Not So Many Meetings Iddleddle Earth

The Real Warnings: This is *intentionally* bad.
DO NOT read if:
>you have recently read another GSC MST. It\'s not good for your health to read more than one a day.
>you are sensitive to fuck-awful grammar, spelling, plot, fics in general, etc.

DO read if:
>you hate bad mary sues with a passion unrivalled.
>you are a glutton for punishment.
Here we go (again). Hang on to something. Remember, this is *intentionally* crap.
Key word today, kids, is RESEARCH. And the pointing out of all Mary Sues thinking their ideas are \"cool.\" *shakes head* I thought you\'d suffered enough bad! spelling, so it\'s toned down a lot this fic. Because, as we all know, not all Mary Sue writers are bad! spellers. It\'s true.

Title: Marathon-Nin (My Love)
Author/Email: Viggo Mortensen / bigstrongandsensitive@verymanlymanmail.com
Pairing: Viktor / Legolas (A/N: Just for a change...)
Rating: PG
Summary: AU crossover in which a man from Russia meets Middle-Earth\'s King to be. He gets stuck in a blizzard while taking his cat to the vet and finds himself magically transported from Russia to Middle-Earth. Cool, huh?
Disclaimer: If you think this is real then your out of your tiny little minds!! Tolkien owns his characters I own myself.
Feedback: YES! YES! YES!
Warnings: This has slash fiction in it. That means male/male slash. If you don\'t like gay mansex then don\'t read this. Because it has gay mansex in it.
Archive: Anywhere that will take it.
Author\'s Notes: This is in no way a Mary Sue. Or whatever the male equivalent is. The character is original and totally make up. Legolas is mine!!! :p


++Chapter One: The Blizzard++

\"Hey there Meaowskovitch..\" (*nods to Corliamat*) said Viktor rubbing his cats head gently. He smiled as the cat purred in content. He picked up the purring animal and quickly shoved it into it\'s cat carrier. The cat was hissing and meowling but it was too late as Viktor had the door shut. He laughed as he looked at the angry moggy.

\"There there little Meaow. If I hadn\'t have surprised you you\'d never have gone quietly would you.\"

He took the carrier out to his car and put it on the passenger seat, strapping the seatbelt as far across it as he could. He drove through the streets of Moscow towards the vet. If Meaowskovitch was unhappy now wait until he got him to the vet!!!! He was going to be spayed. He would definitely be very sorry!!

As he turned off onto a country lane he heard someone talking to him in Russian. Well, not talking as such. Someone was saying, \"Da. Da. Da.\" He looked around, but there was no one in sight. Then he looked at the cat box and saw his cat peering out and smiling at him. Meaowskovitch opened his mouth and said, \"Da.\"

Viktor was so stunned he drove his car off the road and crashed into a tree. Luckily he had been going so slowly that he wasn\'t hurt and his car was okay. But he was unconscious because he had fainted form the shock of hearing his cat speak.

++Chapter Two: Meaowskovitch\'s first Words++

When Viktor awoke he was surrounded by whiteness. The wind whistled through the cold, biting at his cheeks. It was a blizzard!! He quickly tried to switch the engine on but all he heard from the car was a low grumbling noise, like it didn\'t want to go. He thumped the steering wheel in frustation and stared at his cat.,

\"Da?\"

\"You can talk?\" he said.

\"Da.\"

\"YOU CAN TALK!!!!\"

\"Da.\" The cat seemed to smile smugly.

\"How do we get out of this blizzard?\"

\"Da.\"

Great, thought Viktor. A talking cat that can only say one thing.

\"Da, da, da, da, da!\" Said the cat.

He stared out of his window forood ood hour, shivering and shaking watching the blizzard calm down and ease off. Finally the snow stopped all together and he carefully opened his car door, stepping out into the snow. It was white, crunchy and pure and made a scrunching sound beneath his boots as he walked round to the other side of his car and took his cat out of it\'s basket. He held it underneath one arm and started trudging thought the snow to try and find help.

He heard a whistling sound and something thunked into a tree nearby his head. He looked all around him. Where there should be the city streets of Moscow there was now nothing but trees and bushes and....and...he stared.

A tall, muscular, kinlgy man sat atop a dark horse. He had wavy, dirty brown hair that reached his shoulders, a dark coloured beard and piercings green eyes. He had a bow in his hands and is obviously the one who has shot at Viktor.

