Pain and.. pain?

I had an epic moment this week. And end of an era one might say. I wrote the epilogue to "Pain and... pain?" !

I'm still busy busy busy and on top of that, I have too many stories cooked up in my mind. It's driving me crazy and as a result, i find concentrating on one story difficult.

But as for Pain, I'm done with it for now, apart from editing each chapter one more time before posting it.

Please review after reading and I'll post the remaining chapters quicker;)
No reviews, no updates! Yes, I'm aware I'm being a bitch. Deal with it.



CHAPTER 47




There were balloons, streamers and paper hats. I sat by the kitchen table and just stared. I couldn’t believe it. My throat tightened and tears burned at the back of my eyes. I had a birthday party. For the first time in my life so that I could remember, I, Jason Cabe, had a real birthday party with balloons and everything. Rose had even baked a cake for me and I lowered my eyes from the brightly colored balloons tied to the kitchen lamp to the big cake underneath it. The white frosting made my mouth water and my eyes welled up when I read my name written across it in blue lettering. It was for me.

I looked up from the cake and saw everyone grinning at me widely. I clutched at my new dress shirt with clammy hands and tried not to panic. Someone touched my right thigh and I flinch before looking at Chris who was sitting next to me.

“This is the part where you blow the candles and make a wish.” He hinted with a grin and I looked at the cake again. Right.

The cake.

The cake with eighteen lit candles on top of it. I looked at the people around the table nervously and felt pressured. What if I messed up and the cake would be ruined? I didn’t want to ruin it, Rose had worked so hard to bake it.

“Come on Jason, blow the candles.” Cody said from the other side of the table, holding a camera that he had been terrorizing everyone with since arriving.

I took a deep breath and leaned closer to the cake. I took a moment to stare at the flickering flames before emptying my lungs at them. One resilient flame refused to be put out and I stared at it for a moment before blowing it out too. Chris grinned next to me and dipped his finger in the frosting.

“Finally! Rose refused to let me taste it until you had blown the candles.” He said and Rose scolded at him.

“Christopher! Wait until we cut the cake. And now that we are on the topic, NO cake fight this time or this will be the last cake you lot will ever see in this house!” She said strictly and I grinned with the others. I still remembered my first impression of the house when Diana had brought me here and we had arrived in the middle of a cake fight because it had been Nick’s birthday party then.

I was handed a knife and I bit my lip in concentration while cutting a small slice for myself. When I had my piece on my plate and had put the knife down, Rose took over and started cutting portions for everyone. Chris dipped his finger in the frosting again, this time in the frosting on top of my piece of cake. I pouted at him and tried to pull my plate away from him. I hadn’t even tasted it myself yet and he had almost licked the frosting off of it!




After the cake and other sweets, we moved to the livingroom and I was ordered to sit on the armchair. I pulled my feet off the floor and fiddled with my jeans nervously. Chris perched himself on the armrest and wrapped an arm around my shoulders comfortingly.

“Mine first!” Kristy exclaimed excitedly and I felt nervous. I had never had birthday gifts before either and I was feeling a bit uneasy about it. I didn’t like the idea of the others spending money on me. I hadn’t expected to get any gifts, in fact, I had told Rose that I didn’t really want any, that I was okay with not celebrating my birthday. After all, I never did. But Rose wouldn’t have any of it; she just told me to stop worrying and show up for my party.

An enthusiastically packaged present landed on my lap and I looked at the tape running around it. Kristy had clearly wrapped it herself. I opened it carefully, trying not to rip the paper which proved impossible because it had tape all over it. Chris leaned closer and whispered into my ear. “I know you’re never had a birthday party before but just as a hint, you can rip the paper away. It’s more fun that way.”

I blushed slightly and hesitated for a moment before glancing at Rose and ripping the paper open. Inside I found a new diary.

