love and lifeless stars

Yeah, I know. It took me ages to update. In my defense: I moved back to Germany 6 weeks ago and had to find a room, move in and everything. Well I did and everything is fine now. Just have to sort my love life and get used with my flat mates. It's all gonna be very interesting. But I'll find the time to update, I promise.


Chapter 4:

„So what kind of questionnaire is it anyway?” Ro asked, eyeing the sheets on the table suspiciously. He and Len had found a table in the library and now that he had to actually go through an inquiry about his private life, he felt a little bit uncomfortable. After all it was possible that something or the other might hint on Ry’s existence.

“Oh….family life, your confidence towards your body”, Len listed, cramming to find a pen in his bag.

Ro gave a relieved sigh and dug one out of his own backpack. After a few seconds he pulled out his pencil case and pushed it towards the other boy who smiled when he took hold of one of the pens.

“So. I’ll continue were we left off”, the brown haired explained without any further comment on why they had stopped in the first place.

“Kay”, Ro muttered, closing his eyes and leaning back in his chair, his body rigid against the cushion, his hand clawing into the armrest while he dreaded the question about his sexuality that was due to come.

“Since when have your parents been divorced”, Lennard asked, the pen hovering somewhere over the top half of his paper.

Ro opened his eyes and stared at him, his finger fumbling with the hem of his jumper.
He had been sure that he was asked to step out of the closet now and he gave the boy an inquisitive look that was avoided.

“Since 12 years”, he finally answered.

He had no idea why the boy would let the question go, now that he was actually ready to answer. Wanted to answer.

“So you were seven?”
Ro gave a nod and sank back into the chair.
“And you’re living with?”
“My mum.”
“How many hours per day would you say you get to see her?”
“I see her for breakfast and that’s what….twenty minutes?” he began, frowning in thought when he contemplated for how long Ry usually spend time with her.
“And dinner…” he added a bit unsure. He knew that Ry sometimes just skipped dinner.
“So maybe an hour per day?! Don’t know. A bit more on weekends.”
“Ah”, Len made and marked something.
“And your dad?”
“Hardly ever see him. He lives abroad.”
“And are you happy?” Len asked, his blue eyes suddenly turned up and boring into Ro’s green ones.
“Ex…excuse me?” the teen stuttered, taken by surprise.
“On a scale 1 to 10, one being the worst and 10 being the happiest, where would you place your current state of happiness?”
“Ehm….” Ro muttered, having no idea how happy he was. There was Ry and his mum. Both annoying, but helpful from time to time. Never willing to let him be, though, always pressing matters or leaving the mess to him.
“Four”, he eventually decided.
“Has it ever been lower?”
“Yes.”
“Higher?”
“also.”
“Why would you say it’s only on four now?” Len inquired with a quirked brow.
“Because I have no friends”, Ro mumbled, the sudden realization hitting him hard.
“And I got no boyfriend and it’s….its just all so complicated.”
“Why do you think you got no friends?” the brown haired pressed the matter, but quickly shut up when Ro suddenly jumped up, his head red with embarrassment. .
“Could we…could we maybe take a break. Answer this later” – ‘or never’, he added in his mind when he formed the excuse of being thirsty.
Lennard gave him a surprised glance, but nodded his head.
“Sure we can.”
“So…do you wanna grab a soda?”
“Yes.”
The blue eyed got up and lead the way to the coke machine in the far away corner of the school library.
Ro followed in a trot, his steps awkward, unsure as he watched the boy’s lithe body in front of him.
Len pushed a coin into the machine, pressing a few buttons and finally bend down to fish his drink out off the part the machine had spit it into.
Ro found himself watching how his jean stretched over his neat behind. He gave a cough, tearing his eyes away just in time to not be caught by the other.
“What do you want?” Len asked when he came back up again, taking another coin out of his purse.
“Sprite”, Ro answered quickly, trying to step forward and get the drink himself, but only trapping Len between his body and the machine when he stumbled towards it clumsily.
Len's breath hitched, when their chest came into contact, the cold of the soda machine framing his body heat. His lovely round face was burning with embarrassment, making Ro stare even more.
“Not good for your health”, the blue eyed finally voiced in a hoarse croak, his body pressed into the cold metal of the machine to avoid touching the other.
“Too much sugar.”
“Yeah….yeah”, Ro muttered, while he stared into the others deep orbs, heat pulsing right in front with him, so close that he had only to reach out to touch it.
“I….I’ll get you an ice tea”, Len suddenly explained and turned around in order to hide his burning face from Ro, who was again graced with Len’s beautiful backside.
“There’s this….movie convention this weekend”, he started off, Len stopping all movement, hands trembling in the knowledge of what was to come.
“Do you wanna go?” Ro asked softly, his breath stroking the boys ear and without thinking Len gave a nod.
“Good. I’ll….I’ll see you later.”
And with that Ro stormed away, face a single blush.
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“You want what?” Ry shouted inside their head, making Ro wince. He had planned to only tell the other only where he had planned going when he asked for the deal, not with whom, but Ry would not be talked to without an explanation.
“Waste my lovely time to woe that dwarf?”
“He’s not small. We’re just tall. And he’s also very intelligent and nice and…”
“I don’t care what he is!” Ro yelled at the top of their mental lungs. The anger his soul was pulsing with wove itself through their body like a red wave, making their hand actually twitch.
“Please, Ro! It’s just one day. You’ll get the time back”, Ro whined.
It had been five minutes into Ry’s time, but the other teen had stayed tuned in order to ask his brother the favor of getting Saturday for himself. As expected the other had exploded on that request.
“I don’t care if I get something in return, I don’t want you to go out with that bastard. He’s a perv and he wants our body.”
“He does not.”
“Sure he does. He was asking the weirdest questions yesterday. When did you talk to him anyway?”
Ry was practically fuming over Ro’s “betrayal”.
“This afternoon”, the other admitted softly, trying not anger Ry further.
“We finished the questionnaire”, he added, wanting to tell Ry that they had only shared a few harmless minutes, though he was not quite sure if their meeting had been as harmless as he wanted the other to think.
“Ah, the questionnaire”, Ry remarked sarcastically, aware of his brothers attempt to calm him down. “The questionnaire”, he went on. “The fucking questionnaire”.
Well, now he was yelling at the top of his lungs. “And does he know now? About your sexuality. Does he know we fuck boys like him?!”
Ro twitched, a shudder running down his spine.
“I don’t…” he supplied weakly, close to tears.
“Oh, I do and you want to. That’s enough”, Ry’s cynic snarl reached his conscious.
“But I won’t”, he tried to argue.
“But you will one day and you want him to know.”
Ro shook their head.
“Please, Ry. I just want to go and spend some time with somebody. You get to do that too.”
“I’ll get the weekend after”, Ry snapped, leaning back onto their bed.
“Sure.”
Ro made their body smile a bit and then slipped back into the darkness.
Ry gave a sigh.
He did not like this situation. He did not like Lennard.
But he had other things to deal with.
When his head hit the pillow he had instantly noticed how tiered he actually was. His eyes drifted shut, but his mind was reeling, his senses occupied with a sensation he had felt earlier, almost ripping him out of his sleep, when he was meant to stay back. It’s was the timid sound of a piano far away and it had filled him with fear. The sound still clung to his ears, disgust curling his fingers and the emotion had strengthened since he had the body under his control again. He could feel it creeping up his spine, nausea almost bending his body, but not quite. He fisted his hand into the sheets, tearing at them, trying to chase the sensation from his body. After a minute he felt tears running down his cheek, but his head lightened and his eyes fell shut.
Slowly he drifted off to sleep.

