Pain and.. pain?

Okay, i'm really REALLY REAAAALLY sorry about the long delay but things have been hectic for the past few weeks. I've moved, started a new job and I'm back to school now too. Again, moving is a bitch. I'm done with that for now, hopefully I wont have to move again until next summer, I really dont want to.

I've had this chapter done for a while now so it's about time I put it up. I'm still working on the last chappies and not sure when I'll be able to finish this story. I'm not going to abandon it though, dont worry! It's taking some time to get back into the groove of writing again after a few weeks of not being able to so bare with me, the next chapter will be up quicker than this one.

As always, hope you like it and drop me a review to let me know what you think.

Lots of love!



CHAPTER 43



A few months later not much had changed; Tristan and I got to see each other every other weekend, we took turns in visiting, and me and Chris were still close. We hadn’t gone further than kissing and touching though, both of us in no hurry to have sex. I couldn’t say I was afraid of it, I was just worried that if Chris wanted to have sex, then I would feel like I was servicing a customer and it would definitely ruining our friendship.

They still hadn’t found dad and I had received another unsigned note, which was slowly driving me mad. I was getting anxious; I had this horrid feeling that I was living the calm before the storm and it was freaking me out. Chris had gone off the walls after the third note had arrived, telling me over and over again that I should tell Rose or Ron about them. I had just waved him off and refused to talk to him until he changed the subject; I wasn’t going to tell Rose. I wasn’t going to tell anyone.

I only had a little over a month until I was going to turn eighteen and I didn’t want to be taken away from Rose before that; I mean, once I was of age I was going to have to leave but until then my plan was to stay put. The stress over the notes and dad had ended up in me getting nightmares again, even when sleeping with Chris, or me not being able to sleep at all, and it was getting to me. I was tired all the time and the fever kept coming back every now and then. I had tried hard not to let it show when I was feeling sick but Chris always knew, probably because he had taken the habit of sleeping with his hands inside my shirt. I had murmured a half hearted complain about it and Chris had bluntly told me that as long as I continued to sleep with my shirt on, he would sleep with his hands inside of it. He said he slept better when he could feel me.

Dr. Melwin had noticed too that everything wasn’t well with me. During our last session he had abandoned all previous topics and asked me directly about what was wrong. I didn’t know what to tell him; so I hadn’t said anything, just withdrawn into myself and sat silently on the red couch until our hour was over and I could run out of the room.

Now it was Saturday and I was sitting in a hot car, packed in the backseat with Chris and Nick. Rose and Ron had decided to take us all to the zoo today and all the younger ones were excited while the older kids pouted. Chris was sitting quietly on the other side of the car, glancing at me every now and then over Nick who was sitting in the middle because he was the smallest of us three. I spent my energy ignoring Chris and staring out of the window.

I didn’t want to g to the zoo either, not because I thought it was lame or childish to go stare at some stupid animals but because I hadn’t wanted to leave the house. As long as I stayed indoors, who ever sent me those messages wouldn’t be able to get to me, or that was how I reasoned it.

It was a hot day and by the time Ron parked the van in the zoo parking lot, I was sweating through my hoodie. The others were only wearing t-shirts but I was feeling cold like always, it was the fever going up and down, so I never went anywhere without a long sleeved shirt.

The smaller kids were getting out of control while Rose was at the desk, buying our tickets and I leaned against the car tiredly, wishing we could just go back to the house. Kristy was talking loudly about all the animals; telling anyone who had the energy to listen how all zebras had different stripes, or how lions hunted in packs. I liked her but sometimes, on days like this, she annoyed the hell out of me. Chris leaned on the car next to me and asked.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah.”

“Liar.” Chris mumbled and I shoved my hands deep in my pockets. “When are you going to tell her, Jason? Chris asked quietly and I glanced at Rose who was walking across the parking lot towards us with newly purchased tickets in her hand. Chris was talking about the notes of course.

“Later.” I mumble back and pushed myself away from the car. Rose was motioned everyone to follow her and we headed towards the main gates as a group.

