Starting Over

It wasn’t even eight yet, but Catherine couldn’t stay in bed any longer on Sunday morning. She had been awake for at least an hour, feeling an overwhelming sense of dread, but not understanding why. She got up and pulled on jeans and a t-shirt, and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth and comb her hair into a messy ponytail. She was in the mood for a very sugary, very caffinated something – she wasn’t sure what, but it would be tasty.

Her parents were just waking up themselves, and were surprised to see Catherine up and about so early on a Sunday. Her father lent her the car keys, and she promised to be back in an hour.

“A grande mocha with whipped cream and an extra shot of espresso, please,” Catherine ordered from the girl behind the counter at Starbucks and handed over some money.

“Death by massive amounts of caffeine, huh?” a deep voice came teasingly from behind Catherine, and she jumped. “Sorry,” Batey smiled easily. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Rolling her eyes, Catherine shook her head. “You didn’t do anything,” she told him. “I’m just so unaware right now.”

Giving her a friendly smile, Catherine noticed that Batey already had a large cup of steaming coffee in his hand. “Do you usually wake up this early?” Catherine asked him.

“Not always,” Batey told her. “I just couldn’t sleep this morning, for some reason.”

“Me too,” Catherine said, thanking the girl as she handed her her drink.

“Well, since we’re both up,” Batey said, opening the door for her and motioning towards a table. “Why don’t we take advantage of each other’s company?”

“Sounds great,” Catherine said, sitting down in a chair. “So any particular reason you couldn’t sleep?” she asked him and then took a big sip of her drink.

“Ah, silly things,” Batey dismissed himself easily. “But how about you? I do believe you told me you were supposed to have a date last night with John, no? Did it not go well?” He looked concerned but reserved as he asked.

“It went fine,” Catherine replied, smiling at how well Batey read people. He had known exactly what would be bothering Catherine. He had almost an uncanny ability to decipher the issues going through her head. “No, I mean, it was better than fine. It was really nice. He took me to see this old movie in some park, where people sit on blankets and watch on a big screen.”

“Spring Run Park,” Batey reminded her.

“Yeah,” Catherine agreed. “And we went for pizza afterwards, and played video games, and talked for hours.”

“So it went well?” Batey asked, a hint of confusion in his voice.

“It did,” Catherine tried to explain. “He was funny and sweet and smart. It’s hard to explain.”

“Are you not attracted to him?” Batey inquired.

“It’s not that,” Catherine told him, frustrated at the difficulty she was having coming to a conclusion about her feelings. “I think he’s adorable, and he did kiss me goodnight, and it was very nice.”

“Well, let’s try to figure this out,” Batey said gently. “You know that you like him and are attracted to him. So, let’s go from there. Are there things you two disagree on? People you spend time with, perhaps?” Catherine knew Batey meant James, but even John’s dislike of James wasn’t the problem, so she shook her head. “Okay, than maybe you two are on – how should I say this – different levels? Like, you feel like you’ve been through experiences John couldn’t understand?”

Feeling her face flush, Catherine stared at Batey in amazement. “That’s unbelievable,” she told him. “That’s exactly what it is. How did you know?”

“It’s not hard to figure out where people are coming from if you really listen,” Batey explained. “You seem to speak about John as this person that could help you forget or change things about yourself, rather than someone that could help you understand who you are today. It just makes me believe that John would be… a crutch, perhaps. You want to be with him because you believe that what you consider his best qualities – his playfulness, his enthusiasm – will rub off on you.”

Nodding sadly, Catherine got quiet for a moment. Batey was completely right. She had been using John to make herself feel like a normal, innocent teenager. She had looked at him as an easy way to forget her past and change who she had been. But the experiences she had been through, bad as they might be, would never be forgotten. And John, in his innocence and inexperience, would not be able to understand where she was coming from – at least not yet.

“You should become a psychiatrist,” Catherine told Batey. “Or a shaman.”

Laughing, Batey shook his head. “No, I have no knowledge or wisdom to pass on. Just observations.”

“So, you think I’m better suited for James, then?” Catherine asked Batey. “I mean, he’s more on my, what did you call it, level, right?”

