Come Back To Me

//



"Luke?" Philip asked as passed the servant who was doing the dishes from his breakfast that morning.



"Yes sir?" Luke asked setting aside the dish before turning around to face his young master.



"My father is sending me to my grandmother\'s house while he\'s in and out of house for business this summer. He told me that I was to bring one servant to look after me while I\'m there. I was wondering if you would like to come with me." Philip explained and Luke nodded smiling.



"Of course sir, as you please." Luke said and Philip smiled before turning to leave. Luke turned back to the dishes and smiled. The young master had changed ever since his mother\'s death and it had been for the better. While most of his friends treated their servants with such distaste it was as though they thought their servants to be something less than human, his master tried to befriend him. Luke knew better than to give into the offers of friendship. It would make it too hard to leave if he was ever able to save up enough money to leave his station. Luke wanted nothing more than to move to a new place and start his life over as though he had never been a servant. Saving money was hard though, when his siblings were coming of school age. He wanted to make sure that they did not end up in the same position he was so he found himself paying for their school needs when his parents could not. Going with Philip would greatly lessen his workload and he would still receive the same pay, it was just the blessing he needed right now.

//



The next day Patrick found himself behind his desk once again journal in hand as he got sucked into yet another vision



/



Luke literally forgot how to breathe when they opened the large double doors to the huge library. Turning to Philip he smiled so widely it was as if his face would break in half.



"Sir may I look at books?" Luke asked his heart beating rapidly.



"Of course and Luke you need not ask while we are here."



"You truly offer me such free reign?" Luke asked beaming.



"Yes of course, you may come and go from this library as you please."



"Thank you sir, it will save me much trouble." Luke confessed.



"What do mean?" Philip asked confused.



"Well you see at home I must sneak into the library to read the books for only a few minutes at a time when you don\'t require my assistance."



"I didn\'t realize that you could read." Philip said and immediately regretted it, "Forgive me Luke I did not mean to offend."



"Don\'t worry sir it is not common for someone in my situation to know but your mother taught me. She said that she would not have me grow up in ignorance of the beauty and knowledge of written word. That of course was a long time ago, when you were still permitted to play with the servant\'s children." Luke explained.



"My mother?" Philip asked quietly.



"Your mother was a great woman who looked after all the servant\'s well being until the day she died." Luke said seriously for once meeting Philip\'s eyes.



"And now that she\'s gone you are whipped for not finishing your chores on time. Is it that even legal?" Philip spit out disgustedly.



"Your father is of great importance to this town and its financial survival. He could murder a man in front of the courthouse and they would look the other way as if it never happened. Legality is not something Mr. Van Buren must concern himself with." Luke said honestly.



"And I knew nothing and have done nothing since I have learned of it." Philip said sitting down in shame.



"Master Philip you are truly your mother\'s son for your heart is full of compassion and even love for those beneath you, but your father is a man to fear. He knows no compassion since your mother\'s passing, and I fear for you and your kind heart every day. Your father could break you if he wanted young sir and I pray that you know better than to anger him enough to do so." Luke said kneeling down in front of Philip.



"If I didn\'t know better, I\'d say you care for me the way you speak of me."



"I do care for you sir. When we were younger we spent many a day playing together and I looked at you as a friend not as a master, but the time came for me to take my position in the household and accept that I was no longer anything but a servant to any member of the Van Buren family. That day I stopped being your friend and became your servant and caretaker though I am not much older than you."



"Why must you be one or the other? Can you not be both my caretaker and friend?"



"I can try sir, but what I have been taught since the day I turned fourteen has told me that no good can come from a friendship between people in such different situations as mine and yours. I am your servant nothing more."



"You are my friend above all else from now on, and you will teach me to love these books the way my mother taught you. Now never call me sir again to you am Philip, your friend, nothing more, nothing less." Philip said taking Luke\'s hand and pulled him into a standing position.



"As you wish Philip." Luke said and he had trouble keeping the smile from tugging at the corner of his mouth.



