Pain and.. pain?

An update!

Thanks a lot everyone who reviewed and I'm really really sorry for the long wait. I've been really busy now that I started work and I had to find an apartment too. Now all that is sorted so I have a little bit more time to write again. I'm currently working on the end of this story; I have a lot of loose ends to tie up so it may take a little bit of time but I promise to work as fast as possible.

Please review after reading and let me know what you think:)



CHAPTER 42

“Can you pick up the mail?” Ron asked me when we pulled on the driveway in front of the house. We were coming back from my meeting with Dr. Melwin and I was waiting to see Chris. It was Monday, three weeks after Cody had come over to pester me about the names of dad’s friends, and Chris had been gone for the weekend, with his mom and stepdad. Today he’d be back after school and probably in a bad mood. He would turn eighteen a month after me and had already started to get grumpy about me leaving Rose’s before he did.

Ron was sick now too, a stomach flue apparently, but had taken me to see Dr. Melwin anyway because Rose had had to take Nicholas to see his father who was in jail. I felt bad for Ron, knowing how wiped he must feel right now and had offered to take the bus. Ron and Rose had told me ‘no’ without a thought and I hadn’t argued, knowing that there was no point.

I nodded in response and we got out of the car. Ron sprinted towards the house, in a hurry to get to the toilet I assumed and I made a side-trip to the mailbox before walking to the house slowly while browsing through the mail.

There was a letter with my name on it and my heart gave a jolt. I froze for a moment and stared at my name scribbled neatly on the envelope and glanced at the upper right corner; there was no stamp. That meant someone had delivered the letter to the house, just like last time. I glanced around nervously before hurrying inside, cold sweat running down my back. The writing looked familiar; it was from the same person who had sent me the first unsigned note, I was sure of it.

I ran to the kitchen and threw the rest of the mail onto the table before dashing upstairs. Once there, I pulled out my black diary and the first note, comparing the handwritings. I felt like a bucket of cold water had been thrown over me and I collapsed to sit on Chris’ bed, all color flushing out of my face. There was no doubt about it; the writing was identical.




When Chris stomped in an hour later, I was still sitting frozen on his bed, staring at the two notes. I still hadn’t picked up the courage to open the latest, fearing of what was inside.

“Fucking weekend.” Chris grumbled and started to strip off his clothes. “You can’t believe what the bitch did.” He continued and threw his clothes on the floor; I would have to pick them up later. Our room was clean now because I kept it clean, picking up clothes and stuff after Chris. Just then the pink haired boy noticed that I was being quiet, well, quieter than usually and frowned in my direction.

“What’s up with you? You look like you’ve seen a ghost or something.” He asked and I looked up slowly, tears glistening in my eyes. Chris’ stopped undressing himself instantly and came to sit on the bed next to me. “Jason, what’s wrong?” He looked down on the note and the envelope I was holding and tilted his head to read them. I felt him tense next to e and let my head drop forward. I hadn’t told Chris about the note.

“What the fuck?” Chris asked quietly and looked at me. “Who sent them?”

“I.. I d-don’t know.” I whispered back and clutched the notes so tightly that my hands that my knuckles shone white.

“Jason?” Chris prodded me gently and wrapped his arm around my waist. “Who sent you the notes?” ‘

“I don’t know. I g-got the f-first one a few weeks after I came h-here.” I stuttered shakily and tried to blink tears away.

“And the second one?”

“It.. It c-came t-today.” I mumbled and a single tear ran down my cheek. My hands were shaking and Chris set his hand over mine, to steady them.

“Did you open it yet?” He asked quietly and I just shook my head.

I stare at the note for a moment longer until Chris took it from me. I tensed when he ripped it open neatly and closed my eyes to prevent myself from seeing the neat handwriting. There was a moment of silence and then Chris’ quiet voice.

“It says ‘See you soon kid.’”

My breathing hitched and more tears pushed through my closed eyelids. Jonathan. It had to be Jonathan who was sending me those notes; Jonathan always called me kid.

“There’s no signature.” Chris said and I hugged myself shakily.

“He knows I’ll know it’s him.” I whispered back and Chris pulled me into a strong hug. I buried my face against his shoulder and let the tears come. I clung on to Chris and started sobbing hard. “He knows where I am!”

“Ssh, Jason. Who? Who sent you the notes?” Chris whispered into my ear and started rubbing my back. I couldn’t answer him, I couldn’t rat on Jonathan. He was angry at me already, if I’d rat on him, things would be so much worse for me. I had already caused Jonathan too much trouble.



When I finally calmed down and pulled away from Chris, I wrapped myself in his blanket and pressed myself against the corner, hugging my knees up to my chest. My eyes were red and puffy and I was still scared shitless but at least I wasn’t panicking anymore.

