Danny

Avernion: So glad you like Ashli! I was worried people wouldn't like him.

***


A good, solid piece of furniture is always useful when tying someone down, Danny mused. Ashli, immobile, straining to move, sticky with sweat, his hands restrained at the base of the bookcase and his feet held in place by steel rings drilled right into the floor. His upper back, thighs, and ass criss-crossed with whip marks from a leather strap. Danny stepped in front of Ashli and jerked himself off all over his love's pain-seared face.

Holy.

Danny squirmed, rubbing his thighs together, trying to pay attention to his driving.

After the first experience, he'd kept a journal, recording everything he did to Ashli, the consequences of those acts, everything he wanted to do to Ashli, and what the consequences might be. Some of the things he wrote were outrageous, impossible fantasies never to be revealed. Things like strangling Ashli,making love to his cool, dead body; only to revive him ten minutes later for beautiful kisses.

He decided he didn't like that fantasy later because Ashli missed the best parts. Necrophelia, he decided, wasn't really an attractive idea. He loved Ashli. He didn't want Ashli to miss out by being dead.

Why were things ending if he loved Ashli?

The relationship was definitely ending.

They didn't fight, they didn't yell, but Ashli was unhappy. Danny could tell. He was always pushing Danny to be more spontaneous, take more chances, give more pain, like Danny had in that first glorious week when he'd almost broken Ashli.

They had been playing with some kitchen matches that had caught their attention. Danny was methodically singing away all the hair on Ashli's chest, straddling Ashli's thighs, his tongue caught between his teeth in concentration. He didn't notice his own hair fall into the match. Grabbing the lit lock of hair, Ashli snuffed the flame in his hand.

“Careful,” he admonished.

Danny blew out his match.

“I like you intact,” Ashli whispered.

Turning Ashli's hand over and opening it to look at the palm, he watched at blisters broke out over the surface. “I'm sorry.”

“Hey, it's okay. I don't mind. You know I don't.”

“I ... we need to treat this.” Getting up, Danny went to find Ashli's first aid supplies. Why hadn't they had those out in the first place?

It turned out Ashli didn't have any. What sort of masochist didn't have first aid supplies? Well, Danny fixed that. “I refuse to break you. If I break you, there won't be any more ... any more you.”

“It'd be a hell of a way to go.”

“Don't be stupid,” he snapped.

Ashli set his jaw. He made no reply.

So Danny started a journal, carefully recording every reaction Ashli made to each experiment.

A. restrained. Feet two inches beyond shoulder width - two feet, seven inches apart – cuffed to floor via eyebolts. Arms tied via cuffs to rings attached to the ceiling, with two inches slack. A. forced to stand thusly for twelve hours.

Leather strap applied every two hours.

A.'s genitalia firmed completely without encouragement at five hours, fourty-two minutes and remained so.

That was on page twelve. Danny knew the journal by heart.

Ashli was not aware of the journal. Danny took it out and read it when Ashli volunteered for those godawful all-weekend shifts, jerking himself off to the terrible images he had fantasized and recorded. Quick. Dirty. Guilty.

At least he'd always have this, a permanent account of their time together.

How, exactly, should they do this? Did they divide the household equally? The house was definitely Ashli's. So was the red bike Danny rode to work when it rained, but Ashli would probably let him have that, because Ashli didn't use it and Danny did.

Should Danny ask for help with a deposit on his new place? But Ashli hadn't charged him rent, so he had money saved. Asking for help would be disingenuous.

Maybe he would just quietly move out one weekend and then they could have a talk at dinner. That might be easier on Ash. Then there wouldn't be a long, drawn out scene. On the other hand, Ashli enjoyed melodrama. He would probably be ticked if Danny cheated him out of a chance to yell and scream.

Cali liked having a yard. He would need to find her another place with a yard. She would miss Ashli too. She loved him a lot. Danny giggled to himself. Ashli would hardly miss Cali.

