Tutor and Brother

Thanks for the kind words ven_ven. Still waiting for some input, should I continue? I'm new around boys and girls...

4. Discoveries

David stared sightlessly at the huge bed ceiling. Azure blue, embroidered with golden threads, it was an oasis of comfort for his aching body. Until this very minute, he’d had the feeling he’ll never feel rested or not aching again.
He’d been ‘disciplined’ with the riding crop in the afternoon, and then ordered to leave there alone Master and Cedric, and he’d not insisted on staying. It was clear that, whatever William and Cedric had discussed in the library, he was to go.

He’d spent the rest of the afternoon, the evening and night, walking restlessly around his room, along the long corridors of the manor, his body aching and his senses straining to hear something from the goings on in the two rooms. He’d figured where they have been built first in the evening. He’d had the definite impression of hearing three tormented screams sometime late in the evening. Then silence had fallen and hearing it had made him want to scream although he was reclining comfortably in his favorite wing-backed chair. What had been going on there? He didn’t want to imagine, was grateful for being spared…Really?

He meditated about the last two days. Granted, it had been a painful experience, yet arousing. He’d never felt so completely sexually frustrated and completed like in the last two days. He was a monster! The thought made him bolt from bed. He went to the adjoining bath chamber and calling a footman asked for a hot bath. He really needed it. As he washed, he had the feeling of washing away all the pain and the pleasures he’d been given. How was he to go on now? The first obvious answer was that, just like his brother, he’d declined any responsibility and power of decision for himself, putting everything into William’s hands. The question was if he really wanted it. He’d sensed the animosity William had about him, even before William declared he no further intended to make use of his body. It was jealousy. Plain, simple and undiluted jealousy because William, like everybody else was faced with the special bond he felt with his brother. Did his brother feel it as well?

Why were they both caught in this affliction? It was an affliction after all, a disease of the mind, according to some medicine treaties he’d read once in a while. As second born, even twin, the title was in Ced’s hands, so he’d even dreamt on pursuing a medical career. Ced had made his opposition clear. It had been some two years ago. He’d made clear that he wanted his brother close to him, and had no intention of ever managing the large estates alone. David had tried to object that Ced was going to marry sooner or later to pass on the title. Just now he found the explanation for the coolness in Ced’s tone as he said that it might well fall to him this duty, as he was not so sure he wanted to be sacrificed for the sake of a title. Did Ced intend to remain with William forever? David had no answers, but he felt sure that time would tell.

Finished bathing, he went to his brother’s rooms. David entered and went straight to the bedroom. His brother was still sleeping and he was just turning on his belly, a thigh naked, the other entangled with the sheet. David gasped. His brother’s back was covered in very thin welts, his buttocks as well, and even the back of his legs. It hadn’t been any of the whips…his brother had been birched. He remembered the strange, long box, with water and tree branches in it. Had he screamed as he had received the last blows? He remembered something and turned on his heels, leaving his brother still sleeping, while he went galloping down the corridors, into the large library of the Earls. His eyes roamed swiftly the room, and then he took the ladder and pushed it to the desired shelf. He took down two thick, dust covered books.

One was a very old text in Greek, about the pleasures of Ancient Greece, about the valor of male-boy, and boy-boy relationships, accompanied with comments and dialogues about the art of making love gently and seductively, harshly and lovingly, about how a body could be aroused with pleasurable caresses and painfully loving strokes. There were even depictions in crude language about methods of ‘reviving’ the male organ gone limp either by increasing pleasure, or pain that stirred arousal. It held a chapter about the philosophy of pleasures through pains, and all sorts of advice for the ones into practicing this sort of sex and love. He started turning feverishly the pages. Yes, there were even examples of legendary Greek heroes, mythical ones even who’d had this type of relationship with their brother. It contained even a sordid tale about Castor and Pollux. Should this put his mind at ease? At least could he find comfort in the idea that they weren’t the only ones to desire each other? Not the only ones to go and enjoy, even if with conflicting feelings the things did to them by tutor, and the things he knew for sure his brother was going to do to him? Was it really a comfort that Plato’s “Symposium”, or Socrates, and all the other writings seemed to exalt homosexual love, and the Sacred Band of ancient Thebe built exclusively of homosexual brothers in arms?
He closed the book, and laid it aside to take with him. It was to be read and pondered upon.
The other book, was even worse or better. It was full of old Latin considerations, musings and teachings about same art, mentioning even old Egyptian and other Persian traditions in the same vein, including a strange story with men selling themselves as prostitutes for a certain period of time, on the occasion of a celebration. Sick, were these ancient ancestors of human kind sick? Just as sick as he and Cedric? And, in fact, why the sudden interest? It didn’t matter. It was no longer important. He’d have to learn to survive with this new self-image that was for the time being at least, more fulfilling than the one before. Where was the David who’d entertained ladybirds, had even a permanent one, and yet found no satisfaction? He was gone, and in his place was this new David. The David who’d learned to submit to tutor and brother, finding pain and pleasure in one’s arms, finding the two and love in the other’s.
“My Lord”, Travis, the old butler stood in the door of the library, “would you like me to fetch breakfast in here?”
“No, thank you, Travis. I’ll be in the morning room soon. Would like some coffee and kidneys and maybe something sweet, if Cook has anything?”
Travis bowed and left.

