Into the Dark

Chapter 4

A/N – to clarify something a reader pointed out, Sascha is put in Alex's laptop bag just for the 'trip' through the portal. He's not being mean, he's just trying to make sure she's secure/safe. I promise I don't go around stuffing my cats into bags!

Also, I am aware that there are a lot of unanswered questions – there's supposed to be, and you'll get the answers eventually. But feel free to keep asking – it'll make sure I don't miss anything ;)

Review replies are up in the forums: http://www2.adult-fanfiction.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=16004

Minako Replying here as I think it's important. Are the lines better now? I have such a small screen I assumed they'd be alright for everyone, but thank you for pointing out they're not.

On a completely random note (feel free to ignore this AN) I have come to the conclusion that my sat nav is gay. Why is this? Well, when I was using it the last couple of weeks it kept trying to take me in exits, down one ways, and in an amazing feat of sheer dumbfuckery, down a one way street that led to a gated driveway. Where I then had to perform a 12378903 point turn with steep ditches on either side. And that, my dear readers, is why I think it is gay. But, I'm still alive (amazingly) and the very late chapter is now posted.
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Groaning, Alex pushed himself up off the floor. He looked around; he was back in his apartment. The books he had purchased were scattered from where they had fallen, and he had landed half on top of his laptop. Hopefully it still worked. And Sascha was pawing at his head. The little brat probably wanted him to get up and feed him. He levered himself up, and a quick look around showed that it was just after six - the same day he had gone to the bookstore and met Jamie. If it weren't for the fact that he was missing his belt and shirt, he'd be tempted to say it had never happened. But there was no other way of explaining where his clothing went, and when he went into his bag to plug in his phone and laptop, he found one of the bars that Muranthen had carried around with him. The thought of the other man and the look in his eyes right before he had left twisted in Alex' gut. He sighed, already slightly regretting his decision to come back. Still, what was done was done; it was just easier to forget the reasons why he had wanted to get back when faced with his reality. Sighing, he started picking up his scattered belongings, resolved to put the whole incident behind him.

With a start, he realized that if this was the same day he had left, he had a coffee date in a little less than twenty minutes. As much as he didn't want to go at this point, he realized that it was best to get back to normal as quickly as possible. Besides, it wouldn't be right to blow him off for apparently no reason. And if the sex wasn't as good with Jamie – assuming they did eventually sleep together – at least the younger man was someone he could have a conversation with, and was the same species. That had to count for something, right?

So he forced himself to take a quick shower – even if no time had passed here he still smelled like he'd been traipsing through the woods – and freshen up a bit. The shower felt wonderful – he had only seen very shallow bathtubs in the last few weeks, apparently showers just weren't used there, and when they were between towns, he hadn't even had that. Ten minutes later he went into the bedroom to pick out a smart pair of jeans and a flattering top, and left the apartment to go meet Jamie at the coffee shop. Alex tried to walk as quickly as he could without breaking a sweat – he didn't want to undo all the good the shower he had just taken had done, and he also didn't want to look like he was so desperate he ran there. He ended up being a bit late, but the younger man didn't seem to mind waiting a few minutes. Jamie broke into a wide grin when he saw Alex approaching, waving him over to the booth he had claimed, and Alex forced a remarkably believable smile onto his face as well. Just half an hour ago – to Jamie's knowledge anyway – he had been excited about this, and he didn't want the other man to think he was having second thoughts. Even if he was.

"Hi Alex! I'm glad you could make it. Sorry if you had to rush."

Alex shook his head. "No, I'm sorry for making you wait. I had a small problem with my cat when I got back, so I had to get her settled down before I could leave." Hey, it was sort of true. Sascha had come with him, and Muranthen looked part cat. Besides, saying 'I somehow got sucked into another world and was having sex with a hot cat-man' was probably not a good reason to give for being late for a first date.

"Oh, you have a cat? I love animals. I want to get a dog myself, but my apartment doesn't allow pets. I do have a fish tank though, they don't care about that." Jamie winked, and Alex was surprised that he didn't even feel the slightest bit of a blush. He still smiled at the younger man though.

"Yea, her name's Sascha. And she's just as stuck up and spoiled as her name implies. I wouldn't have a dog in an apartment, even if mine allowed it. Dogs need space. Plus, I like a cat's independence better." Which was true; as cliché as it was, he wanted to be the one being taken care of, not the one to take care of someone else. That extended to pets – the fish he had as a child he had killed; luckily his parents had quickly realized his inability to take care of anything living and had banned other animals. There was no way he wanted the responsibility of having a dog.

"I gotta give you that one. I think you might have sold me on cats! Between my classes, and my work, and my projects, I guess I wouldn't really have time for a dog anyway."

