To Dwell in Whiteness

To my life change came slowly but it did come...eventually and,
as I had discovered, inevitably. Sonya and I had more of those,
she called them, sexual ecounters. They were very wonderful
and easily the best thing that my existence offered. My ventures
out into the real world continued too. My days consisted of
revolving episodes of intense pain followed by periods of intense
pleasure with Sonya. Strangely, I began to want to be alone. I
would send Sonya away, or at least demand she be silent. I
drank much of the purple liquid and often found myself at the
pool talking with Mary Ann. Of course she could not speak to me
but she listened very well indeed.

"Do you love me Mary Ann?" I would often ask. "Ah, you do not
have to answer, I know that you do." I would say other things
too. "How are my sisters and mother? I appreciate the way you
check on them for me Mary Ann." I was getting older and my
way of looking at things had changed. I had grown weary of
the puzzling answers that Sonya always gave to my questions.
Mary Ann's silence was more satisfying and she was nearly as
beautiful, though not nearly as soft and warm to touch. Still, I
considered her the second woman in my life. Sometimes I even
fondled the smoothness of her breasts. I did it for her more than
myself. I didn't want her to be jealous. Naturally I wondered if
such behavior would be considered normal? Of course, I had
no longer held the faintest notion as to what normal was.

Sometimes I masturbated on Mary Ann. At night, or when I slept
because actually I had almost forgotten what night was, I would
sometimes dream of Mary Ann. In my dreams she was always
real and would talk to me just like my sisters had once. At least
I am sure my sisters used to talk to me although I can't recall
them saying anything. All I recall is my mother crying. Perhaps
my sisters were crying too, now that I think back on it all.

One night, just after I'd returned from an especially harrowing
day in the White (I had fought three horrible monsters all at one
time), I drank a large amount of the purple and sat fondling the
hilt of the long and lethal sword that I'd managed to take from
the dead body one particularly nasty enemy weeks before. I
naturally liked it much better than the knife, but I kept both and
was an expert with either. Eventually I drifted into an incredibly
deep sleep.

I woke, or perhaps I only dreamed that I woke for I'm not certain
it wasn't all a dream, and then I saw Mary Ann walking towards
me. She was no longer a piece of lovely sculpture pouring cool
wonderful liquid into my little pool. She was soft flesh and blood
and my groin throbbed simultaneously with my brain's
realization that a long desire had become reality. I had begun
to believe that all things were possible as long as I fought hard
to survive and had a bit of patience. My life could be quite
wonderful at times and this was certainly one of those moments.
I had learned to accept the good along with the harsh. It had
been a lesson taught well and painfully.

Mary Ann came to me and took my hand. I immediately reached
for her breast and found it soft and delightful, no longer smooth
but hard. "I'm sorry, but there is no time for that now Son. We
have an appointment with the Council."

This puzzled and upset me, I wanted to have sex with Mary Ann.
"What is this thing called the Council?" I asked stupidly, hoping
that Mary Ann would be less evasive than the mysterious Sonya.

She looked at me and giggled, and made me smile. "The Council
is simply the Council of course. Hurry, and come along and see
for yourself. Let's be gone so you can finish with them. After we
return I'll massage your balls and suck you. Wouldn't you find
that enjoyable?"

"Undoubtedly," I replied. "Let us begone at once...but must we
enter the White?"

"Of course not, my handsome love. We simply pass through that
green door right over there." There was a door there, and it was
green. I had never noticed it before...perhaps I had forgotten,
but to be honest, it was hard to keep track all strange objects
that existed in my world. The exception being in the White
where there was little save danger and blood...lots of blood, very
red and bright. And often mine, though I was a quick healer to
be sure.

Mary Ann gave me a quick hug. Her taunt body pressed against
mine was exhilirating and I longed for more but she led me
towards the door instead. We passed through the odd portal
and into something I had almost forgotten entirely, the dark. Of
course it was not entirely dark, my eyes adjusted and this new
place might better be described as darkly blue. The light was
brighter further on and Mary Ann pulled me in that direction.

Soon we reached the brighter light, still blue but brighter. There
was a large platform and several people were seated there. I
could only see their heads and shoulders. There was a long,
wooden looking barrier between them and me. Somehow I got
the distinct feeling they were sitting. I stood there before them
with Mary Ann holding my hand and gently stroking my forearm
with her free hand. I felt good that she was there although I
thought there was a hint of anxiety in her soft dark eyes.

"Are you the Council?" I asked.

Someone answered, it was hard to say whom because there
were about fifteen or twenty of them and they all looked pretty
much exactly alike. Their heads were clean shaven like mine,
even the ones that seemed to be female. The voice said, "we
prefer to ask the questions, all you must do is answer directly
and honestly if you please."

Afraid to speak, I merely nodded. Someone asked, "how do you
like your life here?"

"I hate it out in the real world," I said plainly.

"Of course," came a reply. "But in your room, it is quite pleasing
is it not?"

"Yes."

