The one thing that keeps me sane...

MY STORY...MY CHARACTER...AND THERE IS SEX IN THIS CHAPTER...though I don't really know how good I am at writing it so...have fun! ONWARDS!!!!! Oh, and thank you to my lovely reviews! BIG HUGS!!!!
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Ben took a deep breath. “My dad left my mom after I was born. My older brothers were four and I was only two months when he left. I think I was three when she met Greg and they started dating. He was really nice. He’d take my brothers and I to the park and play catch with us. My brother Dani started acting funny about a year later. Ali was the one who noticed and tried to get Dani out of the shell he had built up around himself. Dani had always been more shy and always had been protected by Ali but he had gotten so much worse.

“Anyway, when I was six, they were ten, I was playing on our piano when Ali came out of the back room and slapped me hard right across the face. Our mother was out working and since Greg worked nights he was always home with us. Ali was mad that I had broken something in his room but he’d never hit me before. Well, Greg came out and asked me what Ali had done. I told him I’d broken something and that Ali had hit me for it.

“He got so mad. He grabbed Ali by the hair and pulled him back into the house...I don’t know where.” Ben took a deep breath, staring at the floor. “I could hear Ali screaming. I don’t even know how long he was screaming for but all I could hear was him screaming. When it finally ended the house went into a dead silence. Dani...he’s been sitting on the couch reading...I looked over at him and he was shaking over his book with tears falling from his eyes. I didn’t know what to think or what was happening.”

For a moment there was silence. Ben took a few shuddering breaths and closed his eyes. From just what Ben had told Laraine he was afraid to hear anymore...afraid to keeping looking at Ben and afraid to look away...afraid to hear the real reason behind all the things that Ben had done.

“When I turned nine I found what was happening to my brothers. I’d gone to a friends house and come home early because his mother had caught me showing him how to make fires in his room. When I opened the door I could hear something coming from the back of the house. I was afraid...more afraid than I have ever been in my entire life to go back there and see. I could hear...Greg’s voice...saying things to my brothers...things I don’t want to repeat ever.” for the first time since Laraine had known Ben he saw tears fall from Ben’s eyes. “He...he raped them...and made them do things to each other so he could watch...he’s a horrible person...and even to this day Ali and Dani don’t talk about him at all.

“When I turned eleven...I got my first taste of what my brothers were going through...” Ben took a deep breath. “Greg had been watching football and I’d come running out to have him sign something for my school. I’d knocked the table and his beer had fallen on the carpet.” Ben kind of let out a breathy laugh. “He stood strait up and grabbed me hard by the arm. He took me back to the spare room...and all I remember is him hitting me over and over and over again before telling me to take off my clothes.

“When I was thirteen Harper, my first boyfriend, and I got together. I’d go to him, since he was eighteen and I trusted him, whenever Greg would hurt me. Harper would give me drugs and alcohol. I got really drunk about a month into the relationship and Harper took advantage of that. The next morning he told me he never wanted to see me again. By that time I was already addicted to the drugs and so I met a few people at my school who I knew I could get stuff from. Greg found out I was doing drugs and things got worse.

“When I turned seventeen I just said to hell with all of it and tried to kill myself by overdosing. Unfortunately that didn’t work and Greg got even more pissed off at me. I moved out at eighteen...got my own place...and moved on with my life. Ali, Dani and I still talked almost every day...and my mom and I kind of fell apart. Two years later I was clean of drugs and I met you.” he sighed and looked up at Laraine. “Here I am.”

Laraine just sat there a moment. “Benjamin I...I don’t know what to say...”

Ben shrugged. “There isn’t anything to say really. I’ve heard sorry to many times...it wont make it better. I just wanted you to know why I’m not the most stable person in the world, why I’m so protective of things important of me.” Ben smiled softly and sort of looked down a second before looking up at Laraine. “Why I was so protective of you and me.”

“Benjamin I...I was such a jerk to you...” Laraine muttered and dropped his head into his hands. “I am such a horrible person!”

“Laraine don’t say that.” Ben told him. “You didn’t know anything about me before now. I don’t blame you for the way you acted because I would have probably done the same thing. Laraine I just want you to know that I really do care about you and I would never want to hurt you...never.”

