Pain and.. pain?

Finally an update!

So... I'm all moved no, back to Finland and I'm missing Holland. It was warm there and here it's cold and rainy:(
Anyway, I'm back to writing now that I can use my mom's laptop to write; I sent my own to get prepared today so hopefully I'll get it back soon!
This one tell's more about Chris' past, hope you like it! Please leave a rewiev to let me know what you think and I'll try to get the next chapter up as soon as possible. I'm starting work next Monday but hopefully I'll still have time to write.




CHAPTER 40




“So, you want to see what I brought you?” Chris asked and I looked at him with a nod.

“Say ‘yes please oh Chris my knight’.” Chris grinned and I stuck my tongue out at him. No way I was saying that. “Oh well, worth a shot.” The other shrugged and pulled out a tiny… sweater?

“Um.. It’s a bit small but.. thanks?” I said tentatively and Chris nudged my shoulder with a grin.

“It’s not for you stupid, it’s for Mr. Gigantic Ears. Or Gilbert. I haven’t decided yet. What do you think?” He asked and I just stared at him in total confusion.

“Um.. about what exactly?”

“Your bunny numbnuts! He needs a name! No bunny will want to be called ‘just bunny’, it’s humiliating amongst the bunnyhood.“ Chris exclaimed and pulled my blankets to the side until he found my bunny.

“I.. What? Bunnyhood? Gilbert? What?” I stuttered and started to laugh as realization dawned on me. Chris was actually talking about self-conscious stuffed toys and had bought clothes for my bunny.

“Don’t laugh! It’s not a joke! You can end up paying thousands of dollars for a good shrink if Gilbert grows up unnamed and clothed.” Chris exclaimed and by now had managed to wiggle bunny into the small sweater he had brought.

“You’re crazy.” I said with a smile and hugged my newly dressed bunny back to my chest when Chris set it down on the bed. “And Gilbert says thanks for the sweater.”

Chris grinned and bent to fish something out from under his bed. He straightened up quickly and showed me what he had. “Meet Teddy.” He said and I suppressed another set of giggles forcing through.

“Not very innovative from someone who wanted to name my bunny Mr. Gigantic Ears.” I noted and Chris shot me an offended glare.

“Hey, I was eight so give me a break.” He said and showed me the worn down teddy bear with hardly any fur left. It had clearly been hugged a lot since all the stuffing had escaped from the middle where there also were large bald patches. Chris was looking at it fondly and I fiddled with the edge of Gilbert’s new sweater. “My mom gave him to me. When she came to visit me in my first foster home for the first time.” He said then and pulled his feet off the floor.

I hesitated for a moment, remembering when I had first met Chris and he had threatened to beat me if I’d ask about his past and not sure if our newly found friendship changed that threat.

“Chris?” I asked carefully and the other just humpfed absentmindedly. “Why.. Why are you in foster care?” I asked and felt Chris tense on the bed next to me.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He said stiffly and I backed away a little until I was pressed flat against the cool wall.

“O-Okay.” I mumbled and curled up under the blanket. Chris turned to look at me and watched me for a moment before crawling under the covers with me. He hugged me from the front and set his chin on my shoulder before whispering.

“I’ll tell you if you tell me?”

My stomach clenched in fear but I nodded slowly. It seemed fair. I hugged Chris back and pressed my nose against his neck when he started to speak.

“’I never knew my dad, he took off before I was born. I don’t care, good riddance. Mom got remarried when I was four. The guy, Martin, he.. Well, he liked me a bit too much. Then mom and he started getting problems in their marriage when I was seven. She found out about what he had been doing to me and I thought.. I thought that she would divorce him and we would move somewhere else.”’ Chris’ voice turned bitter. ‘’She chose him and decided that her marriage would work if I wouldn’t live with them. We didn’t have any relatives so she dumped me on the doorsteps of the social workers. I still see her about once a month, if she doesn’t cancel on me like last time. I was in another foster home first but they got a baby and couldn’t keep me anymore so they brought me here. I love Rose, she’s like a grandmother to me.”

Chris fell quiet and I could hear a quiet sniffle against my neck. Chris was crying. I pulled him into a tighter hug and felt tears burn in my own eyes. I hadn’t realized that me and Chris had more in common that met the eye.

“Tell me about you.” Chris sniffled into my shoulder and I felt my stomach clench with fear again. Chris had been hurt too but at least he wasn’t a whore like me, I was afraid that he would be disgusted with me after he knew.

