so wrong to deserve such a life? It had been there, harboring inside him, burning inside him, just like it was now, for ten years. For ten long years it sat there, dormant, until that one night. Everything had hit him at once on that one night. A lot to go through at the age of ten.

“Want to tell me what happened?” Jenna asked me softly. “ You don’t have to if you don’t want to but I would like to know.” She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve to have me come into her family and ruin it. I’d put her through three years of hell already so why was I even still there? “I understand. I know you’ve been through a lot. I can’t even begin to imagine and I wont say I understand because I don’t. I just want you to know I am here for you, if you ever want to talk.”

I felt her stand and I slowly opened my eyes to stare at the ceiling. I was in the den. It was so much different from the rest of the house that it was amazing. Especially my room. If this house was heaven then my room was hell. “They were everywhere…” I heard myself muttered on the very edge of hearing. Jenna heard it though and she turned around to look at me. “They wouldn’t stop talking…they just wouldn’t stop talking…”

Slowly I watched her walk back over and she knelt down beside me. “Who Kit? Who was talking?”

Never had a breathed a word of this to anyone. My mother had known, I don’t know how but she had known. Other then that everyone just assumed I was a little bit off because of what had happened. “Everyone…it was so loud…everything just got so loud.”

Though I was not looking directly at her face I knew there was concern there. I knew she thought I was crazy. Everyone else did why shouldn’t she? “Who…who is everyone Kit? You and Nicholas were the only one’s up there and he found you like that. Was someone up there with you?”

“I don’t know…” tears began to form in my eyes and I tried to hold them back. I didn’t cry in front of people. I couldn’t cry in front of people. I wouldn’t let them see how pathetic I really was. I couldn’t let them see what I really was. “I don’t know…”

Again she was hushing me. I felt her hand take mine as her other ran softly through my hair. “Hush. Everything is okay. You don’t have to say anymore if you don’t want to Kit. It’s fine.”

“He wouldn’t stop talking to me…” now that I had started it was like I couldn’t stop. The words that I had kept inside all my life were now flowing from my mouth in less then coherent sentences. “I couldn’t make him stop…it hurt so much. He was so loud…he was to loud.”

“Jenna!” Marcus yelled and I turned my head into the couch clenching my eyes shut. Jenna told me to stay right where I was, that she would take care of it, and I heard her run from the room into the kitchen where everyone was. Where the noise was. “What is it?” his voice was quieter now but I could still hear them. “He still asleep.”

“No.” Jenna answered. “Just stay here and be very, very quiet!” the door swung open again and I felt her back in the same place she had been before. She took my hand again but this time in both of hers. “Kit, can you tell me who he is?” I shook my head softly. “He didn’t tell you his name?” I shook my head again. “Do you know what he looked like?”

What they looked like? I opened my eyes and stared at the couch trying to picture it. Trying to figure that out. “I don’t see them…” that was the only reasonable explanation for it. I did see them, I knew they were there, but then again I didn’t see them. It was confusing to no reason but I knew that was what happened. “I never see them.”

Her hands were trembling. Like she was holding something made of glass and any moment it would shatter. “None of them have names?” I shook my head. “Where do they come from?”

“Everywhere.” I said softly. “They come from everywhere.” Someone was at the door. Standing in the kitchen door listening to us. I didn’t know who it was. I didn’t want to know who it was. I didn’t want to look and see no one there because that meant that one of them was there and I didn’t want to look and see someone there because that meant more people knew. I wasn’t ready for more people to know. “It’s scary…from behind.”

“From behind?” Jenna asked but I did not answer. I didn’t want to talk anymore. My throat felt raw from the little talking that I had even done. I was tired again. So tired from just a simple act like talking. I could carry hay bales from the truck to the back room of the barn and yet I could not talk. That was pathetic. So very pathetic. “It’s okay Kit. We don’t have to talk anymore. You just go back to sleep for now. I’ll tell everyone to stay out of here.”

Closing my eyes I gave her a small nod, completely forgetting about the person that had been at the door. I let myself fall into sleep’s arms again hoping that I could get away for a little while. That I was to drained of energy to dream or hear. Most people use their dreams as a way to escape reality, to get away from the nightmare of a world they live in. My dreams were just a continuation of the nightmare I already lived in.

