Devil May Love

Jullien turned and began walking. Glancing back over his shoulder, he called, "You coming?"

Taking a deep breath, Gaibriel began following. There were a few moments of uncomfortable silence, before Jullien broke it.

"You said you're seventeen, right?"

Gaibriel nodded.

"You're lucky... you look so young. I've been feeling so old lately. I’m twenty-one, mind you. Doesn't seem very old, does it? Feels it though. Especially when you see things like your favorite band in the oldies section and your favorite TV shows on Nick at Night." Jullien laughed. "I bet you don't have that problem, do you?"

Gaibriel shook his head. "I'm not allowed to watch TV or listen to music."

Jullien's eyes widened in shock. “You’re joking."

"Nope."

"You don't get CD’s and things from your friends at school?"

"I don’t have any friends. I'm not allowed to have those either."

"What?!" Jullien stopped in his tracks, looking at Gaibriel like he’d grown an extra head. "You've gotta be kidding me? Why aren't you allowed to have friends?"

"My dad says I was born in sin."

Jullien’s eyebrows raised. "Do you believe that?"

Gaibriel shook his head. "No. I don’t believe in God. But I'd never say that to him. I'd probably have no teeth left."

Jullien started walking again, but he kept eyeing the boy inquisitively. “Why do you say that?"

"Say what? The thing about no teeth?" Jullien nodded. Gaibriel shrugged and went quiet.

"Hey, don’t do that. There's something seriously wrong, isn't there? I mean, you didn't just runaway because of a bad test grade or something." Jullien also knew about shutting down when asked questions you don't want to answer. He often did it to Judy. He understood now why it bugged her so much.

Gaibriel shrugged. He knew better than to let other people know what went on in his home. He'd tried it once. Believed all the stuff his teachers and the people on TV would say about abused children being saved just by calling a number. He'd called the number. His father had of course denied it. And his mother was too scared to say anything, so she denied it as well. Gaibriel was scolded for pulling pranks. A week later, he was no longer allowed to watch TV or listen to the radio. He was six at the time. “It’s nothing," he said finally. "I just live in a really strict house, that’s all."

Jullien gave him a disbelieving look. “You’re not telling me the truth. I know. You want to know how I know?" He waited for Gaibriel to shrug and then continued. "Before I tell you, you've got to understand that I don't talk about my past to anyone. Not even my best friend Judy. She only has a vague idea of what happened to me as a kid. So you better feel special. I tell you the truth, you have to tell me the truth too. Deal?" Jullien couldn't believe the words even as they came out of his mouth. Judy would never believe it. But he knew, from personal experience, that the only way he was going to get anything out of this boy was to reveal something just as important.

Gaibriel shrugged again. They were walking up the driveway to a very tall apartment building. “We can go inside if you like," he said quietly. "Since its so private and all." He didn't say it, but he wanted to see how other people lived. And especially how some one as free as Jullien lived.

“You sure? Don't feel like you have to. If you're nervous, don’t do it."

Gaibriel nodded. "It's fine." For some reason, he trusted this man. For one of the first times in his life, he didn’t feel scared and the weight that always rested between his shoulder blades was slightly lighter. Plus, the apartment was obviously not abandoned and lights were on all over the place.

“It’s this way then. I take the stairs though. Elevators make me antsy. Too may people and the whole thing about them falling or getting stuck." Jullien shook his head softly. "That okay with you? I live on the 3rd floor, so it’s not a long walk."

Gaibriel nodded and followed Jullien up the three flights of stairs. The walked in silence, Jullien thinking about this past and Gabriel thinking about his present. Jullien's room was almost in the very middle of the hallway. One of his neighbors had their door open and was watching TV. He waved to Jullien as they passed.

“That’s old man Brown," Jullien said, unlocking his door. "Loopy as a roller coaster but the nicest man you’d ever want to meet. He likes to bring me towels for some odd reason."

Gaibriel smiled at this bit of information. Jullien opened the door and stepped inside, allowing Gaibriel to walk in, then closed the door behind them. Gaibriel was a little relieved when he didn't lock it. They stood in the middle of the living room in uncomfortable silence. Now that they were both up there, neither knew what to say or do.

Jullien broke the silence by clearing his throat. "You, uh, want something to drink? I have soda and some sweet tea in the refrigerator."

Gaibriel started to shake his head, paused and then nodded. A blush spread over his cheeks. "If its not too much trouble... I am a little thirsty from the walk..."

“No trouble at all. Come on, kitchen's this way." Jullien gestured and turned to walk off. Gaibriel followed him down the small hallway and into the kitchen. It was a lot smaller than his own. Most of it was white... White tile floor, and counters. His few cabinets were wood. It was pretty clean. Just a few dishes littered the sink. It looked pretty... normal. Somehow, he'd been expecting more.

"What would you like?"