"So you are in college. What do you study?" Good, he said classes; that had to mean he was in college, and therefore not jailbait. Even for a rebound relationship, he wasn't about to go out with a minor.

"Yup; I'm in graphic design. I love being able to create things, and there'll always be jobs available. Plus, right now I'm my own boss. I'm sure I'll get a lot more requests once I graduate too. With any luck I'll be able to get a job that will let me continue to freelance on the side."

"Really? That's an interesting field. I had to learn a few of those programs as well – I work with an architecture company for large businesses, helping create the blueprints for office buildings. Most of the time it's pretty dry work but every once in a while we get a client who wants us to build something that's both decorative and functional."

The waitress chose that moment to come over for his order, and he ordered his normal latte and a muffin. He had been living on the bars that Muranthen had for the last couple days (or at least what his stomach insisted was a couple days) and he wanted something that looked like real food. Alex wouldn't have minded getting a full meal, but Jamie wasn't eating, so he felt a bit self conscious doing so. With a cheery 'back in two secs!' the waitress was off, and they were left alone again.

Jamie picked up the conversation where it had left off, asking about Alex's projects, and he found himself telling the younger man about his job, and how he hadn't gotten his promotion. He could have kicked himself for bringing that up, not wanting to make a bad impression on him, but Jamie just nodded sympathetically and insisted he'd get the next opportunity to come up. Alex only wished he had his optimism.

After what ended up being a couple of hours, Jamie reluctantly stated he had to leave and get back to finish one of his projects. The coffee had been mediocre, but the conversation was great. It was amazing how much they had in common. They both had a tendency to lose themselves in books and they had the same taste in most music and movies. To Alex's relief, he was twenty three, having missed the cut off for school as a kid, and getting a late start to schooling, which therefore made him only five years younger. Not an unreasonable gap, and Alex's conscious was appeased. But during the entire date – because it was definitely a date – it felt like something was missing. He shrugged it off, and when Jamie asked if he could see him again, Alex readily agreed, and they made plans to do the classic dinner and a movie on Friday. Jamie was someone he could talk to, who he related to, and was easy on the eyes. There was no way he was going to write the other man off because of what had happened in that other world. He had to just keep telling himself that wasn't real, that couldn't be real, and Jamie was here, in front of him, and by some miracle actually liked him. Alex would be an idiot to pass up this chance.
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Alex woke up the next morning to the sound of his alarm clock going off, and as he woke up, he realized that he had been reaching across the bed reaching for a body that wasn't there. He frowned, upset with himself at getting so used to having someone to share a bed with so quickly. Grumbling to himself, he got dressed, fed the cat, and poured himself a cup of coffee before gathering his stuff and heading to work.

The walk went quickly, and Alex was amazed to realize that his week of walking nonstop with Muranthen had improved his stamina noticeably. When he got to the office, Alex even decided to take the stairs, and managed to get to the third floor where his office was only slightly winded. He grinned to himself, and started to set up for the day. Maybe he'd make the exercise deal a permanent change – at least that way he could bring one good thing out of the experience, instead of the regrets he'd been having.

However, his good mood was quickly dampened when he got to work and realized that yes, he had broken his laptop. Alex wasn't sure if it had been the first time he landed on it or the second, but it definitely was not working. He double checked with it plugged into the wall, and he still didn't even get the faintest flicker of life. With a groan, he closed the top and headed into Chris's shiny new office. A new faceplate had been fitted to the door, with 'Chris White – Project Manager' etched into it. He knocked and heard his new boss's voice calling out for him to call in. Chris was seated behind the big desk, still relatively clear, although there were a few photos and trinkets that Alex knew had been in his cubicle before his promotion. The other man had clearly already been there for a while, as there were papers and blueprints strewn about.

"Alex! How are you doing?" Chris grinned at him and Alex couldn't help but grin back – his charisma was one of the reasons why he had gotten the job; it was almost impossible not to like the guy. It kind of made Alex mad, but since the other man really was a generally nice guy, it only made him feel guilty for feeling that way. He pushed down his feelings of envy and held up his busted computer.

"Hi Chris. Um, not so well; I've got some bad news. I managed to damage my laptop; I need to send it down to the tech guys to see if they can get it back up and running. Is there another computer I can borrow for the time being?"

"Damaged? How did that happen?" Chris looked concerned, but not annoyed, which was a good start at least. Of course, he probably should have thought of an excuse for why the laptop was broken in the first place...

"When I got home from work last night I tripped over my cat walking in the door and dropped it. I didn't think it had fallen that hard, but I guess it did." Alex cheered mentally – he was getting pretty damn good at this half-truth thing.

Chris nodded, frowning in thought. "Alright, I'll get it down to IT, and set you up with a spare for the day. I expect the spare won't come to any harm?"