Chris stopped pestering me about the notes, instead following me around silently through the zoo, from one animal pin to another. I had taken off in a different direction than the others on purpose, wanting to be alone to clear my head and lost my patience with him. On the path leading from bears to the wolves, I spun on my heels and faced him with my eyes blazing.

“Do you have to follow me around?! Fuck off!” I spat at him and Chris stopped a few steps away from me. His previously bright pink hair had now washed out into a dirty mess.

“I want to see the animals too.” Chris said with a shrug which just infuriated me more.

“Fine! Go see the fucking animals! Just leave me alone!” I yelled and glared at the people who stared at us. Chris looked at me for a moment before letting his head drop down and sagging his shoulders.

“Okay, sorry.” He mumbled and then turned away. I felt a twinge of guilt in my chest but forced it away, hanging onto my anger. Stupid Chris, I puffed and turned into a more excluded path. I wanted to be alone. There was too many things going through my mind and my emotions were bouncing off the walls. I shoved my hands back into my pockets and squared my shoulders, trekking along the path deep in my thoughts. I knew I’d apologize to Chris later and we’d be okay again but for now I just wanted o be alone.

I drew closer to the busy restaurant area and took another path, in the direction of the snake house according to the wooden signs along the paths. I was still deep in my thoughts and didn’t hear anyone walking behind me until a heavy hand landed on my shoulder, pulling me into a halt.

“Hi kid, missed me?” A hoarse voice asked and blood washed out of my face. I froze still for a moment and Jonathan took the opportunity to pull me closer again. “Now be a good boy, Jason, and walk forward slowly. And don’t you dare try something stupid. If you run, I think I’ll have a go at your new friend with pink hair, he looked cute too.” He whispered in a low voice so that only I would hear and cold sweat ran down my back.

Jonathan pushed me forward and I started walking rigidly, blood thumping in my ears. Chris. I couldn’t let him hurt Chris. I felt panic rising in my chest and let my head fall forward. Jonathan gave my back a small nudge and grumbled. “Cheer up kid, you’re in a zoo, if you look depressed people will think something’s wrong.”

I wrenched my head up but couldn’t muster looking happy. I tried looking at people pleadingly, wishing that they would understand that something was wrong but everyone were so caught up in having a fun Saturday in the zoo that they didn’t pay any attention. Jonathan led me to the main gate of the zoo and out. I had jus stepped through to the parking lot when someone yelled my name.

“Jason!”

I turned to look and caught a glimpse of alarmed looking Chris before Jonathan shoved me forward. I opened my mouth to call for help but got cut off by Jonathan shoving me into a car; he had parked right outside of the gates. I banged my in the doorframe and felt dizzy when Jonathan shoved over to the passenger side before getting in and settling himself behind the wheel. The doors snapped locked before I could react and Jonathan took off.

I held my head and saw from the corner of my eye how Chris ran to the parking lot still yelling at my name. “Chris.” I mumbled barely audible and Jonathan glanced at me.

“Chris? That’s his name, huh? Cute. Maybe I should have taken him too, I bet we would’ve had fun the three of us.” Jonathan grinned and patted my thigh. I flinched away from him and plastered myself against the door.

“P-Please, d-d-don’t.” I stuttered and felt tears in my eyes. Jonathan chuckled but pulled his hand away.

“Don’t worry kid, we have all the time in the world now.” He said and I felt sick. All the time in the world.

“W-Where a-are we g-going?”

“Somewhere nice and quiet where no one is going to disturb us.” Jonathan smiled and I tasted bile in my mouth.

“J-Jonathan?” I mumbled pleadingly and held onto my stomach.

“What kid?”

“P-Please. p-please let me g-go. Please! I.. I feel sick and..” I begged and brought his hand to touch my cheek.

“You know you belong with me, Jason, I know you do. This is how it was meant to be, just you and me.” He said in a gentle voice and I pulled away from him.

“I f-feel sick.” I almost sobbed and Jonathan frowned.