When he awoke it was dark, the moon and stars shining trough the open window, plastering a patch of light onto his legs.
With a sigh Ry reached over to the nightstand and grabbed the phone.
He dialed the number and put the phone next to his ear, where he could listen to several minutes of ringing. Finally a sleepy voice answered.
“’hello?”
“Hey”, Ry made and could practically hear the person on the other end pull himself into an upright position. He snickered.
“Rory”, Jermaine asked shocked.
“Yeah. It’s me. I was wondering…” Ry began, but was cut short by the boy who suddenly sounded more angry than stunned.
“Listen. I’m tiered and if you think I’m gonna come running again you’re wrong. We can…”
“No, no, no”, Ry laughed. Jermaine met him with a questioning silence.
“I wanted to ask you out.”
“Pardon me?”
“On Saturday. There’s this movie convention and I thought we could go”, Ry proposed.
“You like movies, don’t you?” he asked, when Jermaine did not answer.
“Yeah, yeah. I do”, the French Canadian muttered.
“So you’re gonna come?”
“Don’t know…”
“Please. I want to spend time with you.”
“Yeah… alright. I will.”
“Good. We’ll meet there?”
“Kay.”
And then he cut the conversation off.

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Aleks: I know it took me a long time to update this and I apologize, since it was the only thing you requested….a new chapter

I’ll be your fairytale: Yeah…Ro is innocent, but Ry’s soon gonna get his share of being confused

Fiby: cake it is….and you can still claim the position of the first Jermaine fan ever….you mentioned it before everyone else cared for him or had the chance to….so what do you say….because soon people are gonna take sides…loads of sides to take by the way

MidnightsKeeper: Oho…cookie for you it is….your thoughts go into the right direction, but don’t tell anyone….;)
And thanks for correcting me….I had the inkling it might be called differently in english and now I know…thanks to you….next time I’ll get it right

Teeta: it’s so hard to answer your reviews, because we already talked about the chapter, but hey- you review- I reply….and don’t stop….god knows I need every little review I can get to attract people…and to stay sane…so hug you for that…and everything else…*getting emo*