Shaking his head, Batey took a long sip of his coffee and lit a cigarette. Studying Catherine, he took several moments to put his thoughts into words. “I don’t think your better suited or less suited for anyone,” he told her. “I think you are a complex, interesting, elaborately designed girl with many facets to your personality. I don’t know whether continuing to date John would hinder your ability to discover your true self, or give you an opportunity to start a new life. I don’t know if continuing to date James will give you a worthy partner who constantly challenges and fascinates you, or someone who limit your potential to transform whatever it is you do not like about yourself.” Taking a deep drag of his cigarette, he gave her a small smile. “Then again, maybe there’s someone else out there for you, or maybe you need some time to just be by yourself.”

“Usually, you’re a less ambiguous,” Catherine gave Batey a smirk.

“No, as I said, I just observe and help you figure out what it was you were thinking all along,” Batey smiled. “You asked if I thought you were better suited for James. In truth, I have been friends with James for over twelve years, so of course I think highly of him. I also think you have both begun to develop feelings for each other. Yet I can’t help but notice how nervous that seems to make you feel. Not in the stomach-full-of-butterflies way that James seems nervous around you; that’s an exciting nervousness. You seem… almost truly terrified to let yourself get to close to anyone, especially James.”

Sighing deeply, Catherine tilted her head and lit her own cigarette. “Why don’t you have a girlfriend, Batey?” she asked suddenly.

“Excuse me?” Batey actually seemed surprised for once by the question.

“You’re this handsome, smart, intuitive guy,” Catherine continued, looking puzzled. Then her eyebrows raised, and she lowered her voice. “I’m sorry. Are you gay?”

Letting out a friendly chuckle, Batey shook his head. “No, unfortunately my situation is a bit more… difficult to explain.” He gave her a grateful smile. “Thank you for your concern, though.”

As they sat in silence for a minute, Catherine thought about what Batey had just said. He rarely talked about himself, and he was very good at turning questions around. With all the advice he had given her since they had first met, he never really told her anything solid about himself. But if he was a private person, Catherine didn’t want to impede on that. She liked the friendship they had developed, and she didn’t want to do anything to ruin it.

“It’s probably going to take you some time to figure out what it is you really want,” Batey finally broke the quiet. “But my advice is to take whatever time you need. Anyone who cares for you – James included – should understand that.”

“I don’t think there is a way to figure out what I want,” Catherine told Batey softly. “Basically, I want to be able to face the things I’ve done in the past without hating myself anymore or having the people that I care about look down on me.”

“What are you talking about, then?” Batey asked her with a smile. “You’ve already figured out what you want! Now you just have to figure out how to accomplish that.”

Giving Batey a bewildered look, Catherine shook her head. Batey was right – she had figured out what she wanted, thanks in large part to him. “I don’t know how you do it,” she told Batey. “But thank you so much. I feel so much better than I did when I got here.”

“I’m glad I could help,” Batey told her, grinning. “And remember, the people who truly care about you won’t look down on you for things you’ve done. They’ll realize that everything you have experienced has made you the person you are today – and that’s a great person.”

Feeling tears begin to form in the corners of her eyes, Catherine rose from the table. She didn’t want to become an emotional mess in front of Batey, although she had a strong suspicion that he would know what to do if that happened, too. “Well, I should get home,” Catherine told him.

“I’m so glad we ran into each other,” Batey said sincerely, placing his cup on the table and standing up to give her a hug. “You are a wonderful person. Don’t forget that ever.”

“So are you,” Catherine replied, wishing she could explain in words how much she really meant that. “Thanks again,” she smiled at him as the pulled apart.

“I’ll see you in school tomorrow,” Batey said. As Catherine got in her car and glanced at him, she noticed that he had pulled a book out of his bag and was simply reading in the morning sun as if he hadn’t spent the last half hour helping someone work through intense emotional issues. He was definitely one of a kind.

-----

Pulling up in front of John’s house, Catherine stopped the car and got out. As she approached the door, she tried to figure out what she would say, but it was all jumbled in her head. She rang the doorbell, and John’s younger sister, Tracy, answered. She was an adorable twelve-year-old girl with blond hair all the way down her back and the same gray eyes as John. “Hey, Catherine!” Tracy greeted her excitedly.

“Hi Tracey,” Catherine grinned at the girl. “I don’t suppose your brother is awake, is he?”

“Yeah, he just got up,” Tracy told her, leading her into the living room. “John, Catherine’s here,” she told him. John was sitting on the floor in flannel pajama bottoms and a worn-out tee shirt, playing some car racing game.