“Hmm?” Ashli asked, rousing.

“Hey. We're almost there.”

Knuckling his eyes like a kid, Ash sat up. “You drove the whole way?”

“You said you have to work.”

“It's a fuckin' four hour drive.”

“It's all right. You needed your sleep. I kept you up last night.”

“You hardly kept me up. If anything, I kept you up.” He looked around. “Jesus, I really did sleep. And I was going to give you a blowjob too.”

Laughing, Danny pulled off onto their exit.

“Hey, don't laugh. I liked it this morning. I forgot how much I liked giving blowjobs whenever I wanted.”

Sobering, Danny wasn't sure what to say to that. Instead he concentrated on his driving.

“I was thinking, like, you said it feels good even if you're not hard.”

“Well, sure, there's lots of nerve endings there. It's not ... you're not going to make me come.”

“I don't - !” Ashli sat back, his arms crossed over his chest. “This isn't about you and your fucking condition! Not everything is about you! What about me?”

Everything is always about you, Danny wanted to say, but he didn't.

“Are you going to answer me?”

“What do you want me to say?”

“I don't want you to say anything. I need for you to tell me what you're thinking.”

Danny thought about that. “I don't know. I have to think of it first.”

Ashli looked at him for a moment, then laughed.

“Glad I amuse you,” Danny murmured, stopping for a red light.

“No, no! I just, of course you have to think of it. I'm so demanding. I'm demanding, aren't I?”

“On occasion.” He brushed the back of his knuckles of over Ashli's cheek. So soft. So pretty. So easy to bruise. “You're worth it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Am I worth it?” Danny's breath hitched. He hadn't meant to ask that.

“Worth what? You never ask for anything, baby.” Ashli laughed. “That's why I don't know what to get you for Christmas. Socks! What kind of Christmas list is that?”

“A ... a practical one.” He turned onto their street. “I need socks. I put other things on there.”

“A new calculator.”

“I need that too. One with all the built in tax functions.”

“Right. Don't you want anything, you know, fun?”

“You have such a big toybox. I don't think we need anything.” He pulled into the driveway. “I don't see that as a bad thing.” Getting out of the car, Danny stretched, yawning. The lawn looked like it was getting long. It was still early in the afternoon. Maybe he had time to mow it before the sun went down.

“You work at a sextoy company. You've got to have some ideas,” Ashli said, stretching too after he got out.

“Then I would know, wouldn't I!” Danny snapped. Opening the back door he grabbed his bag and one of Ashli's. Then he went inside, trying to get away from this stupid conversation.

Thankfully, Ashli stayed outside to smoke.

Holy, he was tired. He forced himself to put his things away, neatly arranging his shirts and pants in his drawers. Bathroom items went quietly onto shelves. It calmed him. Finally, he stashed his duffle bag under the bed and pulled out the short footlocker he kept there. Purchased for ten dollars at the local army surplus store, it provided him safe space to keep all the things he didn't want Ashli to snoop into.

Oh, Ashli could open it and he wasn't really hiding these things. If he'd truly wanted to hide any of these items, Danny would have taken them to his safe deposit box downtown. But Ashli never looked under the bed, so this made for a small measure of privacy. In here he kept his tax supplies, because he didn't want his pens or calculator stolen and taken to work, his Book of Mormon, and his Journal of Ashli. He quickly made an entry on the gravy warmer before he forgot any of the details and then added everything about the sock. Then he put the journal back exactly as he'd found it and hid it under the bed again.

Laying down, he tried to think his way through the set-to they'd had in the car, but his eyes closed, almost of their own accord. He drifted off.

“Hey, beautiful,” Ashli whispered, shaking him slightly. The room was dark.

“Hmmm?”

“You slept all evening.”

“Huh?”

“It's two in the morning. I wanted to talk to you before I leave.”