“Do you like it? I bought it with my allowance. it has a lock on it too!” Kristy asked eagerly and I just stared at the pink diary in my lap. It was pink and.. it had butterflies on the cover. ‘

“Um… thanks.” I said and glanced at her with a smile. Chris snatched the diary from my hands and I was handed another present. It was from Nick and turned out to be candy. The others had put their money together and bought me a new hoodie, a white one with different colored cartoon fishes on it which I thought was kind of cool.

Rose and Ron gave me money, telling me it was a tradition with kids turning eighteen and leaving. It was sort of an nest egg to help in the new life. I hugged Rose for a long time and felt tears burn in the back of my eyes, telling her that they needn’t give me money, I was more than owing them for everything they had already done for me. And I knew they didn’t have money to spare; the gift money wasn’t from the state, it was from their own pockets.

Cody smiled and gave me his present. I stared at the box in my lap and frowned. It was too big. I started opening it hesitantly and found a brown cardboard box under the wrappings. I bit my lip and tore the tape holding it closed away before opening it. My jaw dropped when I saw what was inside and I looked up at Cody, about to protest.

“You’re keeping them. It’s a sort of a survival pack.” Cody said and I looked down again, pulling a small box out of the bigger one. It was a cellphone; he had bought me a freaking cellphone.

“Cool.” Chris commented and snatched the box from me. I bit my lip nervously and looked at the box again. There was more. I pulled out a leather wallet and ran my fingers across the soft buttery leather. It felt expensive. I glanced at the box and saw jeans on the bottom of it. I pulled them out before pushing the box away.

“I.. You shouldn’t have.” I mumbled, tears in my eyes and Cody just smiled.

“You only turn eighteen once, Jason. He said and Rose broke into action.

“Right. Does someone want more coffee?”




Everyone scattered and Chris planted himself on my lap. I hugged him around his waist and rubbed my wet face against his shirt with a sniffle. I never thought having a birthday party would be so emotionally exhausting.

“Aren’t you at all curious?” Chris asked suddenly and I tilted my head to look at him.

“A-About what?” I asked hesitantly and Chris rolled his eyes at me.

“About my gift for you.”

“I..” I started but then looked down. I hadn’t expected any gifts to begin with so why would I have been curious about his gift?

“You really thought no one was going to get you anything?” Chris asked and fiddled with the hair in my neck, rolling it around his finger.

“I didn’t think of anything.” I mumbled and leaned against him.

“Well, don’t you want to find out?” Chris asked and I rolled my eyes at him.

“I do.” I said and Chris jumped on his feet with a wide grin. He pulled me up after him and dragged me upstairs. He pushed me into the room and closed the door behind us before turning to look at me with a grin. I was starting to be a little afraid of what he had gotten me and sat down on the bed hesitantly.

Chris went to his wardrobe and shuffled some clothes aside for a moment before glancing at me and pulling out a carrier bag of some clothing store. He came to sit on the bed next to me and handed me the bag. “Happy birthday.” He said with a smile and pulled me into a kiss before I could look into the bag.

I moaned into the kiss and pouted a little when Chris pulled away. I liked his lips on me. “Open it!” Chris urged me and I licked my lips. Oh yeah, the gift. I pulled out a red t-shirt that read ‘I’m with dink’ and an arrow pointing to the right on it and glanced at Chris.

“That’s for when you’re with me.” He grinned and I folded the t-shirt neatly with a chuckle. “There’s more.”

I looked into the bag again and found a picture frame. I pulled it out and stared at the picture with my mouth open. It was us. We were sitting on the couch in Rose’s livingroom and laughing while looking at each other. I glanced at Chris and he smiled.

“Do you like it? Nicole took it the night we were watching movies, remember? I had Ron take me to the mall so I could get it developed and buy a frame.” He said and I looked at the photo again. We looked happy.

“I love it.” I whispered and felt tears in my eyes again.

“Now I’m with you no matter.” Chris said and I sniffled. Damn, him. I pressed my hands against my eyes and Chris pulled me into a hug. I dropped my hands and brought them around him, burying my face in his shoulder instead. “Hey, I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He mumbled and started rubbing circles on my back. I rubbed my snotty nose against his shoulder for a moment before pulling out of the hug reluctantly.

