I Hate Loneliness but it Loves Me

A/N- So this is the first 4 Chapters of I Hate Loneliness...I hope to get the next few done as soon as I can. I'm trying my best to write them at the moment. Let me know what you think so far.

It was the worst day of school. Period.

The bell rang for lunch and I slowly, avoiding knocking into anyone because of my arm, walked to my locker.

I just recently found out that Amber had a new boyfriend, and she couldn’t help but show the guy to everyone around school. Just my luck, he happened to be a school baseball player. I couldn’t care if he was on the dancing team, the point was that he was Amber’s new boyfriend, and if I wanted to keep my face, I had to steer clear of the whiney little bitch.

My luck was never something that I took pride in, simply because of the fact that nearly everything bad happened to me. So when she walked up, hand in hand with the poor sap, I quickly rolled my eyes and turned away.

“Hey, dyke, I want you to repeat to my boyfriend what you said to me the other day.” My arm was still in the sling. I didn’t need this shit right now. She sounded so much like a little kid, bringing their older sibling to the playground after you’ve made fun of them for how stupid they look. Yeah, I get it. Your boyfriend is big, and tough. No need to tell me twice.

The guy next to her, I think his name was Josh, or something like that (sports players usually seem to have those jockey names), stepped up.

“Hey, my girlfriend is talking to you. Answer her.”

I wasn’t afraid of this brute. I was afraid of my arm becoming worse if he tried to do something drastic, like break it.

It was at that moment Avery arrived, and I think she was trying to break up the fight. She once again managed to surprise me. Weak and feeble, seductive, jealous, and now what seemed protective. It seemed like his girl had a million personalities in one.

“Hey, leave her alone, ok? She doesn’t have to answer to you if she doesn’t want to.”

This time it was Amber who stepped up. “Poor baby. You think you’re so tough now? Do you forget how easily you started to cry? You try to protect this loser? You’re fucking nothing, I don’t see how you could even defend yourself.” She pushed her. She actually put her hands on Avery, making her stumble back, falling to the floor.

“Hey! Don’t touch her, Amber. Back the fuck off!” I went to hit her, but her boyfriend managed to hit me hard, in the nose. It started bleeding, indicating it was probably broken, and after that, I felt something rise in me. The same thing I felt yesterday in the hospital, after I woke up.

I grabbed Amber’s sleazy boyfriend and slammed him into a locker, holding him up against it, and glaring into his eyes. “You ever, ever touch me, or my girlfriend again, and I swear you will be carried out of this school in a body bag, you understand that?”

He tried to move, tried to prove he was tougher than me, but I only pinned him harder. Then his hand went on my shoulder as to push me off. He still wasn’t able to. “Get your hand off me, or you won’t be playing baseball for a good, long while.” I grabbed his hand and started to twist it, letting him know it’d be broken if he didn’t back off.

This made him shrink, and he quickly took his hand off of me. I let go of the grip I had on him, walking away to help Avery up. She gave me a soft smile, and a look.

“Your girlfriend, huh?”

I could only nod my head, a blush coming to my cheeks.

“I like the sound of that.” She whispered, kissing my cheek and holding my hand as we walked to the nurses office. I didn’t want to go back to the hospital. Not for a stupid broken nose.

I heard footsteps, and turned around, ready to defend myself, and Avery if Amber or her boyfriend tried anything. But it wasn’t either of them.

It was Mandy.

“Kat, you’re bleeding…Are you ok? I heard what happened…”

Avery stepped in. Again. “Hey, can’t you see she’s hurt? I’m taking my girlfriend to the nurse.”

This made Mandy freeze. “Your…girlfriend?! You didn’t tell me! I feel so happy for you. I’m going to walk with you, ok? I just want to make sure you don’t get side winded by one of those idiots. I’m sure they’re looking for you now.”

With a nod, we walked to the nurses office where I turned to both of the girls. “Listen, let me go in there alone, ok? You guys need to get to know each other more, because I’m not going to have my best friend and my girlfriend fighting all the time.” I quickly walked in, leaving the two of them to talk.

“So I guess we better do this for her. Listen, Avery, I don’t want any trouble…Kat is my best friend, and I only want the best for her. So--”

“You know she talks about you all the time, right?”

“Really? What does she say?”

“Oh, just how clingy and annoying you could be sometimes. Listen, Mandy, I know you have a crush on Kat. Anyone could see that. But c’mon. Why would she want to be with you when she has someone like me? I’m what she wants in a woman, not you. You should do her a favor, and just back off and let us live our lives and be in a relationship. Don’t pretend this doesn’t bother you. Can I tell you? The sex we had was--” “Enough! Enough, I get it. I’ll leave you alone, ok? Just…Ugh! I didn’t know she was like that, she’s my best friend…Whatever. If you see her…” It was at that moment I walked out of the room, looking at Mandy who had a face on like she was about to burst into tears. “Hey, what’s wrong, I thought…”

She turned around, and slapped me, hard across the face. “You thought what? That a girl like me would be gullible enough to have around to boost your damn ego? I don’t care, Kat. Look, just go ahead, be with your girlfriend, and be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. I need to go.”

I turned and looked at Avery. “What the hell did you say to her?!”

“What do you mean what did I say to her, Kat? We just started talking about you, and she became really upset for some reason.”

“Dammit…I’ll be right back.”

Running after the girl, I was surprised at how quickly I caught up to her. Not because Mandy was a slow runner, but because I was the slow one, and she was on the track team.

“Mandy, slow down…Please, talk to me. What’s wrong?”

I wasn’t out of breath, even though I had ran that quickly to get her.

“Kat, please. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear how sorry you are, or how you couldn’t prevent it from happening, or how we’re just really good friends and…”

I looked confused. “Woah, woah. What are you talking about? Sorry for what? Couldn’t prevent what? Listen to me, I told you before and I wasn’t lying to you. You could talk to me about anything. Anything at all. I don’t know what’s going on. I haven’t spoken to you since you saw me at the hospital yesterday. But I do know that you weren’t upset, and you weren’t acting like this. What’s going on?”

She looked into my eyes for a moment, leaning up, and I swear we were about to kiss when I heard…

“Kathryn! C’mon, we’re going to miss out on the good spots at lunch.”

I rose my head and looked down at my best friend.

“That’s Avery. I better go.”

She let out a soft sigh, and nodded her head.

“Yeah, I don’t want you to get in trouble with your girlfriend. Hey Kat?”

I turned around.

“Yeah?”

Before I could even get a chance to move, she gave me a hug and kissed me on my cheek, putting a bright smile on my face. I could only nod as I went to meet up with the English voiced goddess.

I thought things were going pretty well. Especially now that I had an idea of what Mandy wanted to tell me. I didn’t know exactly, but a thought is always good.

But things were going to take a turn very, very soon. I didn’t know I was becoming a monster. Better yet, I didn’t even know that monster had a separate identity. It took me a while to realize the changes I was experiencing wasn’t just something that randomly happened; the more I changed, the less of myself I started to see.