Just Friends?

Chapter Four
-------------

Shawn threw the book across the room, and it crashed against the wall of his bedroom with a deafening thud. He burrowed his head in his hands, trying to keep the frenzied confusion coiled inside him but failing miserably. It had been days since he'd last spoken to or seen Jeanne, and it was slowly killing him. He knew it was all his fault- his stupidity... in that one moment of indecision, Shawn had hurt both of them inconceivably.

He'd never felt so isolated in his life before. It was amazing that he hadn't realized how much Shawn depended on Jeanne. Now that she wasn't responding to his calls or his emails, now that she wasn't there laughing with him... Shawn realized just how important she was.

He couldn't eat, because her taste was the only thing he craved. Reading couldn't take his thoughts away from Jeanne- it only reminded him of how she'd read every single of his books, her eyes shimmering with excitement, which led to other more carnal thoughts. His dreams were full of Jeanne's wondering eyes, like rich melted chocolate and her dark glistening hair that fell slightly below the swell of her lovely breasts. He could hear her laughter, feel her smile against his lips... the feel of her warm body against his own, yet when Shawn woke up from his dreams, he found only a cold mockery in his empty bed.

The telephone rang shrilly, and Shawn got up, surprised at the light-headedness he experienced at the movement. He recalled that he hadn't eaten well the past few days, with only some beer to settle his stomach. It didn't really matter anymore. The effort it took him to get to the telephone in the dining room would have shocked him if Shawn hadn't been feeling too numb emotionally to focus on his physical well-being. His hand fumbled as he grasped the receiver, holding it to his ear as he fell onto the comfortable, expensive beige leather couch.

"Hello," he croaked into the phone. Shawn's voice was normally smooth and perfectly articulated, but at the moment, it sounded as though he'd been gargling glass.

"Shawn?" spoke a female voice. His heart quickened briefly, at the familiar tone. Jeanne.

"Jeanne?" he tried not to sound too eager, but failed miserably. She didn't know the ecstasy that was filling his chest at just her soft, quiet voice. It felt as though things were starting to slowly fit back into the places they were supposed to be. "I... how have you been?" Shawn nearly smacked himself at the stupidity of his question.

There was a brief pause. "I think we have to talk," Jeanne said finally. He faltered at those words.

"All right, then, let's talk," Shawn said, trying to ease the tension that had formed between them.

"Can you meet me at Lehman college by five today?" There was no room for a negative response in her question- it was a demand.

"Yes. I'll meet you there." She hung up without a goodbye, and Shawn dragged himself off the couch, wondering what the afternoon would bring.

---------------------------------

She was waiting for him when Shawn arrived. His heart pounded against his chest in a hard drum tempo at the sight of her, his eyes feasting on her face. Against the warm summer light, Jeanne was lovely with her dark hair tied into a loose French knot, white skirt, and dark green lace tank top.

She looked up from where she was leaning against the stone structure surrounded by wreaths of ivy at the sound of footsteps. Her expression was unreadable, and Shawn felt his hope drop a few degrees. A forced smile appeared on her face, the kind that was offered to strangers. It was falsely polite, and Shawn hated it on her usually open, radiant face.

"Hello, Shawn," Jeanne said quietly, not meeting his eyes. "Thank you for coming today." He didn't see the flicker of pain cross her features when she registered the unusual thinness of his normally lean body, the greyish cast of his skin and the overall gauntness of his face.

"Jeanne, I want to tell you how sorry I am... I was wrong," Shawn began, but stopped at the hand she raised as a gesture for him to stop talking.

"Please. I... I've been thinking these past few days about what happened. And I think that you were right." She looked up at him with a quelling look when he looked as though he would argue.

"I don't think we know each other as well as I thought we did. You obviously didn't want anything more than a one-night stand, and I can't be that for you. I'm sorry for the whole dramatic scene before. You have to understand that girls are different from boys, and I wanted... something more than a fuck. But I'm not going to pressure you for something that I can't have. I-" Her words were cut off when Shawn suddenly brutally crushed her mouth with his.

--------------------

Author's Note: I know, I know... the dreaded cliffie! But I had no idea how to continue it from here so... don't kill me. =)