Lies and Forgiveness

“Mother fucker!” Spencer roared, kicking the side of his car as hard as he could. The dark blue metal under his foot crimped and he swore again, storming away from the vehicle, his hands in fists at his sides. Theo, perched on the hood of the car, smoking a cigarette and looking worried, watched him pace back and forth.

“They said…” Theo started, then stopped when he turned and glared at her. He sighed and motioned for her to continue, then ran his hands through his hair. “They said it’d be an hour before they could send anyone out to tow it.”

“Of fucking course it’s going to be an hour.” he snarled. “Stupid useless piece of shit car.”

“You blew a radiator hose.” she said with a tiny shrug. “It’s not that bad. Won’t be that expensive.”

“Do you know what time it is?” he asked, and she nodded. “Then you can understand that I’m this pissed because I know, I just fucking know, we’re going to have to wait until tomorrow to get it fixed.” she sighed and looked away, taking a long drag from her cigarette and then flipping her hood up over her head. “We aren‘t anywhere near my mother’s yet.”

“I know.” she said softly.

He came over and sat down beside her. “What are we going to do?” he asked her, and she shrugged and then shook her head to indicate she had no ideas. “I guess we could find a motel.” Theo snorted and flicked her cigarette butt into the dirt. “Why is that funny?”

“No reason.” she said, and shrugged. She got back in the car and reclined the seat, propping her feet up on the dashboard.

An hour and a half later the tow showed up, and sure enough, the man informed Spencer that there were no mechanics available until the morning. Spencer gritted his teeth and accepted the man’s offer to drop them off at the motel off of the highway on his way back to the garage. Between the two of them, they had enough money for a single room; Theo didn’t believe in credit cards and Spencer was wary to use his, considering he had to pay for the repairs on his car and he knew he was dangerously close to his limit as it was.

Once in the room, which was completely done in shades of blue, all of them unappealing, Theo claimed the bathroom and took a shower. Spencer sat on the edge of the bed and flipped through the channels, trying not to rage about his awful luck with his car. When Theo came out, in a tank top and a pair of loose fitting plaid pajama pants, he suggested they order pizza with what they had left of their cash. She agreed, and Spencer called in the order. They sat on the bed and watched old episodes of The Three Stooges, which Theo thought was hilarious, until the pizza got there.

As they ate they talked, about Spencer’s family mostly. His father’s medical problems, his mother’s unfailing kindness and optimism, his two brothers. This surprised Theo, she hadn’t known Spencer had brothers.

Spencer considered her carefully. “Mickey had to have said something about them.” he said. “Dominic at least.”

“No.” she said, shaking her head. “Why would he say something about Dominic?”

“I… well, I mean, you know about Mickey’s past relationships.” she looked confused. He looked away. “Mickey and Dominic… they, uh….” he heard Theo choke on a mouthful of cheese and pineapple chunks, and he looked at her, startled.

“They what?!” she gasped, coughing. “Mickey’s had a boyfriend?” Spencer nodded, suddenly sick to his stomach. He thought she’d known. “Mickey dated your brother?!?!” she shrieked, making him wince.

“I thought he told you.” Spencer said helplessly. “I mean, Dominic wasn’t the only guy. In fact, you’re only the second-”

“Enough.” she held up her hand to stop him. “I really don’t want to hear anymore.”

Spencer opened his mouth, but just then his phone went off. He pulled it out of his pocket and sighed. “Chloe.” he said, and Theo nodded absently; she was busy brooding over this newfound information. Spencer answered the phone. “Hello?”

“Hey Spence.” Chloe greeted. “How’s your family visit?”

“Not there.” he said, and she made a humming sound. “Car broke down.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that.” she said, sounding absent. He heard someone ask her a question and she said, “I’ll just be a minute.” Then to Spencer she said, “Listen, we need to talk.”

“Okay.” he said, immediately on his guard. Every time she said ‘we need to talk’ something bad always happened. “What’s up?”