I woke up later that night and pushed myself from the couch. The clock said that it was nearly twelve at night. Going to my room was probably a good idea. I didn’t want to be woken up by people who had forgotten I was in the den and decided to just come prancing in. Standing on legs that felt like jelly I walked back through the hallway and stopped seeing the light to Jenna and Marcus’s room on from the door being open just a tad bit.

It was rude to eavesdrop. So very rude to listen in on other people’s conversations. I had enough noise every hour of my life so there was no reason for me to eavesdrop. “He’s going.” That caught my attention and I felt my legs stop moving. Slowly I leaned against the wall to the left of the door and stood there. “Jesus Christ Jenna I heard what he said! He hears fucking voices!”

“Marcus it’s not normal!” Jenna argued. “Halley, my old college friend, would come over and tell me all about her job. She was a therapist Marcus. She worked with people who heard voices every day! What he told me is nothing like what she tells me. Marcus they hurt him!”

“No, he hurt himself!” Marcus hissed. “Jenna random voices in your head don’t hurt you. Sure they will drive you insane because you can’t shut them up but they don’t hurt you. We’re telling the social worker about this and she was she says.”

Jenna groaned in annoyance. “You can’t just have him put away Marcus! Not to somewhere they will give him drugs just to calm him down. You’ve seen him! The drugs they’d give him would have him acting like a zombie! If not kill him!”

Not the drugs. I had been on the drugs once before. I had been twelve and one of the families had completely overreacted when I had thrown a vase at their son who in turn had just tried to shove me against a hot stove! That was a bad thing to do and I had been punished for that. I had been put on those drugs. The drugs that made everything worse. I went away as it was let alone a drug that takes away what little control I have. No, I would not take those drugs again.

“Jenna you can’t want him in this house.” Marcus muttered. It hurt. I heard those words so often that it hurt so much. Just when you think that you are going to finally be able to be with a family you hear those words. “And I think drugs are the only thing that will help that kid. If the therapists say it works then it has to.”

“No…” I walked in and the two look at me shocked. “No…no more drugs…please.” I begged. I was not too proud to beg. I was pretty close to sawing my own leg off not to have people put me back there. “I don’t want…to have them. They won’t stop…” I tapped my hand against my leg as I look at the ground. “They won’t stop…if they have control…”

“And who is they?” Marcus asked me and I winced. “Who is ‘they’ Kit? Can you tell me who they are? Do they have names? Do they have families? Who are they?”

Fuck dignity, fuck pride, fuck me being pathetic I wanted to cry. I wanted to fucking cry! Tears fell from my eyes onto the carpet. I wouldn’t win. I would never win against them. “Bad people…they are bad people…”

I heard Marcus let out a breath that sounded more like a soft laugh then anything else. “You see Jenna? The kid hears voices! That is not something you come across every fucking day! That is why they have special hospitals! For people like him.”

“I’ll be good…” I pleaded with him. “I will do…anything you ask. I will ignore them…all I can. Just please…please don’t send me back there.”

“Back?” Marcus asked. That had been a mistake. Rule number one, never tell someone who thinks you’re insane that you have already been in an insane asylum. I failed on the first try. “And why were you there before?”

I had to tell him now. It would be pointless to lie or deny it since there was two people in the room who had just heard me say it. “I…tried to hurt another boy…”

“And did the voices tell you to do that?” Marcus asked. I hated that. It was such a stereotype. One that you saw on movies when a kid was in a situation like I was in. Those were movies though, and this was me. “He’s going. First thing in the morning I am calling the court house and getting this settled.”


A/N : Dun Dun Dun! Oh my god…what will happen next? I’m on the edge of my seat with suspense! Why did it have to stop? - - - I’m sorry that was stupid. Hoped you liked it. I told you eventually I would get some form of plot-type-thing going. I dunno if this chapter has anything to do with that but yey for me getting another chapter done! HA! KEEP READING!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

IMPORTANT : I…have never written an entire story in first person narrative before. Never! I hate it but it seemed the only way to actually get this story anywhere. So if I accidentally slip please forgive. I’m used to writing he, she, and they. Not I.
-Much love