He decided on taking the more informative one, about techniques and the philosophy about this way of living, and leave the other one aside. He returned the book to its shelf, and then something else caught his eye, a nook in the wooden frame of the shelf. He’d never noticed it before. He scratched at it, and jumped from the ladder just in time, not to be thrown down. ‘God’, he thought, ‘this place really does have all sorts of secrets and mysteries and unknown places of former generations’…A room covered in spider webs opened with a screech of the wooden wall, laying bare and covered in oblivion. Nothing on the walls, on the raw wooden desk, and David bowed, just for the fun of it, to look under the seemingly unmovable desk. And there it was, a stone, he touched feeling it’s edges. Suddenly the stone moved and beneath it was a book covered in leather and beautiful designs and carvings of gold and silver leafs, sealed with a silver clasp which seemed to attract his eyes like magnet. He took it from where it rested in the veils of times past, and laid it next to the collection of Greek recounts. He closed carefully first the stone and then the wooden wall as he’d opened them.

In the morning room, he made a whole show of breakfast, while hardly expecting to dedicate himself to a more careful perusal of the last found book, and enquired in a casual voice where William was. He was informed that William had left for one of the other estates some twenty miles away early, as he planned on returning by the next day after settling the affairs due there. It was fine. He would have time to look into the books and decide whether to tell or not Ced about his finding. He halted in his thoughts. Did he already plan on deceiving or keeping secrets from his brother? Suddenly his usually clear and blunt eyes took a severe and distant expression. If need be…time will be the judge. They will have to learn again to communicate and trust each other. His brother had hidden from him something more serious for many years. Maybe, if he had been honest and talked, now he, David, would not have this feeling of danger attached to the tutor. Maybe he’d be just as content as Ced seemed to be, and had shared already for a long time Ced’s fate. Anyway, they had a lot to talk about and catch-up to do.

“If my brother asks, I’ll be in the greenhouse”. The old butler smiled. It was, after all, a well known thing that the greenhouse was Milord’s favorite place.

“I now write down these words, and may God have mercy on my soul, and the soul of my lover and brother. We have shared a grave and indeed horrible secret for all the years granted to us on this Earth, during perilous times. I know I am soon to die and follow him, to Hell or Heaven. It does no longer matter. Our family is secured. Our children will honor the traditions bestowed and gather more power and wealth in the centuries to come, as my soul and belief tell me. What we have done, was of our own doing, and no one knows, and with my death the last who could bear witness shall also become nourishment for our fertile lands. If future Earls of Sedgwyck shall read this book, they should not judge us afore understanding, or the curse I laid shall come true. I loved my brother, love him still. If questions would be asked why only my liking is in the gallery, I would answer that they have but to look at me and see the brother. For we were one in all and everything, just as I face myself or could it be him? in the liking. I am the last to know who really is in the liking. One may think I have become vain, or that I am now an old man given to useless reminiscences. Not true. I cannot confess before I die, so here is the story of the second generation of Earls of Sedgwyck, raised to enormous wealth and power with sacrifices, pain and blood, and even more torments of the soul we two bore for the sake of the other…” David halted in reading. What was it all about? Had there been yet other twins in the family? The liking, the liking, where was it? Was it still in the gallery. He dashed again to the house and climbed two at once. He entered the gallery and ran to its end. There it was. Almost black, the colors fading away slowly in time. From the liking a man looking in the mirror, and still seemingly looking to the painter and the future generations gazed down on him. He was tall, powerful looking in his chain-mail, a hand propped at his waist, a foot standing a bit in front of the other. He had same blond hairs, and same blue eyes as David and Cedric. His lips were lifted in a mocking smile. The smile of a man laughing at himself and at the world, a man hiding a secret which he knew, no one ever would be able to guess. Not if hundreds of generations had passed, or just one. It was a man still in full control of his powers, at the height of manhood. He was looking controlled, calm and at comfort with himself and the world, save for a faraway look hidden and not really best caught in his eyes. It closed the color of his eyes, making it melt upon a secret…

“David?”
“Good morn, Ced. I really had the impression you were going to sleep the day away.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Nothing really Ced…I just looked again at the paintings. It helps in collecting my thoughts.” He was not going to mention the book, or the other one for that matter to Ced. Ced anyway had always shown little interest in books and dwelling over them. Not that he didn’t read, but he really didn’t care too much.
“And what were those thoughts David?”
“Nothing, really, just that I love you and I am happy we have this day for us.”
“Do we now?”
David just nodded looking at his suddenly relaxed smiling brother.
“Would you like for us to go to the pond as we did in childhood? The weather is fine, and there we could sit, talk and enjoy time together.”
“Yes, Ced. I believe this would be wonderful.”

