Of Faith and Doubt

4.

It was nice, to walk through the village. It was still very early, and many of the parishioners were still in bed, having a sleep in. Some were already up and about though, as Monday was washing day. Granny Willows was in her garden, hanging up the laundry. Matthew greeted her, and stopped for a chat. He had to. Granny wouldn’t let him pass by without a few words.



“Good morning, boys! Having a nice walk?”



Matthew was still feeling awkward, and heard hints in every word. “Yes,” he said friendly, but through clenched teeth. “I’m showing Randy around.” Someone had to do it, right? Right?



“Carry on then, boys. Don’t let me keep you! Have a good time!” The old lady waved and turned away, to take another sheet.



Pulling his face in a stubborn expression, Matthew continued his stroll. Randy quickly joined him at his side. “I sometimes wish she wouldn’t interfere as much,” muttered Matthew, looking at his feet.



“What do you mean? She was just being friendly… Gee, vicar, you sure are grumpy, today. You were much more relaxed yesterday… What’s going on in your head?”



“I barely slept,” tried Matthew as an excuse. He was grumpy, indeed, and he didn’t want to be. He wanted to be happy and cheerful, and as friendly as he always was. But he couldn’t manage it. It was Randy. His warmth, his scent, and his company in general. It gave him goosebumps all the time. “I’m sorry, Randy. Maybe we should continue another time.”



“Hell no! Oops, sorry.” Randy bit his lip, but his eyes were still smiling. “If grumpy is part of you, I want to know it. I’m not always as cheerful as I am now, you know. It’s part of getting to know you.”



Matthew threw him a glance, and shook his head. “Strange man,” he smirked. “Shall we talk business? What is your plan?”



“Plan… hm. Come to the church every morning, have a cup of coffee, and get to work. That’s my plan. What else?”



“Don’t you need material? The roof needs to be fixed, bricks are broken; where will you get those things? How will you pay for it?”



“Right…” Randy slowed down as he thought, and fell behind. “I haven’t thought of that before… I need stuff. Yeah. And no money at all, eh? Damn.”



“You can still decide against it, Randy. You don’t have to help, if it’s impossible. I can’t pay for it… I’m sorry.”



“Nah, are you crazy? Of course I’ll help! We’ll find a way to get the stuff we need. This church is important, right? So why don’t we ask your parishioners to pay for it? It’s either that or having the next sermon in a meadow!”



Matthew stared at Randy’s happy grin, and opened his mouth to reply. He hesitated, and tried again. “Hm,” he eventually began. “It’s a good idea, really…”



“Yeah!” Randy laughed, and stepped next to Matthew again. “Now we’ve sorted that out… can you stop being so grouchy? I’m your friend, you know. You should be relaxed and happy. Eh?”



“Ehm… Yes. I guess so. It’s… I’m… Yes. But I have work to do. Maybe you should see if you can help some of the villagers today?”



“You want me to leave you alone, is that it?” The carpenter pouted, and shrugged. “Fine. Go to bed early, and be more cheerful tomorrow. See you later, then. Bye, vicar…”



Matthew saw him walking away, and breathed out slowly. It hadn’t been nice of him, to send him away like that, but he wasn’t feeling too guilty. It was better to be alone. Randy made him nervous. He couldn’t say the man confused him, because he knew very well what he was feeling… Randy was handsome, with his masculinity, and even attractive. Matthew was tested. And frankly, he didn’t think if he would be able to withstand the temptation. Or if he wanted to.



There was work to do, that day. Matthew visited the sick villagers, listened to some others, had lunch in the pub and stayed at home that evening. He went to bed early, too exhausted to worry, and slept like a log that night. The next morning, he’d almost forgotten about Randy. Almost. He remembered him very well when he went to his church, and found the carpenter in his office.



“Good morning, vicar!”



Would he greet him like that every morning? Matthew answered with a small smile, averting his eyes. “I see you found the coffee…”



“In the cupboard,” nodded Randy. “I was looking for secrets, but found none.”



“I keep my secrets at my house, Randy, so don’t bother. Thank you.” Matthew accepted the mug, and realised he was still smiling. At least he didn’t feel grumpy, that morning.



“Do you have many skeletons in your closet, vicar? Or is there no more room, with you in it…?”



It took a moment, and repeating the sentence, to know what Randy meant. It made Matthew chuckle. “I believe I told you to behave, yesterday, didn’t I?”



“M-hm, and you told me I shouldn’t tease you. I remember.”



Matthew waited for more, but Randy drank his coffee. “And…?”



“And what?”



“Hm. Almost convincing, those innocent eyes. You remember your promise, Randy, and you just teased me, and misbehaved, all in a few sentences. I thought I could trust you…” He realised something. “About that closet, Randy, I‒”



“Don’t even try it, vicar.” Randy raised a hand, and winked. “Sometimes it’s better to be quiet. Alright, coffee done, now I’m going to work. Today I’ll make a list of all the stuff I’m going to need, so we can make an estimate. You should start at your preach for next Sunday, Matthew. We’ll have to convince the others to give money to the church, so we can mend it. Okay?”