Gaibriel started, lost in his observations. "Um, soda’s fine."

Jullien smiled at him and grabbed the drink from the refrigerator. "You're nervous. Don't worry, I'm not evil or anything." He handed Gabriel a can of Pepsi from a six pack and returned the rest to the refrigerator. "Let's go sit in the living room. It’s easier to talk if you’re comfy."

Following Jullien back into the living room, Gaibriel sat down in a chair by the door and Jullien sat on the couch across from him. There were a few more moments of quiet, which Gaibriel took to look around the room. The couch and chair they were sitting in were clearly a set. Both were soft and white leather. The dark wood coffee table in front of Gaibriel was home to a few magazines. The one on top had a very handsome dark haired man, leaning back to back against and younger pretty blonde boy. They were holding hands and smiling. Gaibriel liked the picture.

Finally Jullien spoke up. "Are you abused?"

Gaibriel eyes widened his interest in the picture gone. Did this man have no tact at all? How could he just ask someone something like that? Instead of answering, he took a long swallow of his drink and dropped his eyes to the floor.

"Not going to talk, huh? Fine, a deal's a deal. I know you’re abused. And I know because I was raised in an orphanage. I grew up surrounded by children who had been mistreated for years. I was never abused myself. At least not that anyone knows of. I was sent there when I was only five years old so I don't really know."

Gaibriel had stopped looking at the floor and was now looking at Jullien’s face. "Why," he asked quietly and immediately wished he had kept his mouth shut. Quiet was always safe.

Jullien didn't seem to mind though. He shrugged a little and sat back on the couch. "I don't know. And I don't want to know. It's in the past. Doesn’t matter now. Either way, I know what its like. So don't hide from me." Jullien said his last words only after catching Gaibriel eyes.

Even as he spoke, everything in Jullien's head was screaming at him for talking to this kid. Torn right down the middle, half of him wanted to get the kid out of his house so he could go to bed and be ready for work in the morning like always. The other half couldn't bear the thought of kicking this boy out when he was so obviously in need of someone’s help. Maybe he could make a better decision once Gaibriel opened up and actually told him what was going on in his home. Still, a small voice in the back of his mind kept telling him it wasn't going to be so simple.

The silence that followed was heavy and immense, weighed down by each one’s thoughts. Gaibriel toyed with the can in his hands, shifted his weight around in the chair and otherwise fidgeted nervously.

Finally breaking the gaze, Gaibriel said quietly, "He beats me... and my mother. He says I'm not pure, that was born in sin and he’s determined to keep me on the side of good, even if he has to beat me unconscious." Once the words started, everything came rushing out. Feeling like a geyser, Gaibriel began telling Jullien everything, his words coming out a little too fast at times. He told him about trying to get help and the beating he got for that, about the first time Gaibriel tried to stand up to his father and almost ended up in the hospital, about his mother’s hopeless state of mind, about the school and the beating he received for being too proud, and finally about how he was starting to agree with his mother about it being a better idea to just give up.

Jullien was silent though all of it, but his expression told everything. His mouth was open in shock, and his fist clutched the arm of the couch in anger. He had seen some horrible things done to children but never anything like this. Gaibriel wasn’t even a human in his home. He was a puppet and his father had an iron grip on the strings. How this boy could stand to live like that was beyond him. He had to be incredibly strong inside. Strange, seeing as how he looked like he'd break in half on the outside. Gaibriel had gone quiet finally, but Jullien didn't know what to say and he certainly didn't know what to do. He'd been told what happened the last time that Gaibriel had tried getting help from cops. If this man was willing to do things like that to his own son, Jullien didn't want to think about what he would be willing to do to him.

Both men jumped when the phone rang. Jullien flashed Gaibriel a nervous smile and stood up to get it.

"JULLIEN!"

Jullien pulled the phone away from his ear sharply and winced. He had barely put the phone up to his ear when Judy's shrill yell rang out loud enough for Gaibriel to hear.

"Just where have you been?! I’ve been calling you all day! I know you said you weren’t feeling too great but that’s no excuse t-"

"Judy! Judy, hold on a minute! Jesus, girl. Breathe. I slept all day and when I woke up finally I rushed to work to make sure I hadn’t lost my job." Jullien paused while Judy said something else, finally speaking in a normal voice. "Listen, I'm busy right now. Let me call you back later. Maybe tomorrow." Another short pause and Jullien hung up the phone. "Sorry about that."

Gaibriel had been watching Jullien as he talked on the phone. He was dressed all in leather. His pants were tight, with cut outs on the thighs. His shirt was a mid-drift tank top. There was a thick band on this right bicep with a buckle in the middle and a studded belt draped over his hips. Gaibriel felt quite grungy in his ripped black jeans and gray hooded sweatshirt. Looking at Jullien's long shiny blonde hair made Gaibriel wish he had brushed his own before leaving the house. He continued watching Jullien as he sat back down. His eyes narrowed a little. "Are you wearing eyeliner," he blurted. As soon as the words were out of his mouth and he realized what he’d said, a blush burned his cheeks bright red. He wondered where the nerve to say these things had come from.