Alex somehow managed to keep the scowl off his face. Chris made him feel like he was a child getting scolded by their father, even if it was meant as a joke. "Sure thing Chris. Thanks again." He set his laptop on his manager's desk, and headed back to his own cubicle. He could at least meet up with the rest of his team while he was waiting for the spare to arrive.

It was fairly obvious to his co-workers that something was off, but he just passed it off as not getting enough sleep, combined with not having his laptop with all of the project information on it. It wasn't technically a lie; he hadn't been able to sleep because the bed had felt too empty. Alex had found himself waking up in the middle of the night, and taking forever to get back to sleep. If he had to guess, he'd say he probably got about three or four hours of sleep altogether, and none of that was particularly restful.

Around lunchtime a spare computer, a giant hulking thing that was probably older than he was, got delivered to his desk, and set up. He ate quickly while the ancient machinery booted up, lost in his thoughts.

He wanted to beat himself over the head. Why had he come back? He had so few people here for him. His sister and his niece, and they were really it. Greg didn't really count as he merely tolerated him because of Lisa, and Jamie didn't count because he knew him for less time than Muranthen. He had acquaintances at work he'd go out with on occasion for drinks after work, but nothing that would constitute a real friendship. Alex groaned and let his head fall into his hands. He had made such a stupid mistake, and now he didn't know if there was a way to fix it. The questions and fear that had driven him to come back seemed ridiculous now, even if they hadn't felt that way at the time. It's not like they couldn't have learned to communicate, and after that everything else could have been worked out. Instead, he took the coward's way out and bolted for home the first chance he got.

About an hour after the replacement had arrived, his laptop came back fixed and whole. Apparently he hadn't caused too much harm; which he was grateful for. The spare was dragged down to sit in storage for another five years. The rest of the day went slowly, thoughts of Muranthen and Jamie clogging his brain. It was frustrating – at some points he felt like he had done the right thing, at others he nearly wanted to cry with regret. Next to nothing got done, and he found himself zoning out, barely even noticing when co-workers would ask him a question. He finally shut down at two minutes to five, ready to get out of there.

Today, there was no black hole as he opened the door, and he was torn between being grateful and being disappointed. He fed Sascha as she made it clear that his inner turmoil in no way excused him from his duties to her, but had a hard time eating himself. A few bites of a microwave dinner was all he could handle, before the rest was tossed. Afterwards, he attempted to read one of the new books he had bought, but after reading the same page countless times and still not knowing what it had said, he gave it up. Instead, Alex turned on the TV, even if it was just for background noise as he tried to sort through his jumbled thoughts. His exhaustion from the lack of sleep the night before had him nodding off on the couch.

A few hours later, he woke up enough to move to the bedroom, but once he was there, he found himself tossing and turning as much as he had the previous night. Even Sascha's presence at his side couldn't help, and she finally left for a safer sleeping spot. Alex thought he had seen the first hints of dawn by the time he finally fell asleep.
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Friday he went through mechanically, much of a repeat of the previous day, although thankfully without any computer mishaps. He knew that his co-workers were worried about him, and a few even came up to ask how he was feeling, but he brushed it off as nothing. At least the timing was good; most of them seemed to feel that his sudden malaise wasn't so much physical as mental. He had, after all, just been passed up for a really good promotion. Alex caught Chris giving him a few sympathetic looks during the day; which was much better than the smug looks some of their other competition for the position would have given him.

The day ended far too soon, and Alex trudged home to get ready for his date with Jamie. He did like the younger man, and if he hadn't met Muranthen, would probably have been thrilled to get into a serious relationship with him. Now however, he felt like he was just leading him on. At this point, it felt like he was forcing himself to like him, which couldn't be a good basis for the start of a relationship. But, as he had reasoned to himself for the last two days, normal relationships always took time to grow. A long lasting relationship wasn't only built on attraction. Sure, there wasn't that instant pull that he had felt with Muranthen– but that was abnormal, and certainly not natural, not by human standards, anyway. It was hard right now, with the other world and the other man fresh in his mind, but the memories would fade, like any other ended relationship, and if he was lucky, he wouldn't lose Jamie's interest before the depression had faded away and he was able to give this new relationship a fair chance.

Jamie was meeting him outside of his store at 7 – which Alex had learned was his typical time to get off work. The younger man had a gruelling schedule – classes in the morning, work in the bookshop in the afternoon, except for Tuesday and Thursdays when he had class all day, and then he spent his evenings and sometimes late into the night working on his commissioned web sites. He even worked until four most Saturdays and Sundays at the bookstore, though he would occasionally take a day for himself. It was impressive what the blond fit into his schedule, and the fact that he was able to keep up with it, stay cheerful and optimistic, and even find time to date. Alex wished some of the optimism that he was surrounded with would rub off onto him.

