A Change of View

Chapter 4

Riley could hear a faint beeping in the distance. Something was burning her nostrils and she tried to turn her head from it but groaned from the pain that exploded in her head. Something in her hand suddenly moved and Riley froze, her head was throbbing in pain but panic passed over the pain.

“Riley,” the voice sounded familiar but she was too scared to open her eyes to match a face to the voice. “Riley? Can you hear me? Don’t fade away again, please.” The pain in his voice somehow calmed her; whoever the voice belonged to wasn’t there to hurt her. She relaxed marginally but didn’t open her eyes.

“Riley, honey, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand…please…” Riley felt something feathery brush her arm, hair? The voice took a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry Riley. This is all my fault…” When she squeezed the voice’s hand, the voice died out. The feathery feeling left her arm and Riley missed it; it felt comforting to have it there. “Can you open your eyes?” the request was no more than a whisper but the sorrow in his voice was, in a strange way, comforting. Slowly, careful of the faint light, she opened her eyes.

The voice didn’t say anything but stared into her eyes. It took several minutes for Riley to break her gaze from the green cat eyes and look around the room. A hospital room. Riley didn’t care for hospitals, the atmosphere was too depressing and made Riley feel uncomfortable. Looking around, Riley saw the faint beeping came from one of the machines hooked up to her. When she took a deep breath through her nose, the burning sensation came back. With her free hand she touched her face and felt plastic. Because the burning was uncomfortable, Riley removed the oxygen tube. As she pulled the tube away from her face she noticed the bandage wrapped around her wrist and the memory of the attack came flooding back to her. Her eyes snapped back to the voice.

“Cale?” Her voice sounded raw and suddenly she felt tears sting her eyes and spill over. It wasn’t a bad dream? She closed her eyes tight against the memory. When a hesitant hand touched her cheek, Riley sobbed and shied away.

“Riley? I’m going to call a nurse, ok? I’ll be right back.” When he released her hand to get up Riley reached for him, wanting to say something but she couldn’t form words around the tears. Pain exploded in her head again and a sob caught in her throat as she closed her eyes against the pain. Cale froze, not wanting to startle her again. “Riley…”

He was at a loss of words. He didn’t want to frighten her but he didn’t know how to comfort her without causing her more pain: physically or mentally. So he did the only thing he could do; he held her hand until she was too exhausted to cry anymore. When the tears ended, she fell asleep and Cale sat with her for a while longer. He knew he should go get the nurse but couldn’t bring himself to leaving her. When he found her in the ally—NO, he wouldn’t think of that. If Riley hadn’t been in the condition she was in he might have been able to finish what he wanted to really do to the man who put her there. When he got the living filth off of Riley, he was planning on doing more than break his nose and blacken his eyes, but he looked up and saw her…

Cale shook his head away from the memory. He knew he would take care of her and not let anything else happen to her. When he first saw her walk into the room, his whole life changed. It felt like something clicked into place and now everything was perfect. He hadn’t meant to come on so strong but the situation got away from him. Because of him, she left the house. Because of him, she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. This was his fault and he would spend the rest of his life making it up to her.

“How is she doing?” Cale looked up to see Kate with Nate behind her. Kate looked like she had been hit by a bus: her eyes were hollow and blotchy from crying, she didn’t wear her protective layers of make-up, and her hair was a mess for two days of neglect. Nate looked in better condition than she did but you could see the strain and worry on his face.

“She woke up about an hour and a half ago…” Cale took a shuddering breath. “She said my name and removed the oxygen tube. She saw the bandages on her wrist and burst into tears. I tried to go get the nurse and she panicked. She reached for me and I think she must have a massive headache because they had to put stitches in the back of her head…” Cale swallowed hard twice and turned to look at Riley’s sleeping face. He traced the slowly fading purple bruise on her cheek bone, careful not to touch the cut on her cheek. Luckily the cut wasn’t deep enough for stitches so the doctor said it shouldn’t scar. “She cried for about twenty minutes before she was too exhausted to cry anymore and she fell back asleep… every now and then she stirs and cries in her sleep…” Cale trailed off again and dropped his head down to Riley’s arm.

“Cale…” Kate wanted to comfort, but she didn’t know what to say. The day before, everyone who tried to tell him that it wasn’t his fault got their head chewed off. “You know she doesn’t want you beating yourself up over this.”

Cale’s head snapped up, “She should despise me for this. If she forgives me for this I will be the luckiest man in the world.” His voice was hard but the pain in his eyes made Kate start to cry again.

Riley could hear the humming of voices but couldn’t decipher any of the conversation yet. She flexed her hand that Cale was holding before and felt relief that hand was still there. She heard rustling around the room and knew she and Cale weren’t alone. She didn’t want to know who was there; she just wanted to keep the world out of her head and the warm hand in hers.