Two more horses rode up beside him and on one sat a tall man-elf with long, white blond hair and crystal blue eyes. One the other was a small, squat, short dwarf with long orange hair and beard all plated up. Viktor recalled something from his distant childhood about characters in a fairytale...Legoland, Giblet...Aramis...

No, wait. It was coming back to him. \"Who are you?\" he asked.

\"I am Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Isildur\'s heir and heir to the throne of Gondor. These are my faithful companions. This is Legolas Greenleaf, son of Thandull, Prince of Rivendell., And this is Gimli, nephew of Balin, Lord of Moria. We must take you prisoner and take you to the others.\"

\"Da.\"

\"What is that?!\"

\"This is my cat Meaowskovitch. I didnt know he could talk till today. Am I in Lord of The Rings then.\"

\"You are in Middle Earth. Come.\" Aragorn reached down and helped Viktor up onto the hoarse behind him.

\"Who are the others?\" Viktor asked, suddenly afraid.

\"Our fellowhip. There are nine of us.\"

\"Da.\" said the cat. Legolas lifted it up and held it up in the air studying it.

\"What did you say this was?\"

\"A cat.\"

\"An intresting creature. I\'ve never seen a cat before.\" He pressed his face against the cats fur and inhaled. Then promtly sneezed. Viktor laughed.

\"Da?\"

\"Very intresting,\" Legolas continued. He slipped the cat to rest inside his tunic, its head poking out to see what was going on.

\"I never seen him take to anyone like he has to you..\" said Viktor. Legolas simply smiled.


++Chapter Three: Meeting with The Fellowship.++

\"Halt! Who is this?\"

Aragorn turned to Viktor, suddenly realising that he didn\'t knnow his prisoners name.

\"My name is Viktor.\"

\"Boromir. we found him wondering in the woods nearby and took him for an enemy at first. He has a talking cat with him.\"

\"A talking what?\"

Boromir jumped back as Legolas dismounted swiftly and produced Meaowskovitch. \"Da,\" said the cat, quite used to all this attention.

\"See? He speaks elvish.\"

\"Quite
\
\"Da is elvish?\" Viktor asked. Legolas nodded.

\"Yes. It means elf.\"

\"Oh, oh I remember. I know some elvish.\"

\"Really?\" Legolas asked, quite stoned. \"What can you say in elvish?\"

\"Marathon-nin...\"

Legolas blushed bright red and stared at him. \"I think you should save that kind of talk for when we know each other better!\" The elf-man turned on his heel and stormed off into the trees. Four small children rushed up then, but when they got close or sor saw they were men, but little men. Although not dwarves for their hair was not long nor plated and they wore no mail or helmet and carried no aks. The youngest of the four looked tired and weary and wore a silver chain about his neck from which hung the now legendary One Ring.

\"Bilbo..\" said Viktor.

The hobbyt frowned. \"Frodo. Bilbo is my cousin.\"

\"Forgive me. Frodo Baggends. And your fine friends...Sam Hamgee..Pippin Tuck. Merri Bandybruck.\"

Frodo smiled sympathetically. \"Yeah,\" he agreed. \"That\'s them.\"

Sam waved and said \"hullo\" in a very cheery voice. He was fat and very jolly-looking. Pippin and Merri giggled and ran back to the campfire.

\"So who are you?\" asked Frodo. \"Haver you come to try and take the Ring?\"

\"No,\" said Viktor. Shaking his head vigorously. \"I ended up here by accident. I don\'t even know how..\"

\"Well..we shall see about that. We had enemies on our tail, but we are safe for tonight. Take some rest but remember. Someone will be keeping watch. So don\'t try to escape.\"

\"Are you joking.\" said Viktor. \"I\'m not going anywhere away from here. I don\'t know whats out their!\"

\"Orcs. probably.\"

Viktor nodded. The wizard gandalf had simply been watching him with a knowing smile. It made him unnerved.

++Chapter Four: Legolas and Meaowskovitch++

Viktor lifted his head and turned it around to look around. He could see Boromir sat up there on a rock, holding his sword point down against the earth. He looked asleep, but he was keeping watch so Viktor guessed it was probably some elvish trick. He stood and when he was not shouted at he though maybe he was wrong. He crept towards the edge of the campsite and his heart pounded when he heard voices.

\"Da.\"

Meaowskovitch he thought.

\"Your the only one who really understands me, cat.\"

And that was Legolas\' voice. What was Legolas doing talking to his cat in the middle of the night? He moved forward caring and hid behin a bush.

