The Bishounen Diaries

I still can't get over how my agent is jealous about what happened on the train. I didn't even tell him about the restaurant. He'd prolly want pictures. He doesn't realize how much damage these things can do to a sane mind. He's probably a leather guy himself. Closet pervert. At least the talk of business was pleasant, a week with my family and then I'd go to meet with a producer, Iwara, for a possible roll in his upcoming novel adaptation. He still hasn't risen above independent film fandom, but he's got a large following. His PR guy must riddle his films with scandal so they sell, it's the only reason he hasn't nailed insurance on an A movie budget yet.

I'm sitting on the plane now, first class of course. My agent takes care of me with my own money. I usually don't have to go out and burn cash for luxury, he arranges enough for me. My idea of a relaxing day off ends up being just that.

In just an hour and a half I'd be picked up by my family and I would be able to wash this abuse business away with fond memories.

"Would you like another drink sir?" The attendant asked. She'd been buzzing around first class almost the entire flight, and she seemed to pay a lot of attention to me. There were only a few passengers in first class, and I was the only one staying awake. It didn't seem awkward.

"No, I've had quite enough, I actually could use the restroom, so if you'd excuse me." I got up and started to walk towards the curtain between first class and coach. The toilet is always at the back of these planes.

"No, sir, allow me to show you the first class restroom, it's for you select patrons and the captain himself."

I had no idea the captain got his own bathroom, and by the looks of it we were heading close to the cabin. It makes sense though, wouldn't want to be at the rear of the plane if there was an emergency. I would have declined, but I had to see this.

"There are two separate doors, one to the vanity and the other to the toilet itself, I have the key for them, so just give me a moment."

Seemed awful tedious to me. She opened the outer door, hey, it is right behind the cabin. She held it open and then handed me the key to the inner door. As soon as I walked in I noticed things weren't as she said. The toilet was right there. Then I got shoved in and the door was closed behind me. I heard the latch lock.

"What the hell is going on here?!" I asked as I watched her turn red in the face and put another key into a lock box above the mirror, closing it. It was a combination lock box, with a dial, nothing you can just figure out with time.

"Yori, I, I have a confession to make." She was flush and staring at my knees.

"Don't tell me, you're a big fan and you want to confess your-"

"I poop."

"What?"

"I know it's disgusting, but if you can look past it I think we can have a wonderful future together."

"Look.." I catch her name tag. "Yuki, just let me out I can hold it 'till we get of the plane."

"But I can't!" She was far to frustrated for comfort. "I've been pacing around first class all night waiting for you to go to sleep so that I could go and you wouldn't notice. I can't stand the thought of you hating a woman like me because you know when I do my business."

"You've got your facts wrong. I'm just taking a flight from A to B. You're nice, you're cute, but I'm not going to marry you because I saw you on a plane."

"Don't be foolish Yori, I know you wouldn't do something like that. But you are going to find a girl someday. You will fall in love with her and marry her. That girl could be anyone, it could be me. But now it won't be me because you know I poop."

"I don't think any less of girls because of that, everyone does it, even I do."

"You really mean it? You wouldn't think less of me if you knew I pooped?"

"No, I wouldn't, now can we get out of here?"

"You have to prove it to me." She knocked me speechless. " I have to go so bad." She pushed past me to the toilet. She continued on as she dropped her underclothes and sat down. "I know not everything I know about you is true, but I know you're not a liar. You're going to stand there and acknowledge that I poop, then you're going to tell me again. I know you're going to hate me. I know you won't look the same afterwards."

Where to these girls come from. I try the door.

"See, you want to leave so you don't have to see me do it. The key's in the box but I've got the combination and you're not getting out until I'm finished."

I run my hand through my hair. "Alright, let's get it over with." I turn around to give her some privacy in the small space we have.

"No, you're going to watch."

I turn back around and see her lean forward and pinch her face muscles. She let out a small grunt. Then she turned to me and stared with unblinking eyes. Those same freak eyes that the spaghetti rapist and the groper gave me. She shifted her body around once or twice, but not her gaze. The room began to smell. I reached for the fan.

"No, you're going to take it all in. You won't deny it at any level." Her curse was accompanied by a very loud splashing. Then her water started to run out, I could hear it with a few more slips of gas and another thud in the basin of the toilet. An uneasy look must've come over my face.

"See, I knew it, You hate me, I'm DISGUSTING!"

Oh god, what next...cover it up. You're an actor.

"No, It's just that I've got something shifting around myself and I'm hoping you'll finish soon." She seemed to have bought it. She stood up...without wiping. "Uh."

"You're gonna look at what I did. You see that."

It was monstrous. There were three of them. She was Goldie-Locks and there lie the three bears. I had to keep a straight face.

"Now what do you think of me?" She sat down again and finished up properly, front to back.

"You're human."

"Do you really mean it?" Her eyes began to sparkle a little.

"Yes, I do."

She got up and took the key from the lock box, opening the door. She clicked the fan on.

"Good, now wash your face. I don't know if I could love you the way I do if I knew you had to do your business, so I assume you just have number 1. Don't ruin my image of you and be quiet about it okay." She closed the door and I assume tended to the coach passengers for the first time this flight.