“Riley…can you hear me?” This was a quiet, female voice and Riley recognized it instantly. Over the time Riley has known Kate, she had never heard the sorrow in Kate’s voice that she heard now. “Riley, please open your eyes…please…” Because Riley knew Kate would nag her, even in this condition, she slowly started opening her eyes.

When her eyes fluttered, she flinched. All of the lights in the room were on and hurt her eyes. In reaction to the flinch, the pain in her head exploded again and she cried out. She sucked in a breath through her nose and felt the burning again. Just put a bullet in me and finish the job, Riley thought to herself. Without opening her eyes, she reached up and pulled the oxygen tube out of her nose again and threw it on the floor.

“Riley, I turned off the lights if you want to open your eyes again.” Riley wasn’t sure whose voice this was. It didn’t sound like Cale but again familiar. Then it clicked that, since Kate was here, it must be Nate. Even slower this time, Riley opened her eyes. There was still a faint light in the room so she could see everyone, but not enough to hurt her eyes. Riley looked around the room, making sure not to look at Cale. She hardly knew him, yet she wasn’t willing to lose him yet. She didn’t want to make him uncomfortable.

“I take it you don’t like the oxygen, huh?” Kate had a shadow of a smile on her face; she was trying to lighten the mood. For her sake, Riley managed a hint of a smile herself, but couldn’t manage anymore. When she felt Cale’s hand start to leave hers, she tightened her grip and gave him a panicked look.

“Don’t leave me.” Riley’s voice was barely more than a whisper but the panic behind it kept him in his place. He wrapped his other hand around hers and gave her a worried look.

“I’m supposed to get the nurse, when you woke up the last time and I didn’t get her, I got in trouble. They threatened to kick me out if I didn’t let them do their jobs.”

“Please don’t go away.” Riley’s eyes filled with tears but they didn’t spill over.

“I’ll go get them Cale.” Nate said quietly and slipped out of the room. Riley stared at Cale with pleading eyes, hoping he would promise to stay.

“I won’t go away. I will stay as long as you want me too.” Relief flooded through Riley and she swore some of the pain in her head faded with the panic.

When a nurse rushed in wearing Tweety Bird scrubs, Riley tightened her grip on Cale’s hand. “Hello Ms. Miller, how are you feeling?” The nurse tried to take Cale’s place, but Riley wouldn’t let go. “Excuse me, I need to check her vital signs.” The nurse said politely. Riley gave Cale a panicked look.

“Riley, I’m not leaving. I’m just going to move out of the nurse’s way so she can check you out. I’m going to go stand next to Kate and Nate.” When Riley didn’t let go, he brought her hand up to his lips and
kissed her fingers. “I’m not leaving you.”

Riley swallowed hard and let go. She watched him walk across the room and didn’t take her eyes off of him. She heard a ripping sound and flinched but never took her eyes off Cale. “Are you in any pain Ms. Miller? You hit your head pretty hard.” After placing the blood pressure cuff on her arm, the nurse grabbed her chart. When Riley didn’t respond to the question, the nurse finally looked her at her. “Ms. Miller? Can you hear me?” Riley only nodded in response, the movement causing pain to explode in her head but she didn’t want the drugs to make the pain go away. If the pain went away then she would sleep; if she slept that night would come back to haunt her. “Ms. Miller? Are you in any pain?”

“No.” Riley wouldn’t look away from Cale. She didn’t want anyone’s pity and she could feel it radiating from everyone in the room—except for Cale. The nurse took the rest of the required vital signs in silence.

As she was leaving the room she turned to inform Riley that she would send a small tray of food, but Riley didn’t hear her. When the door closed quietly, Riley waited for Cale to come back to sit beside her but he stayed up against the wall, not moving.

“Well,” Kate broke into the silence, “we need to go call Emily. Come on Nate, we have to tell her—and everyone else—that Riley is awake.” When Nate gave her a confused she started pushing him toward the door. “We’ll be back by later Riley, don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

“Which isn’t much,” Nate muttered to himself, then dropped his eyes to the floor when he saw the glowering look Kate gave him. “See you guys later.” Nate let Kate push him the rest of the way out of the room and Kate blew Riley a kiss before the door closed once more. Riley was still staring at Cale. He seemed to have a dire need to inspect the floor, because he wouldn’t meet her eyes.

“Riley…” Cale finally looked up to see tears glazing her eyes. She wouldn’t let them spill over. I won’t let this haunt me, Riley told herself. Cale looked lost. “Riley…I…”

“Thank you.” Riley broke in. “Thank you…Not just for staying, but for…” She wasn’t ready to talk about it. Not even with Cale.

“Don’t thank me for that Riley. If it weren’t for me you wouldn’t have even been there—“

“This isn’t your fault. I didn’t leave the house because of you.”

“Riley, don’t try to make this about you—“

“I don’t know if you noticed which one of us is in the hospital bed, Cale, but it isn’t you.”