“Benjamin...I want to be with you...” Laraine told him. “I do. More than anything else in this world I do.”
Ben slid his hand behind Laraine’s head and brought him in for a kiss. It was just a simple touch of the mouths before Ben pulled back a little. “Laraine I don’t want to hurt you.”

Laraine hooked his hand with Ben’s free hand, the one that had his father’s ring on it. “Then don’t.”

“I’m so afraid I will.” Ben muttered. “All I have ever known in my life is hurt Lain...at least until you came along. I’m afraid that I will hurt you without even knowing I’m doing it.”

Their lips met again for a brief kiss. “I trust you Benjamin.” Laraine locked his eyes with Ben’s. “More than anyone else in this world I trust you. I know you wont disappoint me.”

That brought a small smile to Ben’s face and he set their foreheads together. “Sugah I will try my best not to.”

“That’s all I can ask for.” Laraine told him. “I told my mom.”

Ben sat strait. “Told your mom what?”

“That I’m gay. She hasn’t talked to me in nearly two weeks. At least not out of what she has to.” Laraine answered. “I told her you and I were together...of course that was when all of that was going on so it was more of we had been together.”

“Did she flip when you told her?”

“No.” Laraine muttered. “She just kind of walked away.” Laraine kissed Ben softly. “I missed you Benjamin.”

Ben smirked. “You have no idea.”

The next day Laraine woke to people talking in another room. He looked at the clock and groaned seeing it was nine. He had been hoping to at least sleep in till noon. He’d stayed the night at Ben’s house though so he should have known better than to think one of their friends wouldn’t have been there. From the sounds of it Ryan, Michael, and Jess were there.

He sat up and looked around. Waking up at Ben’s apartment had become something usual for him, especially as time went on. It wasn’t that they ever had sex or anything, and they surely hadn’t that night, but sometimes Laraine just didn’t feel like going home. Of course he got into shit with his mom for it since he never usually asked but that was how things went in his household.

Laraine fell back down onto the bed and covered his head right before hearing Ryan. “Hey there sleeping beauty!” Ryan jumped on the bed and pulled the covers off Laraine. “Awe, you have clothes on.” he pouted. “And here I was all excited.”

“Ryan get out!” Laraine groaned. “I’m tired.”

“I bet you are.” Ryan smirked and Laraine hit him with a pillow.

Laraine swung himself off the bed and grabbed his shirt. “You are so immature Ryan. Believe it or not it is possible for someone to stay at their boyfriend’s house without having sex. You should try it some time.”

Ryan pouted. “You are so mean to me Lain.” Ryan, for the first time since Laraine had known him, seemed to get serious then. “Have you and Ben really not had sex yet?”

“No, we haven’t.” Laraine answered and sat down on the bed again. “Why? Is there something wrong with you and Michael?”

“Oh no!” Ryan quickly said. “Nah, Michael and I are always good. I was just wondering because you two seem so close, and that you could get over something so big...I was just wondering if you are like...in love or something.”

Laraine smiled softly. “I don’t know. I might be. I know I want to be but I don’t know if I am yet.” he studied Ryan a moment. “Why are you asking Ryan?”

Ryan shifted slightly. “Michael wants me to move in with him.”

Since when did Ryan confide in Laraine? That was what he was trying to figure out. “Well, you can’t can you? Your not eighteen and wont be for awhile.”

“I know, I mean, I just turned sixteen like...what? Six months ago now? Not to mention Michael’s almost twenty.” Ryan sighed. “But it’s not like my mom would care. She’d probably be happy I was out of the house. I really like Michael also. He’s really nice and I wouldn’t have to run away anymore...since I usually run to his apartment.”

“So, why are you asking me about it? It seems to me you want to live with him.” Laraine told him.

“I do want to live with him. I’m just not sure. I mean, it’s confusing. I want to and yet I’m scared to because that’s a commitment thing that I didn’t think would come into my life until...well, I was older than I am now.” Ryan sighed. “I think I will. I mean, I wont have to lie to my mom every time I go over to his house. I think she figures we’re having sex but I don’t know.”

