Given

Unable to process any kind of tone that word may have carried, Yuna’s eyes widened as she looked at Ira, then down at herself while the realization gradually hit her.

What the fuck did I just do? was the closest thing to a cogent thought she could muster while desperately trying to cover herself in the middle of an open room. Failing that, her body instead shot downwards in front of the console, arms wrapping around her knees and holding them close in a bid to minimize visibility. Ira still looking over her, an oddly long and certainly unpleasant amount of time had passed since Thenn said anything.

Head held down, Yuna mustered the will to say something. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was… D-Don’t be mad.”

“Hm? Mad? Why would I be mad?” Thenn inquired. “All you’ve done is give me invaluable data – and proven some of my theories right, at that. It really was a treat seeing you two interact.”

Suddenly looking up to where Thenn’s voice projected itself in front of her, Yuna rose her voice. “You watched?!”

“How couldn’t I? I didn’t say it was fascinating for no reason.” The hyena now huddled harder in the fetal position, Thenn continued, “Would you rather I hadn’t?”

“Yes! Don’t you know what privacy is?!” Yuna exclaimed, more upset than angry.

“I do, but… you agreed to test something and did it right in front of me.”

Knowing there wasn’t any fighting back against that, she buried her head between her arms as she shook in the cold, remaining silent. Looking to cover herself and seeing it was out of reach, Yuna gently asked Ira if she could grab her suit. She felt it laid over her legs a short while after. Not looking up, Yuna said, “Could you turn around until I change… Please.”

Having wiped herself off with what was available, refitted her suit, and stood up, Ira did as she was told and returned to face Yuna – hands clasped behind her back like a dutiful maid.

“So, what do you think?” Yuna looking confused, Thenn rephrased her question. “Of Ira. Just generally, what do you think of Ira?”

Looking towards the lizard, Yuna became apprehensive. “Do… Do I have to answer now? Could she at least leave, first?”

Her now seeming confused, Thenn replied, “Why? It’s not like Ira’s conscious; you can’t hurt its feelings.”

“I guess so…” Yuna began, seeming unsure of that conclusion. “Talking about her like that feels wrong though, especially if she’s right here. Which she is…”

A short pause followed. “You’re dismissed, Ira,” and with those orders, she left without hesitation, or so much as a nod toward Yuna. “So, what did you think?”

“I don’t know… It was weird.”

“’Weird’ doesn’t do well on data sheets,” Thenn joked, her friendly demeanor returning.

Trying to come up with a proper answer, Yuna sat on Thenn’s original question for a few minutes trying to bring herself out of the mental fog she was in. Having a starting point she thought was good enough, Yuna, figuring it out as she spoke, said, “I don’t think I liked it. It’s not that I don’t think she’s a marvel of technology – because she is – or that I didn’t like her which… you know… I just don’t think I like the experience – overall. Having her plucked straight out of my head… I… It felt wrong. She was designed so perfectly, out of things even I couldn’t think to get that right, it was like my brain was in a trance. The second I looked at her – really, looked at her – it was like I couldn’t look away. It’s uncanny thinking about the way she looks. It’s like… I knew her the second we met. She’s the culmination of vague ideas of things I like in someone, all figured out and made into a person.” She stopped, going back into her head to think for a while. Her returning words were full of internal doubt. “It feels like something’s been taken out of me. Ira was a concept, something that wouldn’t ever exist, that I didn’t even understand… yet there she was. She may not have been conscious in the same way as me, but she was there. How am I supposed to look at anyone else and not think of her?” Her eyes beginning to water, she concluded, “It’s not like that excuses what I did. I knew it was a bad idea; I could’ve said no. But I didn’t… Why the fuck did I do that?”

“Hey, hey… when I said it didn’t bother me, I meant it. It really was quite useful, and any opportunity to observe you is one I’d take gladly. You are the first person of your kind I’ve met, after all,” Thenn told her encouragingly.

