Hell She Screams

Chapter Four

Possession: A Punishment

"Fuck." Came the moan that awoke me the next morning.

My head spun as soon as the morning light found its way into the slit of my eyes. I had a sinking feeling I was running late for work, but I did not dare sit up. My skull threatened to fracture and split in two. I stared at the ceiling and silently prayed that it would stay whole.

Another moan. Gently, I turned my head to look around. There was low, gruff breathing. Artemis. It had to be. He was probably masturbating by the computer again.

I was surprised he was not still passed out. We had gotten pretty drunk, and that was before we even began shooting up and taking long lines of cocaine to avoid passing out. I vaguely remember Artemis taking body shots off of me, but I could have been dreaming it.

I rolled onto my side and pushed myself up. I held my breath to keep everything I drank last night from coming back up. I looked around for him.

He was on the couch. I could only see the top half of his body over the back of it. His head was tilted back and his eyes closed. With each rock of his body game a low groan.

The moaning came again. A woman's voice. I got to my feet and walked closer. I did not remember anyone coming over last night. Was that after I had fallen asleep? I almost felt bad about looking, but it was not as though he was being discrete.

I walked around the couch. He looked at me from the corner of his eye. His beefy body thrust more violently. He liked me watching. I could not help but smirk. He was sick and wrong and...

So turned on. I looked down to see if his partner had noticed me.

"You cannot be serious." I said.

Artie loved it. He pumped Starr harder, and she moaned louder. Neither of them wanted to stop. Neither of them gave a damn that I was standing there, watching my girlfriend get plugged by my best friend, my only friend. Except Artie. It got him off. He wanted me to keep watching. The sickness my hangover had caused worsened at the sight of the betrayal. The anger bubbled up from the depths of my turning stomach. I looked away.

I stumbled off and began to get dressed. I did not have the time, nor a clear enough head to even contemplate this right now. I am sure that if I was sober, I would have started a fight. I am sure that I would have beaten Starr within an inch of her life, and subsequently lost to Artemis. But I was far from sober. I could hardly walk. I dragged myself by the coffee table, snatched up Artie's sandwich bag of cocaine, and left.

I made it out to the parking lot before I doubled over and vomited. I stared at the ground and tried to make out whether it was moving from beneath me, or if I was swaying. I wiped the spit from my face and got into my car. I flipped the sun visor down and took off the pair of sunglasses I had stowed in my car for just such an occasion.

My head fell forward onto the steering wheel. I could not drive with my vision swimming. I did not know why I had even bothered to get into the car. I pressed my forehead harder. The pressure seemed to relieve the pain - or, at least, it gave me some control over it. I glanced over at the cocaine.

No amount of coffee was going to make me functional, not after last night. Not after this morning. There was no reason to deprive myself. Artie certainly had not deprived himself of what belonged to me.

I laid out the line across the dash board. I straightened it with a folded up ten, and rolled that same bill to snort it all in one smooth motion. I brushed off my nose and waited.

It was not a long wait. The effect was almost immediate. My head cleared, the pain became little more than a dull annoyance. Coke had never been my drug of choice, but I was beginning to see its appeal.

I started the car and peeled off. I was early to work that morning.

The effect wore off after a few short hours. I suppose I was lucky that it had even gotten me that far. I walked out just after lunch, shaking. The nausea was coming back. I shuffled my feet out to where Natalie was parked and got in. I felt beneath the seat for the bag. It was not there. My heart raced. I did not think to lock my car. I thought cramming it beneath the seat was enough. Who had found it? A student? I prayed if so, the student was from my first period. Any one else, and I was surely headed back to the state penitentiary.

The only way I would be safe from persecution is if it was Artemis that had gotten to the bag first. Artemis. Of course. I should have realized that he would drive all the way out here and rummage through my things for a couple lines worth of cocaine. After all, after you have been in a man's girlfriend, why would you have any qualms about going into his car?

That left me with no immediate cure for the crash. My hands shook violently as I tilted my chair back. I just needed a couple minutes to myself before the next period. I needed to breathe and get all of my frustrations to dissolve without drugs to quell them.

I woke up to a loud rapping on my window. I looked down at my watch. Four-thirty.

"Mr. Ryan!" Came Nathan's muffled voice. "You alive in there?"