“I do know who is in that bed and I know whose fault it is.”

“Cale I just met you last night, you really don’t know that much about me—“

“Actually, Riley… You’ve been unconscious for two days.” When Riley’s mouth dropped open, Cale slowly
started walking toward her. “I was starting to get worried, everyone was. That’s one of the reasons why Kate didn’t stay for long: she wanted to let everyone know you were awake. A lot of people have been by to see you.” Cale gestured to the flowers, balloons and stuffed animals on the table but Riley was still staring at Cale.

“Two days…” How could that be? “Are you sure?”

“Yes…” He hesitated, slowly sitting in the chair he was in before and taking her hand carefully in his, “I sat with you almost the whole time…” He dropped his gaze to their joined hands.

“Really?” Riley was surprised. Here was this man she barely knew, sitting with her in a hospital room with someone he barely knew. “It better have not been because you felt guilty.” The flash of anger in her voice made Cale’s head snap up.

“Riley, if it weren’t for me you wouldn’t have left the house.” The determination in his voice just mad Riley angrier.

“You don’t know anything Cale.” Riley took a deep breath, “I didn’t run because of you, I ran because of me.”

“I don’t understand.” Cale looked sick, Riley wanted to comfort him but wasn’t sure if he would accept it.

“Cale, I ran because I was unsure of myself, not because you frightened me away. I was ashamed of myself for how I reacted. If anything, this is my fault. When you kissed me, I was shocked, but then something changed and I was the one who lost control. When I realized that I was letting the situation get out of hand I panicked. I have to admit I wasn’t planning on you kissing me, but I never knew I would have had that kind of reaction.” Cale was ghost white and Riley was afraid he was going to pass out. “Cale? When was the last time you slept?”

He looked confused at the question, and then he started laughing and shaking his head. “You…you…” He was laughing so hard he had to collect himself before he could finish the sentence. “Let me get this straight. This all happened because of your reaction to me and you’re—the one lying in the hospital bed—is worried about how much sleep I’ve gotten?”

“Yes.” Riley said it so simply and matter-of-factly that Cale started laughing again. “I don’t see what is so funny Cale.” Cale, with laughter still in his eyes, brought her hand up and kissed her palm. Riley sucked in a breath when his lips brushed over her fingers. The laughter in his eyes disappeared and was replaced by lust. He looked away and carefully lowered her hand but not releasing it.

“Sorry.” The strain was back in his voice and Riley felt a new pain: rejection.

“Don’t be sorry Cale.” Riley didn’t know the words to use to make that look of lust come back. She liked it. She enjoyed being wanted that way, at least by him.

“I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“Cale you didn’t hurt me before. You have yet to hurt me. I went too far and panicked. I was the one who ran out of the house—under my own free will—and I was the one who—“She couldn’t finish the sentence. She took a deep breath and continued on. “This isn’t your fault. And I know a lot of people must have been telling you this but now I’m saying it. If you deny it you’re just going to make me angry.”
They sat together in silence staring at each other. Riley didn’t care for the silence. She usually enjoyed the quiet and she preferred to be alone, but not now. She didn’t think she would ever enjoy it the same way. “Cale…I want to go home.”

“I don’t know it the doctor will allow that yet.” He took a deep breath; it was time to talk about what happened. “Riley…you lost a lot of blood. They had to do a blood transfusion—“ he didn’t add that they had the same blood type and it was his blood that ran through her veins—“You do have a small concussion and the doctors were getting worried, with how long you were under. When you woke up the first time, they threatened to kick me out because I didn’t go get the nurse.” Riley sat in silence, listening to her assessment. Was she that close to dying?

“Cale…how did you know where to find me?” She was ready to hear the story. She didn’t think she was capable of talking about it, but she thought she was ready to hear it.

“I got lucky, seriously.” When she gave him a strange look he continued on, “I saw which way you ran out the window and I thought I would give you some time to calm down. Then Emily said you would be back in a few hours and I knew I couldn’t wait to talk to you that long so I followed. I was lucky that I was able to find you at all. You chose the wrong way to run Ri.” He took a deep breath, somehow knowing she had to know. “I got to the intersection and was about to turn back when I heard you scream…I wasn’t sure if it was you or not, but I had to know.

“I started running toward the screaming and I saw…” Cale had to swallow hard, twice. “I kicked him off of you and I was ready to kill him…” Cale had to swallow again. Riley could hear the truth in his voice, she knew he would have. “I was going to take that knife and…well I looked up and I saw you crawling away, blood dripping from your cheek…”He reached up as if to cup her face but he stopped and dropped his hand. He lowered his head to the bed and took a few deep breaths before he could continue.