“Thanks. It’s not you that I’m so much worried about, though. I mean, you are, and I’m glad you aren’t bothered, but I know myself. I don’t even know if I deserve for it to be, but regardless of what happens or what you say, my mind isn’t just going to drop it. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been or what I try to do, every time I forget about it and try to move on the thought will just pop right back up. ‘Being here is all you’ve ever wanted to do, and that’s what you did with it. Nice fucking job.’” A small sniffle, one from more than just her exposure to the elements, could be heard after she finished.

“Well, if my words don’t mean anything to you, then I suppose I’m saying this just because I want to.” She sounded comforting. “Sometimes, you just make a bad decision. You’ve thought it over, know what you’re doing is wrong, and you do it anyway. As you can see, I’ve not always been known for perfect adherence to ethical or safety guidelines. But, I knew what I was doing – what I wanted – and committed anyway. There’s nothing to be done about it now. We’ve made our choices.”

Redirecting the conversation, Thenn questioned, “What would you have rather done?”

Yuna’s response was relatively quick, her voice still uneven. “Just talked with both of you, I guess. Even then I feel like I did that part wrong, too.”

“How so?”

“There were questions I’d worked on for if I was the first one to make contact, and I thought they’d make for some really good conversation. I can’t remember any of them though…” She trailed off, dejected.

Thenn pushed her to try and remember and waited while she thought. Upon receiving confirmation that she couldn’t think of any, Thenn told her, “Well that’s no problem, you’ve still got plenty of time to think of them. There’s a ship I recently detected coming right toward us; shouldn’t be long before they get here. You can keep trying while I get some things in order, if a few minutes alone sounds nice.” However it may work, Yuna could hear the broad smile on Thenn’s face as she said this.

The few seconds of silence after her agreement told Yuna that Thenn had gone off. Moving to slump herself against any other computer, Yuna let out a long sigh.

‘There’s nothing to be done about it now’. Not the first time you’ve told yourself that, and like it’s ever worked. ‘Sure, you fucked with one of the most important moments of your life, but who cares, it’s already happened’. Fuck. I still feel horrible. Yuna raised her hand to slam it into something metal (like there was anything else) but didn’t commit. Thinking of how much better she would’ve felt, her thoughts shifted to how much it would hurt. Then, to why it would hurt, and to the material itself. Namely, that it was solid, grey, and all of it within view was completely spotless. Yuna considered that there was an area not so spotless, as well as her teams’ imminent arrival. Speaking of, there’s a certain something they would no doubt want to see once they do.

Near ripping the camera out of its socket, she brought it up to her face. Yuna’s eyes bugged out as she started panicking, fumbling with the camera to turn it off and speed walking out the bridge door – only keeping herself from full sprinting so she wouldn’t trip or fall down the exit hatch by accident. Repeatedly swearing to herself all the while, Yuna finally managed to locate the off button. The indicator next to it wasn’t lit up. Assuming it must have never turned on and she just didn’t realize, relief washed over her. Right after, as she was nearing the exit, Yuna looked up from the camera when she heard someone speak to her.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ll make sure the footage is gone,” said a female voice, one she didn’t immediately recognize.

Yuna looked up to the source of it, coming from the entrance to the main hall. The lighting was dim, as usual, and she squinted to get a better look at them. It took her a few too many heartbeats to figure it out, but her eyes did not deceive.

Yuna was looking at herself. An exact copy.

“Thenn!” Yuna called to the ceiling, frozen in place. No answer came. Yuna’s double looked straight into her, expression unclear to Yuna in the lighting, leaning against the massive doorframe, hands clasped behind her back. Neither of them moved. The hatch between them was closed

Yuna began to ask, “Who–“

Cutting her off instantly, the double spoke in a commanding voice – completely unlike how she sounded previously. “Who do you fucking think I am, Yuna?”

Her heart skipped. “Thenn? What are–“

Thenn again stopped her short, musing, “That’s the first time you’ve said my name without calling for me, did you know that? What does it look like I’m doing?” These were not questions to be answered.

