Wesley the Pipe Layer

“Look at ‘em. Layin’ about on their fat arses doin nuthin’. Waitin’ for their servants to come about and take care of their namby pamby needs.” Studs began while he smoked a fag. Looking down at the deck below, he flicks his ashes onto some old lady’s hat and partially into her drink. She doesn’t take notice of it.

“Man, what are you bitching about now?” Hollywood asked after sinking his perfectly aligned teeth into a juicy peach.

“S’just not right, is what it is. I’m willin’ to bet me last quid that not one of ‘em deserves it. All that money wasted on oily bastards like that. Quite the pity, actually.”

“Yeah. Damn shame.”

“Oh what? It doesn’t bother you? That everything we have, we had to work long and ‘ard for, and those old pomposes down there don’t do shit?” Hollywood gave a deep sigh before replying.

“Well honestly, some people might consider us to be the lazy ones. After all, we do fuck for a living.” He said casually. Studs scoffed.

“Yea? Well, it’s still work. Those old broads really know how to test a bloke’s energy. Sometimes, the work in itself is just to get my John Thomas goin, ya know?” He pulled deeply on the cigarette. “I’ve got somethin’ for em. Ruddy runts…” Studs then turned around and sat on the edge of the banister, situated above all of the “old, rich bastards.” He then proceeded to pass gas.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, man? Damn!” Hollywood exclaimed before walking away.

“What? S’not like I did it to you or anything. Just givin’ ‘em a breath of fresh air while they sunbathe.” He said innocently, purposely flicking more ashes. Then I entered, with news of Wesley’s… refusal.

“Hollywood. Studs. May I have a word with the two of you?”

“Yea, what is it?” Studs asked, ever impatient.

“Well, it appears that Wesley, has er, um chosen not to accompany Mrs. Hoyne this evening.”

“And why the hell not?” Studs demanded.

“Well um, you see, I think it makes him uncomfortable because she’s Sunshine’s mother.”

“Damn, I knew he had it bad for her, but-“ Studs cut Hollywood off.

“Who the bloody hell cares?! He has a job to do. It’s what he’s paid for. And Sunshine is not anyone’s girl, let alone Wesley. She belongs to no one.” He said, somewhat heatedly. Dear me, I knew this would be a problem. Everyone knew how Studs felt about Sunshine. He secretly wanted her to be his, or at least, being with no one exclusively. Unless it was him of course. Sometimes I wonder… But in order for Studs to be manageable, he needs drugs and Sunshine. Sunshine needs her mother kept away from her every once in awhile, and Wesley- well, I’m not sure what it is he needs, so much as wants.. But whatever it is, I do not believe he will be acquiring it anytime soon.

“Well, one of you, please, must step in for him. He is feeling a bit under the weather as well.”

“So you’re just gonna pass the buck onto one of us, then?” Hollywood questioned, incredulous.

“Sorry. But I just finished a job. I’m on break for the rest of the day. Besides, you must be completely stoned if you think
I’m gonna…” Studs stopped mid sentence as he saw a fuming Sunshine approaching.

“You guys! I thought one of you were supposed to keep my mother busy!” She fumed. Sunshine could be quite the hell on wheels. “Why is she still bothering me?” She hissed.

“Your mum? Oh well…” I didn’t know what to say. Mrs. Hoyne would only chose from one of the three. And Wesley refused to do it, and the other two were becoming quite whingey.

“One of you, just get her liquored up and out of my way.”

“Chill out, Sunshine.” Hollywood tried to soothe.

“Chill out? Hollywood, I bring you primo grass, and you tell me to chill out? To hell with that! Now which of you is going to
take care of my mother?” She looked at each of us expectantly. Hollywood, who had just finished eating the rest of the meat on the peach, sucked on the pit suggestively before tossing it into the blue waters.

“Alright. I’ll do her.” We managed to avoid one scene, but I had this awful feeling in my gut that this was only the beginning. I was right.