I cranked the window down. The fresh air was cool in my lungs and seemed to gently wash away the lethargy.

"Barely," I said. "What are you still doing here?"

"I should ask you that." He smiled and walked around the car and climbed into the passenger seat.

I watched him curiously. "Make yourself comfortable."

He grinned wider. "So, where are we going to do it?"

I choked on my breath and coughed. "Um, what? What is 'it'?"

The corners of his mouth curled up into a mischievous smile. "What should 'it' mean, Ryan?"

I shook my head. He was only teasing me now. A pang of disappointment caused my heart to drop. This was followed in quick succession by guilt. He was a teenager. He trusted me. Perhaps I had just wanted his words to mean more.

It was not the thought of a sexual relationship that had drawn me to Nathan. No, the only sexual relationships I had ever had with men had been while I was raped as a child. As a teen, I was tried as an adult for what I considered to be my greatest sin. While I was locked up, I traded sexual favors in return for my cellmate, Artemis', protection - to avoid getting raped. I was lonely, and it was becoming more and more evident that to those closest to me that I was disposable. I wanted so badly to latch onto someone, anyone, even if it was my teenage student.

I glanced over at Nathan. His eyes sparkled in amusement at my silence.

Nathan laughed and poked my cheek. "Are you blushing, Ryan?"

I swatted his hand away. My blush deepened as more blood furiously rushed to my cheeks. "It's Mr. Ryan, and you shouldn't talk to your elders that way."

Nathan sucked his teeth and brought a slender shoulder up to his chin. "Come on, Mr.Ryan, you're not much older than me. What do you have on me? A year? Elders my ass."

"Almost four."

"Almost four?" He mocked.

"Yes, Nathan, four. Anyway, I don't care where we do 'it'. I've done it almost everywhere."

He snorted. "What?" He giggled. "You've done interviews for biographies everywhere?"

"Was that what you were getting at?"

"That would be 'it.'"

I started the car.

Nathan leaned back and strapped himself in. "So, are we going to your place?"

My place had a horny girlfriend that could not be trusted to keep her clothes on and Artemis, who could not be trusted not to grope any young boy within reach.

"Nah, can't. Got any other ideas?"

"Sure, take a left." He said.

He continued to direct me. The roads got narrower and rockier. The trees grew closer to the road, and shrubs thicker. Soon, the dirt road turned to a beaten path. I stopped the car.

"Are you making this up?"

Nathan shook his head. "Look, there's the river." He vounded out of the car before it had stopped moving. I slammed on the brakes.

"Nathan!" I shouted after him. He did not hear me. He was knelt down behind a log trying to push it toward the river. I turned off the car and joined him.

Together we rolled the log toward the edge of the bank, covering our hands in dirt and moss. Nathan plopped down upon the rotting wood and patted a spot beside him. I climbed on in the offered seat.

"So, why the river?" I asked him.

Nathan rolled his eyes. "Are you kidding?" He thrust his arms forward. "Look at it!"

I did not quite know what it was I was looking for. The water seemed clear as it lapped against the soft stones buried along the shore but as the water deepened, it turned a soft brown. The trees' roots thrust into the water and were washed bare by the rushing rapids.

"It looks cold." I said.

"It's soothing, Ryan. I don't care what temperature it is. I would never swim in it."

"Afraid of finding a dead body?"

He grinned at me, shaking his head. "I'm afraid of water. I can't swim. I just like watching it."

I smiled. I had never met anyone fascinated with a fear.

"You think I'm crazy." He said.

"I'm not sane enough to recognize crazy."

I think he would have smiled if he had heard me. Instead, he sat watching a small pool of water that was trapped along the shore. Several small tadpoles swam in circles around each other. He was captivated.

"Nathan." I whispered.

He looked up. "Sorry. Ready for your first question?"

I nodded, but my stomach tightened. I still had not decided how much I would divulge. I was not even sure I should mention names of people I knew after the age of eight.

"What's your full name?"

The simplicity of the question made me laugh. "Wow, is that it?"

"That's just the first question."

"Matthew James Ryan."

He cocked his head. "I always thought Ryan was your first name."

"I can't remember the last time anyone called me something other than that." I said. It was a lie. The last I heard my full name called out, it had been in front of a jury. I had cried.

"And you are twenty-two?" He continued.

"Mm-hmm."