“My mom died when I was four, then it was just me and dad.” I started barely audible and buried my face in Chris’ shoulder. I could feel the tremble starting in my shoulders already. “He.. He..” I took a deep breath and clung on to Chris tightly. God, why was this so hard?

“He let his friend.. He let him.. And later he sent me to work in this club and..” My voice broke and Chris tightened his hold on me to the point where it began to hurt but I didn’t care. As long as he didn’t let go, I didn’t care.

“Shh, I’m here.” He whispered and big tears forced their way through my closed eyelids despite all my efforts to keep them in.

“I didn’t want to work there. I didn’t want to let them f..” I couldn’t bring myself to say the word. “He hit me, they hit me if I didn’t and.. and I.. I gave up.” I took a ragged breath and bit down on my lips to keep myself from sobbing out loud. Chris tangled his hand in my hair and we just hung onto each other for support for a moment. When my sobs died away, I rubbed my face in Chris’ shirt and mumbled. “I met Tristan at the club.”

Chris tensed against me and then whispered hoarsely. “He worked there too?”

I nodded into his shoulder and to my devastation Chris pulled away from me. I swallowed the sob that tried to force its way through and turned away from him so I wouldn’t have to see his face. I buried my face in the closest pillow that smelled of Chris and felt him press himself against my back.

“Shh, Jason. Don’t cry, please don’t cry.” Chris whispered into my neck and wrapped his arm around me.

“I didn’t want you to know! I didn’t want you to know because I knew you would be disgusted with me. I’m a whore. I’m just a stupid little whore.” I sobbed and cried out when Chris forced me around to face him. I looked up at his flaming eyes carefully and tried to bring my arms around my head to protect myself but Chris snatched hold of my wrists, forcing my arms down.

“No! You’re not a whore! It’s not your fault! Say it, say it’s not your fault! Say you’re not a whore!” He said forcefully and I gulped painfully before saying shakily.

“It’s n-not my f-fault. I’m n-not a.. a w-whore.” My voice was far from certain and I flinched when Chris leaned closer to me, still holding onto my wrists.

“That’s right, Jason. You’re not. And neither is Tristan. And I would never be disgusted with you.” He whispered and pressed his lips on mine. I took a shaky breath before pressing back and tried to pull my hands free. Chris let go and I wrapped my arms around him again. He wasn’t disgusted with me. He knew now and he wasn’t disgusted. I felt a weight leave my chest and new tears forced through, this time tears of relief.



We stayed in bed the whole evening, clinging to each other. I was still feverish and passed out quickly from sheer exhaustion after my mind calmed down and I slept in Chris’ arms until Rose came to bring me dinner and medicine. She looked at us from the door for a while before walking closer and sitting on the edge of the bed next to Chris.

She saw our tear stricken faces and asked. “Christopher, Jason? Is everything alright?” Chris nodded and continued drawing circles on my back, a habit he had started about an hour earlier.

“Yeah, we’re fine, Rose., thanks. We just.. talked and it got a little.. overwhelming.” He mumbled and reached to brush away tears from my face with his other hand. Rose smiled gently and set the tray she had brought on Chris’ desk.

“Try to eat something, Jason dear. I know you’re not hungry but you need to get something in your belly. Christopher, you can help Jason eat and then come downstairs to eat yourself.” Rose said and pet both mine and Chris’ head briefly before leaving the room. Chris quirked an eyebrow at me and murmured.

“She must really like you, I don’t remember anyone ever being excused from eating at the table with everyone.”

“Nuh huh, she excused you, not me.” I pointed out and poked Chris on his flat tummy.

“Nuh huh, she excused me because of you.” Chris said and rubbed his thumb along my cheekbone gently. “Are you feeling better?” He asked and I nodded shortly, looking at him in the eyes.

“Are you?” I asked carefully and a smile curved Chris’ perfect lips for a moment.

“Yeah, I’m good. I guess you weren’t the only one being a wimp today, huh?” He made a small smirk before pecking my cheek and getting up. He sat on the bed and prodded me to do the same while picking up the tray from the desk. It was chicken soup and my stomach churned. “Come on, eat.” Chris said and I shook my head carefully. ”Hey, you heard Rose, you need to eat. You don’t want to upset her, come on. At least taste it.”

“I don’t like chicken.” I murmured and turned my face away from the steaming bowl of soup. Just the smell was making me feel nauseous. Chris looked at me for a while before nodding and getting on his feet.

“Alright, I’ll go get you something else to eat, it’s no problem.” He said and I let myself fall back on the bed.

“N-No, I’m not hungry. Really.”