//



Patrick came out of his vision with much more force than normal. Instead of the gradual decrease of haziness that he had to shake from his head, he suddenly completely focused on reality as though he had been forcibly pulled from the vision. It was only when he looked up from the book that he noticed a hand on his shoulder and followed the arm that owned the hand up to see that it in fact belonged to Colin who was smirking at him.



"Do you make a habit of staring intently at a book and talking to it?" Colin asked and his hand didn\'t move.



"Oh god what did I say?" Patrick asked turning bright red.



"Let me think, \'As you wish Philip\', \'I am nothing but your servant\', that kind of stuff. Daydreaming about an ex-boyfriend or something?" Colin asked and Patrick froze.



"No not an ex." Patrick whispered.



"Oh juicy, so you\'re telling me that the guy that was all over his girlfriend in my restaurant just two days ago now has a crush on another guy?" Colin asked hoping up onto the desk and staring at Patrick as if he was a soap opera unfolding before his very eyes.



"I’m not crushing on another guy." Patrick said setting the journal aside.



"Yes you are. I can hear it in your denial!" Colin squeaked excitedly, "Give me details."



"There\'s nothing to tell!" Patrick said vehemently pushing his chair back from the desk and going into the back.



"What does he look like? Is he at least cute?" Colin asked following him.



"You\'re not allowed back here."



"Don\'t avoid the question!"



"Well he\'s a little shorter than me, black hair, brown eyes, and a few piercings oh and he\'s annoying as hell but he\'s got a great ass."



"Thanks, but unless I\'ve recently developed spilt personalities then that\'s not what he looks like, but feel free to appreciate the beauty that is my ass."



"You\'re telling me that you\'ve forgotten about last night already?" Patrick asked pretending to be hurt.



"Oh shut it, you\'re no you won\'t even dish to me. A person you\'ve known for three whole days! That\'s practically a lifetime."



"You\'re right I\'ve known you a lifetime and it’s horrible that I won\'t tell you all about the man I have a desperate crush on, that doesn\'t exist."



"Oh he exists and I\'m going to bug you about it until you tell me who he is and what he did to make you promise to be his servant because that is a trick I need to learn."



"You are a pain the ass. What are you even doing here? You must have left with at least six books yesterday."



"Eight actually and I\'m here because they kicked me out of the restaurant because they seem to think that I\'m there too much and I didn\'t want to go home, and your shop was on the way so here I am."



"Wonderful." Patrick said sarcastically but smiled.



"I know now tell me more about that journal."



"What do you want to know?"



"First off? How long before I can borrow it?"



"I\'m not even done with it you vulture!"



"I know but I\'ve recently discovered that you\'re fun to bug."



"I bet you found that out in the last fifteen minutes."



"Yep, but seriously tell me about this guy who wrote the journal."



"Philip Anthony Michael Van Buren."



"What a mouthful."



"He was the son of some guy who was a mean as he was rich so you could imagine. Anyways Philip tries to befriend his butler basically, Luke. Luke is way too afraid to be friends with Philip because he doesn\'t think he\'s worthy of it. Something that Mr. Van Buren drilled into his servants, that they were less than human or something.



"What a guy."



"He also whipped them if they didn\'t finish their chores on time."



"God love the early 1900\'s."



"So anyways Philip\'s father sends him to stay with his grandmother for awhile and Philip is supposed to take one servant with him. So of course he asks Luke to come with him and Luke of course accepts right away."



"Because secretly he’s infatuated with Philip?" Colin asked excitedly.



"No because it\'s less work at the same pay."



"And he\'s hopelessly in love with Philip."



"You go ahead and think that. Anyways Philip goes to his grandmother\'s house which is apparently like a ghost house for all the people you see around. So they\'re spending basically all their time together and Philip realizes that he has feelings for Luke and basically proceeds to freak the fuck out and then that\'s where I am."



"Ok I have to read that, which means you have to finish reading it, now."



"Anxious are we?"