He saw Legolas sat with his back against a tree and he was holding Meaowskovitch in his lap, stroking the happy moggy and purring.

\"Melon-min,\" said Legolas. which Viktor knew to mean \"my mate\". He smiled so his cat had made a new friend! He walked forward into the clearing and Legolas looked up startled.

\"Good evening legolas.\"

\"Good evening. What are you doing up?\"

\"I couldn\'t sleep. The sound of the wind in the trees kept me awake.\"

\"Oh but it is a beautiful sound. Some say it is the lady of the wood whispering in our thoughts.\"

\"The lady of the wood?\"

\"Princess Galadrile. She is beautfiul the fairest elf I have ever laid mine eyes upon.\"

Viktor sighed. \"You are the fairest elf that *I* have ever laid eyes upon\" he said.

Legolas blushed. \"I am proabbly the first!\"

\"There is that...\" Viktor admitted sheepishly. He sat behind Legolas and reached over, patting the cat\'s head.

\"Daaa...\" said Meaowskovitch, sounding sleepy.

\"What is this place anyway?\" Viktor asked, changing the subject because he could see that legolas was uncomfortable with it.\"

\"We are in Lothlorien right now. On the outskirts. We head for Mordor. the Black Land. Where Sauron dwells and sends his armies out to destroy all of Middle Earth.\"

Viktor nodded gravely. \"Will I be coming on you there?\"

Legolas glanced at him. \"It is far too dangerous for you. You will probably remain here under the care of the galadrim. There captain, Celeborn, will undoubtly wish to speak with you in the morrow.\"

\"What about the lady of the wood? Will i see her?\"

\"Do you wish to?\"

\"Truly I have no desire but to stay here with you and admire your own beauty. Verily, it is greater than anything I have ever known!\"

Legolas blushed once again, but he did not turn away from Viktor\'s gaze. Instead he leaned toward Viktor and gently kissed his cheek.


++Chapter Five: Celeborn++

or gor gawked. Celeborn was like an older version of Legolas. He wore a white cape and robes and wore a bow and quiver upon his back.

\"So you are the prisoner?\" he asked.

Legolas coughed. \"He isn\'t a prisoner as such, Celeborn. He is just in our care, that\'s all.\"

\"Very well. But we will soon be leaving for the Gray Heavens so perhaps it would be wiser to take him with you. He cannot come with us and would just get left behind.\"

Legolas bit his lip. On the one hand he wanted Viktor along because he was falling in love with the strange man and his even stranger cat, but on the other hand he did not want him to be in danger. \"Can he not go to the grey haevens with you king\" he asked but celeborn shook his head his long blonde locks flowing out around him Viktor was memorised by the sight.

\"No he cannot. The grey heavens are for elves only. and very special people.\"

Legolas looked over at Viktor and bac Cel Celeborn. \"Oh but he is special. To me, he is the most speciallest person on middle earth!\"

But celeborn would have none of it nor listen to his protests, He must go with you\"


++Chapter Six: The trust of the fellowhip++

Viktor looked around the camp fire. There was the hobbits, sam eying him warily and Boromir who watched him like wk wwk whenever he went. An Aragorn who spent all night sharpening his sword and staring at Viktor Even when Viktor was asleep he could feel the ranger-kings eyes boring into him. And the dwarf was no better, neither. And Gandalf just creeped him out totally. But then there was Legolas.

legolas believed in him he thought, and had fallen in love with meaowskovitch.

\"What was that?\" Viktor said at a strange noise from behind the bushes they were camped beside.

\"Probably just the wind,\" said Aragorn with a shrug.

But it rustled again, louder and Viktor knew it was no wind. He shouted Orcs! Orcs! and then shouted it in elvish for legolas, who was fast asleep. \"Urk! Urk!\"

Legolas woke and got to his feet in a movement that was so fast Viktor hardly saw it. he had his bow ready and an arrow cocked inside it before Viktor could even blink. The others crowded round the bush and poked at it. Indeed sure enough an orc leapt out clutching at his behind.

\"OW!\" screamed the orc as Legolas shot it in the eye.

Aragorn looked over at Viktor and said quietly and humbly \"thank you.\"

And th ehobbits crowded round him and asked him how he knew it was an orc when Aragorn thought it was just wind.

And so he earnt the trust of the fellowhip.

The end for now. To be continued though...the next chapter will see them leave lothlorien and head across the caladress mountains.


*heaps of love, Captain Obvious. Your gay shagging cat for the day*