“Do you want to eat the soup?”

“No. I.. I don’t eat chicken.” I mumbled and Chris nodded determinedly.

“Then I’ll get you something else. Don’t fall asleep or I might have to lick you again.” He said and disappeared from the room. I sighed and curled up under the covers still feeling exhausted. I noticed Chris’ Teddy on the bed and picked it up with a smile. I set it on his pillow, then Gilbert next to it and pulled the covers up to their chins. They looked cute together.




Chris was back fifteen minutes later with the tray and grinned when he saw how I had positioned the two toys. “I brought you lasagna from yesterday. There’s no chicken in it so you’ll have to eat.” He said and I picked up the fork reluctantly, deciding to humor him. It was good but I didn’t have an appetite. Chris sat next to me, watching unblinkingly my every move and I inched the other way.

“Don’t stare.” I mumbled and took a sip of the water he had brought too. Cool water felt heavenly in my dry mouth and I sighed softly from relief. After I had fought down as much as I could from the food I picked up the painkiller set on the corner of the tray and popped it in my mouth before moving the tray from my lap to the desk. “Thanks.” I mumbled to Chris before crawling under the covers again.

“Thanks for eating.” Chris whispered and ruffled my hair shortly before picking up the tray. He left the room and before he was back a few minutes later, I was already sleeping heavy feverish sleep.



Rose didn’t check on me again until that evening, letting me sleep and trusting Chris to tend to me. I woke up when she touched my forehead gently. “Feeling any better dear?” She asked and I shook my head tiredly. “I think we should reschedule Tristan’s visit, Jason. You are in no shape to see him tomorrow.” Rose continued and my eyes shot open.

“N-No! I.. I’m better already!” I said quickly and tried to get up. Chris, who was on the bed behind me, held me still and I tried to push him away. “Chris get off!” I puffed angrily and Rose set her hand on my forearm.

“Jason, you can barely keep your eyes open long enough to eat, I can’t imagine you and Tristan having a lot of fun tomorrow if you’re sick.” She said and even though I knew she meant well, I felt angry.

“No! I want to see him. Please, please let me see him. Please?!” I begged and felt tears starting to form behind my eyes. Rose smiled gently and looked at Chris behind me.

“Christopher, let go of him please. Jason, I’ll let Tristan come but you are to stay in bed, you hear me? And you have to promise to eat, alright?” She said and Chris loosened his hold on me.

“I promise! I’ll even eat chicken if you want but please let me see Tristan Rose, please?” I pleaded and Rose nodded with a smile.

“Alright then, Tristan can come.” She said and pet my hair gently before getting on her feet. “Get some sleep you two, you’re going to need your energy tomorrow.”

Rose left and I sighed in relief. She was going to let me see Tristan. I turned in Chris’ hold and pressed against him with Gilbert and Teddy between us. His bare chest still made me blush every time. Chris wrapped his arms around me in a hug and pulled the blanket over to our necks.

“Tell me about Tristan?” He asked with a whisper and I felt a smile on my lips.

“I miss him. He’s like a little brother to me and I feel like I’ve known him forever even though we only met in January I think. He’s cute and sweet. I used to sleep with him every day at… at the club.” I took a small breath before mentioning The Cave. It was still weird to talk about it with Chris and I didn’t want to remind him of what I was.

“How old is he?”

“Ten. He has brown hair and the biggest brown eyes I have ever seen on anyone. Maybe… Maybe that’s why he was so.. you know.. p-popular.” I mumbled and clenched my eyes shut tightly when I felt tears forming in them.

“You were popular too.” Chris said quietly and I tensed next to him.

“H-How..”

“You’re too cute for your own good, Jason; with your messy dark hair and green eyes. It’s never good to look too adorable.” Chris whispered and started to rub circles onto my back.

“Is that why your hair looks moldy?” I whispered and back and receive a sharp jab with a finger to my ribs.

“Hey, my hair doesn’t look moldy! It’s just.. been a while since I’ve dyed it.” Chris protested and I pressed my forehead against the crook of his shoulder.

“Why is your hair green?”

“I just.. I like to dye my hair. I’ve been dyeing it since I was eleven. Rose doesn’t like it, you should have seen her the first time I locked myself in the bathroom and dyed my hair blue. She freaked out. I don’t think she cares now. That’s good about Rose, she accepts people as they are and doesn’t try to change them. Other than try to slap some manners into all of us.” Chris gave a dry chuckle and rubbed my side from where he had jabbed me for a moment before moving onto my back again.

