Pain and.. pain?

Soooooo, thanks for all the reviews! Really makes my day!

This is my last update from the lovely country of Netherlands, next week I'm moving back home to Finland. Mixed feeling about that but maybe it's time to go.

I hope I get a chance to update sometime next week, fingers crossed! Not before wednesday probably anyway, sorry.

Next chapter will tell you more about Chris'past.

Hope you like this one and please drop a few lines in the reviews to let me know what you think!

Btw, moving is a bitch!

*EDITED 10/07/2008*

CHAPTER 39



“So, how was your week, Jason?” Dr. Melwin asked after we had settled on the couches in his office.

“Alright, I guess.” I nodded and fiddled with my diary a bit nervously, my mind still on last night and sleeping in Chris’ bed. Luckily he had been right about Ron and Rose not caring if I was gay or not. Ron had asked me, to my total mortification, when he had returned from his errands and we had been in the office studying and assured me that it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of. Apparently they didn’t mind me sleeping in Chris’ bed either but Ron asked me not to advertise it, I guess it wasn’t exactly officially approved to allow relationships between foster kids. I didn’t mind him telling me not to talk about it, I still blushed every time I thought about it, let alone have someone else talk about it.

“Good good, I’m glad to see that you have embraced the idea of the journal. Do you feel that it has been helpful to write down your thoughts or do you feel that it’s a total waste of time?” Dr. Melwin asked with a smile and I looked down at the black cover of my journal.

“I.. I think it helps. At least a bit. I.. I like writing in it.” Not sounding very sure of myself but Dr. Melwin didn’t seem to mind my obvious lack of confidence.

“Great. Now, what else do you like to do?”

“I.. um.. I don’t know.” I started hesitantly and blushed slightly when the first thing that popped in my mind was sleeping in the same bed with Chris.

“Anything, Jason. Even a little thing. I wont judge, scout’s honor!” Dr. Melwin said and I lifted my eyes from my journal to him.

“I.. I liked seeing Tristan last Saturday.” I said then and saw Dr. Melwin scribble something down on his notes.

“Tristan is a friend?” He asked and I nodded.

“He.. He worked at the same.. um.. the same..” I tried and felt an invisible weight press on my chest when I thought about the Cave. I looked down and pulled my feet off the floor, hugging my knees awkwardly.

“Take your time, Jason. There’s no hurry.” Dr. Melwin said, and I made a conscious effort not to bite on my lips.

“How.. How much do you k-know? A-About my p-past, sir?” I asked quietly, dreading the answer. Dr. Melwin seemed to consider me for a moment before answering.

“I have received the official files of you. I know about your home conditions and also what happened at the Club.”

I nodded shakily and didn’t know how to feel. I really didn’t want people to know about dad and the prostitution and everything but a small part of me was glad that he already knew, that I wouldn’t have to tell him myself.

“So, Tristan. Tristan worked at the club too?” Dr. Melwin asked and I nodded numbly.

“He.. um.. He’s a like a brother to me. Like a little brother. Yeah. I.. um.. I got to see him last Saturday. I was supposed to see him the week before but.. but I got into a fight and.. and they wouldn’t let me.” I spoke quietly and kept my face tilted down to avoid seeing the shrink sitting nearby. It was easier to talk when I could imagine being alone in the room.

“And how was Tristan? Is he alright?” Dr. Melwin asked, his voice tinted with genuine concern and I answered with another small nod.

“I miss him. I wish.. I wish we could stay in the same foster home but.. but Rose said it was a stretch just to take me in.”

“I’m sure Tristan will be fine where he is now, Jason. I’m sure he is getting help, just like you are.”

“Mmh, yeah. I g-guess. He.. He’s just lonely there, I could tell.” I muttered and let my knees drop a little to the sides, not hugging my legs anymore.

“Do you know when you are going to see him again?”

“Y-Yeah, on.. on Saturday. Rose said Tristan could come visit for the whole day.”

“Well that’s nice. It won’t be that bad then, not living in the same place, will it? When you still get to see him.” Dr. Melwin said and I pouted a little. It wasn’t the same thing as living together, sleeping together. I remembered Chris again and felt a surge of guilt go through me. Tristan was out there with the Nash’s, all alone, while I was sleeping next to Chris, warm and comfortable.

Dr. Melwin noticed my pout and quickly steered the conversation onto new tracks. “So, this fight you were in, what happened?” He asked and I blushed again at the memory.

“N-Nothing. It was n-nothing.” I muttered and sat crossed legged now.

“You weren’t hurt?”