“You look pale. Are you going to throw up?” He asked, sounding worried now and I nodded rigidly. Jonathan swore under his breath and looked for a place to pull over. Once the car stopped, he got out and ran around the car to let me out. He grabbed my arm and yanked me out of the car before turning me towards the ditch so I could empty my stomach.

“Hurry up.” He snapped at me, glancing around nervously and I willed myself to throw up. It was easier if I just did it now, I’d feel better and it was going to happen anyway at some point; throwing up was inevitable when Jonathan was involved.

When I stood up again, Jonathan grabbed my arms and pushed me back into the car. I still felt sick, tasting bile in my mouth and curled up on the seat. Jonathan got back behind the wheel and got the car on the road again before saying. “If you get sick again, I’m not stopping so keep it down.”

I gulped and felt cold sweat run down my back along with shivers. I was going to get sick again, it was only a matter of time.




Half an hour later Jonathan stopped the car in front of a big, a little decayed, white house in the middle of nowhere. My heartbeat sped up again and I started trembling. We were far from other people, the closest neighbor was probably miles away and it terrified me; no one would hear me scream here, no one would be here to help. Kevin wasn’t going to be there to help me this time.

Jonathan turned off the engine and grabbed my neck before kicking the door open. He pulled me out of the car behind him and marched me up to the house. I was too petrified to struggle and stared at the big house with wide eyes. We went inside and the air smelled musty to me, like it had been standing still for a long time. The floors were dusty and cobwebs hung from the corners of the rooms; the house had clearly been empty for a long time. Jonathan pulled me forward none too gently until we reached the back of the house. He shoved me through an open door and stepped in behind me before turning and closing the door behind him. I heard the lock turn and glanced around with my heart thumping.

We were in a bedroom. The room was as dusty and abandoned looking as the rest of the house but the bed sheets looked fresh. “Do you like it? I hope so, this is going to be your home from now on.” Jonathan smiled sleazily and I backed away from him.

“W-Why a-are y-you d-doing t-this?” I stuttered and felt tears urn in my eyes.

“Why? You’re asking me why?!” Jonathan bellowed and charged me. I jumped away from him and banged my head hard against the wall when Jonathan wrapped his thick fingers around my throat. I gasped for air and tried to push him away, tears running down my face.

“You fucking little shit! Because of you I have had to be on the run for months now. You owe me kid, you owe me big time. And it’s time for some compensation. Strip!” Jonathan growled into my ear and I struggled for breath; he was cutting off my air. “Now or I’ll kill you now Jason! Strip or I’ll move on to your pink haired friend.” Jonathan threatened and my chest heaved when I reached down for the button of my jeans.

Chris. I couldn’t let him hurt Chris.

My fingers were trembling badly but after a moment of panicky struggle I managed to open my jeans and push them down clumsily. I only got them halfway down my thighs and Jonathan jerked them down the rest of the way. Once my jeans were down, he loosened his grip on my neck a little so I could get some air in my lungs. I managed one breath before the fingers closed my windpipe again.

“Boxers.” Jonathan breathed into my face and I hooked my trembling fingers under the waistband of my boxers. I pushed them down too and Jonathan yanked me off the wall roughly. I choked and grabbed his strong forearm desperately.

I got thrown on the bed and as soon as Jonathan let go of my wrist, I coughed for breath.

“Shirts off!” Jonathan snapped from the foot of the bed while starting to undress himself. I looked up shakily but lowered my eyes again when he started to open his pants. My whole body trembling I pulled my shirts off then let them pool on my lap in a desperate attempt to hide myself from Jonathan’s eyes.

Jonathan was naked now too and reached to snatch the shirts away from me. “You’re no blushing virgin kid so drop the act. Come here and give me head, I’ve been missing those lips of yours.” He gloated and stood in front of me proudly. I panted for air and tried to back away but Jonathan snatched hold of my ankle.

“You or your friend Jason.” He reminded me and pulled me closer until he could pull me off the bed. I fell on my knees in front of him and looked up shakily to face his already hard cock. Clear precum was already leaking from the tip and a fresh wave of nausea washed over me. I couldn’t do this again. Not after I had seen what life could be, how good it could be.