“I knew you needed me more. I made sure that…that…he couldn’t leave. I came over to you and you were shaking so badly. I started to reach for your phone and you started to freak out. I thought I got you to calm down but you just froze, like a deer caught in headlights. I called 911 and the shaking got worse, then it suddenly stopped. I started yelling at the operator to hurry…you were so still…” They sat together, silently. Riley was still, she couldn’t move. The only sounds in the room were the hum and beeping of machines and Cale’s ragged breathing.
When a light rap on the door interrupted the silence, Cale lifted his head and looked directly into Riley’s eyes. There was something in his eyes that made Riley want to weep, the passion behind them and something else tucked behind it made Riley want him to never leave her side. “Hello, I heard Ms. Miller was awake.” An older man came into the room; he was wearing green scrubs with a white lab coat over it. He had a full head of grey hair and a full beard, reminding Riley of a thin Santa Clause. “Hello Ms. Miller, my name is Dr. Richards. How are you feeling?”

Riley rolled her eyes and looked at the doctors deep brown eyes, “I’m really getting tired of the question. How do you think I feel? My head hurts, but I don’t want any meds for it because I have had enough sleep, don’t you think? Besides, every time I fall asleep, then wake up that stupid oxygen tube in back in my nose. I feel sore all over. Can I go home now?” Riley was a little surprised at herself for the sudden burst of anger but she liked it, it was a small release and she was already feeling a little bit more like herself.

“Well, let me check you out and I’ll see what we can do. But before I can send you home, you will need to give a statement to the police.” He was carefully watching her to see her reactions, as expected, human nature kicked in and she looked away and turned into herself. “If you aren’t ready for that yet,” he said in a tone meant to be soothing but it just made Riley’s anger surge again.

“Don’t talk to me as if I’m some child throwing a tantrum. I’ll talk, but I want Cale in the room with me.” That surprised the doctor and Cale carefully kept his face blank.

“If you think you can maybe you can tell me a little bit about it.” He watched Riley close into herself again and lifted an eyebrow, waiting for her response.

“What do you want to know?” Riley asked in a quiet voice.

“Did he rape you?” He already knew the answer to that question, but it was a step for her.

“You already know that answer…” When the doctor just raised an eyebrow, Riley took a deep breath, “No, he didn’t. When Cale came, he was trying to get his pants undone.”

Doctor Richards didn’t answer, he just nodded. “Ok,” he pulled a flashlight out of her coat, “Follow the light with your eyes.” He didn’t ask anymore question, he just did an examination. When he touched the back of her head and she winced. “I’m going to prescribe you some medication for the pain but you are doing extremely well. I’m going to have someone come it to check your blood levels and if those come back normal, I’m not going to release you yet. I just want to keep you here for observation purposes because of how long you were unconscious but if everything seems to work out okay then I don’t see why you can’t go home tomorrow. You don’t have any broken bones, just a nice bump on the head.”

Riley was irritated she couldn’t leave today but at least tomorrow wasn’t that far away. “Okay.”

“I’m going to place a phone call for someone to come and take your statement and we’ll get the blood work going.” When Dr. Richards left the room, Riley looked back to Cale and the look in his face was carefully guarded.

“What wrong Cale?”

“I don’t think you’re ready to give a statement. It’s too soon Riley.”

“Cale, this is something I need to do. I don’t want to put this off because then I will dwell on it and it will just get harder. This is going to start the closure I need.” He didn’t look happy with that answer but knew a stubborn woman when he saw one. He sighed deeply before walking over to her and taking his place beside the bed.
“I just don’t want you to become too upset.” The guarded look transformed into worry and Riley took his hand in hers.

“It will be okay. As long as I have you with me, I know I can do this.” Cale looked at Riley with resignation, knowing he couldn’t persuade her to wait.

“Maybe we’ll get lucky and they’ll just want a description of the guy. I already gave my statement so they probably won’t have that many questions, just clarification.” Riley nodded but where it was in agreement or not, Cale didn’t know.

“Cale, can you promise me something?” Cale looked at her for a few seconds before he slowly nodded his head. “If they ask me some questions that you don’t want me to answer, don’t say anything. I want to at least try to answer them.” When Cale opened his mouth to object, Riley continued on. “This is something I need to do. If I can’t answer it I won’t. But I at least need to try. Please, Cale.” She wasn’t asking for permission, she was asking for him to trust her.

“I don’t want to see you in anymore pain Riley. I don’t think I could sit here and watch you wage a war with yourself. I just want you to forget this whole thing ever happened.”

“Cale, I don’t want to forget.” When Cale teeth snapped together Riley squeezed his hand. “I may be a victim but I don’t want to suffer from it. I want to be able to take this horrible thing and grow into a better person. I can’t do that unless I accept what happened to me. I realize that this is going to be hard, but I have to at least try.” Cale lowered his head to the bed and sighed.

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So there was chapter 4, chapter 5 is still a WIP but hopefully i can finish it soon! Please review! TTFN!