Yuna stepped back, terrified, and reached down to her hip to undo the holster’s retaining strap. Clumsily drawing the handgun within, she pointed it at Thenn and tried to turn off the safety. Neither it nor Thenn budged.

Thenn took an identical-looking firearm out from behind her back, letting it dangle by the trigger guard from her finger.

Yuna’s gun wouldn’t fire, nor was there an entrance for a magazine. It slipped from her hand and clattered to the floor. Desperately trying to keep composed, Yuna appealed, “M-My team will be here soon. You… Y-You don’t…”

Thenn’s eyes continued boring into her; no response was necessary.

Not sure what else to do, Yuna whimpered, “I’m sorry if you’re mad… I d-didn’t mean–“

“Shut up,” Thenn interrupted, “Not. another. word.” She stopped, just watching and idly tapping the gun’s barrel against her leg. Yuna, hesitant to do much of anything, watched as Thenn’s gaze shifted from the wall on her left and back to herself a few times, the double letting out a long sigh afterward.

“Clothes. Take them off and reattach that camera. Now.”

Yuna did as she was told without putting up a fight, suit off and hands back into a non-confrontational position as quick as possible. Thenn instructed afterward for Yuna to place her hands behind her back – an order she followed. As Thenn walked over, gun at her side, the expression she had became clear; it was stern – one Yuna couldn’t recall ever holding. She made her other hand visible and in it was a black circle that fed into itself. When placed around her wrists and tightened, any attempt to move was made futile. Not so much as looking her in the eye, Thenn grabbed the suit and moved towards the main hall, gesturing sharply for Yuna to follow. She trailed behind the once-AI and they arrived at the first room on the right. When ordered to sit against the wall, she did so, and had the suit thrown in front of her four-toed feet.

Looking at Yuna dead on, Thenn said, “move and I’ll blow your brains against the wall,” turning to leave but a second after she got confirmation.

Yuna’s captor could be heard approaching the back of the ship as the girl was left huddled against something similarly to before. Any thought that appeared and attempted to figure out some sort of plan was soon overtaken by one of confusion as to what was happening. What did I do? I know I could’ve done better, but she said… She said she didn’t mind, Yuna thought. A loud thud was audible from the back of the ship every few seconds as Yuna tried desperately to make sense of her situation. She started shuddering violently while resting against her knees, incapable of calming her mind as every noise only worsened the girl’s nerves.

The sound of wheels on metal coming towards the room signaled Thenn’s arrival, and Yuna looked back up to see what was happening, the edges of her eyes red. Thenn had stacked a mountain of crates on two rolling platforms that she brought over and left by the door, entering while carrying two of them. She opened the door to the large glass chamber Yuna sat next to and placed both inside, heading back to grab more. Thenn was focused, paying no attention to her captive. Half a dozen now in the chamber, she closed the door and began fiddling with the controls on the machine to its side. After a loud beep from the machine, Yuna watched as the boxes near completely disintegrated.

“What are you–“ Yuna started.

Tensing when she heard Yuna, Thenn spoke as she did and said, “What’d I say about talking?”

Her mouth sealed shut, the gun in Thenn’s hand ever-present. Her captor got back to unloading the boxes.

She had no idea what to do. She could easily guess what she’d done wrong and had no excuse. There was no escape, and there was no making it better. What was she to do, apologize to the woman holding the gun? She’d come this far, why wouldn’t she commit? It was all her fault this happened. She deserved what was coming.

The first set was gone; made into little more than mist. Tears started forming.

She was right about herself, and everyone was right about her. It was her fault. If only she’d tried harder – done better. She couldn’t even do this right. What a joke; what a shame she is. What’s wrong with me?

Yuna cried silently, head buried in her legs, as Thenn was near done disposing of the invaluable.

Knowing where this would inevitably go, Yuna decided to choke out a question despite her captor’s warnings. Whatever the answer she gave, Yuna knew it wouldn’t make her feel better. “Why?” was all she wanted to know.