“Jason, who’s threatening you? Who sent you the notes?” Chris asked gently and sat on the bed in front of me, brushing my hair away from my eyes. I kept my head down and stared at his trendily ripped jeans; they were new, as was his t-shirt.

“No one.” I whispered back and wished that he would let me be.

“Jason, you have to tell Rose. You have to show her the notes.” Chris continued and I shook my head.

“No.”

“Jason.”

“No! I’m not showing her the notes! They’re mine! They have my name on them, I don’t have to show them to anyone!” I raised my voice at him and Chris leaned away from me a little.

“Jason, you have to tell someone. What if he comes here? Jason, please?” He pleaded quietly and I shook my head stubbornly.

“No. They’ll take me away from here. Rose will throw me out. I don’t want to go, Chris. I don’t want to go somewhere else.” I mumbled and felt tears run down my face again. I wiped the away with the blanket and sniffled miserably. “I’m almost eighteen. After my birthday I’ll have to go anyway but… I don’t want to go yet.”

“But.. Jason, Jason what if he comes here? What if who ever sent you those notes comes here?” He asked and reached to touch my face. I pulled away from him and pressed my face against my knees.

“He won’t. He won’t.”

“Jason, you can’t know that. Please, please let’s go show the notes to Ron right now, Jason. Please?”

“No! Chris, please. I d-don’t want to g-go. I don’t want them to take me away. Please? I’ve never felt like home anywhere before. I’ve never had friends. I.. I’ve never had anyone.” I whispered brokenly and Chris wrapped me in a hug again, this time I didn’t pull away. It felt nice to be held by him, to have his scent in my nose.

“Okay, we won’t tell. But if there’s another note, we have to Jason. I don’t want you to get hurt.” Chris whispered into my ear and I nodded shakily. I had a feeling there wasn’t going to be another note; next time I’d hear from Jonathan it was going to be in person, face to face.

Chris pulled away from the hug and settled on the bed next to me, leaning on the wall as well.

“So how was your weekend?” I asked carefully, wanting to change the subject from the notes. Chris sighed heavily and rubbed his face a bit tiredly.

“A funeral would have been more fun. “ He mumbled and I smiled sympathetically at him.

“What happened?”

“The same as always. I don’t want to talk about it.” Chris mumbled and I rested my head on his shoulder.

“He touched you again, didn’t he?”

Chris didn’t say anything and I looked at him. I don’t think I had ever seen him so sad. I hesitated for a moment before leaning closer to him and pressing a kiss against his cheek. Chris turned his head and we matched eyes for a moment before he smiled just slightly. I smiled too and kissed him again this time on the lips. Chris shifted closer to me and soon I found myself pulled into his lap. We kissed for a long time and my heart beat sped up while my pants felt tighter. I blushed and Chris chuckled against my lips.

“You look cute when you blush like that.” He grinned and leaned in quickly to give my face a lick.

Eww! I rubbed my wet face and made a face at Chris. “Stop licking me.”

“But you taste so good.” Chris whined and pulled me closer again. I couldn’t help smiling and kissed him again. He tasted good too.

I wrapped my arms around Chris and rubbed his neck while we kissed before running my hand through his pink hair. It wasn’t quite as pink as it had been anymore, it was slowly turning into the dirty shade his green hair had been too but I didn’t mind. He looked cute in pink, now that I was used to it.

Chris let his hands wander too; rubbing my back and then setting his hands on my hips, rubbing them as well. It should have felt uncomfortable but it wasn’t and when Chris pulled my shirt up, I leaned into him more, kissing him more deeply. As long as I tasted Chris, I knew it was him touching me. And he wouldn’t hurt me.

Chris’ bare hands on my skin sent jolts up my spine, somehow ending up in my groin. I groaned and pushed my hands under his shirt in return. If he was making me feel like this, I wanted to make him feel the same. Chris brought his hands up under my shirt and rubbed on my nipples gently. My body gave a jolt and my nipples perked up painfully hard. Another groan escaped my lips and Chris gave another chuckle.

I broke the kiss and moved to kiss his neck and behind his ears. I knew how to drive middle aged men crazy; driving a teenager packed with hormones was going to be a piece of cake. Chris was going to regret the day he chuckled at my body’s responses.

It was Chris’ turn to groan when I found a weak spot on his neck, just below the hairline and my turn to grin. I pulled on his shirt until Chris raised his arms and let me pull it off of him completely. I leaned down and attacked his nipples with my lips, making Chris arch against me.

“God, Jason!”

“You don’t have to call me god.” I mumbled around his little nub and gave it a small lick. Chris shivered and I shifted in his lap again, to reach his other nub. I tensed for a moment when I felt the definite hard on against my butt but then forced myself to relax again. Chris wouldn’t hurt me.