“Sure…” At least that meant Randy wouldn’t start yet. He needed money first. Matthew puffed softly when Randy had left the room, and he leaned against his table to collect his bearings. Maybe he could buy time, by not asking for money, or by continue to lie about having no money at all. He folded a hand over his eyes, and sighed. He was kidding himself, wasn’t he? He liked Randy’s company, and his teasing. He wanted him to be his friend. It was lonely, being a young vicar, even though he had so much contact with the villagers.



“Hey… Are you alright?”



Matthew drew his hand down his face, and looked up. Randy looked at him with a genuine worried expression, observing him carefully. “Sure, I’m fine. Need a hand?”



“Yeah… In that narrow corridor at the back here…” Randy pointed over his shoulder, still looking at him. “You sure you’re okay?”



“Yes.” Matthew straightened up, and smiled at his friend. “Thank you for your concern. Show me what you need, Randy.” Even if it meant being with him in a narrow passage between the walls.



It was dark, in the corridor. Randy lit a torch, illuminating the constricted space. “See, there’s your problem. Up there, in the corner, see? A gap, all the way up. I looked at the roof outside when I came here, and saw a few missing slates. I also found a shed sticking above the walls. Can I take a look inside? Maybe there’s something in it I can use…”



“A shed…?” Matthew had to think hard. “Oh! At the side of the graveyard… Oh yes, there could be something in there. Oh dear, where do I keep that key…”



In the end, he decided to have a look without the key, because he had no idea where it could be. He never used the shed, and it had been locked up for decades. Randy shivered delightedly when he told him. “An unused shed! Exciting… Who knows what treasure we’ll find…”



Matthew laughed as he led him between the graves. “I highly doubt we’ll find treasures, Randy. Don’t set your hopes too high now, please.” He didn’t look at the graves, but Randy stopped a few times to look at the names and dates on the tombstones. Eventually, they reached the shed. “Here we are…” Matthew already knew the door would be locked, but he tried the handle anyway, just in case. The old wooden door didn’t move.



“Are you very attached to it?” asked Randy, pointing at the keyhole. “If I could break it, we could get in. I can fix it later.”



“Go ahead, break in.” Matthew stepped back, giving Randy more room. “Please, enjoy… It does swing outside though, if I remember correctly.”



Randy pulled off his jacket, and pumped up his muscles. It would be useless to run into the door to try and break inside. Matthew was almost sorry he told him the door would swing the other way. The carpenter looked strong…



After trying the door handle a few times, each time with more force, Randy looked at the old hinges. He leaned to his jacket, and took some tools out of his pocket. With tools Matthew didn’t know the name of, he began to wedge out the pin of the hinges. This way, it would be easy… The vicar was almost disappointed he would see a show of muscle power.



“Just a bit more here…” Randy pushed a knife between the door and frame, and wiggled it. “It’s coming… Oh yeah, baby, here we go… Yes!”



Matthew yelped as the door fell his way, and caught it on his hands. It seemed weightless, mainly because Randy was keeping it upright. “Well done!”



“And with little damage,” grinned Randy. “Even the lock is still intact. Come on, let’s put this aside; I’m dying to take a look inside!”



It was amusing to see the excitement. Randy was a cheerful guy with a lively imagination, apparently. It made Matthew smile, and he followed inside. Using the torch, as electricity would be hazardous to even try in here, they had their first look around.



“Slates! Oh yes! And beams! Here, ironwork… Boxes with nails, and locks, and… Oh man, there’s loads of stuff here!”



So there was… Matthew looked around at all the dusty boxes and crates. Apparently, they wouldn’t have to wait for money to start working. “Great,” he said. He meant it, but part of him groaned in despair. No rest… How did that saying go? No rest for the wicked. He wondered what he’d done to get a man like Randy in his life.



Randy interrupted his thoughts, by grabbing his wrists and making a victory dance. “We’re gonna work!” he cheered. “Oh, yeah!”



Matthew laughed as he was dragged along in a circle. Randy pulled him closer, grabbing him at his hips, dancing with him in the tight space. They laughed together, and slowly turned to a halt. Matthew was full aware of the hands on his hips. “Uhm…”



Randy grinned broadly. “Yeah… Hm… Well, we can make a start.” He let go and took a step back, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah.”



“Yes. Indeed. Good. So… Shall we bring some of the stuff into the church? Like… the shingles?”



Randy quickly turned to stack them, picking the stack up in both arms. “Good idea. Time to get to work.”



“Definitively,” nodded Matthew, taking a stack himself. He wanted to get out of the shed. It felt far too dark, tight and exciting, all of a sudden. Work. Good idea.