Laraine sighed. “I don’t know what to tell you Ryan. I personally think that you should live with him. I think it would be a lot better for you than what you are living with now. William may not be happy but I mean, this is about you and what you want. If you want to live with Michael then the more power to you.”

Ryan smiled. “Would you say yes if Ben asked you to live with him?”

That one actually made Laraine think. “I don’t know. Maybe in a while. Once we get things more stable and everything. Like, I think it would be uncomfortable living with your boyfriend and not sleeping with him.”

A laugh came from Ryan. “I think Michael will take full advantage of the fact that we are living together with that one. Which I don’t mind, yah know. It’s not like I don’t sneak out of the house to sleep with him anyway.

“Do you mind if I ask, do you love him?” Laraine asked.

For a moment Ryan was completely silent. He was staring at the bed as if trying to think of a way to answer that one. “I love him...but I don’t think he loves me. I’m to afraid to tell him and have him say he doesn’t love me. That would just be to horrible.”

“Yeah, I can understand that.” it was Laraine’s turn to shift uncomfortably. “When did you and Michael first have sex?”

“Shit...” Ryan thought. “Like, five months after we started dating. We had almost done it one night at a party cause we’d been drunk but we didn’t. Which I was completely thankful for. Then two weeks later we actually had sex and all that fun stuff.” Ryan smirked. “You thinking about doin’ it with Ben?”

That brought a blush to Laraine’s face. “I don’t know. I think so. I think after four months we should move it a little bit forward even if it’s not actually sex.”

Ryan laughed and stood up. “Come on Laraine, lets get out there with the others.”

The two walked out to where Michael, Ben, Jess, and Cathy were at. Laraine sort of smiled to himself seeing that Cathy and Jess were holding hands. That made him really happy to see. More than anything he knew that Jess had wanted a girlfriend for forever and though he knew Cathy had wanted to date Jess he knew that Cathy had also had other boyfriends and girlfriends. Jess was just to much of a hard ass for her to have dated anyone she didn’t even remotely want to talk to.

“Hey.” Ben kissed him as he walked up to the older guy. “Morning sunshine.”

“Morning.” Laraine smiled as he leaned into Ben’s arms. Ryan had taken his place in Michael’s lap after Michael had pulled him over and they all seemed pretty content. “What are you all up to this morning?”

Jess smiled. “We were all hanging out and thought we would come over to see how Ben was doing. We didn’t know you were here also Lain.”

Cathy ran over to Laraine and pulled him into the kitchen, which of course meant they had to whisper since there wasn’t really a door between the living room and the kitchen. “Don’t tell me you two had sex Lainy!”

“No!” Laraine shook his head vigorously. “No we didn’t. We just had a long talk last night and than came back to his house. That’s all I swear.”

“Yeah,” Cathy ruffled Laraine’s hair. “But you’ll tell me when yah do right?”

Laraine nodded. “Yeah, of course Cathy.”

The two walked back out to the living room and Ben wrapped his arm around Laraine’s waist, bringing him close. Yes, Laraine was definitely sure that he wanted to be with Ben. Not only in Ben’s bed but for as long as Ben would keep him around. All of them were like a family that Laraine really didn’t think that he could live without. At least, that was how he thought of it.

“Babe?” Ben said softly in his ear. “You okay?”

Laraine kind of snapped out of his trance and looked up at Ben. “I’m fine...don’t worry.”

Ryan all of a sudden stood and took Michael’s hand. “Well, we need to be off.”

“What do you mean we need to be off?” Michael asked him. “I was under the impression that we had nothing to do today.”

“Michael come on!” Ryan whined. “We have a lot of stuff to do.”

“Since when?” Michael asked as he allowed Ryan to pull him along. “See yah!” As they walked down to Michael’s car Michael was trying to get Ryan to tell him what the hell was going on. “Ryan tell me what is going on with you!” Michael ordered once they got in the car.

Ryan took a deep breath and turned towards Michael in the seat. “Yes.”

Michael stared at Ryan a moment. “Yes?” he thought a moment before his eyes widened. “Ryan are you saying you want to move in with me?”

“Yes.” Ryan nodded. “I am.”

Faster than Ryan could comprehend Michael had pulled him over and was kissing him. “Lets go get your things!” When they pulled up to Ryan’s house Ryan just kind of sat there a moment. “You want me to come in with you hon?”