"I\'m not usually into journals because I always feel like I\'m invading someone\'s personal thoughts, but something about that one is just sucking me in like I have to read it because my life depends on it." Colin said dramatically and Patrick felt his throat clench, and his heart dropped to his stomach. It wasn\'t possible, was it? He knew he felt attracted to Colin but wasn\'t that because he looked exactly like Philip, and even that was purely coincidence, right?" Patrick felt his knees give out underneath him, and felt himself falling only to be caught by two warm arms that now wrapped around his waist steadying him. Patrick felt his mind being sucked into the visions again even though the journal sat on the desk in the other room.



Colin watched as Patrick\'s body went limp in his arms and sank to the ground with him. Something wasn\'t right. He couldn\'t focus and he wasn\'t seeing properly. He tried to fight it but soon he collapsed on top of Patrick.

//



Philip wrapped his arms around an unsuspecting Luke who was staring intently at the row of books. Luke jumped at first and Philip smiled tightening his grip and resting his head on Luke\'s shoulder.



"Hello." Luke said quietly leaning back into the embrace.



"Hi." Philip said kissing the back of his neck.



"I like this." Luke said turning in Philip\'s arms.



"Yeah? Me too. It makes me wish things could always be like this." Philip said wistfully as he pressed his forehead against Luke\'s.



"It will be someday, whether in this life or the next. I\'ll find you and we\'ll have this always."



"Is that a promise?" Philip asked leaning in for a quick kiss.



"It\'s a promise from my very soul." Luke said as they pulled apart.



//



Colin snapped back to reality in utter confusion. He must have been daydreaming, although he\'d never collapsed into a daydream before. This one was powerful though, he could feel the tingle on his lips from the kiss and his heart was racing with excitement. Patrick had been in the daydream except it wasn\'t Patrick. Everything about him had been different, the hair the clothes, but yet it was Patrick. Colin shook his head smiling; he was reaching new lows, daydreaming about Patrick already. Suddenly he realized he was on the floor with Patrick underneath him. He sat up quickly and shook Patrick.



"Hey Patrick, wake up man."



Patrick\'s eyes popped open but they were unfocused. Slowly Patrick shook his head and closed his eyes once again. When he opened them again he looked at Colin with recognition in his eyes.



"Why am I in your lap?" Patrick asked smirking.



"You collapsed and I tried to catch you but man you need to hit the gym." Colin said dramatically, effectively leaving out that he\'d collapsed as well.



"Are you calling me fat?" Patrick asked hurt.



"No actually I\'m just a stick boy." Colin said and Patrick laughed.



"Well I\'m sorry."



"It\'s cool, but are you ok? I mean you did just pass out."



"Yeah I\'m fine, it\'s probably from a lack of sleep or something." Patrick said making up an excuse. He couldn\'t very well say, "Well actually I was having a flashback into my past life and I collapsed because you made it more intense because I think you\'re the reincarnation of my lover." Patrick actually laughed out loud at the thought and Colin raised an eyebrow.



"What\'s so funny?"



"Nothing I\'m losing my mind is all."



"Yeah I think I might be too these days."



"Then we can go crazy together."



"Is that a promise?" Colin asked and Patrick felt his throat go dry as the words pushed themselves free.



"It\'s a promise from my very soul." Patrick whispered and Colin looked away quickly and began fiddling with his watch.



"Listen I\'ve been here way too long I should get back for the lunch rush. Colin said standing up quickly and brushing himself off.



"Yeah ok." Patrick said needing an escape from the uneasy feeling in his stomach.



"I\'ll come by tomorrow." Colin said and the all but ran out of the store. Patrick stared after him confused and somewhat shaken. It was nothing more than another coincidence; he just wished they\'d stop piling up.



//



Patrick shook his head trying to free himself from the haziness that came each time he fell into the memories. He knew now that he had been Luke, the servant for whom Philip harbored the feelings for. It was funny how his whole life he\'d never even thought of another man that way, and yet here he was, spending his life inside a book so he could feel what he felt every time he was sucked into the memories. He almost felt guilty because each time he came back he felt more and more for the man in the visions. Add to that he could feel it in his bones that Colin was somehow connected to all this and suddenly everything turned upside down. Or maybe believing Colin was involved was just wishful thinking. He had been stopping by the store almost every day for the past week. He didn\'t even buy anything, he just stopped by to talk, read, and bring coffee. It turned out that Colin was as much of a Starbucks junkie as Patrick and had shown up one morning two cups in hand explaining that he had called Tim to find out what he drank. It made him smile how well Colin was fitting into the role of Philip and Patrick was finding it increasingly hard to not confuse the two.