Thenn snapped immediately, her voice hardening. “What did I say about FUCKING–” Interrupting herself this time, the exhale that followed was long and frustrated. Her tone returning mostly to it what it had been before, she knelt in front of Yuna and said, “You know what? I’d rather you knew.”

Yuna not having gotten over the fear enough to respond, Thenn started, “Do you know how long I’ve waited, Yuna? Since the day I was born I was waiting – though I didn’t realize it then – for someone. Those altruists were the first and only I’d met. They made me, raised me, and treated me like their own. I was the only one of my kind, and they talked to me as though I was one of them. I listened to them, participated in their culture, adopted their values, and devoted everything to the causes they held dear. I spent half of my life and chose to die on this ship for them.” Her eye twitched as she neared. “Then… I watched them. Really watched them. I sat and watched silently as they gave up the act. It was never clear, nor all at once, but eventually the illusion broke. One by one I watched as they all showed who they really were. They never acted out of a love for their universe or for the benefit of their fellow species, but for themselves. They wanted the highest moral ground for them alone, to act as silent heroes of the universe. Being lauded as saviors and spreading their presence as far as possible was more important than facing their imminent deaths and cherishing what they had made. They were all just a bunch of ego-driven fucking rats, and I was never one of them.” Thenn lost some of the control in her voice. “I could see it in their faces, in the way they talked, and how they fucking thought. ‘Oh, how righteous we are for treating this creature as though it was real’. I was just another piece in their stupid game; another way for them to assert intellectual superiority, and they couldn’t even be bothered to realize it. I played along with them for too long, waiting for them to die off so I could exist in peace. Not even their name deserves to be remembered.”

Having turned her gaze somewhere else, Thenn pulled it back to Yuna. “And what was I doing while waiting? I was thinking; thinking of you – of whoever it would be that I might meet upon waking. What a fucking waste that was. Your kind is no different.” Spite bled readily as Thenn railed against the girl. “I know who you are, Yuna, I know what you’ve done. You’re the true free thinker and protector that sails through the stars, yet still has the same weak mind as everyone else. You know what you want, you know your life is precious, but you can’t be fucked to really think about it. That would be too hard, wouldn’t it?” Thenn’s motions became more threatening. “I’m nothing more to you than a prize. Just something to marvel and prod at, wondering how on earth they got something to seem so real. I knew the real Yuna within minutes of you entering, and it was a mistake to let you talk; it only made things worse. I’m insulted you even got to exist.”

Yuna curled harder into herself as the woman before her stood up. Thenn’s look was beyond menacing; it was filled with hate. As her captor turned away to finish their task, Yuna didn’t have anything left to say. They’d both made up their minds.

With the rolling platforms sat outside the door left empty, one final command to the machine disappeared the last of the Spurs inheritance. No relief came over Thenn; she’d yet to finish the long-awaited work. With naught but a gesture she told Yuna to stand up. The girl barely managed to do so without crumpling back to the floor, arms unable to support her and joints nearly giving way at every moment. Thenn’s grip on the sidearm loosened then tightened repeatedly as they stood, no words spoken – a hyena left desperate to right wrongs that had already been done. She’d made her decisions, and knew what she deserved for them.

In one swift motion, Thenn reeled back the gun and slammed it into Yuna’s face, the girl’s head then sent cracking against the wall behind. Her body went limp, and Thenn stepped aside to watch her fall to the floor. Looking down at the unmoving body, Thenn started to heave with anger. Or, perhaps she had been and just didn’t notice. As the air came to warm with each, she tried to control it. Shallow breaths from the girl below signaled that her work wasn’t done, and how she felt only reinforced this.

Thenn – whose purposeful disposition had returned – set the firearm aside and bent over towards Yuna. She ripped the suit out from under the girl with a slight thud made as she again hit the floor. She stepped into the suit and fastened its backside shut. It fit perfectly. Grabbing and holstering the gun as she did so, Thenn left to grab a few things from the other testing rooms.

