Before You

CHAPTER FORTY


It required a moment for Roth to excuse himself to the man he treated for what amounted to bed sores, remove his gloves, wash his hands and answer his cell. “Yeah?”

“Roth, it’s Nathan. Joseph went to call Adam for breakfast. When he didn’t answer, Joseph opened the door.”

His heart lurched.

“Adam’s gone. We don’t know for certain if he did it freely or not, yet.”

“On my way.” Just as he closed the phone, he heard Naddy return. “I printed out a pretty extensive coverage of common conditions I thought we’d encounter, and their treatments. Look up bed sores and do as it says. Adam may be in trouble. Gotta go.”

He broke the land speed record getting home. Divine providence smiled on him, and he managed to get home without a cop in pursuit. Joseph rushed to meet him. “It’s okay, he’s home.”

“What the hell happened?” He didn’t slow down as he strode inside, slamming the laundry room door behind the two of them. Nathan’s voice in the living room steered Roth.

“You’ve got no goddamn right making a decision like that while there’re men putting their lives on the line to preserve yours!”

“I didn’t ask for this! Anyof this! So, I’ll do whatever the hell I please!”

Nathan snarled, “Not on my watch. I’ll cuff you and chain your ass to a pipe if I have to.”

Roth called, “Let’s stop this before anyone says something they’ll regret.” Stepping between them, he looked at Adam. “What happened?” Relief continued to course through him, mixing with waning adrenaline.

“I went for a run and everyone’s acting like I committed a felony.” His violet eyes flashed with that black rage Roth knew too well.

“Alone?” He already guessed the answer.

“Yeah. Sick of house arrest and getting minded like a toddler.”

Growling, Nathan shot back, “You’re acting like a child. Shoe seems to fit.”

Roth put his hand on his lover’s chest. “This isn’t helping. Joseph, take Nathan out for a while. We’ll be fine with the agents here.” Sliding his hand over and down Adam’s arm, he caught his hand. “Come with me. Please.” With the bedroom door shut and locked, he turned to speak and found himself shoved against the door, his man’s hot mouth on his.

His cock reacted eagerly.

His mind knew better.

“Fuck me, Roth,” Adam murmured, tone low and desperate like that one awful night when they’d physically grappled. “Hold me down and screw me blind.”

The scent of his beloved’s body intensified with exercise and temper threatened to steal his good sense. Roth reminded himself Adam’s mental wellness ranked far above the greediness of his own prick. Averting his face and pushing his man back a bit, he spoke gently, but firmly. “I know you, baby. When you get like this, you’re not yourself. To me, it would feel like rape.”

“What about how it feels for me,” he demanded, that dark fury a palpable presence in the room where they slept and made love.

“I know how it feels for you. Like you can’t bear to inhabit your own skin and you’ll do whatever you must to escape.”

Adam’s eyes glittered dangerously. “You don’t know what it’s like to bury the pain, and then be made to dig at the scars and wait for them to be ripped open.”

“You can’t keep burying it. You need to let the poison purge and grief flow.”

The other man’s expression became cool and unemotional. “If you won’t provide release, I’ve no use for you.”

Roth drove him backward and shoved him down onto the bed. Unwilling to accept punishment when he did no more than respect and protect his lover, even from himself, he commanded. “Take it back, Adam. Apologize. Now.”

“I see the violence in you,” Adam taunted, rolling up from the mattress to stand at the bed’s edge. “I apologize, or what? The good doctor tries to beat me?”

He caught Adam’s arms and used them as restraints as he turned and hauled his lover’s back to his front. “If you think for a second I won’t help Nathan lash you down for your own good, you’ve made a serious error. I love you too much to even care if my preserving your life pisses you off royal.”

A tremor passed the length of Adam’s body. “Help me.”

Roth turned him and very carefully placed him upon the bed. His own heart thudded wildly and he studied his fiancé. “Baby, you exchanged sex for intimacy until you have trouble distinguishing one with the other when you shift into this mode.”

Adam’s strong throat worked as he swallowed twice. “I have no excuse for doing what I did, causing the worry, and saying the ugly things to you.”

Coming down to lay with his lover, Roth held him tight. With Adam’s head upon his shoulder, he replied. “You need to talk to Nathan and Joseph.”

“Why do I keep doing these things?” The vulnerability in Adam’s tone made Roth hold him tighter.

“Because you’re human.”

He refused any sexual activity that night, though he kissed and petted Adam for hours. Finally, Adam sighed and slid into a deep slumber. Roth waited for a while, sensing both his lover’s sensitivity and Nathan’s presence.

When he slipped from bed and bedroom, Nathan’s unmistakable silhouette loomed in the kitchen.

“Roth, your boy gives me concerns.”

“I know.” He opened the fridge, withdrew a pitcher of filtered water. “Wanna drink?”

“Please.”

Taking down two glasses, he poured the chilled liquid and slid one across the bar to Nathan. “I appreciate your swift action and concern today.”

“He’s got something wild in him. Scares me.”

Roth had to agree. “I know. Let’s keep close watch.”

The following morning, Roth’s personal cell rang. Unable to look at the caller ID in traffic, he flipped it open and answered. “Hello?” He really needed to start using that Bluetooth.

“Roth, it’s me, Luc.”

Smiling he playfully asked, “Luc, as in the cousin I spent a month sailing and partying in the Caribbean with, Luc?”

“We were some bold kids. Yeah, I’ve got business in Savannah. Your parents offered lodging. I’d like to see you while I’m stateside.”

“You might have to catch me at work, but that’s cool. Just call. Okay?”

“Sure. Nice thinking forward to a reunion.”

“For me, as well. Take care.”


A few days passed. Roth settled back into a rhythm. He had Naddy working on suturing the victim of a stabbing under his guidance.

She glanced at him as she worked. “This is the blind stitching the blind.”

He smiled. “Not really. Keep up the good work.”

“Always the cheerleader.”

Roth turned, hearing Luc’s deep voice, so full of the Caribbean. “Hello, cousin.”

Naddy half-turned, then did a double take. “What the hell? That’s a shiny black man as your cousin?”

Roth chuckled. “My family has an interesting history.”

“Evidently.”

Luc smiled at her, clearly intrigued. “Introduce me to this lovely lady.”

She cocked her hip and pointed her finger. “Don’t think I’ll fall for that charm.”

Roth glanced between them and smiled.