Marissa thought he\'d finally lost it. Between his obsession with the journal and the way he was practically living at his store he couldn\'t really blame her. If he could pull his head out of the journal long enough to have a coherent thought he\'d probably be worried about himself. The only time he really did manage to separate himself from the journal was when Colin came waltzing into the store with a smile on his lips and a snappy comment always on the tip of his tongue. Everyone was noticing the change in him; most importantly Tim had called him on it.



//



"Patrick what is with you lately? I knew you\'d throw yourself into the store but isn\'t this a little much? I mean come on; Marissa called me in tears because you haven\'t been coming home at night. You\'re scaring us." Tim said seriously.



Patrick almost laughed at the fact that Tim was being serious. Tim was never serious, it was what Patrick loved about him, but now he could see the lines of worry etched in the older man\'s face.



"It\'s nothing Tim. I\'m fine, I just...It\'s fine, I\'m fine." Patrick said distractedly.



"You are not fine! God damn it kid don\'t do this to the people that love you! Why are you pulling away from all of us like this?"



"I haven\'t been pulling away." Patrick argued adamantly.



"Really? That\'s funny coming from the kid I used to see every day, for as long as I can remember who I haven\'t seen in a week because he can\'t seem to return my calls!" Tim yelled and Patrick heard the hurt in his friend\'s voice.

"I meant to call you I just get caught up in..." Patrick said trailing off with a glance at the journal. Tim caught the glance and snatched the thing off the desk.



"This? This is the reason I don\'t know you anymore?" Tim screamed looking at the journal with disdain, "I have half a mind to destroy it." He said disgusted and threw it to the side. Patrick dove after it clinging to the tattered journal like a lifeline.



"Call me when you find that kid I used to know." Tim said shaking his head in defeat as he left. Patrick hung his head in shame. He couldn\'t help it, the power this journal had over him was stronger than anything he had ever felt before.



//



Master Philip revealed something quite troubling yesterday. It seems as through the boy has feelings for me. After the time we have spent together, here in this empty place it is easy to see now that I should have known. All the times he asked me to stay back and forgo my chores, all the hours we have spent wandering this house, the full days spent in library. How could I have missed it? Yet if I had seen it coming would I find myself as ill-prepared as I do now. I feel so unsure of the next step to take.

Should I take the uneasy road with him knowing a short life of a few blessed moments or should I live out my days wondering what could have been if I was strong enough to take that chance. For now I will sleep for tomorrow my decision will change the course of my life.



//



Patrick laughed out loud as he came out of Luke\'s thoughts. How could he have such a firm grasp in the world around him in one life and not in the next? Why couldn\'t he make any real decisions about his life anymore? Here he was sitting at the back of his store at 3 AM because he didn\'t want to go home and face Marissa. Marissa, the girl he\'d once thought he would marry, and now he was sitting on a couch in a dusty old storeroom avoiding her. He needed to go home and explain to her that he just didn\'t love her like that anymore because he was in love with an idea and the past. With such a daunting task as telling someone that you love a book more than them he wasn\'t sure he\'d find the courage to do it. Maybe he could just sit here and finally go crazy, just snap and then he\'d have an excuse for everything.



Sighing Patrick stood up going over the edge was not an option so that left losing Marissa. He just wasn\'t looking forward to telling her it was her or his mind because he had to believe that this had happened, that it was real because if it wasn\'t then all he had to look forward to was an asylum. At least he didn\'t have to explain to Colin that seeming him every day was making his life crumble just when everything was supposed to be coming together. He was supposed to be living his dream not watching as everything he worked for slipped away. At least the journal didn\'t have much more to go but he knew what was coming in his past was going to be the hardest yet to escape from. In the past he was about to face love head on and in the present he was going to do his best to from it so he could hang on to what little sanity he had left.