Our heated session of heavy petting and deep kissing was disturbed by an opening door and Ron’s exclamation. “Boys!”

We flinched in unison and I blushed in embarrassment so much that it hurt. I buried my face against Chris’ neck who pulled a blanket over to cover us both. Ron stood in the doorway, looking feverish and really serious.

“I think we need to talk. Be glad that mom didn’t walk in on you, or one of the kids. Now, get dressed and come downstairs, I want a word.” He said and I shifted away from Chris’s lap. Chris held on to me and waited until Ron was gone before kissing me again.

“Chris!” I gasped and pulled away from the kiss. “We’re already in trouble.” I mumbled and crawled off of him.

“Nah, we’re not in trouble. Ron’s jut going to do his little sex talk and then he’ll let us be.” Chris said and stretched widely before pulling his shirt back on. I sighed and stood up, trying to straighten my clothes. My previous hard on was long gone; being caught by Ron really was a mood killer.



We went downstairs and I clamped up when I saw Cody. Chris took my hand and squeezed it for encouragement before nodding his hello to Cody and walking into the office.

“Chris, have a seat please. Jason, Detective Thomson would like a word with you, in the kitchen, please.” Ron said and I looked at Chris with wide eyes. I wanted him to come with me. I didn’t want to be left alone with Cody. Not after last time.

Chris picked up on my distress and gave me a quick kiss and a hug before mumbling into my ear so that I was the only one who could hear him. “If he tries something, start yelling and I’ll break the door to get to you if I have to, okay?”

I nodded stiffly and Chris let go of me. I turned towards Cody and tried to ignore the looks he and Ron were giving us. Ron had said it was okay if me and Chris were together, I didn’t understand why he got so wound up about us kissing.

I went to the kitchen with Cody and we sat down in silence.

“Jason, how are you?” Cody asked then and I kept my head down, fiddling with the hem of my shirt.

“Fine.”

Cody nodded and cleared his throat a little. “Look, Jason, I’m sorry for what happened last time. I was being too harsh on you. I’m sorry.”

“I-It’s okay. Did the n-names h-help?” I asked carefully and thought about the names I had written down for Rose to give to Cody. Jonathan and two others that came for poker, men that I only knew by first name.

“Yes, thank you, Jason. I have a few pictures I’d like you to see, okay? Just to see if you know them.” He said and set a file in front of me. I nodded slowly and looked up when Cody flipped the file open. He spread the few pictures he had on the table and then asked. “Does anyone look familiar to you Jason?”

I looked at the photos, stopping on each one for a moment before moving to the next, there were seven of them. One of them was an old client from the Cave, I didn’t know his name. He was one of the men that came to see me in bondage. I moved forward quickly, shivers going down my back at the memories and stopped at the next picture. I knew him too. He was one of the men dad played poker with, Pete.

I looked up at Cody and saw him studying me closely. “Do you know someone?” He asked and I pointed out the picture of Pete.

“That’s Pete, the guy who plays poker with dad.” I said quietly and Cody looked interested.

“Really?” He asked and scribbled something down on his black notepad. “Anyone else look familiar?”

I glanced at the photos again, deliberately ignoring the one of the old client and shook my head as a no. “Have.. Have you found d-dad?” I asked to change the subject and Cody gave a small sigh.

“No, we haven’t. There has been no trace of him since the money withdrawal in Miami. That’s why we are tracking down anyone who might know where he is.” He said and I nodded.

“So.. he might not be in Miami anymore?” I asked quietly and Cody looked at me for a moment before answering.

“No, there is no way to know if he’s still in Miami or not. Jason, have you heard anything of your dad? Please tell me the truth, Jason.”

“I haven’t. I was just… If he’s in Miami, he’s not here.” I mumbled and wished I hadn’t asked. As if the notes from Jonathan weren’t enough, now I had dad to think about too.

Cody nodded sympathetically and collected the photos away. “I’ll let you know as soon as we know something Jason, alright? Thanks for looking at the photos.” He said and I nodded again.

“How.. How’s Kevin?” I asked then carefully and Cody smiled.

“He’s doing alright, Jason. Don’t worry about him. He’s doing his community service now and everything’s going smoothly. He asks about you and Tristan a lot.” He said and managed a smile too. Kevin was doing okay, I hadn’t ruined his life.

“I miss him.” I confessed and looked down again. It was true, I did miss Kevin. I wished he could come and visit me here but knew that it would never be allowed; he had been a bouncer at the Cave after all.