“N-No. I.. I just didn’t get to see Tristan.” I mumbled and shook my head a little so my bangs fell more over my eyes.

“Want to talk about the fight? Who did you fight with?” Dr. Melwin asked and I chewed on the inside of my cheek.

“With Chris. He. .He’s my roommate.” Dr. Melwin didn’t say anything so I continued. “He was really scary at first. He..He bullied me. But it.. it’s okay now. He’s not like that anymore. I think.”

“He changed after the fight?”

“Y-Yeah. We.. We’re friends now I think.” I said and felt really tired suddenly. My shoulders shagged and I glanced at the big clock on the floor from under my bangs. We only had ten minutes left.

“Well, I think you’ve made a lot of progress already, Jason, in this short time. Is there anything else you’d like to talk about before we finish?” Dr. Melwin asked and I shook my head. “Alright then, I’m sure Mr. Jackson is already waiting for you in the lobby.” The shrink said briskly and got on his feet. I followed suit and trailed towards the door after him.

“Um, thank you, Dr. Melwin.” I mumbled, just before we reached the door and the man turned to look at me with a smile when I thanked him for the first time.

“My pleasure, Jason. And please, call me Tim!” He said and I managed a small smile at him while I nodded. Turned out Ron was indeed waiting for me already. He was sitting on one of the rickety wooden chairs placed by the wall and looked up from the magazine he was reading when he noticed us walk out of the office. Worry ghosted over his face briefly before he got on his feet and asked.

“Everything alright?”

“Yes, we made progress today, I’d say. I’ll see you next week Jason, hope you have a nice weekend.” Dr. Melwin said and a smile curved my lips again.

“T-Thanks T-Tim. You.. You too.” I said and Ron shook the doctor’s hand before following me out of the office.

“So, had a good session?” Ron asked when we walked to the car and I just nodded. “That’s good. Do you want to stop by for ice cream on the way home?”

“No thanks. I.. I feel a bit tired. Do you think I could take a nap before dinner?” I asked, glancing at Ron briefly to see his reaction.

“Sure, I can’t see why not. Are you feeling alright? You seem a bit pale now that I think of it.”

“Yeah. I.. I’m fine. Just tired.” I said and hurried to get to the car. Shivers were running down my back but I was sure it was just because I was so tired.



Chris was already home when I walked into our room and doing something very out of character for him; schoolwork. He glanced at me from his desk and then back at what seemed to be an essay he was writing. “Hey, how was Dr. Shrinky?”

“Fine.” I muttered and headed for his bed where my pillow and bunny still were from last night. I kicked off my sneakers on the way and crawled under the covers without bothering to undress.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just tired.” I mumbled into the pillow that smelled distinctively like Chris and breathed in deeply. It was a nice smell.



I was woken up for dinner by Chris who had decided to bring me back to the conscious world by licking me. “Aargh!” I rumbled and tried to push him away from my face.

“Waky waky, dinner’s ready.” Chris said and I could hear the shit eating grin in his voice. I rubbed on my wet ear and cheek, disgusted with the drool stains and wrenched my eyes open just enough to see my offender.

“Did you have to lick me?” I muttered with a pout and Chris grinned even wider.

“No but it was too tempting. Come on, I’m starving!” He said and jumped to his feet. I sighed and pushed the covers aside reluctantly. I shivered at the lost of warmth and brushed at my slightly sweaty hair tiredly.

“You don’t look too good.” Chris noted and I took a moment to get my act together before standing up.

“Yeah? Well I don’t feel too good either.” I murmured and headed towards the door.




At dinner I mainly pushed my lasagna around the plate, not having an inkling of an appetite and sipped on my water reluctantly. I was just waiting for permission to go back upstairs and sleep.

“Jason dear, are you not hungry?” Rose asked and I shook my head slowly. Sharp jabs of pain exploded in my forehead with the unexpected movement and I cringed.

“He looked a bit pale earlier but I think he’s even more pale now.” Ron commented and I found myself under the scrutinizing gaze of everyone at the table.

“I’m okay. Just tired.” I mumbled and brought a piece of lasagna I had cut ten minutes ago to my mouth to prove myself.

“He felt a bit clammy earlier.” Chris gave his input on the matter and then shrugged his shoulders innocently when Rose and Ron gave him looks that clearly asked how he knew I felt clammy. Ron reached for my forehead and I ducked away from his hand.

“I’m okay. Honestly. I just need to get some sleep.” I insisted and flinched when Ron planted his hand against my neck.

