Iris
Chapter 4: Let Me Rest In Pieces.
Today I woke up and the sun was shining into my eyes making me squint. There was no pain in my chest, no rising panic. I tried to speak just in case maybe this whole thing had been a dream, but no noise came. I shrugged and burrowed under my blankets trying to catch the last breaths of warm sleep. I thought about Brian. Who else? I imagined his arms wrapped around me as his breath tickled the back of my neck. I was quiet and still enough I could almost feel his chest hard and warm behind me. He was my own shield from the bad terrible things lurking around the corner to grab me.
It surprised me how much I was willing to let Brian take from me. In the past month I had become closer to him than I had to anyone, letting him see the playful light side of me, and some of the dark There were times when I wanted to hold back everything, when I got scared that he couldn’t handle it all. But he never backed off, never let me retreat back into my shell.
There was a loud knock on my door, and I only had a moment to wonder who it was before the door burst open. I jumped and rolled over as the door hit the wall with a loud bang. Clara was standing in the doorway with a big smile. She was wearing a floppy beach hat and had a big bag slung over her shoulder. She took off her big sunglasses and practically bounced over to me.
“Good morning Erin, common sweetness we’re getting up and going out today.”What was it with this family and surprise trips? Something must have shown on my face because the next thing I knew Clara was pulling me out of bed.
“Don’t worry, I already talked to Dr. Lisa and your mom, they thought it was good idea to get you out and about for a little. I think they’re planning some big surprise for you any way. Brian said…”I looked at her sharply. Brian hadn’t said anything about this to me; I was beginning to feel a little left out here.“Oh did I just spill a secret? Damn.” She said before clapping her hand over her mouth. “Oh what am I getting all worked up for? You’re an adult a little foul language isn’t going to bother you.”Clara winked cheekily at me and set her bag down on my bed. She up-ended the whole thing on my bed, scattering brightly colored clothes, sunscreen, and some other random things. Make-up and hair clips and shaving cream?I gave Clara a quizzical look, but she just waggled her eyebrows at me.“I think it’s about time you got some pampering girl.” She said with a grin. “You’re just lucky I have the day off, because it looks like this might take some clever ingenuity.” I scowled but let her lead me into the bathroom. I wasn’t that much of a train wreck.***When Clara had finished I had to admit that I looked shades better. There was color back in my face, even slight pink on my cheeks. I looked at myself in the mirror. Clara had washed my hair and put in some hair goo that looked questionable at first, but as she dried my hair I saw soft waves and curls that I didn’t know I had. She brushed it until It shone brightly then went on to my make-up. She didn’t do much, she said, because I already had looks to die for and we were going to the beach anyway. I tried to sign a few things to her, but she only shook her head.
“I don’t do signs honey, sorry.”I did and it was cute, I had to admit. The pink made my skin glow and the brown made my hair stand out. The boy shorts that came with it were another matter. Cute but they were a little small it seemed because when I turned around I could see tush. I tried to pull them down but when Clara saw my struggling she gave my bottom a playful swat.
“They’re supposed to be like that. It entices the men-folk. Now stop and let’s get going.”I pulled on a pair of jeans and a cami over the swimsuit as Clara packed all of the things back into her bag. She rubbed me down with sun block and gave me a pair of shades.“Absolutely glorious.” She agreed nodding her head.On the way out we had to check in with Dr. Lisa, who gave me a big smile and told me to enjoy myself. And after that I was free. Clara skipped out to her car, threw the things in the back and drove off so fast my head stayed glued to the headrest for a good five minutes. But, just like before, it felt amazing to be moving around outside of the hospital. I picked up my little notebook and scribbled in it.
‘Brian?’ Clara glanced over.“He’s at work, so it’s just you and me today. For a while at least” She added on mischievously. I wondered if she meant that Brian would be around later, and contented myself with that thought as we made our way back out to his house.“You know he’s so lucky to have this secretive little place. I love it.” Clara said. I nodded. “I want to tell you something Erin.” I turned in my seat to listen, I had a feeling I was going to like what I was about to hear.“You might not want to believe this but, Brian is more fragile than he looks. He’s such a good soul, but he’s been through so much.” My heart squeezed.“I don’t think you’re a bad person, Erin, but you don’t notice the damage you do until it’s way too late , and by then you’ve burned all of your bridges. I want you to take good look in your heart, find out how you really feel about Brian, before you push him too far away.”