"And you grew up where?"

"Lealand." I said.

He made a face. Apparently, he was familiar with the place. "Meth labs, human trafficking... My dad moved here from Lealand when I was little. He said the people there were fucked up."

I shrugged. "Who am I to argue with that?"

I was suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. I did not want to talk about Lealand. I did not want to talk about who there was 'fucked up.'

He sensed my discontent. He placed a slender hand over mine. I watched him watch the river. In that moment, I wanted to kiss him. I stopped myself. My urges were impure. I just wanted camaraderie and comfort. I wanted to feel important. I wanted to feel like I did that night.

The night I had had with Linda had been the best in recent memory. The way we had connected was instant and real. No judgment had passed between us. I had never felt so at ease with another human being.

I bit my lip as the wave of guilt enveloped me. I had unintentionally ditched her to get high and let Artie take body shots off of me. That was the start to a promising relationship. I wanted to see her.

I slid my hand out from beneath Nathan's and took out my cell phone. I paged through it, pretending I had just received a text.

"Nathan, I have to go."

He put his hands in his lap. "Oh?"

"My roommate needs me. You know how that goes. You need a ride?"

He shook his head, disappointment clouding his emerald eyes. "I'll stay. I'm just - I'm not ready to leave."

I walked to the Natalie, not looking back at him. I could feel him watching me go. I wondered for a moment if I should leave him in such a state. Perhaps he too was searching for someone to connect with. Perhaps he wanted someone to understand his loneliness and fear as Linda understood my own. He would not have it. At least, not today, not with me. I got into my car and left Nathan there, alone with his thoughts.

No one was in the apartment by the time I got there. It was probably for the best, since my only concern was to get ready and leave as quickly as I could.

I jumped into the shower and began running through a list of excuses I could give Linda. My car broke down. I had to stay late for work. And, of course, the infamous 'I was sick.' Maybe she would not ask. Maybe she would understand that I was going through a tough time and forgive me.

I pushed the thoughts from my head for the time being and concentrated on getting dressed. There was no reason to get worked up when I was not even sure the girl would be at the bar tonight.

I rushed out to Natalie and took off. On my way, I scanned the park to make sure she was not there. I should have known she would not be. It was a little much to expect her to wait two days.

The bar was surprisingly active that night. I had to wade through a crowd just to get into the door. Beyond it, a cloud of cigarette smoke settled like a dense fog, reinforcing the amorous atmosphere. The multitude of people thinned, and then deepened around the bar and the stage. Three strippers stood atop the stage. Two of them kissed and explored each other's bare bodies. I, however, found myself preoccupied more with the edge of the stage where a redheaded contortionist stood, gently lifting her leg so that it was parallel with the rest of her body.

I pulled my attention away from her long enough to take a long, sweeping look around. No Linda. I had expected that, though. I sat down at the bar to drink and wait.

I made sure to order a couple drinks at once. The bartender was very busy and looking stressed. A few drinks in, I noticed a familiar bellow followed by boisterous laughter. Artie was seated at the end of the bar offering twenty dollar bills to the redheaded stripper. I kept drinking.

A few hours later, I was embraced from behind. I turned quickly, hoping to see Linda once again.

The man that stood smiling was a former coworker. He had waited at the same bar as I did when I had first gotten out of jail. He was about six foot tall and had long blond hair that hung loosely in the middle of his back. This along with his frail features led to several gay jokes, with him as the punch line.

I smiled back at him. "How have you been, Juicy?"

He leaned in and kissed my cheek. "Brilliant! I just opened my own flower shop."

"Seems like something you'd do."

He nodded along, unaware of the attack on his sexuality. "You look like you're doing well! I hope you moved into a... more accommodating place."

I shook my head. "Not on a teacher's salary." I said, trying to sneak in that I had real job.

"Oh!" He said, excitedly. It was exactly the reaction I had been hoping for. "That's so great for you, Ryan. Just so great!" He rubbed my arm, his manicured nails gently stroking my skin.

I took a step back and looked around. I enjoyed the praise, and I liked Juicy, but not enough to allow him to be intimate with my arm. Juicy was always so optimistic. I loved that about him. I also liked that when I told him my life was going well, he was genuinely proud of me.

I continued to survey the room for Linda. Behind Juicy was a man I did not recognize feeling up the back of Starr's thighs. She must have come with Artie.