“We need to take a break.” she said, all in a rush. For a moment he didn’t really comprehend what she was saying, so when he didn’t answer her, she went on. “I just think that with all the fighting we’re doing, we should, you know, just cool it for a little while, you know?”

“Uh-huh.” he said, unable to think of anything else to say. Where was his anger? His hurt? Wasn’t this supposed to be bad news? Why wasn’t he upset? He looked over at Theo, who wasn’t paying attention at all.

“I do love you, Spencer, but I think it might be best.” she sounded like she was talking to a child.

“Okay.” he said.

“Just okay?” she asked, her voice immediately sharpening.

“I don’t really know what else to say to you, Chloe.” he told her honestly. “You want to take a break, fine.” Theo looked up at these words, looking confused, and he held up one finger at her. “If you were looking for something, like begging or whatever, it’s not like-”

“You always do that.” she snapped at him, and he sighed and put a hand over his eyes. “I’m not saying we’re breaking up. I just think we need a break.”

He laughed, unable to help himself. “Okay.” he said again.

“Do you even care?” she whined, and suddenly there it was, all the anger, but it wasn’t just anger, it was pure, red rage.

“No.” he said. “No, I don’t care. Not even a little bit.”

“You son of a bitch.”

“Petty, Chloe. Really fucking petty of you.” he stood up and began to pace. “I’m the son of a bitch. This, out of you? Fuck you.”

She gasped and then began to cry. “I don’t want things to-”

“-end this way?” he asked, and she sobbed. “Save the waterworks. You’re the one who’s breaking up with me over the fucking phone.”

“I’m not breaking up with you!” she wailed at him.

“No, you just want a break. Did you meet someone, Chloe?” he asked, and when she said nothing at all, he grinned. “Of course you did. And now you want the weekend without the guilt of being a cheating bitch.”

“How dare you-”

“Whatever.” he snapped the phone shut and simply stood there, feeling like he was about to explode. After a moment he turned and glared at Theo. “How can you be friends with her?” he asked her.

She looked up at him. “You’re the one who’s been porking her for only God remembers how long.” she shot back. She dug her phone out. “Five, four…” Spencer sighed. “three, two…” her phone went off. “Called it.” she looked at the phone for a moment, listening to it ring, then shook her head and hit the silence button. Spencer gaped at her. “What?”

“You ignored her.” Theo nodded. “You never ignore her.”

“She deserves it right now. I’m not going to sit beside you in some seedy little motel and comfort the bitch who wanted to break up with your temporarily so she could fuck someone else for her birthday. I’m not in the mood.” she tossed her phone onto the nightstand. “You done?” she asked, pointing at the pizza. He nodded, and she closed the box and set it aside. She scooted up the bed until she was against the headboard and then patted the tiny space left beside her. “Come here.” he hesitated, and she sighed. “I’m not going to bite you, Spencer.”

“Well, there goes my plans for the night.” he quipped, making her smile. He sat beside her and she reached out, her fingers immediately finding the tense spot on the back of his neck and massaging there. He sighed and leaned his head forward, giving her more room. “I know she’s your best friend and all, but what a fucking bitch.”

“Mmhmm.” she mumbled. “Then again, I’m feeling the same way about Mickey right now. I mean, I know he’s your best friend and all, but I didn’t know he was a bitch.”

Spencer burst out laughing. He turned and looked at her, and she smiled at him, her head tilting slightly to one side. “I’m sorry I was the one to tell you.” he said.

She shrugged, working both of her hands along his shoulders. “At least I found out, I suppose.” she said. “It could’ve been worse.” she smiled absently. “I guess we are in sync. I’m just not a big enough bitch to call him and confront him with this. I’ll wait until we get home.”

He shook his head. “You’re taking this far too well.” he told her, feeling her nails drag down his back. Her hands found the small of his back and worked there, making him arch his spine a little. “Christ.” he muttered.

“Good?” she asked, and he nodded. “I’m not taking it well. In fact, I’m considering going home and murdering him. Literally. If he and I were face to face right now, I just might kill him.” her hands slipped under his shirt, and the contact against his bare skin made him bite his lip to keep back a moan. He wondered if she was doing this on purpose. Would she do something like that? Try to get him into bed just because she was angry with Mickey?