Ryan shook his head. “No. My mom is gonna be pissed enough as it is. Not like I have that much shit to grab anyway.”

Sliding out of the car Ryan walked up to the house and went inside. He could hear the TV in the other room meaning that was where his mother was. Probably drunk already knowing her. He walked over and stood in the doorway waiting for her to pretend to care. When she looked up at him she set down her glass and blew smoke from her mouth.

“I though you left.” she muttered.

“I did.” Ryan answered. “I came back to get my stuff.”

She quirked an eyebrow at him. “Where are you going?”

Ryan brushed hair out of his face. “I’m moving out. I’m gonna live with Michael.”

“What do you mean you’re moving out?” she snapped. “You can’t move out you’re only sixteen.”

“Way to go you know how old I am.” Ryan muttered. “Listen, I’m moving in with Michael. You’ll still have William here with you. I just have to get out of this house and you can’t stop me.”

“Ryan!” she screamed at him as he went to his room to get his stuff. “I swear to god I will call the cops on that Michael!” she showed up in his doorway. “I know he is over eighteen and I know you and him have sex! I swear to god I will have him put away!”

“Why do you have to make my life such a living hell?” Ryan screamed at her. “Why, for once in my life, can you not just let me be happy? All I want is to get out of here! I would think you wouldn’t mind me being gone! Than you wouldn’t have such an embarrassment living under your roof! You wouldn’t have to make me leave the house every time your friends come over just so you don’t have to be embarrassed by your gay son!”

With that she smacked him right across the face. “You are my son and you will do as I tell you! That means you stay under this roof until you are old enough to leave!”

“Fuck you.” Ryan hissed at her. “I’m leaving. I’ll be back for my stuff later.”

Ryan stormed out of the house and got into the car. He immediately began to sob and Michael pulled him close. “Shh, it’s okay.” Michael kissed his forehead. “You’re okay baby.”

“Ow.” Ryan winced as Michael kissed his cheek and Michael leaned back to inspect Ryan’s bruise.

“Oh babe.” Michael ran a hand through Ryan’s hair. “Did she hit you?” Ryan nodded and buried his face into Michael’s chest. “Jesus Christ. Are you okay Ryan?”

Ryan shook his head. “I just want to get out of here.”

“Alright babe.” Michael kissed the top of Ryan’s head. “Lets get home.”

The drive to Michael’s apartment complexes was a quiet one. Ryan had managed to control his sobs and wipe away his tears. He was thanking god that his mother didn’t know where Michael lived because if she had known that then he would have been in for hell. He didn’t think William knew where Michael lived since William had never been to Michael’s and he’d never told William exactly where Michael lived.

“Come on Ryan.” Michael told him as he got out of the car. Ryan got out also and Michael wrapped an arm around him as they walked up to his apartment. “You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah.” Ryan nodded and took his shoes off as they entered the place. “I just can’t believe her. I really shouldn’t take anything she says to heart but it’s so hard. I just hate her so much!”

Michael took Ryan’s hand and let him into the living room. He sat down on the couch and then pulled Ryan down into his lap. “Ryan don’t let anything that woman says get to you. You are a wonderful person Ryan and I don’t want her to make you believe any different.”

Ryan smiled softly and gave Michael a small kiss. “Thank you Michael.”

Michael smiled back and kissed Ryan. “Thank you for agreeing to live with me.”

The two kissed, this time with no intentions of pulling away. Ryan shifted a little so he could wrap his arms around Michael’s neck and Michael wrapped his arms protectively around Ryan’s waist, one hand sliding up and resting on his shoulder. He pulled Ryan close to him and slid his tongue into that hot, waiting mouth. Ryan moaned and slid his arms does Michael’s chest, grabbing the hem of his shirt. The two were reluctant to pull away but finally they did and Michael’s shirt came off. Michael quickly pulled Ryan’s shirt over his head and then attached his mouth to Ryan’s neck.

Ryan tilted his head back to allow Michael better access and laced his hands into that soft blonde hair. Michael held Ryan close with one hand as the other slid between them to undo Ryan’s pants. The moment Ryan’s pants were undone the two stood and their mouth’s locked again. Michael pushed Ryan’s pants off his slim hips and Ryan kicked them to oblivion. Michael smirked as Ryan’s tongue slid into his mouth and he played with the boy’s tongue ring.