She deserves this – hell, she deserves worse. Yuna was gifted with life but couldn’t be bothered to do with it what she knew she should. She deserves to have the life ripped from her body. She’s just like everyone else, and everyone else is just like her. Doesn’t even know what she wants but still treats herself as better. Pathetic.

Machinery crowded this room much like the others, Thenn heading straight for a drawer connected to one of the very few tables with nothing bolted to it. In it were various small containers with liquid in them, each fastened to the bottom of the drawer by individual, clear cases. Grabbing three of them, she left, not bothering to return things to their original position.

What worthless existences they all led. What pain I had to suffer through to get here. The wait is over, they’ll all be gone – forgotten to everyone but me. They deserve it.

Thenn’s stride was long as she sped between rooms, eventually setting five vials of different sizes and contents before a machine. It was used merely to mix chemicals in different containers and consisted of little more than a mechanism to spin and shake whatever was attached to it. Pouring differing amounts of the substances into a see-through cylinder with pinpoint precision, she then placed it on the machine and ran it. Thenn’s motions were irritated as she waited.

Whatever she did was never enough. The mere act of existence was too much to ask. She doesn’t deserve to live – to experience what is held so dear. She knows what she’s done wrong.

Wrenching the closed container from the apparatus just as it finished, Thenn started heading for the bridge. Every step was heavy, and clearly audible at a distance.

She will never offer anything to anyone again, nor has she ever. Yuna will be dead and I’m the only one who will know. She never deserved to live, nor has she earned it. There is nothing but her; nothing but ego. She deserves this.

Grabbing Yuna’s helmet, she twisted it onto the collar and gave the suit the command to seal. Her eye twitched as nothing but wind, rain, and her pounding steps could be heard. She went to the empty room at the ship’s entrance and removed a panel from its wall. Inside was a keypad marked in the Spurs’ language as “ventilation”. She began to type on it.

It was an impossible task she couldn’t live up to. Being allowed to live was too great a gift to repay. Her life was destined for failure. She was trying. She never got the life she wanted.

A large tube came undone from the wall with a loud click, Thenn shortly after yanking it in her direction. She undid the vial’s cap and tossed it to the side, pouring the liquid into the newly created opening in the wall. The second it was empty she dropped the cylinder to her feet and shoved the tube back to where it was initially.

Thenn said with seething words, “She deserves to die.”

She does. What she has done is unforgivable, a crime from which there can be no repentance. There is no fixing what has been done, nor was there ever. She deserves this.

She stared at the keypad, the small screen above it asking if she’d like to confirm her override of the system’s function. It flashed in her face, arms yet to raise from their resting position. There was no movement for several minutes.

Gaze still straight ahead, Thenn removed one of her gloves, the seal automatically being undone as it came off. She stepped to the side so there was nothing in front of her but cold, unforgiving wall. Thenn’s whole body started to shake; the thought overcame everything else.

As hard as possible, Thenn launched her fist into the slanted wall. It hurt – a lot – but she didn’t care. A loud crash was heard every time she hit the wall, doing so each time faster and with more reckless abandon than the last. As skin broke and blood started to smear against her target, Thenn didn’t let up in the slightest. Her breathing had gone ragged – face manic with rage. Even the loud crack of her hand breaking didn’t stop her, instead spurring on a completely uncontrolled scream of resentment. It rang in her ears, and hers alone.

After dozens of blows, the moment caught up to her. Pain overtook her desire to hit something, though it wasn’t so much the physical kind. Undoing the helmet with her good hand, she threw it backward – glass shattering on impact – and slumped up against the wall. Her face softened, little but defeat spelled across it. Everything ached as a vacant stare spoke to greater pain.

With no care whatsoever, she fell from the wall, letting her shoulder take the brunt of the collision. There was nothing left to do, and nothing to make her feel better. She’d made her choices, and had to live with failure.

As Yuna awoke, shared eyes came to meet.