“What’s your natural color?” I wondered out loud and Chris held me a bit tighter.

“It’s a secret. I’ve been planning to dye my hair again, I’ve already bought the color too. I just.. haven’t gotten into doing it.”

“Because you’ve been lazing around with me, that’s why.” I mumbled and brought my hand up to fiddle with the greenish strands of his hair. “What color are you going to dye it next?”

“I haven’t been ‘lazing around’, I’ve been taking care of you, haven’t I? And I’m not telling you the color, you’ll tell Rose and she’ll stop me.”

“You said that she doesn’t mind?” I pointed out suspiciously and felt Chris’ grin against my shoulder.

“Green she doesn’t mind but this is a color I haven’t done before.” A moment of silence and then Chris pulled away from me a little bit so he could see my face. “Do you think I should do it now? Dye my hair I mean. For Tristan. I don’t want you telling him my hair is moldy. Kids believe things like that you know, it can scare them.” He asked and I nodded with a smile.

Chris rolled us over and got onto his feet. “I’ll do it now then. With luck Rose won’t see it until tomorrow and then she can’t complain a lot because we have guests.” He said and I sat up too.

“I want to see you dye your hair.” I said and Chris grinned.

“No you don’t. You just want to get out of bed for a change. Okay, you can watch but take the blanket with you.” He said and pulled something out from under his bed where he usually stored all his belongings it seemed and I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders dutifully before standing up. Chris came to me and hid his towel and the color box underneath my blanket with a wink.

We trekked our way to the bathroom and were met by Ron on the way. He gave us a suspicious look and asked. “What are you two up to? And why aren’t you in bed, Jason?”

“I need to use the bathroom.” I mumbled and Ron turned his suspicious eyes to Chris.

“I’m just going downstairs, stop looking me like that! Jeesh, you’d think I was a criminal or something to award a look like that.” Chris puffed and we slipped past Ron.

“I think he knows something’s up.” I mumbled from under my breath when we hurried towards the bathroom and Chris shrugged his shoulders.

“Doesn’t matter really. I’m not getting out of that bathroom until the dye is rinsed off and after that there’s nothing he or Rose can do about it.”

“They can force you to re-dye your hair.” I pointed out when Chris opened the bathroom door for us and Chris grinned.

“They always threaten with that but ‘like I said, I’ve been doing this since I was eleven and not once have they re-dyed my hair. “

I nodded and sat down on the floor with my bundle of blanket and handed Chris his towel and dye box. I tried to read the label of the box but Chris snatched it out of my fingers before I could figure out the color. He started shedding his clothes and I blushed painfully red.

“D-Do you have to be n-naked?” I mumbled and Chris threw me a wink.

“I’m not getting my clothes messed up with the dye. Just enjoy the show.” He said and I blushed even deeper, keeping my eyes fixed on the floor tiles.

I heard Chris preparing the color and wanted to look up to see what he was doing but just picturing him naked made me blush and started a hard on to form in my PJs so I fought the desire. I could just picture his perfect butt… No! I wasn’t going to let myself think about his juicy butt. I buried my face in the blanket and grouched down so there wasn’t even a smallest chance of an accidental peak.


Some fifteen minutes later Chris sat on the floor with me with his towel wrapped around his waist. “Okay, you can look, I’m not naked anymore.” He teased and I looked up carefully, fully expecting him to be lying. He wasn’t and I sighed lightly from relief. I looked at his head and grinned at shower cap he had on.

Chris threw me a glare when he saw my grin and pointed a finger at me. “One comment and I’ll flash you.” He growled and I tried to suppress my smile.


Forty minutes later Chris got up to rinse his hair and I spent the next ten minutes staring at the floor again while trying to think of anything but Chris standing under the warm spray of water. When he stepped out, he used the towel to ruffle his hair dry which left his lean body totally bared for my eyes. I looked up to see the new color of his hair and all I caught was a nice glimpse of his bare bottom. I blushed all the way up to my ears and hid my face in the blanket again in embarrassment.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and we both jumped.

“Jason, is everything alright? You’ve been there for a long time now.” Ron asked through the door and I bit my lip nervously. I didn’t feel good about lying to Ron but..

“Yeah, I’m fine. I’ll be out in a minute.” I said loudly and Ron murmured a quiet ‘alright’ back before we could hear him moving away from the door.

Chris pulled his clothes on before brushing his hair with his fingers to get it to settle like he wanted it to. “So, what do you think?” He asked and I tilted my head up to look at him. Chris grinned down at me, his previously moldy hair now bright bubble gum pink.