His reaction to her lately was starting to worry him. He wasn’t surprised to realize that he was sexually attracted to her; he didn’t believe that men and women could spend as much time together as they did without one of them feeling that way eventually. But the magnitude of his attraction startled him. It was like some sort of switch was flipped in him. One day they were friends, and she was fast becoming his best. The next day he woke up and all he could think about was having her under him. He was pretty confident in his self control enough to trust himself not to put the moves on him. But he was fast realizing that if she put the moves on him, there would be no hesitation. If she offered, he’d be all over her in a heart beat.

She said something that he didn’t catch, and he shook his head to clear it. “What was that?” he asked, and she made an indignant noise in her throat and playfully dug her nails into his back. He closed his eyes, liking the feeling a little too much.

“Here I am being serious, and you’re zoning out on me.” she sighed. “You jerk.”

“I’m sorry.” he said, and she shrugged again. “Really, what did you say? I’ll pay attention.”

“I said I shouldn’t be surprised. About Mickey, I mean.” she paused for a moment, her hands resuming their work. “Lord knows he’s given me enough signs. I just… I wish he’d told me. I deserve to know something like that about him, you know?” he nodded. “It just goes to show how right I am about him, though.”

“What do you mean?” he asked.

She was quiet for a moment. When she spoke, her voice was soft, broken sounding, and it made Spencer’s chest hurt. “He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t even think I’m important enough to tell me about his past. I’ve asked, and all he told me about was Alyssa.” Spencer sighed and shook his head. “I thought I was special. How stupid is that?”

“It’s not stupid.” he said. “You are special.”

“Oh, yes.” she sniffed. “The kind of special that requires short buses and headgear.” He turned around to face her, and she rolled her eyes. “Okay, okay. I’m sorry.” she held up her hands. “I keep forgetting to keep the self-depreciating crap to myself around you.”

“Mickey’s a prick.” Spencer told her, and she looked surprised but nodded. “You deserve better, no matter what you think about yourself.”

“So do you, you know.” she told him, and reached up to brush his hair back from his eyes. “Chloe doesn’t deserve you.”

“Well, she doesn’t have me anymore.” he reminded her, and she nodded. He leaned against her hand, an impulsive gesture that he enjoyed too much, and was surprised and pleased when, instead of pulling away, she ran her fingers through his hair to the back of his neck and gave him an affectionate squeeze.

“It’s late.” she told him.

“No it isn’t.” he countered.

“We should get some sleep.”

He sighed and nodded, pulling back away from her hand. Her fingers trailed against his jaw line, scraping in the stubble there. “I’ll take the floor.”

They settled in, as well as they could. Spencer laid beside the bed on the floor, his hands folded over his chest, and watched the shadows on the ceiling. He was uncomfortable and stressed out, and he couldn’t never sleep well in such conditions. He didn’t know how long he laid there, not moving, before Theo peered over the edge of the bed and breathed his name.

“Are you asleep?” she asked, so softly he wouldn’t have heard her if he hadn’t noticed her move.

“No.” he said. “Can’t sleep either, huh?”

“No.” she dropped her hand off the edge of the bed and trailed it along the carpet an inch from his arm. “Not used to sleeping alone.”

“Or in motel rooms?” he asked, and she nodded. He reached out and caught her fingers with his, lacing them together. “Yea, me either.”

“Which part?”

He rolled his eyes. “I always sleep alone when I can. Chloe…” he trailed off, scowling. “I never liked sleeping with her. She snores.” He turned her hand over, sliding his fingers along her palm, tracing the lines there. Her heard her soft exhaling breath and her fingers caught his against her hand, squeezing gently.

“I know. And she’s a blanket hog.” he nodded. “You‘re sleeping in your clothes?”

“It‘s a motel room floor, Theo.” he reminded her.

“Good point.” she smiled. “Spencer?”

“Hmm?”

