A Pack of Wolves: Yale

 4.

That night, Yale was alone in bed. Marten was sleeping at his friend’s place. Zach… Yale thought about the couple. Zach was quite a bit older than Marten, but that was no issue for them. They adored each other. Yale had felt the warm emotions, the love, and the pleasure.

 

He thought about the other couples. They were all so happy. All those Wolves, that tough bunch of bitches, they were so damn happy. If he hadn’t felt it himself, it would have been sickening sweet.

 

One big, happy family. Such joy. All so blissfully ignorant, as Lin had put it, about each other’s feelings, and yet so full of trust. How could they love each other so much, without knowing if the feeling was mutual? How could people know?

 

How would he ever be able to love someone, male or female, without knowing the truth? And yet, he couldn’t love because he knew the truth.

 

He sighed when his stomach twisted in a knot.

 

Nico…

 

How would it be, to be touched by someone, without feeling his thoughts? Oh, fuck, he thought. Who am I kidding? It would be great! He screamed in silence, but stopped abruptly. A number sounded through his head. He grabbed his phone from the bedside table, and before he knew it, he had dialed the number. Thank you, dear brother. Now, please get out of my head?

 

He heard the phone ring, and felt how Lin left him alone. His hand was trembling a little when it kept ringing. Three times, four times…

 

‘What the fuck do you want?’

 

Yale held his breath, but realized in time that he had to speak with his voice. “Well excuse me for breathing,” he snapped.

 

‘Yeah well I’m sorry, but do you know what time it is?’

 

“So? Were you sleeping?”

 

‘No. Who the fuck is this?’

 

“Just a whining kid, longing for your voice, Nick.”

 

Nico laughed softly. ‘What do you know. Yale. Gained some energy, hm?’

 

“Maybe.”

 

‘What do you want?’

 

“Are you still mad at me?”

 

‘Yes. A little. Although you can’t feel them, I have emotions, you know. You’ve hurt me.’

 

“I’m sorry about that. I truly am. I wish I could make up with you.”

 

‘You can,’ said Nico a little softer.

 

“How?”

 

‘Get your white ass down here, and pose for me.’

 

“Pose? What do you mean?”

 

‘I’m a photographer. Pose for me.’

 

“Photos? I hate pics. They capture emotions I can’t see.”

 

‘You start nagging again, Yale.’

 

Yale groaned, thinking about what to do. “Do you only want me to pose for you?”

 

‘At the moment? Yes. Why, do you have other wishes?’

 

“Mm… Tell me where you live.”

 

‘Avoiding the answer? Very well, Yale.’ He gave his address. ‘Get your ass down here. I haven’t finished with you yet, you know. We have a lot to talk about.’

 

“Shit, how do I get there?”

 

‘Alright, alright. I’ll pick you up. See you downstairs. Give me twenty minutes.’

 

Yale dressed and went downstairs. As quiet as possible, he left the house.

 

Have fun, my brother.

 

Thank you, Lin. I’m scared.

 

I know you are, I can feel it. It’s normal. Just enjoy the ride…

 

Ride? Lin?

 

But Lin had left his head. Yale stepped through the gate and took a deep breath. The night air was cold enough to give him goose bumps, but not cold enough to cool him down. His nerves were pleasant. His heart jumped up when he heard the engine approaching. Nico’s large bike stopped in front of him.

 

“Hop on, Yale,” the man growled.

 

Yale accepted the helmet and stepped behind the large man.

 

“Hold on tight,” said Nico.

 

He hardly had time to obey before Nico pulled up. He drove fast and with sharp moves. It made Yale more nervous and he was silent until they reached the studio.

 

“Here we are,” said Nico, parking the bike. “Get in. As Lin says, my house is your house, so relax. Don’t be so afraid of me, I’m not going to hurt you.”

 

“Am I afraid of you?”

 

Nico laughed. He took his coat and pushed him gently indoors. “Hell yeah. You’re trembling and shivering.”

 

Yale looked up and laughed. Automatically, he tried to focus on him, but it was just no use. Nico couldn’t be read.

 

“Take a seat, Yale. Would you like something to drink?” He poured two large drinks. “Ice?”

 

“No… Thank you.”

 

Nico joined him on the sofa. “There. Now tell me, why did you call me?”

 

Yale looked in the direction of the voice, but it was still completely dark there. He sighed, and shrugged. “I wanted to… See you.”

 

“But you can’t.”

 

“No…”

 

“Mm. I can see you, and I like what I see, Yale.” Nico softly touched the long white hair. “You’re absolutely gorgeous.”

 

Yale sipped his whiskey, and heard the words, but they were a bit meaningless without the emotions in his head to accompany them. His previous excitement had gone, and he did his best to get it back. He wanted to have sex with Nico, he really wanted it… But it was only because it would be different.

 

“Will you pose for me now?” asked Nico.

 

“Sure, if you want me to…”

 

Nico took him by his hand, and brought him into his studio. He made Yale pose for his camera, and enjoyed the beauty in the lens.

 

Yale was bored. He heard the camera, but could see no flashes, and he would never see the results. “I’m getting tired,” he sighed. “Do you have enough pics?”