“Hey,” John smiled, leaning over to turn off the video game system. His hair was messy, and it was obvious that he had just gotten out of bed. He stood up. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” Catherine said, and she saw a look of worry cross his face.

As they sat down on the couch, John gave Catherine a rye smile. “I’m not going to like this, am I?” he asked her.

“I’m sorry,” Catherine told John, a lump in her throat. “I really like you, I do. And I find you very attractive. It’s just…”

“James?” John supplied, looking very sad.

Shaking her head, Catherine tried to find the words to express what she wanted to tell him. “It’s not just James,” she told him. “I haven’t decided what’s happening with that yet, either. I just feel like you and I aren’t… aren’t in the same… place right now. Does that make any sense?”

“No,” John said, shaking his head but giving her a small smile. “But that’s okay. I appreciate you coming over here to talk to me.”

“I really hope we can stay friends,” Catherine told him honestly. “You’re one of the greatest people I’ve ever met.”

“Yeah, I know,” John joked, but Catherine could see that he was really hurt. She felt terrible. “And yeah, we can be friends. But, just give me, you know, a little time. If I act weird, I mean.” A blush filled John’s cheeks. “I’ve never actually had a crush on someone like this before.”

Nodding, Catherine reached out for John’s hand. “Whatever you want. If you need me to go away at any time, just tell me. But if you ever want to hang out, or just talk…”

Giving her a small grin, John stood up when Catherine did. She nervously leaned forward and gave him an awkward hug. “So I’ll see you tomorrow?” she asked.

“Yeah,” John said. “See you then.”

-----

Walking into her house, Catherine felt much better. She felt terrible for hurting John, but she knew it was better to get it over with now than to drag it on. As for James, she wasn’t going to think about it yet. Right now, she was heavily caffinated. She would just tell her parents she was home and burn some energy up doing homework.

“I’m back,” Catherine told her parents, who were in the kitchen drinking coffee and going through bills. This was their Sunday morning ritual.

“Hi honey. Oh,” her mother said. “I forgot, you got a letter from Brigitte yesterday.”

Curious, Catherine took the envelope her mother handed her. Brigitte was one of her friends from New York. Actually, she was the only friend that Catherine and Marcus had shared that had remained friends with Catherine after the breakup. It was weird for her to send a letter, though. They exchanged e-mails about twice a month, and that was it. “Okay, thanks,” Catherine said. “I’m going to go to my room and do homework.”

In her room, Catherine sat on her bed and opened the envelope. There was a piece of paper and another envelope inside. The letter was from Brigitte.

“Hey Catherine. I hope you’re doing all right. LI is still a hole. Anyway, I’m including a letter with this. It’s from Marcus. He begged me for your address so he could write to you, but I refused. So he gave me this and asked me to send it. After everything that happened, I normally wouldn’t even consider it, but he looked good. I mean, he said he’s been clean for two months, and it shows. I hope it wasn’t a fucked up thing for me to do, but I thought you should be the one to decide if you want to read it or not. Call or e-mail me when you get this. Love Brigitte”

Staring at the envelope from Marcus, Catherine felt like her throat was closing up. They hadn’t had any contact since July, and it was now late October. Turning it over in her hands, she saw her name written in Marcus’s handwriting. Taking a few deep breaths, she slowly opened the sealed envelope and pulled out a letter. It wasn’t very long, but Catherine was terrified to read it. After sitting there for what seemed like an eternity, staring at the paper without focusing on the words, Catherine finally began to read it.

“Dear Catherine. Let me start by saying that if you’re even reading this, thank you so much. I don’t even deserve that. But I had to reach you somehow and this is all I could think of.

“I have been clean for two months. I don’t expect you to congratulate me or anything. I just wanted you to know that.

“The real reason I’m writing this though is because the cleaner I get, the more terrible I feel about everything that went down between us. I can’t even start to tell you how sorry I am for everything I put you through and everything I did to hurt you.

“You are an amazing person, Cath. I never deserved you. When I think about the last two years and everything that happened, I curse at myself. I can’t believe I let the best thing that could ever happen to me get away. And even more, I really can’t believe I treated you the way I did. I don’t think I’ll ever really forgive myself for that and I’m pretty sure you won’t either.

“I go to school now, and I’m trying to make up for the last four years of not showing up, which is hard. But my mom’s been really supportive (and she asks about you all the time) and I’m just looking forward to trying to graduate next year.