They went with a basket with wine and food to the pond. They were the only souls there and relaxed. They started talking and Cedric bared his soul as he’d not done in years. The both confessed to masturbating with the image of the other in mind. They talked about women.
“David, can you touch them? I mean, really touch them intimately? Smell them, feel them, enter them, and make all the things one should do with a mistress?
“Why do you ask Ced?”
“…Because I can’t. I truly can’t. I’ve tried desperately, but I couldn’t even get enough aroused and ended embarrassing myself each time just trying to do it. It’s what really scares me. I couldn’t perform.”
David kept silent for a long while.
“I can. I even lusted after one or the other. I could reach sort of a completion, yet always at the back of my mind was the idea of you. Of having you touch me and love me. I can’t really put it into words, but even now after William had me, I cannot really say I enjoyed the idea of being touched by another man, but you. I believe, what did indeed arouse me and made me find pleasure, was that you were there, the promise of your touch making me accept everything else.”
“And now?”
“Now… now I know that I can give everything up if we have one another. William will not allow it though. Not without him being part of it one way or the other, anyway.”
“If you can, I don’t want you to give it up. Keep visiting a ladybird or another. But love me also. Can you forgive me for what happens with William?”
“William…William was supposed to do what he does. I mean, I believe now it was meant to be so, or otherwise we wouldn’t have found the way to one another perhaps.” David gazed lost somewhere in the distance.
“I will learn to suffer and find the pleasure at the end of pain, for you Ced. It’s one of the things I imagined often while thinking about you and me making love. Strangely enough one of my fantasies was of you dominating me, and even giving me the whip, or the cane, or some slaps with your bare hands. The amendment would be that never so harshly as William enjoys it, tough.”

Cedric took him in his arms, and slowly started to disrobe him. David returned the favor. They stood in the grass now kneeling, facing each other. After mere seconds, they were wildly embracing, kissing, touching and caressing one another. Soon, they both took the other in mouth completely lost in lovemaking. Then Ced slowly turned David, and bent in front of him.
“Take me David, have me, because I have need to feel you inside me.”
David entered him and possessed him with all love and lust.
As it was over they laid there, on their backs, looking to the sky above their heads.
“David”, whispered Cedric soft, “are you sleeping?”
“No, just dreaming with open eyes.”
“David”, he continued in the same whispering voice “please, when we get home, could you, please…” he hesitated a second, “could you give me some, as you wish?”
“Give you some…?”
“I need you to hurt me, just a bit, and make love to me again.”
David looked astonished at his brother. Hadn’t his brother talked about how he’d imagined having him, David, subject to his whip and canes, and whatever? Hadn’t his brother been punished, as tutor stated, for playing out this wild fantasy in a brothel, and now this?
“But why?”
“I will have my turn always when William will be with us. Yet now I know, the one I was thinking about was me, and you my calm and so sensible brother, the one to rule the world and make it seem ordered.”
“I don’t understand…”
“I just begin to, but trust me David, I know better, at least about this, and me and you. It’s not guilt, as I am glad we can share it. So put your mind at ease. It’s lust for you and your being with me, and the things you my brother can do to me”.
“What about William?”
“Don’t ask me. I don’t have an answer, save for the one that he taught me about my yearnings and desires and needs. I know he loves me and even you in his special way, a way we both had need of, if we want to be honest. I don’t know what will happen. The only thing I know is that we still have a long time before us to take a decision. These two years I know will be full of trials and learning. Maybe we both will come out for the best due to this experience. We’ll see with time what we, William, in fact all of us will have to do, or not. Remember just that I love you more than myself David.”

Afternoon was changing into evening, the last purple struggles of light to avoid being encompassed by darkness fading into dark blue and grey.
“Come, brother. Let’s go, and have our evening.” David held his hand out and helped his brother up, jokingly.

They’d gone, and he had indeed slapped his brother with his bare hand a few times, as he really felt sorry for the marks he could still see on his brother’s skin, even if they were fading away. Then they’d slept together, and when he was sure that Ced was deeply asleep, he went into the day room of his chambers and opened the book, a vase next to the door, to hear if Cedric awoke and came into the room.
“…We have now the year of Our Lord, 1320. Six years have passed since Jacques de Molay was burned at the stake. Six years since my brother died in the vain attempt of saving him and other knights templar. He felt he had a debt to them. I look at my last days with sadness. With my brother gone for what seems centuries, I feel I have no more the power and zest of living. Our story begins in the year of Our Lord 1280, when we were but lads of sixteen. On father’s order my brother left for the city of Jerusalem in that blessed and accursed Orient. He was to bring home a wealth of spices, gold, silks and other items to be sold through our merchants, and money to be used for buying more land. My brother was caught by one of the local Emirs, and freed only two years later by the knights templar. During the time he was prisoner, I suffered mightily of his absence, and even fresh married I kept longing for my brother for it was him with whom I shared dreams about my lady faire, about woes and joys, and long nights of merriment and wenching. My first son was born few months before his being freed from slavery, for indeed slavery it had been. Little did I know, what his return would bring…”