Alex found himself staring into his closet for a good half an hour after work, desperately trying to figure out what to wear. All Jamie had said was a 'restaurant' – he didn't know whether he should go for some nice casual jeans, or dress up a little more. But then he ran the risk of being too dressy. Suppressing the urge to bash his head against the door in exasperation, he finally compromised by going with some khakis and a shirt that – hopefully – hid his slight belly while not making him look sloppy. Unfortunately the stereotype that all gay men had great fashion sense did not apply to him in the slightest.

All he had to do after that was run a brush through his hair, spray himself with some cologne, and put on his shoes and a nice watch. He studied the finished product in the mirror, and decided he was acceptable, even though he still couldn't figure what Jamie could see in him. Or Muranthen for that matter – although he had been out in the middle of nowhere, maybe it had been more of a matter of 'desperate times call for desperate measures'? Alex didn't consider himself that bad looking – but compared to the cat man? Not even in the same realm. At least with all the walking, and his new-found resolve to work out, he'd probably be able to get rid of the beer gut in a few months.

Thankfully, when he met Jamie at the entrance to his building, the man was dressed similarly to him, in black dress slacks and a grey dress shirt that accentuated his eyes. He blushed a bit when Jamie tried to subtly check him out.

"You look really good tonight." Alex's blush deepened at the compliment, especially since he really didn't think it was warranted.

"You do too. So, where are we going?" Not that it particularly mattered; he was fine letting Jamie take control of their date, and he would trust the younger man to pick a good place.

Jamie smiled at the compliment, and gestured Alex to start heading down the street, in the opposite direction of work and the bookstore. "There's a new Italian place by my school, it looks like a nice place, seems to have a good crowd, but I haven't had a chance to try it yet. I thought we might. If that's okay?"

Nodding, Alex followed Jamie up the street. "Sounds great. It's been a while since I've had Italian." Especially if you counted the weeks he was in a different world.

They walked in silence for most of the way; it was a Friday night, and the streets were crowded. Anything they did say they nearly had to shout to each other, so they gave up until they got to the slightly quieter restaurant.

Jamie's instincts proved to be good; the food was excellent, and it was the perfect atmosphere for a date. Alex found himself laughing more than he had in a long time; Jamie told the best stories, even if he suspected most were slightly exaggerated. He was surprised when he glanced at his watch and noticed it was nearing eleven. They had been talking for nearly four hours, and he had barely noticed the time passing. Almost reluctantly, they left the restaurant and headed down the street to the second half of their date.

When they got there, the theatre was not as packed as they were expecting. It was obviously between showings, and they got in the rather short line and looked up at the list of movies. Jamie looked at Alex sheepishly. "I guess I didn't think this one through?" He glanced again at the list of movies playing, which all looked to be rather bad. Maybe it wasn't between showings.

Alex just shrugged. He wasn't one for movies anyway, but he didn't have any better suggestions, and Jamie didn't seem to want the date to end yet. Truthfully, Alex was having a good time as well, and he was fine with whatever the younger man wanted to do. "Pick whichever you think will be the least terrible. I'm not sure what anything's about anyway."

They finally decided on a comedy, and Alex insisted on paying since Jamie had paid for dinner. He remembered being in college and not having any money; even thought Jamie was arguing that since he had asked Alex out, he should be the one to pay. Alex finally just handed the bemused employee the money for the tickets, effectively ending the argument. Jamie mock pouted, and Alex found himself laughing again, before they headed into the theatre.

Their date had gone extremely well, even if the movie they saw was rather ridiculous, but when Jamie leaned in to kiss him, he was thinking of blazing green eyes instead of clear blue. Jamie was a great kisser, but he didn't feel any spark. Feeling guilty, he reluctantly agreed to a third date. He knew he was trying to get over Muranthen using Jamie, and it wasn't fair to him. But there was no way of explaining that without sounding like he was crazy, unfortunately. Thankfully, the younger man didn't seem to expect an invitation up to his apartment this quickly, and with another peck on the cheek, and a smile, he said goodnight, heading back towards the school. He watched Jamie walk away for a minute before turning to walk back inside. If nothing else, he wanted the blond to be his friend. He hadn't had as much fun as he had tonight in a long time, even if he was having a hard time feeling anything else for the man. Alex trudged up to his apartment, and ended up staring at his ceiling as he tried to sleep.
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A/N the second – because I know I'm going to get comments to this extent. Yes, Alex seems to be confused/wishy-washy/not knowing what he wants. That's because he doesn't. He's supposed to sound like that. He's regretting his decision at the same time as he's trying to convince himself it was the right thing to do.