“I know that after the way I treated you, you probably won’t believe this. But I love you Catherine. I always will. I wish there were some way for me to go back in time and understand things like I do now. I’d treat you so well. I’d never hurt you or do anything that might hurt you. I would just spend all my time with you, holding you close and making sure to never let go.

“But I can’t go back. Everything that happened happened. And so I have to spend the rest of my life knowing how I treated you, knowing what I made you do, knowing how much I really hurt you. And that sucks.

“I hope some day you can forgive me, but I understand if that will never happen. But if you ever want to talk, you know my number. I’d swim across the world if it meant I could see you again for just another few minutes.

“One more time I have to say I’m so sorry Catherine. And I am going to love you forever and always. Marcus.”

Catherine’s cheeks were soaking wet by the time she finished the letter, although she hadn’t felt a single tear leave her eyes while she read. Suddenly, she had a flash of emotions.

Of course, Catherine’s first thought was one based in love. Anyone who had ever been in love would understand that; she had given her heart, body and soul to Marcus. For almost two years, she had wished every day that she believed he loved her even half as much as she loved him. It was such a scary thought – painful, lonely, frightening – knowing that she would do anything for another person who didn’t feel the same for her. And now, here he was, begging for her forgiveness. Begging for her love. Her heart broke as much now as it ever had. All she wanted was to be beside him, sitting between his thighs on the beach, leaned against him while he wrapped his arms around her protecting her from the Atlantic winds.

And then Catherine suddenly felt angry. How dare he? How dare Marcus think that he deserved to even contact her? After all that had happened… after the lies, the betrayals, the coercions, the judgments… how could he think she would ever forgive him? Fuck him! He deserved to spend the rest of his life in a cloud of loneliness and hurt, because that’s all he’d ever given her.

Then Catherine began to wonder if he could ever make it up to her. If he was truly sorry… if he was really clean. Maybe they could try being friends first… Maybe they could create an entirely new relationship, promising to keep out the past… After all, she had never felt for anyone like she felt for Marcus. Maybe they could work through this, even though it would be a long and hard fight uphill…

“That’s never going to happen,” Catherine began weeping to herself. “He’ll never forgive himself… or you. You’ll never forgive yourself, or him.” She turned onto her stomach and began sobbing into her pillow. She had given Marcus everything… everything she could think of. Maybe it wasn’t his fault… Maybe she just wasn’t meant to have anyone. Maybe Marcus was her soul mate, and she had been the one to make the mistakes. After all, she had had the control to do what she did. In the end, she had made the decisions she would regret for the rest of her life.

“Cat, honey,” Catherine’s father interrupted her thoughts. He was standing at her open door, looking into her room as he walked down the hallway. She sat up, knowing her face was blotchy and tear-stained. She hated for her father to see her like this. He had already been so upset and disappointed with her over the past few years. “Sweety, what’s the matter?”

“Nothing Daddy,” she tried to tell him, but her voice caught in her throat. He cautiously entered the room as Catherine buried her head in her arms. “I’m sorry-” she began, but he cut her off.

“Catherine, darling, we’ve been over this,” her father told her, sitting beside her. He reached for her, and Catherine melted into his arms immediately. “We love you… I love you. Whatever happens…”

Trying to pull herself together, Catherine sat up and wiped her cheeks. Without thinking, she handed the letter from Marcus to her father. One of her greatest regrets over the past two years had been how her relationship with Marcus had strained her relationship with her parents, particularly her father. She didn’t want anymore lies or secrets between them.

Looking over the letter, Catherine’s father read. Catherine waited until he spoke. “Was this in with Brigitte’s letter?” he asked. She just nodded. “I see,” he said, seemingly looking it over again before he said anything. “It must have been hard for you to read,” he said sympathetically.

Her eyes were all glassy by now, but Catherine looked up at her father. She knew he wasn’t old; he was forty-five this year. But still, in this situation, he seemed older than he was. She hated that things she had done had aged him. “I’m sorry, Daddy,” was all Catherine could force out before she began weeping again. “I can’t imagine…” she hiccupped. “I can’t imagine how hard this all was for you.”

“It was harder for you,” her father said determinately, pulling Catherine in for a hug. “I’m sorry he’s still able to contact you… to upset you so.”

Wiping her eyes, Catherine forced her breathing to even out. “No, it’s okay, Daddy,” she told her father. “I’m glad to hear he’s doing well. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him.”