“He misses you too, I think. I mean, he hasn’t said anything but.. well, he’s Kevin. He was glad to hear that you and Tristan had been seeing each other. “ Cody said with a smile and I nodded. I wasn’t sure I believed him; I bet Kevin was glad to be rid of me.

We both looked up when Rose walked into the kitchen with shopping bags. I stood up to help her and she smiled. “Thank you dear. Was I interrupting something?” She asked and Cody stood up too.

“No, we were just talking. I’ll get out of your hair now, thank you Rose. Jason, I’ll see you later, alright? I’ll tell Kevin you’re okay.”

“Thanks Cody.” I mumbled and started to unpack the groceries. I found packs of chicken from the bottom of the bag and grimace a little. Rose was making chicken tonight then.

“Don’t worry dear, I remembered you don’t eat chicken. I’m making meatballs for you.” Rose said and gnawed on my lower lip. My lips weren’t red raw anymore; I had killed the habit, mostly anyway.

“You.. You don’t have to, Rose. I mean.. It’s too much. You don have to cook differently for me. I’m okay.”

“Jason, you have to eat. If you can’t eat chicken then I’m making something else for you.” Rose said firmly and I looked at her.

“How do you know I’m not just being picky? What if next week I say I don’t like cheese, then what?” I asked quietly and Rose’s smile widened.

“I think of myself as a good judge of character, Jason. I’ve seen it everything during the years. I know you are not trying to be difficult, you’re not looking for attention by refusing to eat chicken. I don’t know why you can’t eat chicken, dear, but I’m not going to force you. So, meatballs alright for you?” She said and I managed a small smile.

“Yeah. I.. I’ll help you. If.. If you tell me how to make them.” I said and Rose wrapped me in a hug.

“And that right there proves me that you are not an attention seeking brat.” She whispered in my ear and squeezed me tightly. I felt tears burn in my eyes and hugged her back, breathing in her scent for a moment before letting go. I agreed with Chris, Rose felt like a mother. I blinked away my tears before smiling at her again and continuing to unpack the groceries.



I spent the afternoon with Rose, helping her cook and she taught me how to make meatballs. I had fun and while we were waiting for the food to cook, we sat by the kitchen table and talked. When we were setting the table together, I finally picked up the courage and murmured.

“I ate chicken that had gone bad when I was little and threw up. It.. It was the only food in the house.”

Rose stopped setting down the cutlery and came around the table to face me. “Oh dear, I’m sorry.” She said gently and pulled me into a hug. I was clutching a stack of plates in my hands so I couldn’t hug her back but I rested my head on her shoulder.

“Thanks.” I whispered and this time couldn’t stop the tears. I pulled away from Rose and tried to wipe away my tears without dropping he plates I was holding.

Ron walked into the kitchen and I turned away from him. “Jason, a word?” He said and I nodded, setting the plates on the table quickly before following him to the office. Chris wasn’t there anymore and my shoulders tensed when I sat down. Ron sat down across the table from me and sighed. “I think you know what I want to talk about.”

I nodded stiffly and kept my head down. “I’m sorry.” I mumbled quietly and avoided looking at Ron.

“What are you sorry for, Jason?”

“For.. I.. I d-don’t k-know. For kissing Chris?” I asked uncertainly and chanced a glance at Ron. He didn’t look angry and a little bit of tension left my shoulders.

“You don’t sound sorry for that, Jason.” Ron said with a small smile and ran a hand through his hair. “I didn’t want to talk to you to tell you not to be with Chris. I just wanted to make sure that you both understand the circumstances.”

“I know you and Rose can get in trouble if.. “

“No, not that Jason. I meant your past, and Chris’. I’m sure you two know each other’s pasts already.” Ron said and I nodded stiffly. What did our pasts have to do with me and Chris being together?

“I want to make sure that no one gets hurt here, Jason. I know you are teenagers and you have hormones but..” I realized what Ron was aiming at and blushed crimson red.

“Ron…”

“I need to know that you are being careful, Jason, you and Chris both. If you decide to have sex I want to be sure you use protection and..” Ron continued and I slammed my hands over my ears, pushing my head down. I didn’t want to hear Ron talk to me about sex!

“P-Please.. P-Please don’t.” I begged and flinched when a hand touched my hair.

“Okay, no sex talk. I just don’t want to see you or Chris getting hurt, Jason. You are both only a few months away from being eighteen.”

“I k-know. I’m s-sorry.” I stuttered and got on my feet. I really didn’t want to talk a minute longer about sex with Ron.

“I would appreciate if you wouldn’t tell mom I caught you and Chris doing a little more than pillow talk, Jason. She has enough things to worry about without having to worry about your and Chris’ sex life. “

“We haven’t had sex.” I muttered quietly and fled the office. God, I was going to be having nightmares about Ron talking to me about sex from now on.