“Oh. Oh!” He sat up, accidently slamming his forehead into Ashli's. “Ow! Oh, sorry.”

“Whoa! Hey, it's okay. Calm down.”

“We're home.”

“Yeah.”

He got kisses. Nice kisses. With tongue. Hmmm.

“I love you,” Ashli whispered. “I want to know you're not angry with me.”

“No, not angry.” He nuzzled Ashli's cheek, looking for another kiss. “Tuck me in?”

“You didn't even get undressed. You've still got your hair band in.” Deft fingers pulled his hair loose.

“Should braid it,” Danny murmured, laying back against the pillow.

“You look like one of those romance novel covers.”

He giggled.

Unsnapping Danny's jeans, Ashli pulled them down and off. Then he pulled the afghan up over Danny. Danny liked his afghans. Ashli called them girly, but Danny thought they were a practical way to keep warm and comfy. Then again, he liked tea too.

“This is a new one,” Ashli commented.

“Mmmm, s'posed to feel good 'gainst naked people.”

“Really.”

“Mmmhmmm.”

“Have you tried it?”

Danny drifted off again.

“My beautiful Danny,” he whispered, “why don't you tell me things?” Getting up carefully, so as not to wake his lover, Ashli put on his shoes, grabbed his bag, and left.

He took lunch at seven in the morning. Coming back to the house, he found Danny in the shower. He didn't usually come back home for lunch, but there wasn't really anyone at work to go to lunch with. Making himself a sandwich, he invaded the bathroom and leaned against the sink, watching through the steamy door while his boyfriend soaped himself.

“Ashli?”

“Hi,” he mumbled around his sandwich. “Soap up your ass again.”

“Shut up.”

“You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

“No, just you.” He paused while he rinsed conditioner out of his hair. “Why are you back?”

Holding up his sandwich, Ashli resorted to grunting around the big bite in his mouth.

“Cute.”

“I've found that at five AM I can grunt the national anthem.”

“Only at five am?”

“Probably. I have to be pretty bored.”

“Are you bored enough to make me breakfast?”

“Oh! Oh! I am wounded! He drafts me into slave labor!”

“Mmmm.”

“Okay, what image did I just put in your head?”

“Huh? Who me?” Opening the shower door, Danny grabbed a towel and started working on his hair.

“Let me do that.” Ashli mumbled around his sandwich, popping the last, over-large bite in his mouth. Stepping up to his lover, he encouraged Danny farther into the room with a hand on his shoulder and then started rubbing his down with a towel. Danny moaned, leaning this way and that to get more.

Lost in his revery, Danny didn't notice Ashli kneel in front of him. The first thing he felt was the soft kisses down his left thigh. “Ash?” He grabbed his boyfriend's shoulders.

“Shh, let me.” Ashli nuzzled the wiry curls around Danny's shaft, his hands clamped around Danny's thighs like steel bands, restraining him.

“This won't work,” he tried to pull away, distressed, grabbing the towel bar for leverage, but his Ash wouldn't let him.

“Shhh, shhhh.” Little licks along the base of his shaft.

Danny cried.

Ashli shoved him so hard he fell backwards into the shower door and cracked it. Screaming.

Screaming, Ashli, “It doesn't have to work! You fuck! It doesn't have to work! Can't I just taste the salt on your skin? The shape of you in my mouth?”

“You'll want more! I'll want more! I can't – I'll never be able to please -” Danny's hands flew to his mouth, wanting to rip out his own tongue.

“How could you think that?”

Struggling to his feet, his back aching, he wrenched himself under control. “I need to get to work. I'm off schedule.”

“Did I -”

“Aren't you at lunch?”

“I want to know you're okay.”

“Then you shouldn't have pushed me.”

Stung, Ashli let Danny step over him and leave the bathroom. He didn't come back, didn't say anything before leaving the house. He just walked out. Ashli couldn't be sure he wouldn't come back to an empty place. God, he'd fucked up.