“I know, baby,” her father explained. “And even though there was a time when I could have killed Marcus, in hindsight, I wish him the best, too. He’s just a child… like you.”

Catherine nodded, feeling extremely lucky. “I love you,” she told her father.

“I love you, too, Cat,” Catherine’s father replied, pulling her into a hug. “I always will.”

-----

It had been hours since her father had left the room, but Catherine had just stayed there, lying on her bed. “I am going to love you forever and always.” Marcus’s words kept repeating in her head. He’d said that phrase so many times, she could hear his voice without trying. It was their thing – their personal commitment. The first time he had said it was on their six month anniversary.

It was a Saturday night, but it was freezing outside, as it was January. A snowstorm had blown through the North East. They were sitting on Marcus’s couch, watching a movie on HBO, some stupid action flick with Vin Diesel. “I’m going to Steve’s house,” Marcus’s mother said. “He’s picking me up, but with this snow, I probably won’t make it home. Will you two be okay?”

“We’ll be fine,” Marcus gave his mother his ever-charming grin. “Cath will keep me in line, you know that.”

“Don’t I,” his mother laughed, leaning down to kiss his cheek. She also leaned over to kiss Catherine, as she often did. “You keep him out of trouble,” she smiled.

“I can’t promise anything,” Catherine joked. “My parents are picking me up at ten, so I can only vouch for him until then.”

Giving them a wave, Marcus’s mother left. “Finally,” he said as she closed the door behind her. “We can celebrate our anniversary.”

Giggling as Marcus leaned over to kiss her, Catherine was surprised to feel him pull away and stand up. “Stay here,” he told her, rushing out of the room. Usually, if they got fifteen minutes alone, Marcus tried to squeeze in sex. Catherine was surprised that, with over an hour until her parents arrived, he was leaving the room. “Here,” he returned quickly, handing her a box. “Happy anniversary.”

Feeling tears rush to her eyes, Catherine shook her head. “But I didn’t get you-”

“What are you talking about?” Marcus interrupted. “You got us tickets for Coldplay. You don’t even like them that much. So this is my present.” Gingerly, Catherine opened the box. Inside was a silver chain, and hanging from it was a heart pendant. “Look at the back,” Marcus instructed her excitedly.

Turning over the charm, Catherine read the inscription on the back. “Always and Forever,” it read. With her eyes filled with tears, Catherine looked at Marcus, but couldn’t say anything.

“Do you know what it means?” Marcus asked her softly. As Catherine shook her head, he smiled. “It means that I love you. And I am going to love you always and forever.”

Unable to stop the tears from flowing, Catherine threw herself into Marcus’s arms. He started laughing, but she couldn’t help herself from crying. She felt like she’d been in love with Marcus for so long, but she wasn’t sure if he felt the same way. “I am going to love you always and forever, too,” she told him. Melting into his embrace, Catherine felt Marcus begin to kiss her neck. “We only have about forty-five minutes,” she told him, feeling her body sink into his. As if on cue, her cell phone started ringing. She sat up to answer it, but Marcus wouldn’t stop kissing her neck.

“Hi Mom,” Catherine said pointedly after she checked the caller ID, but that didn’t stop Marcus. He just kept kissing her neck. “Oh, no, I understand,” Catherine told her mother. “No, I’m sure it’s no problem with Marcus’s mom if I stay the night.”

At those words, Marcus stood up and gave her a big grin. Catherine tried keep herself from laughing as he started doing a dorky strip tease in front of her as she spoke to her mother. “No, nobody wants you driving if it’s dangerous,” she said, swallowing a giggle. Marcus was being a gigantic goof, sliding his shirt over his head and making exaggerated sexy faces at her. “Yeah, ten tomorrow is fine,” she told her mother. “Love you, too,” she said, finally hitting the ‘End’ button and bursting into giggles.

“So I get the whole night with you?” Marcus asked, his face wide with a grin. “All night alone, to do whatever I want with you on our anniversary?”

As Marcus reached for her, Catherine stood up and let him pull her to him. “Yeah, you’ve got me all night,” she whispered, pulling her own top over her head and tossing it aside. “So what do you want to do with me?” she asked provocatively.

Biting his lip, Marcus acted as if he was considering his options thoroughly. With a smile on his face, he suddenly looked like he had figured it out. “Let’s take a shower together,” he recommended. Nodding, Catherine liked that idea. She nervously followed him through his mother’s room, into her big bathroom. “There’s a much better shower head in here,” he explained.

