Alisha

It was Saturday morning and my parents had left to do some church function. I snuck down to the study to do some research on abortions; I didn’t like what I found out. The more I researched the more I realized I couldn’t do it.

There were so many pictures of babies that were in all sorts of mangled positions. It was so sad, this one picture actually showed all 10 toes and all 10 fingers, well I know thumbs aren’t considered fingers but still… it was a little human being. I started to sob uncontrollably. What was I going to do!? I was still a kid myself, only 18 years old.

I decided that I should talk to Devon and see what he wanted to me to do, at least get some insight from someone else besides myself, I was feeling so selfish lately and guilty.

“Hello?” I heard a voice on the other end of the phone. I was hoping it was him; I had to work up all my courage just to phone him.

“Hi, Devon?” I asked. Please God, Please let it be him, I prayed.

“Yes, who is this?” Devon demanded. Great, we hadn’t spoken to each other in a week and he already forgot what I sounded like. Well this is off to a great start, I thought to myself.

“Its Alisha!” I snapped. I have a tendency to get a little bent out of shape, but at least I have an excuse now, at least I can blame it on the hormones. I laughed at that thought.

“Oh sorry, I’ve been getting a lot of telemarketers lately. So how are you? Have you come to any decisions yet?” He inquired. I felt so sad for him, he was trying to be so supportive of me but at the same time he wanted me to keep the baby. It was so hard to make up my mind right now; I just wish this burden could be taken away from me.


“Well actually that’s kind of why I am calling. I wanted to know what you thought. After all it is your kid too you know.” I stated. He was quiet, almost too quiet and then I heard a long hard sigh on the other end.

“Alisha, I don’t know what to tell you either. I mean I want to do the honest thing and keep it but who are we kidding? I don’t have a job, I just moved here, we hardly know each other… but I still want to do the responsible thing. I just don’t know.” He confessed. This was horrible news. It was no wonder he was okay with me having an abortion. But wait, the more I thought about it the more it pissed me off. That little chicken shit! I don’t have a job either but I hardly think its fair to pin all this decision on me. What if he changes his mind in the future and then resents me for my decision. No way. Then I occurred to me, there really was nothing else I could do. I needed to run away. I was surrounded by people that were influencing me in the wrong way: Trista introduced me to a life of alcohol and sex, Devon had sex with me, My parents well…we all know about my parents, and all I ever wanted to be was Alisha.

“Thanks Devon I think I know what I need to do” I concluded.

“Alisha…wai--” He started to say but it was too late, I hung up the phone. I just sat there and stared at nothing. Just thinking and remembering all the good times Trista and I had, and the good times I had with my parents before they converted. My eyes burned from all the salty tears. I couldn’t stop crying, I was so overwhelmed with emotion. You would think it would be easy for me to move past everything, the hard part was done; I had made my decision and was sticking to it. But there was still too much to do, so many pieces that didn’t fit. I still needed to get some money together and pack and find a place to go. It wasn’t going to be easy at all.

Just then I remembered. When I was about 6 years old, Marisa’s age, I remember my parents started saving for my college fund. They didn’t believe in trusting solely in the banks so they had it stashed in a massive plastic savings case somewhere, but where? I sat there with my hands over my eyes trying to remember where they would have put it. My parents trust me but there was over seven thousand dollars in there. And then it came to me like a light bulb. I remembered my dad stashed it in the basement, so I ran down there and ruffled through all of the Christmas boxes and Halloween decorations and way at the back I seen something clear.

“That must be it!” I proclaimed. Of course no one else could hear me. Frantically I started to dig faster until, yes, at least I found it – the money case. Why my father stashed it way behind here is beyond me, but never the less that doesn’t matter. I had my means and my decision, all I needed now was a place to go and the right opportunity to take.