I looked at his gifts to me against and then glanced at him with a lopsided smile. “Where did you find a ‘I’m with dink’ t-shirt?”

“I had it made.” Chris shrugged slightly and I just stared at him.

“That.. You shouldn’t ha..”

“Shut up. It’s wasn’t that expensive and mom sent me money anyway.” Chris said and I pulled my feet off the floor, rubbing the backs of my hands against my jeans. “Stop it.” Chris remarked instantly and I stilled my hands with a sigh.

The wounds had healed nicely and tomorrow I would get the stitches out, I couldn’t wait. Ron said he would take me to a clinic in the morning and then take me to New Dawn.

Yes, the New Dawn I had sworn I wouldn’t be going to. It turned out I really didn’t have a lot of options unless I wanted to live on the streets. I still didn’t want to go though and just thinking about tomorrow made my stomach ache. Chris seemed to pick up on my distress and leaned against the wall, pulling me down with him.

“You’ll be okay, Jason. You’ll like it there, I’m sure.” He said and I just snuggled closer to him.

“I’m going to be alone again. I don’t want to be alone.” I mumbled and Chris poked my stomach with his finger.

“Hey, you won’t be alone! You have Gilbert and the picture. And you can call me when ever you want and we’ll still see each other. You can come visit and I can come see you there. I’ll be eighteen in few months too you know.” He said and I hugged his hand close to my stomach.

“Will you come to New Dawn too?” I asked quietly and Chris rested his chin on my shoulder with a small sigh.

“Probably not. I think I’m going to get an apartment after I turn eighteen.” He said and I could feel him shrug. I bit my lower lip carefully and clutched his hand tightly. Unlike me Chris did have a choice after turning eighteen. He still had a mom who supported him financially, she just didn’t want him home. The relationship between Chris and her mom was a complex one but she still loved him.

We sat in silence for a long time until there was a knock on the door and it opened. Ron peeked in and pushed the door fully open when he saw us just sitting on the bed.

“You left your presents downstairs.” He said and lifted the box Cody’s present had been in. He had packed all my gifts in it and now placed it on my desk. “I put the duffel bag I bought you in your closet; make sure to pack everything so we can get an early start tomorrow. Of course, if you forget something, you’ll get it later.” Ron said and I nodded stiffly, not looking at him. I didn’t need to be reminded that I was leaving tomorrow.

Ron left and I pulled away from Chris with a sigh. He let go of me reluctantly and watched how I crossed the room to my wardrobe. I pulled out the empty duffel bag and opened it on my bed before returning to my closet. I just stared at the clothes in there and wondered how it was possible that I had so many clothes. I mean, for others it probably wasn’t a lot but for me.. I wasn’t used to having so many clothes, new clothes, nice clothes.

“You don’t have to pack now.” Chris said from his bed and I bit my lower lip for a moment before pulling out the first stack of clothes. No. I needed to get this over and done with so I wouldn’t have to think about it again tonight.

Chris watched me pack for a moment before I heard him stand up. He came to me and grabbed my socks and underwear, putting them neatly in the bag. After my clothes were packed Chris stood on my bed and started pulling the Ramones- poster off the wall carefully, making sure it wouldn’t rip. He rolled it on a scroll and wrapped a rubber band around it to keep it together before setting it on top of my bag. We just stood there for a moment, staring at the empty side of the room until I wrapped my arms around Chris in a hug. A long sigh escaped my lips and I felt a kiss on my cheek.

“Promise not to forget me?” Chris asked quietly and I tilted my head to look at him. His eyes glistened with unshed tears and pressed my lips against his.

“Never.” I mumbled against his mouth and took a step backwards, pulling him towards the bed with me. We tumbled backwards and Chris landed on me, making me go oof.

“Sorry.” Chris mumbled and kissed me sweetly while shifting his weight mainly off of me. I leaned into him and wrapped my arms around him. His t-shirt had ridden up and I felt his smooth warm skin against my hands. I blushed a bit but didn’t pull my hands away. I wanted to feel him, be close to him.