Jullien didn’t seem to mind at all though. He chuckled a little and nodded. "Yeah, and a little lip gloss too. Bet you've never seen anything like that before, huh?"

Gaibriel shook his head, feeling the blush creep up to his ears. "Are you gay?"

He spoke so quietly Jullien almost didn't hear him. "Wow, getting brave, are we?" He winked at Gaibriel and smiled. "It's okay. Yes, I am. Why, are you?"

Gaibriel went to shake his no and stopped. "I - I really don’t know. According to my father I can't be but..."

“But you think I’m hot?"

Gaibriel's head shot up and he stared at Jullien in surprise. The blonde had the widest grin on his face and his eyes were sparkling with amusement. Gaibriel couldn’t be certain if Jullien was just poking fun at him or if he actually wanted an answer.

Jullien laughed. "Hon, don't be so scared. You don't have to answer either question. But you are what you are. No matter what your father says. If you're a fag, eventually, you’ll figure it out. If not... well, no one's perfect." His grin grew just a little more.

“And you’re perfect?"

"Far from it."

'I think you are,' Gaibriel thought but didn't say. "What was it like for you in school? I always wondered what normal felt like."

"I wouldn't exactly call me normal but... I didn’t like school much. I always got teased for being gay and for my long hair."

"I don't get picked on. I used to but I guess they gave up. I just sit there and stay quiet. I tried to make friends once with this guy named Will. My dad found out somehow and I had to quit talking to him."

"Well - “ Jullien was cut off by the phone ringing again. Rolling his eyes, he got up again and answered it.

"Jullien, what's going on over there," Judy asked.

"I told you already, Judy. Why are you calling me again?"

"Because you never rush me off the phone like that unless you have a guy over there that you're going to sleep with. And if you told me the truth then you didn't have to time to pick up anyone unless you're getting a whore or something and if you are, I'll come straight over there and kick your ass. You know we don't sleep with anyone we don't know about!"

"I'm not sleeping with anyone! Judy, I'll tell you later, okay?"

“No way, buster. You've been funny lately so I want to know now. Don’t make me tell my mom."

Jullien sighed heavily and held up a finger to Gaibriel, signaling for him to wait a moment. “On my way home, I met someone in the park, okay?"

Gaibriel glanced up, hoping Jullien wouldn't say too much. His back was turned to Gaibriel, so he couldn't judge anything by his expression.

"No, I am not going to sleep with him! Jesus Judy, get your mind out of my pants once in a while. .... No, I don't know who he is. ... Yes, he’s over here now. ... What? That's none of your business! I told you I'm not going to sleep with him. He just needed a little help, that's all. .... I don’t know, just some kid."

Just some kid... Those words seemed to echo in Gaibriel’s head. Just some kid. Feeling heavy again, Gaibriel looked away. He hadn’t even noticed how much he was relaxing around Jullien and how hopeful he was getting that maybe they could be friends. He should have known better. He should have known from the beginning that this sexy man would never have thought him anything more than a sad little boy. Standing up quietly, Gaibriel sat his drink down and made his way to the door. Opening the door quietly, he slipped outside and pulled it shut. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, he moved quickly down the stairs and out of the building, making his way back home.

---

Jullien's foot was tapping in annoyance. Judy was the mother hen to end them all. And she was about to peck at his last nerve. "Judy, listen. Seriously. I can't talk right now and you're making me be rude to my company. For the last time, I will call you tomorrow, got it?"

On the other line, she sighed. "Fine. But you call me as soon as you can, okay?"

"Yes, yes. Now, bye." Without waiting for an answer, Jullien hung up the phone and turned around. "Gaibriel, I'm so sor-" He stopped. The chair was empty. His can was still there, so he hadn't gone into the kitchen to get more to drink. He didn't seem like the type to do that anyway. Bathroom? Making his way though his apartment, Jullien quickly checked all the rooms, calling his name once in a while.

Finally back in the living room, Jullien snatched open the door and looked quickly down the hallway. No one. Moving to Old Man Brown’s door, Jullien poked his head inside and cleared his throat to get his attention. "Did you see the kid that was with me earlier come by here?"

The old man nodded. “Sure did. 'Bout mebbe five minutes ago. Seemed in an awful hurry."

Muttering a curse under his breath, Jullien dashed down the stairs. The street was dark and empty. There was no sign at all of Gaibriel or where he might have gone. Sighing, Jullien trudged back up the stairs and to his apartment. He called Judy back and told her everything, then stripped down to his boxers and went to sleep.