“Let him in. You’ll be glad you did.”Clara turned on to the winding driveway that led up to Brian’s house. She was right, I knew it. My excuses meant nothing up against the honesty Clara had just shown to me. I liked her brother, really I did, but what we had together confused me, made me feel like I was wobbling around the precipice of an active volcano. But at the same time I felt like I was walking on rays of sunlight when I saw that big smile on Brian’s face. The smile he had especially for me, I thought. And suddenly I knew, with just that little thought I knew. He felt the same way when he saw me. I didn’t need to be afraid that he was going to hurt me, but I needed to make sure I stopped hurting him. I couldn’t wait to see him.
Clara parked and we got out. I noticed briefly that there was a car in the small over hang garage, but didn’t think about it other than that glace as I followed Clara into the house.“Go ahead up stairs and get changed I want to catch the early morning waves. Just use Brian’s room. Oh here...” she said handing over a pink hair band. Clara started digging through her bag and mumbling as I bounded up stairs. When I reached the landing though, she called out to me.“I forgot something, must have fallen out in the car, I’ll go get it. Shoo,shoo. Get upstairs I wanna see a cutie in a swimsuit when I get back.” I smiled and skipped down the hall towards Brian’s bedroom. Clara was so nice to take me out and make me feel normal again. Btu she was so bubbly I almost felt a headache coming on. That’s just who she is, I thought absently. I wonder when….I stopped in front of the bedroom door frozen in shock. Brian wasn’t at work he was in bed on his side facing me, on arm cradling his head the other curled up against his side. My mouth dropped open. He was only half covered by the burgundy comforter, his chest bare and moving with each measured breath. Without his glasses on he looked older, and, sleeping, his hair was more reckless and curled than I’d ever seen it. I raised my eyes heavenward, and I didn’t know if I was praying that he had something on under those sheets…or not.I turned around and tiptoed back down the hall, it was a hard thing to do let me assure you. Clara must have got it wrong, how could Brian be home if…
And that’s when I heard the car speeding away from the house. Oh Great. I ground my teeth together. She had planned this from the start and she hadn’t told either Brian or me what she had been planning. I admit I she was good. I never suspected anything, but as I made my way back to Brian’s door I made a mental reminder to thank her and hit her the next time I saw her. I guess she knew we’d need some time alone, but this is not what I expected. I peeked around the corner of the door frame. God he looked delicious. There was a corner of sunlight that stole into the room covering Brian in the warmth and brightness that stole my breath away. Ok, I thought breathing in deeply, I get the hint.
Slowly I walked over to his bed, so high it was level with my navel. I sucked in another deep breath when I realized I wasn’t breathing. Its okay, I told myself. It’s not like it isn’t anything you haven’t seen. But it was. Oh it was. The defined planes of his chest and stomach made me squirm in delight. I took a moment to look at him, to make sure I got it right when I was lying in my bed tonight, missing him. His shoulders were broad and muscled making him seem a giant even when sleeping. His arms weren’t overly thick but they were strong, tapering into those gentle, big hands I knew so well. I stared lovingly at the indentation between his collar bones, one of the spots that made him go crazy if I licked it. His chest was broad like the rest of him with sculpted Pecs and a small patch of dark hair. I giggled as I noticed his nipples, small and brown against his skin. I had always thought nipples on guys was kind of pointless, in a sort of ‘oops I forgot but I’m too lazy to go fix it’ way. My eyes roamed down his flat stomach and the dark hair that circled his navel leading my eyes down until the line disappeared beneath the sheets. I licked my dry lips closing my eyes to gain some control. I took off my sunglasses and set them on the corner table with my notebook. My hands were shaking as I walked around the bed and climbed on behind him. I slid under the comforter as silently as I could, and then snuggled up to Brian’s back, curving my body around his bigger one. It took a little maneuvering and I must have moved around too much because Brian began to stir and I froze as he turned over and I suddenly got close and person with his chest.“Erin…?” I heard a sleepy mumble and looked up straight into Brian’s eyes. He looked like he was having a little trouble focusing on me. He closed his eyes and sighed.“Clara?” he asked sounding very put upon. I nodded. “She's always doing things like this. Mmm. Doesn’t matter though.” He murmured scooting down on the bed until his head rested on my shoulder. He kissed my neck and nibbled along my collarbone.“I’m glad you’re here” he said earnestly. I was too. I really was going to thank Clara, offer to babysit or something. I cuddled close to Brian his scent all around me. The heady mix of soap, sleep and masculinity, I was in heaven. He shifted so that his body lay half on mine and one of him legs pushed between mine. Through my jeans I couldn’t feel his skin on mine or tell what was under the sheets, but from the sudden blush that heated Brian’s face, I figured there was a no-pants party going on down there. But that didn’t stop Brian’s hands from roaming under my shirt and over my stomach. His fingers skimmed over my hips finding a spot that made my muscles flutter and dance, and when Brian felt it he chuckled, voice deep and sexy.