 

“Nagging again, are you?”

 

Yale shrugged. “Nico, I’m blind. Please, try to understand that.”

 

The photographer took his hand again, and pulled him back to the sofa. He gave him another scotch. “I want you to relax, Yale…” he said softly.

 

Yale did his best. The alcohol kicked in and he felt a bit better, but it still was odd, to hear only a voice. He held his breath when he felt a hand touching his shoulder. That was better, he thought. Contact.

 

“Do you mind if I touch you?”

 

“Of course not,” said Yale, stretching a hand and feeling the warm muscles of the other. He heard the man groan, and immediately tried to reach out with his mind, but that was useless. He sighed annoyed. This was no fun…

 

Nico took his glass away and kicked his boots off. He sat on his knees next to the blind man, and took his face between his hands. He kissed the lips, carefully, and pulled back.

 

“Mm,” said Yale, “Go on…”

 

Nico groaned again, and pressed his mouth on his lips in a passionate kiss.

 

Yale received the hot tongue in his mouth, and enjoyed it. His hands touched the man again, feeling the warmth through the clothes, pulling him closer. Nico’s hands touched him in return, sliding under his sweater, and he enjoyed the sensations on his skin. He was getting warmer. The man slowly undressed him, and pulled back to undress himself.

 

Yale felt cold, now that the body-contact had gone. He didn’t like that, and his warm feelings cooled off quickly. He frowned, unaware of Nico’s situation, waiting for the man to touch him again. He held his breath when he felt the warm hands on his skin again, and breathed out slowly. That was better.

 

Automatically, Yale sent a warm thought, but that was of course useless. He moaned instead. He had to use his voice around Nico, he thought a bit annoyed. He could sense no feelings but his own, and wondered what Nico was feeling. The man only made little groaning noises, but that could mean anything. Yale shifted a little uneasy. Oh well, he thought; let’s just see what happens.

 

Nico did his best. He enjoyed Yale very much, the man was beautiful, and had a gorgeous body. But he made the mistake by not telling Yale what he felt. He caressed him, kissed him, made love to him, and although Yale’s body reacted exactly the way he wanted it to react, he seemed unable to make complete contact with him.

 

It was all very pleasant, for Yale. The touches were nice, he liked the warm feeling around his cock when Nico used his mouth on him; he loved the long fingers deep inside him, but it felt like masturbating.

 

His orgasm was very pleasant indeed, as were all his orgasms, and he could feel Nico’s cock throb deep inside him. He heard the moans, the soft sighs, the scream when Nico came, and the tensing body. He could feel that, but there was no emotion attached to it.

Nico just didn’t have what he needed so badly; contact.

The man brought Yale home when he requested it. Yale noticed how quiet the man was, but since Nico didn’t tell him what he was thinking, Yale simply had no idea. How was he to know what Nico felt? He couldn’t see him, couldn’t read his mind, and had no possibility to read his body language.

 

Overall, Yale was satisfied by the sex, but not by the whole experience. It was a disappointment.

 

Nico took him in his arms when he kissed goodbye, and Yale answered it. He still automatically reached out with his thoughts, which was totally useless, but he couldn’t help it.

 

“See you soon,” made Nico a fatal mistake.

 

“How can we? I’m blind,” sighed Yale, turning away. The gate opened, and he walked to the house, where Lin was waiting for him.

 

Tell me, he heard in his head, and Yale almost sighed in relief, hearing a thought again. He had never felt so blind before.

 

That… was horrible, he sent back.

 

Lin chuckled. Give it time, you will learn to enjoy it, he assured his brother.

 

Maybe, but I don’t know if I want to learn to love Nico.

 

That’s your good right, smiled Lin, giving him a hug. But it will teach you a lot about people.

 

I can’t use a human being to teach me something, can I? That would be unfair.

 

Mm. Good point. Go to bed, take some rest, make up your mind, okay?

 

Yes. Goodnight, Lin.

Yale made few more appointments with Nico, and did his best to love him. The man told him frequently he loved him, and he wanted to believe it, but it simply didn’t work. The man didn’t have what he needed. It hurt him a bit to tell him they should stop meeting each other. Nico was shocked, angry, sad… At least he acted that way, but Yale didn’t feel it. He only heard words, screaming sentences, not making any sense to him.

 

Yale just couldn’t understand.

Since Yale had no intentions to go back to the US, Lin arranged him an apartment, far away from the city; a peaceful and quiet place for Yale to retract from all the thoughts and emotions around him. He had hoped his brother would have felt at ease around Nico, but since that wouldn’t work, he did the best he could for him.

 

Yale continued his lonely life, isolated from the crowded world around him; unable to work, unable to love. He liked being with his brother and Lon; he enjoyed being with the Wolves, who knew how he saw the world; who understood his hypersensitive mind. That, at least, was an improvement from his life in the USA.

 

In time, he was even being able to go out alone in the city; to shop, walk, or just to sit in the park. Here, nearby his brother, Yale was no more than a blind man with some special needs.

 

Regardless, he felt lonely, with no one to understand him, no one to give him what he needed so badly; true love…

-end of this story-

(c) Laevi