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It was dark and my parents had gone to bed hours ago. I lay in my bed wide awake just staring at the ceiling rehearsing what I had planned two weeks ago. I sat up and reached for my train ticket under my mattress and pulled the brochure tucked inside the ticket out. The brochure read:

The Sunset Limited
The only way to travel from coast to coast on a single train. After going north from Orlando to Jacksonville in Florida the train heads west into two sunsets. You see the swamps of bayou country and flirt with the Mexican border before crossing Texas ranges to the mountains, deserts and orange groves of California.
That was my stop, California. That had always been my favorite song by Wave. Trista and I used to always fantasize about us going on road trips and we would just stop off in cheap hotels on the way and just explore and travel the country. It’s funny how one night can change your entire life.
I was going to miss my little Marisa so dearly, but soon I will have my own child to worry about. Just the thought of that put a chill up my spine. I’m not much for religion but lately I have been finding myself praying to God for advice, which is weird for me.
I looked at the clock. It was 11:22PM, time to get going. I pulled the blankets off of me; I was already dressed and had packed everything that I wanted to take earlier on today. I grabbed my reminder checklist I had made and mentally read off all the items just to double check. “Well… this is it” I thought to myself, “your really going through with it.” So much had happened over these last few weeks I hardly recognized myself. I was a ghost at school, I had barely acknowledged my friends at school, and as for Devon…well lets just say he’s not my favorite person at the moment. I was sure in time I would forgive him but after our last phone conversation I was finding it very hard to look him in the eyes, I feared he would see my thoughts, see that all I wanted to do when I looked at him was strangle the little ass.
Quietly I snuck out of the house with my ticket in one hand and my bag in the other. I got to the end of the driveway and looked long and hard at my house. It was a very large house; my grandfather had built it with his bare hands. I had a lot of memories here and it was oddly very hard to leave a place that never really felt like home anymore. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and continued walking down the street to the bus stop that would take me to my train. I had a lot to think about on the way, not just about my life but now about another person.
I wish someone would just shut me up, I felt like a broken record. Thoughts streaming through my head, thoughts like: How am I going to provide for this child? I mean I know I have seven thousand but how long is that going to last me? Will I get a job? Will my child be okay? I was so overwhelmed with stress and frustration. I never felt so alone and afraid, almost childlike. But no, I couldn’t think like this, not now and not ever. It was time for me to grow up.
It didn’t take very long for the bus to bring me to the train stop, in fact I barely blinked and I was there. The bus driver helped me with my luggage, although I didn’t need help. I just kept telling myself “I can manage on my own.”
I looked around the train station, there were so many young people like me, and I imagined there must be so many other people like me. I wondered how many others were running away from their problems too. But something caught my eye, it was an advertisement for “singers wanted” I remember my mother used to teach me how to sing when I was little but ever since Marisa was born we had barely said more then a paragraph to each other each day let alone singing lessons. The reward was very generous but unfortunately it wasn’t where I was headed. I sat down and rested my head against the chair and closed my eyes, so many memories flashed before me. What the hell is wrong with me? I need to be brave. Why do I miss a life I have hated for the last 6 years!? Luckily I didn’t have time to answer any of those questions because just then I heard the loud horn of the train approaching and suddenly the train station got very busy, people coming and going and everyone that was seated was now alert and rushing about.

“Miss? Are you coming, you will miss your train” a man in a blue uniform informed me. He must be one of those guys that handle your luggage and show you to your room. I nodded and stood up and just as I expected he took my luggage and motioned for me to follow him, it was very difficult to maneuver between all the other people and he was very fast paced, at one point I actually thought I lost him!

“Right now here you are” He said as he pointed to one of the rooms, I slide the door open and looked around. It was a standard room for train travel; it had a large bench that pulled out into a small twin sized bed against the far right side, and a tiny table to play cards on or whatever and a very small bathroom, and of course it had storage compartments above for your luggage.

“Well this is it” I thought… “No turning back now…” I sat down on the bench and looked out the window at all the loved ones waving good bye to their families. Oh how I envied people like that. I would have given anything to have a strong connection with my parents again, my early childhood memories were so happy and filled with love, but I have noticed that with time memories do eventually fade.