Marcus had turned on the water to let it get warm, but he began on Catherine immediately. As he was already shirtless, he reached around as he kissed her to unlatch her bra, tossing it aside. He reached down and undid her pants, instructing her to take off the rest of her clothes. Catherine did so immediately. She stood before him naked, letting him take her in as she was now used to him doing. Slowly, he moved towards her and began kissing her. His mouth wandered over her jaw, down her neck, until he his mouth was gently nipping at one of her breasts. Catherine let out a low moan as he took her nipple into his mouth, running his tongue in circles until it was hard. He quickly dropped to his knees, surprising Catherine, and put his mouth to her. She gently moved her legs apart at his coercion, and felt Marcus begin to kiss her softly. Putting her hands on his shoulders, Catherine concentrated on what she was feeling.

Beginning with little kisses, Catherine felt as Marcus’s tongue began playing with the bundle of nerves where all her pleasure came from when they were having sex. He was licking her with the broad flat part of her tongue first, and eventually switched to the tip, which was stronger and more forceful. His finger slid inside her, as it had many times before, but then she felt his tongue reach deep between her thighs. As his finger pulled out, she felt his tongue press between into her warmth. Catherine felt heat move all over her body as his tongue pressed inside her, tasting her. She felt disappointed as he pulled away and stood up.

“Let’s get in the shower,” Marcus told her, and Catherine immediately obliged. He began kissing her under the hot streams of water, pressing her back to the wall. Catherine felt his erection between her thighs, and she wanted badly to feel him inside her. “Hold on one second,” Marcus said, reaching out of the shower to grab his jeans. Catherine knew he was getting a condom; he always carried a few in his back pocket. She felt herself get excited as she watched him slip it on.

“Turn around,” Marcus instructed. “It’s our anniversary, we’re going to do something different.” Without questioning him, Catherine nodded and turned around. She rarely asked questions with Marcus; he seemed to not like them. Instead, she just trusted him instinctually. “Now, put your hands on the wall and arch your back. That’s right…”

Marcus took his erection in one hand and held onto Catherine’s hip with the other. He led himself to her and started pushing in. It was much tighter this way, Catherine realized. As Marcus pressed himself into her entirely, she heard him moan and felt a wave of pleasure. She loved to make Marcus feel good.

Putting both his hands on Catherine’s hips, Marcus began sliding in and out of Catherine. It was a different feeling, but it was okay. As he slid his hand in front of her and began playing with her clit, though, Catherine began to feel that it was very enjoyable. Marcus was using a quick rhythm that Catherine figured out, pushing back against him as he pressed against her. His hand massaged her, his fingers pressing through her curls to tantalize her. He had figured out how to make her cum early on, and was working on that right now. As he pressed into her in a steady rhythm, his fingers teased the small piece of flesh, making waves move through Catherine’s body. Within a couple minutes, her breath grew short and she was moaned each time he pressed into her.

“That’s it, baby,” Marcus told her, self-satisfied with his ability to make her cum so easily. He began pressing hard with his fingers, keeping his thrusts even. Catherine felt like she was almost going to black out as a wave of pleasure ripped over her body and she called out Marcus’s name.

“That’s it,” Marcus said as her body began to calm down. He always seemed very pleased with his ability to make her orgasm. He pulled his hands back to her hips and began concentrating on his penetration. “You’re so tight,” he whispered, making Catherine blush. She felt one of his hands move to her shoulder, beckoning her to bend over more. When she did, he began running his hands over her ass and pushing himself into her hard. His thrusts were still even, but now they were deep and hard. Catherine was enjoying hearing him curse and moan behind her, pounding into her from behind. After a few minutes, he began to push even harder and Catherine had to hold herself steady as he made a few final thrusts, cumming as he called out “oh, fuck.”

Pulling out of her, Marcus gave Catherine a deep kiss. “There’s so much I want to do with you,” he told her, as watered poured over them.

“Me, too,” Catherine said, not entirely true. All she ever wanted was to be close to Marcus. But whatever made him happy made her happy, too.

“I will love you always and forever,” Marcus told Catherine, pulling her close.

“Me too,” she said without reserve. She knew she would feel that way for him – always and forever.

-----

Catherine’s cell phone rang, brining her out of her memories. She reached over and grabbed it off her desk. When she saw James’s name, she hit the ‘Off’ button. She couldn’t deal with another guy right now.