"Of course, tell us then...how do you feel about killing...when you
are out in the White?"

"I don't know how to answer. I feel...different ways about it. I
get very angry and feel upset at times. Other times I almost
enjoy it, and all the time I wish I never had to go back into the
White. It should be called Hell instead."

"Of course," said a slightly more feminine voice. "But what is
this Hell you speak of?"

I felt myself growing a bit angry. This voice reminded me of
Sonya when she was being vague or evasive. "The White IS
Hell," I growled.

"Of course," the feminine voice replied.

"When can I see my sisters again?" I blurted out. It was much
more difficult to contain myself when angry. This was an area
where Sonya had suggested I should seek to improve myself.

"We will ask the questions," another voice reminded. "Forget
yourself again and we shall put you out into the White for an
extended stay. An Mary Ann shall accompany you. Please
consider and wait until we request an answer or ask you to
speak freely...I do not know how we can make you understand
this better."

I nodded, now more afraid than angry. I wondered if my lot in
life was to be constant confusion. Certainly no one made much
of an effort to clear things up for me.

"Would you like to return to the land of your father?"

"Yes, yes!"

"Of course. Would you kill if you returned?"

"Yes, does the White exist there also?"

"Of course. Although you cannot see it...and there is no quick
recovery from the harm they do you. Of course, you would
recover much, much faster than a normal human would. But
you could also die there...unlike here. Although I suspect that
it would extremely difficult for another to kill you..."

"Difficult indeed," another voice chimed in.

"Of course," said another.

"Very difficult indeed, possible but highly unlikely," spoke
yet another.

"Is there anything you would ask of us?" Said the annoying
feminine voice. "I must say, this has all been very interesting
and informative."

"Indeed," added another.

"Unquestionably," said another.

I asked the first question that popped into my head, perhaps it
wasn't the proper thing to ask but it was the first thing I thought
of and they wished to know if I had a question...

"I would like the names of my sisters. I also wonder if my
mother is still crying for me?"

"Of course," spoke a voice. "Now that will be all, we are quite
finished...thank you for your time. Goodbye."

"Wh...but?"

Mary Ann yanked my arm adamantly and whispered, "we MUST
go now...hurry along Son. It would be very bad to delay the
Council." I felt myself growing angry again but I didn't want
Mary Ann forced out into the White. No, I absolutely did not want
that. I put my arm around the girl's slender shoulders and we
walked away. Once again we passed through the green door
and I found myself back in my room. The urn that Mary Ann had
used to pour water into my pool sat silently beside the still
waters. I missed the sound of the gentle splashing but it was
very exciting to have Mary Ann with me in the flesh. "We don't
have very long," she said, her voice grown husky and deep.

I kissed her pretty lips and felt her tongue swirl about mine. Her
hand went to my cock and she fondled it happily. I moaned and
rubbed it against her side. She lay down beside the pool and
opened her legs. "Please, lick me," Mary Ann groaned. I wasted
no time pushing her beautiful thighs even further apart and
putting my face next to her spectacular opening. I ran my
tongue over her precious parts and the sound of her sighs turned
my blood to fire. "I...I've never been fucked, only poured water
to keep your pool fresh," the girl sounded if she was about to
cry. "I'll do all I can to please you Mary Ann. I promise I will
do all and more than any man could to make you feel loved and
appreciated."

"I know you will Son." I probed her ever deeper with my tongue
and her long nails sank deep into my scalp.

I was a magnificent experience for both of us. She was a virgin
and I had only been with one other. Afterwards we fell asleep
wrapped in each others arms. The last thing I remember was
her soft breath so warm against my cheek. So warm and sweet
smelling. When I finally awoke, she was back pouring water
from the urn and hard again as stone. I thought I detected a
tiny bit of change on her face...was that a tear? I could not say
for certain but deep down I felt it most surely was. I kissed her
smooth hard cheek and nuzzled in the cold chiseled locks that
were her hair.

Things made even less sense to me now than before. I had
learned one thing, no one wanted me to know much of anything.
I began to spend less time with the magical boxes and
more time with my weapons. I practiced constantly with the
sword and improved my skill at throwing the knife. I loved to
spend time practicing throwing punches and kicking. I could
even mount a brutal attack with my head, elbows, knees, teeth,
and fingers. I was a killing machine with deadly potential. Still,
I was not especially angry, it had simply become something
that I was damned good at and felt compelled to become even
better if such a thing was possible. In a way, I was thankful to
the White. I had become such a hard man, but that was a good
thing to my way of thinking. Sonya stopped appearing to me
in the flesh and rarely even spoke. I was ok with that and
spent my time with Mary Ann when I wasn't hard at practice.
I could not say exactly what I'd become but then, I couldn't
exactly say what I had been. One day Sonya broke her silence
with a simple statement.

"A teacher has arrived. Listen closely to all he has to tell you
my Son."

A teacher? And what the fuck was I about to learn now?

I went to the pool to bath and watch Mary Ann pour me fresh
water.