Chris’ hands sneaked inside my shirt and pushed it upwards, making me tense for a moment when an image of Jonathan doing the same thing flashed in my mind but I forced it away. This wasn’t Jonathan, this was Chris. Chris wouldn’t hurt me and I wanted to do this with him. I wasn’t going t o let Jonathan ruin this for me, anyone to ruin this for me.

Chris sensed my tension and pulled away bit which made me wrap my arms tighter around him. “Please?” I whispered, my voice shaky even though I tried to sound confident.

Chris looked serious but lowered himself back on me. I sighed and buried my face against his neck, placing a small kiss there. “I want you.” I whispered and felt tiny shudders run down Chris’ spine.

“I want you too.” He whispered back and hiked my shirt upwards again. We immersed ourselves in a hot session of heavy petting and I felt my jeans get a little tight on the front. I broke a kiss with a gasp and dug my fingers in Chris’ sides.

“Lock the door?” I panted and arched my back when Chris nuzzled my neck.

“Can’t, no lock on it, remember?” He sighed and ground his groin against my pelvis. I could feel his excitement and when he pulled away from me, clung onto his shirt. Chris twisted and wiggled until his shirt slipped over his head and I hugged the warm piece of clothing close before rolling onto my side, watching how Chris took a chair and propped it under the door handle.

“You look like you’ve done this before.” I commented and Chris grinned in his usual cocky way.

“Yeah, Kelly and I used the chair under the handle a lot.” He said and I felt a twinge of.. jealousy? in my chest. I look down and flinched when Chris set himself back on the bed, pressing his face up and against mine. “We used to drink and play poker. He is like my brother.” He whispered and rubbed his cheek against mine.

I felt bad for jumping to conclusions and hugged Chris close again. “You’ve never spoken of him before.” I mumbled and discarded his shirt for something much better; him.

“Yeah. I.. um.. I was angry at him for a long time for leaving.” Chris sighed and hiked my shirt higher. “You have too many clothes on.”

I let him pull my shirt over my head and hesitated for a moment before vocalizing my fear. “Are you going to hate me too after I leave?” I whispered and Chris stilled for a moment before moving to stare down at me, our noses touching.

“Never.” He said and rubbed our noses together. I wrinkled my nose and tickled his sides with my fingers, making Chris squirm on top of me and sprout a little pout. It was damn cute. We kissed again and I sighed contently. Feeling his hot skin against mine made me feel flushed and my cheeks burned red.

Chris dug his hands in my hair and leaned his elbows on both side of my head to support his weight while I ran my hands down his back and relished the feeling of his muscles moving underneath his smooth skin. I dipped my finger beneath the waistband of his jeans and felt the curve of his bottom against my fingertips. I grinned into the kiss and Chris pulled away from the lip lock. He sat up on my pelvis and ran his hands down my chest, stopping at my nipples. He glanced at me with a grin before flicking both my nipples simultaneously. I gasped and arched my back.

I brought my hands up and slammed them over my nipples.

“Nuh huh, not fair.” Chris pouted and pried my hands away, setting them on his hips. I fiddled with the fabric of his jeans and stared at his face while he resumed to teasing my nipples. He had his tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration and I watched spellbound how his pink tongue moved from the corner, sliding across his top lip making it glisten.

Chris turned the dial and I gasped, trying to twist away from the abusing fingers holding my nub. He chuckled and leaned down to kiss my abused nipple. I clung onto his jeans and closed my eyes, letting myself just feel him.

Chris’ hands moved lower, sliding across my stomach and tracing the outline of my bellybutton for a moment before closing in on the button of my jeans. The hands stilled and Chris said. “We don’t have to go further if you don’t want to.”

I opened my eyes and saw him sitting on me, all flustered and his mop of dirty pink hair tousled. His eyes were dark with desire; like the eyes of so many customers at the Cave but for some reason it didn’t scare me or make me feel like I was servicing him. I was just more turned on by the passion in his eyes.