Behind them, Linda stood alone, awkwardly looking around.

"Excuse me." I said to Juicy. I began shoving my way through the crowd to get to her. Excitement and anxiety pounded in my chest. I reached out and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh, hey!" She said. "I missed you the other night."

"I'm so sorry about that."

She nodded. "No, it's fine. It was stupid to think you would hold true to a commitment made to a complete stranger."

"Don't do that." I took her hand. "I wanted to be there. I regret not being there. I want to make it up to you."

She slowly shook her head. "I can't."

I stroked her brunette curls. "You can." I pleaded. "Let's go to the park."

She pulled away. A thin arm reached around her waist and placed a drink in her hand.

"I'm here with someone." She explained, as Juicy walked around to stand beside her, his delicate hand still resting on her waist.

"Oh, Ryan, I see you've met Linda." He kissed her cheek. "We met here the other night after some guy stood her up. We just got to talking. Linda is fascinating." He said.

"We're dating, actually." Linda added, hesitantly.

My excitement faded into a deep regret. I stood in silence for a long moment, not sure how to react.

"I thought you were gay." I said finally, hoping that humor would lighten the mood. "I mean, you even answer to 'Juicy.'"

Linda shot him a concerned look, but Juicy only laughed.

"I never did understand why you and Artemis called me that. Was it some sort of joke?"

I nodded. "He used to say you were the juiciest fruit at the bar. It kind of stuck."

He laughed again, but his spirits did nothing to help my mood. I looked around for a distraction, and found one almost immediately. The guy from earlier was still groping at Starr's ass. Starr - as damaged as she was - was really all I had. It was time she was reminded.

I swallowed, "Could you excuse me?"

I walked passed them quickly and charged the guy's shoulder. He lost his balance and connected with the floor. Hard.

He started to get to his feet. "What the - "

I kicked his jaw and sent him rolling from the force.

"Ryan!" Starr screamed.

A crowd had begun to encompass us. They blocked the exits. They blocked the bouncers. "Fight!" They chanted. I obeyed.

I pulled the man up by the back of his polo.

"Get up." I growled.

The man pushed himself up to his feet, faltering slightly before he swung at me.

It connected with my shoulder. I replied with a fierce jab to his abdomen. He doubled over.

"Stop!" Starr latched onto my arm. I shook her off.

"You cheating fucking whore! You want meto stop?" I grabbed her throat and threw her into the floor.

Two more men grabbed me from behind. I kicked wildly, but I was unable to shake them. Another came at me and began dealing blows to my face. I fought to release my arms, so that I could cover my head, but the men held me firmly.

"You think you can just throw a helpless woman around like that?" He spat.

"S-she's hardly helpless." I stammered. Another strike connected with my chest, forcing the air from my lungs. Another. Another. A sickening crack seemed to drown out the roar of the crowd. I desperately gasped for a breath, but to no avail. Darkness was eating away at the corners of my vision. Air! I needed to breathe!

The man was thrown out from in front of me. The two behind me dropped my arms and were sent flying in separate directions. I fell to my knees. I caught my first lungful of air in minutes. I coughed and sputtered. Feet danced around me. Another man skidded across the floor beside me.

I looked up. Artemis was scrapping with the other two men. He threw his weight into every swing. The men could not keep up, even with Artemis as drunk as he was. As he punched and blocked, I lied on the floor, strangely comforted. He protected me now as he had in prison, when I was only barely more than a child - as he had for years.

The men were disposed of in less than a minute. His sheer size and brute strength were enough to overcome them completely. He pulled me up to my feet.

"We're going." He said.

I did not argue. I snatched Starr's arm and dragged her out of the club with us.

Once we were outside, we were chased by the threats of the bouncers. We were banned.

I let go of Starr's arm and walked out to my car. Artemis left in his own vehicle. As I got in, Starr climbed into the passenger's seat.

We said nothing for a long time as I drove. I watched her in the side-view mirror. Her make up and hair had fallen. Her cheek and forehead were blackening into a bruise where her face had connected with the dance floor. Welts formed on her neck. She stroked them with her broken fingernails.

"Starr," I spoke in a low whisper.

She looked at me.

"You ever cheat on me again," I said, "and I'll fucking break you."

She nodded, and I drove her home.