A big hand entangled in my hair painfully and forced my head closer to the enlarged organ. “DON’T push me Jason.” Jonathan warned and I closed y eyes for a moment before reaching up shakily and taking him in my hand. Jonathan’s cock jerked upwards and the hand in my hair forced my hair a little closer again.

“I didn’t ask for a handjob kid.”

I gulped, trying to will away the feel of nausea and closed my eyes when I opened my mouth and let his cock slide in my mouth.




When Jonathan two hours later walked out of the bedroom, I was laying crumbled on the spoiled sheets, silent tears running down my cheeks. He had fucked me until complete satisfaction, leaving me sore and bleeding; he hadn’t bothered to prepare me much, just enough to not to hurt himself in the act. With a promise to be back he left and I curled up on the sheets now spotted with blood and semen.

I couldn’t stop the tears anymore, I was too exhausted to even try. Jonathan’s plans were clear to me now; he was planning to keep me here until forever, until he grew tired of me and I became disposable. Then he would kill me and bury me in the woods. Jonathan had panted his plans in my ear while fucking me roughly, my legs forced over his shoulders. I had cried and he had kissed away my tears in fake gentleness, making me cry even harder.

Now he was gone and I fought to pull myself together. I needed to get out of here as soon as possible. I forced myself to move and crawled off the bed with a wince. I sat on the floor and wiped myself clean on the sheets, wishing I had access to a shower and then moved as far away from the bed as possible. I sat in the corner with a shiver and pulled my knees up to my chest despite the pain in my lower regions.

I knew Jonathan would be back sooner rather than later and I needed to stew up a plan in my mind before he’s show up again. The only window in the room had been boarded over from the outside; I had noticed it earlier when I had been lying on the bed on my stomach while Jonathan had fucked me.




What felt like hours later Jonathan was back. He looked at the bed before glancing around and seeing me on the floor. He smiled and locked the door behind him before walking to me. I pressed myself tighter against the corner and stared at his dirty sneakers intently.

“Hey, why are you sitting on the floor kid?” He asked casually and grouched before me. “You’ll get sick if you sit on the cold floor naked.” Jonathan continued and I looked away from him.

“Are you hungry?” Jonathan asked and I flinched when he ran his fingers along my cheekbone.

“No sir.” I mumbled quietly and Jonathan turned my face towards him.

“Have you forgotten what I want you to call me, Jason? It thought you were smarter than that.” He said and I felt my shoulders hunch forward even more.

“J-Jonathan. N-No t-thank y-you.” I stuttered and avoided his eyes. Jonathan moved his hand to my hair and brushed it away fro my face.

“Your hair has grown. It looks pretty on you.” He said gently and pulled his hand away before standing up. “Come on, up. You’re dirty.” Jonathan continued and grabbed my arm. He pulled me up from the floor and towards the door, not waiting if I would follow him willingly.

Cool air brushed in when the door opened and made me shiver. I tried to seem uninterested of my surroundings but stole glances of the house when Jonathan escorted me to the bathroom down the hall. He had cleaned up in the livingroom a bit but it still looked haunting. The bathroom had been cleaned properly though and I pressed against the cool tiles when Jonathan let go of me. He stepped into the shower with me and I turned my head away from him when he reached to turn on the shower.

“God you’re hot.” Jonathan grumbled when he pressed me against the wall with his body and closed my eyes to keep tears in. I couldn’t live the rest of my life like this.



Jonathan took me again in the shower, this time gentler than the last time. I didn’t fight him, there was no point. If I fought, he would only hurt me more. When Jonathan was done with me, he returned me to the bedroom and stripped the bed from the soiled sheets before leaving. I hugged myself with my thin arms and looked around in the grey room, it was depressing. I picked up the blanket from the bed and wrapped it tightly around myself before sitting down in the corner again. I leaned against the wall and rested my head against my knees, keeping my eyes open. I didn’t want to sleep.