Chris pushed my jeans down my hips and I moved to fiddle with the button of his jeans. There was a quiet ‘pop’ when the button opened and Chris shuffled backwards until he was straddling my thighs and slid his hands beneath my hips to gently ease down my jeans. A bit of fumbling and awkward shifting later Chris was posted on my pelvis again, both of us in our boxers now.

I reached out a bit hesitantly and touched his groin. Chris let out a small gasp and I cupped his erection through his silky boxer. They were pink and had little hearts on them which I found adoring. Chris leaned down to kiss me and rubbed himself against my palm while burying his hands in my hair. We ended up dry humping each other, panting heavily in each other’s mouths while kissing deeply. I was getting overwhelmed; I had never experienced anything like this. I had been fucked all my life but I had never felt this.

Chris broke our kiss and sucked on my neck while slipping out of his own boxers. I blushed crimson red and looked away when the silky scrap of fabric fluttered on the floor somewhere to the left of us. Chris chuckled at my reaction and scooted backwards again to help me out of my boxers.

Once we were both naked, Chris lowered himself to lie flat against me, our bellies pressed against each other. I kissed my way from his neck to his shoulder before biting the skin over his collarbone. Chris jerked against me and rocked his hips, rubbing himself against me. We both gasped and I shuddered under Chris.

“You alright?” Chris asked, out of breath and I nodded quickly. Chris reached between us and gathered us both in the palm of his hand, making me arch against him. Chris ran his thumb across the tips, smearing our precum together, mixing our seeds. I moaned out loud and Chris slapped his lips on me again to muffle any noises coming from me. I panted into the kiss and bit down on my lower lip to keep quiet when Chris rubbed our erections together. I didn’t want anyone to hear us. Being busted by Ron once was enough for me. I didn’t think I could look the man in the eyes ever again if he walked in on me and Chris having sex. Even worse would be if Rose walked in.

My shoulders tensed when my mind wandered and Chris noticed immediately. “What’s wrong?” He asked out of breath and looked down on me with his hair falling into his eyes.

“I.. Nothing..” I mumbled and refused to look at him in the eyes.

“Jason.” Chris breathed out slowly and leaned down until our noses touched again. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” He said and started to pull his hand away from between our bodies.

“No!” I almost shouted and blushed deep before continuing. “I.. I want to.”

“Then what’s wrong?” Chris asked and shivered when I bucked my hips under him, rubbing our groins together.

“I was just thinking.. What if Rose..”

“It really freaks me out that you’re thinking of Rose when I’m straddling you naked.” Chris commented and I reached up to tuck his hair behind his ears.

“Not like that you perv. I just..” I sighed and looked away from him again while running my hands down his sides. “I don’t want Rose to be angry at us. I know we’re not supposed to.. you know… be doing this here. Rose’ll get in trouble and..”

“Shh shh, you’re blabbering.” Chris whispered and leaned down to kiss me. “Rose won’t get in trouble and she won’t be angry, Jason. She knows we’re a couple and besides, you’re eighteen now.” He said and wrapped my arms around him.

“You’re not.” I pointed out and closed my eyes when Chris moved to suck on my neck.

“Don’t remind me. I’m stuck here while you get to go live your life.” He grumbled and I bit my lip again.

“I’ll swap you? You go to New Dawn and I’ll stay here.” I mumbled and Chris answered by grinding us together again. My mouth opened in a silent gasp and Chris murmured in my ear.

“Can’t sorry. What I CAN do, is to give you something better to think about, hm?”

His breathing tickled my ear and I smiled against his shoulder. Chris kissed his way lower, side tracking over my nipples before trailing downwards and dipping his tongue in my bellybutton. I shivered and kept my eyes on him, wanting to see what he was doing. Chris looked up and grinned in mischief before licking his way down again. My stomach fluttered and I took a nervous breath. This was new.

I clutched the sheet under me tightly when Chris’ breath caressed my balls before he took me in his mouth. I let out a muffled moan and closed my eyes tightly when hot wet warmness enveloped me. “Aah, Chris!”