“Would you…” she stopped here, frowning, then shook her head and untangled their fingers. “Nothing.” he heard her roll over and sigh softly.

He closed his eyes. He knew what she wanted to ask, and wondered why she didn’t. He wondered if he had the balls to do it without her asking. He thought it over and it turned out, yes, he did.

He got to his knees and grabbed his pillow. “Move over, girlie.” he whispered. She did so without looking at him, and he climbed into the very tiny bed with her. There was literally no room for any of them to have personal space, so he simply wrapped his arms around her, pulled her against his chest, and tangled their legs together. He heard her sigh again, contentedly this time, and she snuggled against him. She smelled wonderful, clean and sweet, and he pressed his face against her hair and closed his eyes.

“Thank you.” she said quietly. “I don’t snore, I promise.”

He chuckled. “I wouldn’t mind if you did.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s you.” As soon as it was out of his mouth he wished he hadn’t said it. She tensed against him and he heard her catch her breath. She shifted and rolled over, and when he opened his eyes she was looking up at him. “I didn’t mean….” he stopped, then shook his head. “Yes I did.” he muttered. “I’m sorry.”

For a long moment she didn’t say anything. She just studied him in the dark, her eyes wide and glittering in the gloom. “It isn’t because I’m mad at him.” she told him finally, shifting against so they were face to face. She pressed her hand against his chest, above his heart, and slipped one leg over both of his. “That’s not why…” she bit her lip.

“Then why?” he asked, his heart pounding. He knew she could feel it against her palm. “What are we doing?” He rested his hand against her hip and she moved closer, there noses practically touching. ‘What do you want from me?”

She reached up with her other hand and touched his lips, her fingertips brushing against them. He kissed them gently and she smiled. “I don’t know what I want from you.” she told him. “You confuse me. You must’ve known that something like this would happen eventually.”

“Honestly?” he smiled against her fingers. “I thought you’d kill me if I ever tried something.” she laughed softly, and he brushed the hem of her tank top up so he could touch her skin. It was smooth and cool against his hand, and she slipped her eyes closed at the contact. “I think that this might make us bad people, Theo.”

“I’ve always been a bad person. I’m not too worried.” she shifted again, the hand on his chest sliding down, her nails scraping softly.

“I thought you loved him.” she stopped and opened her eyes. “Mickey-”

“I don’t know anymore.” she cut in. “I don’t know anything these days. But I’ve realized my best friend, Spencer.” he smiled at this. “And you make me feel something I haven’t felt in a long time.”

“You know you’re going to regret this.” he said, sliding his hand up under her shirt, finding more smooth skin and the clasp of her bra. “You know this will ruin everything.”

“Will it?” she arched her eyebrows. “You’re single, and I’m miserable. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get home. Right now, I don’t even want to have a home if it means that man is there. Right now this crappy little motel room is home, and I feel safer here, happier here, than I’ve been there in a long time. Do you know why?”

He shook his head. He was listening, but her hands were under his shirt, fumbling at the button of his jeans, and when he found the catch for the clasp she arched her back, her leg sliding up and hooking around his to pull them close.

“Because I’m here with you.” she told him. She leaned forward, her mouth brushing against his, the softest, faintest of kisses that made his pulse quicken and his breath catch. “You’re the best person I have in my life right now, and more than anything at this moment, I need to feel loved.” she looked up at him, studying him carefully. “Can you do that, Spencer?”

“Can I love you?” he asked, and she nodded. He smiled, reaching up with his free hand to take the rubber band out of one of her braids. She let him, closing her eyes when he combed his fingers through her hair. “Theo, I think I’ve been doing that for months.”

She opened her eyes again, looking startled and a little scared. He wondered if this would end it, if this would make her back down. He knew how awful it sounded, how crazy. That he would claim to be in love with her, his best friend’s girlfriend, his own girlfriend’s best friend, an impossible situation to begin with, and now this. But was it true? He thought it might be. He thought perhaps he loved her more than he’d ever even dreamed of loving Chloe.

He held his breath and he waited.