“That’s how I know you feel, deep down inside. What I’m doing to you isn’t just routine for you. I get past your shield.” He rubbed the spot again tickling and I felt heat shiver down my spine, my hips jolting a little. My eyes rolled into my head.
“Mmmm, you definitely like this.” He growled.
It was such a man thing to say but it thrilled me to my toes and I scooted down until I was looking him in the eye and pulled him in for a kiss. I put all the passion I was feeling into that kiss, teasing him at times with nibbles and bites, and giving him everything at others. Offering touches and tastes where I had been afraid before. I began to feel hot and disoriented as thought made his body mine as well and I could feel him pressing hard and hot against the skin of my belly. I wasn’t afraid like I thought I would be, instead I wanted to feel more. I ran my hand slowly down his chest letting him know where I was going just in case he felt like stopping me. But he kept kissing me his own hand tangled in my hair, pulling me close. I moved lower until I was sure I was going to touch him but I had a surprise in store for him. I pressed his tongue to the roof of my mouth sucking at the same time I reached for him beneath the covers. My hand grasped the root of his shaft and squeezed a little. The hot steel of him jolted in my hand and Brian pulled back from me so suddenly he almost took my lips with him.
I licked them slowly feeling that they were swollen form being kissed soundly.
“Whoa” Brian breathed out rolling on to his back. “Whoa.”I was a little pleased with myself that I had made him speechless. It wasn’t often I made that happen. Well never was more like it. But still, I took my points where I could get them. I sat up and brushed my hair out of my eyes. Brian was still breathing harshly his arm thrown over his eyes. I smirked and let my eyes wander. I clapped my hand over my mouth in shock seeing the tent made by his arousal under the sheets. It was a pretty impressive tent.
“What?” Brian asked lifting his arm. I started laughing so hard I could barely raise my hand to point at his erection.,/p>
I watched as his eyes got round and his face turned the color of a tomato. He scrambled with the sheets trying to cover up, stuttering and getting tangled.
“Argh!” He gurgled as he tumbled over the bed in a heap of sheets.I fell back on the bed laughing so hard that I couldn’t seem to get enough air. Brian scurried into the ensuite bathroom slamming the door behind him. In a moment I heard water running, and a few snatches of half uttered curses. He took his time coming out and hen he did he had a pair of jeans on, the top button undone, and a toothbrush hanging from his mouth. He tossed the comforter to me and walked back into the bathroom closing the door. I guess he’s still embarrassed, I thought smirking. I spread the comforter back on the bed and sat, with my feet dangling over the side, waiting for him to come back out. The water ran for a while longer and when he walked out I gave him a look. He looked like he had gotten some control back, but I knew better than that.
“What?” he said when he noticed my look. I shook my head and shrugged watching him make his way across the room for his glasses.
I didn’t pay him any attention. I knew he hadn’t been ‘releasing’ some of that pent up energy but it was way too fun to tease him.,/p>
He pulled my leg laying me flat on my back. “Com ‘er you!” he said before he tickled me unmercifully.
***Brian made us an early lunch since neither of us had eaten but didn’t want any breakfast food. Suffice to say he was a really good chef, moving around the kitchen like a dancer, giving me commentary that had me laughing. After lunch we went down to the beach and splashed around for a little. I noticed the appraising looks Brian snuck at me when he thought I wasn’t looking. Clara had been right again, and Brian couldn’t seem to keep his hands off of me.We laid in the sand and he taught me some more signs, and we actually got to have a conversation. I was so happy that I jumped on him, hugging him tightly.
“You’re welcome” he’d said quietly. He'd searched my eyes and I knew he found nothing other than happiness, and gratitude for what he had put up with from me. And when he laid me down for a kiss in the sand I felt the need to give him something back. When his hand strayed down my stomach tickling my hip I didn’t stop him. When his finger slipped beneath my swimsuit I only arched my body to get closer. When he pulled away to look at me and whispered:“I'll always remember this, and how beautiful you look right now.”