A gasp escaped Ryan’s mouth as Michael lifted him into his arms and Ryan immediately wrapped his legs around the man. They managed to make it back to the bedroom, something that did not happen that often, and fell down onto the bed, Ryan under Michael. Michael, never breaking the kiss, pulled off Ryan’s boxers leaving the younger guy naked below him.

“Why am I the only one undressed?” Ryan asked as Michael pulled away to look at him. “Seems a little unfair if you ask me.”

Michael smiled. “Be patient babe.”

“Not my best quality.” Ryan told him and pulled Michael down for a searing kiss. “Clothes. Off. Now.” Ryan ordered and began to undo Michael’s belt.

Soon Ryan had Michael undressed and they were kissing frantically. Ryan slid his hands into Michael’s hair as Michael kissed down his neck. A moan left Ryan’s parted lips and his back arched as Michael blew softly over his nipple. His moan was followed by a small cry as Michael closed his mouth over Ryan’s nipple. Michael knew how to send Ryan into a fit of pleasure. Michael could do things with his mouth that Ryan thought should be illegal.

“Michael...” Ryan let escape his lips as Michael moved lower. Pants escaped Ryan as Michael dipped his tongue into Ryan’s navel, foreshadowing what would come. “Michael please don’t tease me right now...

Michael smirked and slid back up to lock his lips with Ryan’s. “You are being very impatient today aren’t you?”

“Michael...please...” Ryan moaned as Michael spread his legs. “Don’t be mean.”

Michael reached over to the bedside table and pulled out the tube of lubricant. He slicked his fingers with the substance and kissed Ryan as he slid a finger into the boy’s tight entrance. Ryan sighed in content and arched his body into Michael. Michael slid a second finger into Ryan and Ryan gave out a soft hiss. Slowly Michael scissored his fingers, stretching Ryan for what came next.

“Now...Michael.” Ryan ordered.

Sliding his fingers from Ryan, Michael grabbed the tube and slicked his erection. He kissed Ryan and actually got a little shocked as Ryan flipped them. Ryan smirked down at Michael and took the man’s erection into his hand. Michael moaned feeling Ryan’s warm hand grab his erection and he slid his hands up Ryan’s thighs. Slowly Ryan guided Michael to his entrance and allowed gravity to do the rest.

They both let out a satisfied moan once Michael was fully sheathed inside his young lover. Ryan set his hands on Ryan’s chest to stable himself and rolled his hips into Michael. Slowly Ryan began to raise and lower himself on top of Michael, flexing his muscles to draw delicious moans from his boyfriend. His body felt like it was on fire as he rocked feverishly on top of Michael.

Michael watched Ryan move on top of him. He thrust his hips up to meet Ryan and the boy let out a cry, faltering in his movement a moment. Ryan threw his head back giving Michael a lovely view. Ryan flushed with desire, sweat lightly covering his body as he rocked back and forth, his black bangs clinging to his face, moans escaping those kiss swollen lips. It was truly a beautiful sight to see.

Sliding his hand between Ryan’s legs, Michael took Ryan’s arousal into his hand, stroking it in time with Ryan’s movements. Ryan’s moans and cries got louder as Michael stroked him faster.

“Michael...” Ryan moaned and rocked fast on top of him. “Oh god...” his body began to tremble. “Michael!” he yelled as he came.

Michael turned them and kissed Ryan as he thrust in and out of the boy. Ryan held him close and kissed Michael. Michael came inside Ryan a few thrusts later and dropped his head against the boy’s shoulder. The two lay there for a moment, breathing slowly coming back to normal.

After a moment Michael lifted his head and kissed Ryan softly. “Looks like we’re gonna need a shower babe.”

That made Ryan laughed softly. “That sounds nice.”

Michael rolled off him and pulled Ryan over. “It’s nice...knowing you don’t have to leave.”

“It is nice.” Ryan agreed. “Thank you Michael.”

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YEY! Chapter four done!!!! Chapter five...well...I have to get on that now...REVIEW!