Chris chuckled and I bucked my hips making him gag a little. “S-Sorry.” I breathed out and he took a deep breath.

“It’s okay. Now stay still.” He said and kissed the tip of my cock gently while his hands rubbed my inner thighs. I just shuddered and tried to control my breathing. Chris swallowed me whole and slid his hand down to my balls, cupping them gently before rolling them in his palm.

I had to bring my hand up and bite it to keep quiet. I had never enjoyed giving blow jobs but if this was how amazing it could be, I wasn’t surprised they were a favorite among clients at the Cave.

Chris was good, he teased me and drew out my orgasm until finally letting me tumble over the edge. I wanted to scream and bit down hard on my hand to keep quiet while the most intense orgasm of my life washed over in nearly painful waves. Chris forced my hips against the bed when I started bucking to prevent himself from choking while still sucking.

Slowly the orgasm died away and I opened my eyes to stare at the ceiling, letting my hand drop to my side and my chest heaving heavily.

“You okay?” Chris asked, a little out of breath and crawled upwards so he could see my face. I glanced at him and saw him frowning at me. “Did I hurt you? I’m so..”

“You didn’t hurt me.” I whispered, my voice a little hoarse and brought my arms around Chris.

“But you’re crying. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” Chris mumbled with a pout and I wiped at my eyes. My hand came back moist with tears and I couldn’t stop a chuckle leaving my lips. Chris’ expression grew even more worried and I pulled him down into a kiss. I could taste myself in his mouth and deepened the kiss, tears in my eyes flowing more freely. God I loved the pink haired goof.

“You didn’t hurt me. Thank you.” I whispered into the kiss and finally Chris’ body relaxed on top of me. He pulled the blanket over us before lying down next to me and resting his head on my chest.

“I thought I hurt you.” I mumbled and draped his arm across my stomach. I smiled and turned so that I could wrap my own arms around him.

“You didn’t. I.. I’ve never felt anything like that. Thank you.” I said quietly and juts then realized that pleasure had been a little one sided here.

“Um..” I started and went to move lower. Chris pulled me back against his snuggled close.

“I got my kicks, don’t worry. I just want to sleep now.” He mumbled and I hesitated for a moment before relaxing against him again.

“Shouldn’t we put on pajamas?” I asked after a moment of silence and Chris wrinkled his nose.

“No.”

“You’re just lazy.” I poked at him and pulled away from his a bit reluctantly. Chris whined and pulled a pillow into his arms instead. I saw my boxers in a pile on the floor and fished them up to use them to cover myself while crossing the room.

“I’ve already seen it you know. It’s pretty, you don’t need to cover it.” Chris commented when he watched me ball the boxers over my groin with my hands. I blushed hard and crossed the room quickly.

I quickly squirmed myself into pajama bottoms before returning to the other side of the room and picking up Chris’. I held them out to him and he shook his head with a grin.

“Nuh huh, I’m not putting them on.” He said and I rolled my eyes at him.

“Ron is waking us up in the morning and you never sleep the whole night under the blanket. Do you want to be mooning him while asleep?” I asked and Chris’ grin faded. I held out the PJs again and this time Chris accepted them. While he wiggled himself into the piece of garment, I walked to the door and pulled the chair out from under the handle. I didn’t want to get caught using it; it would tell Ron instantly that we had been doing something we shouldn’t have. I returned the chair to its place by Chris’ desk before getting back on the bed.

We settled in our usual Chris spooning me- position and I sighed contently. I was so going to miss this; sleeping with Chris, when I’d have to leave tomorrow.

“This day was almost prefect.” I mumbled into the darkness and Felt Chris press a kiss against my neck.

“Almost?”

“Mmh, I whish Tristan could have been here.” I sighed and Chris held me a little tighter.

“I know. You know he would have loved to be here too.”

“I know. Stupid Nash’s and their weekend trips.” I grumbled and turned to face Chris. I tucked my head under his chin and pressed my face against his chest. I loved his scent.

I fell asleep happy but a seed of dread nagging at the back of my mind.