“Hmm, you feel a bit feverish. Try to eat something and then you can go to bed, alright?” He said and pulled his hand away. I wanted to tell him I wasn’t hungry but somehow I had the feeling that I wasn’t about to be let off this table before I had eaten at least something.

I forced myself to eat a quarter of the food on my plate before glancing at Rose pleadingly. She nodded with a sympathetic smile and I sighed from relief before getting on my feet and putting my plate away. Chris followed my example, his plate already empty and we headed back upstairs together.

We changed into our PJs, well I did; Chris just shed his clothes until he was only wearing his boxers, and he asked. “Which bed do you want to sleep in?”

“Either one, I don’t mind.” I murmured and Chris sat on his bed.

“Mine then. It’s more comfy.” He nodded and I crossed the room to him, not even considering sleeping alone. I would only wake up in nightmares and join him in his bed later anyway. Chris let me get by the wall and then spooned me from behind so I was facing it.

“Why are you sleeping already too?” I mumbled, although not minding at all that he was warming me up.

“I’m not. Just until you fall asleep, then I’ll finish that stupid essay.” Chris murmured and a smile ghosted over my lips even though I was dead tired and almost asleep already.




I woke up a few times during the night; first because I was smoldering under the blankets and with Chris pressed against my back which made me push the blanket away and inch closer to the cool wall, and next shivering from cold which made me do the complete opposite.

By morning I was covered in sweat again and so were the bed sheets. I groaned when Chris’ alarm went off somewhere too close to my ear and the warm body behind me shifted. Chris turned the alarm off before resting against my back again and mumbling.

“Sorry. How are you feeling?”

“Achy.” I muttered and Chris’ hand sneaked under my arm and vertically across my chest to touch my forehead.

“You still have a fever. Stay in bed, I’ll go tell Ron.” He murmured softly and pulled away from me. After making sure I was properly tucked in to stay warm, he pulled on jeans and a wrinkly t-shirt before leaving the room barefoot. A moment later he was back with Rose who sat on the bed before touching my forehead with her soft hand.

“Oh dear, definitely a fever. How are you feeling honey?” She asked sweetly and soothed my hair back in a manner that I would expect a mother to do for her child.

“I’m okay. I’m sorry.” I mumbled and felt disappointed when Rose withdrew her hand.

“I’ll bring you breakfast and then you can sleep some more, alright? Christopher, did you finish that essay yesterday? You know you will be failing English if you don’t hand it in today.”

“Yeah, I did it, keep your pants on. Or skirt, whatever.” Chris mumbled and I waited until Rose was out of the room before mumbling from the comfort of the bed.

“How can you fail English?”

“Hey shut it Mr. Smart Pants! I just forgot to hand in a few assignments earlier and I had to write a stupid essay to keep up, that’s all.” Chris shot at me but I knew he wasn’t really angry, I could hear the humor in his voice.

“Forgot as in you just ignored them or really forgot?” I asked through clattering teeth and Chris appeared in my view.

“As in I didn’t care enough to do them. Now, be a good boy and stay in bed and rest and I’ll bring you a surprise when I come home, okay?” He said with a grin and ruffled my sweaty hair briefly before snatching his bag from the floor and bouncing out of the room.

I sighed tiredly and fought to stay awake until Rose would be back. It turned out to be a lost battle and by the time she came in carrying a tray, I was already snuffling away in dreamless sleep.



I was awake when Chris came from school. I had just eaten lunch and taken painkillers and was now curled up under double blankets in his bed when he sauntered in the room, grinning happily,

“Missed me, pumpkin?” He asked and came to sit on the bed before slobbering what I expected was a kiss on my cheek.

“Pumpkin?” I questioned with a raised eyebrow and rubbed my cheek dry in his blanket.

“Are you feeling any better? Rose said you slept most of the day.”

“Mmh, I’m okay.” I nodded and Chris felt my forehead.

“Are you familiar with the concept that ‘okay’ represents? The meaning of the word is that you are fine, as in not sick. You’re not okay, you still have a fever.” He said and I rolled my eyes at him.

“I’m fine.” I said and hugged bunny under the blanket. “People keep fussing over me for nothing, I’m just a bit tired.” Chris looked at me for a moment before leaning down and pressing his lips against my ear.

“I have a secret for you. Do you want to hear it?” He whispered and I made a small jerking motion with my head to indicate a nod. “It’s okay to let other people take care of you.”

I sighed and Chris pressed another kiss against my cheek before saying. “It’s better to let Rose fuss over you, she won’t give up until you let her and you’ll only blow off your steam for nothing if you try to fight it. Trust me.” He continued then and dropped his bag on the floor. “So, you want to see what I brought you?”