I couldn’t stop the bubble of love that rose in my heart, and when his fingers tripped me over the edge it was all I could do not to cling to him, shaking from release.He buried his head in my neck as I slowly came down back to earth.
“What I wouldn’t give to hear you moaning my name.” he said huskily. I reached up and smoothed his hair. I knew how much it cost him, but I struggled with guilt and frustration because I didn’t understand any more than he did. I shivered as a cloud skittered across the sun casting us into darkness for a moment. I felt foreboding strong in my stomach and I held on tighter to Brian. He soon would have to give up much. Even more than he thought he realized.
***“I should get you back” he said some time later.It was late in the afternoon and the gulls were just starting to call again for their dinner. I turned to him and kissed his nose. I knew it was time to go, but that didn’t make me want to do it. We walked back to the house holding hands and then I helped him clear up the kitchen. We moved slowly not really wanting to rush because it would be a long time before we could see each other like this again. I gathered my things out of his room, and met him downstairs. The drive home was quiet, a happy peace set between us and he held my hand for the whole drive. We walked slowly to my room, there were a lot of people around, moving fast, not paying us any attention, and we made it to my room without questions. I set my notebook on my bed and Brian came up behind me hugging me tightly. I leaned back against his chest his skin warm enough to feel through his shirt and mine. You gotta love a hot blooded male, I though smiling. He turned me around and kisses me slowly, softly, the touch of his lips lingering long after he pulled away.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?” He said, his voice quiet.,p>I nodded and hugged him briefly before pulling away. I waved at him as he walked toward the door and looked back at me. There was a look in his eyes that I couldn’t quite read, but he smiled and the look was gone as if it had never been. He waved back at me, blew me a kiss and disappeared around the corner. I held that kiss in my hand before placing my palm against my cheek.I was stretching and looking out of my window watching the sunlight turn that pink and gold that was so beautiful it could make you cry, when a knock came at my door. A smile came to my face, had he come back? I turned to see Dr. Lisa standing in the doorway. I tried not to let my smile droop too much, but it was hard.“Don’t try to hide it now, I say a smile Erin. You must be feeling better. I knew a trip out of this room would do wonders for you.”Yeah right. Like this whole thing was your idea, I thought sourly.
Dr. Lisa walked into my room smiling.
“I’ve got a surprise for you.” She began. “You mother and I thought it would be a good idea for you to get a little visit from someone.” As she said it, the dark shadow that had been hiding swooped down and closed like a fist over my heart. I couldn’t breathe.
No! My mind screamed. Please no!
My mother walked in smiling tentatively. “Erin, your brother’s here, to see you. He came back from college when we told him what happened.” She beckoned to someone beyond the door and I froze unable to fight the panic that rose in frigid blues around my mind.My brother, Henry stepped around the corner with the same sickly grin I’d become afraid of. The same look in his eyes I remembered from that day he’d come in my room and held me down.He strode over to me his eyes wide for a hug, but as he put his arms around me I found I couldn’t do anything.
“Hullo Erin.” He said in that same voice that I had screamed over trying to block him out as he raped me, violated me, bruised me, and left me broken.He raped me! My mind screamed. Help me! Don’t let him touch me!But nothing came out, no one heard my frantic crying. I felt bile rising in my throat and Henry’s face swam in front of my vision, just like before. I pushed away from him before sweeping blackness came up to take me down. My last thought was ‘how could I have been so stupid?’ and a taunting voice answered:
You let this happen. You wanted it.And the voice sounded like Henry.Well there it is. Henry you bastard! *shakes fist*. I wanted to get this chaper out before too late but I got distracted so I hope you can forgive me for any errors. I'm really sursprised how fast it's all coming along. I'm happy with it and thats a good sign. More about Henry is coming in the next chapter and as you can already tell, there are going to be a lot of problems that threaten to pull Erin and Brian apart. I get teary just thinking about it.
Comments:Thank you again xVampyrx for all of your kind reviews. I undesrtand exactly what you're talking about because it can get a little lonely sitting here at this computer all day. I find myself reading romance novels and sighing wistfully. I think I would have a car by now if I hadn't spent nearly every pay check on those damn harlequinns. But oh well. Live and learn. Keep reading!