Pain and.. pain?

So, I cheered too early for my laptop, it is now officially broken, meaning it wont even start up. I'm so pissed off!! I'm addicted to wrinting and without my lap top i cant continue Pain or Nemo, so i have started on a new story that i will probably type out and post at some point. But I'm not getting my laptop fixed until i go back to finland in two weeks so there's going to be a bit of a delay on updates, sorry!
I can still use a computer at school so I'll try to do that as often as i can during these two weeks and i have the next chapter almost ready for posting anyway now.


Hope you like it (as always) and please leave a comment on the reviews! Thank you!



*EDITED 10/07/2008*



CHAPTER 38



The days after my meeting with Tristan seemed to drag on painfully slowly. I tried to concentrate on studying to keep myself occupied but all I could think of was Saturday and getting to meet Tristan again. It was Wednesday and I was currently enjoying having the bedroom to myself.

Chris was still at school which gave me another opportunity to write in my journal. I kept pulling out the unsigned note and reading it over again and again, trying desperately to recognize the handwriting. Every time I thought about the note, my stomach clenched painfully and I felt sick. I kept playing different scenarios in my head, each one more horrendous than the other and I had to force myself to stop before I’d throw up.

I looked up from the note when Chris dawdled inside. He threw his backpack across the room and swore out loud when it landed with a thump next to the bed instead of on it.

“Fucking school.” I heard him grumble and watched warily how he picked up his backpack again and threw it deliberately against the wall above his bed. I cringed inwardly and retreated to the back corner in hopes of Chris ignoring me while his temper was boiling over. I couldn’t understand how the same boy who cursed and raged over little things could also be so nice and calming when he wanted to.

The bed creaked under me and Chris’ attention snapped in my way immediately. For a moment I thought he was going to yell at me but then the flares in his eyes seemed to die away and he slumped down on his bed.

“Sorry. Bad day.” He grumbled, anger gone from his voice and tucked his pillow under his head. I tasted blood in my mouth and wrenched my teeth away from my lower lip with a slight grimace. I hated the coppery taste, it made my stomach churn.

“What.. What happened?” I asked carefully while keeping my eyes on Chris, ready for another explosion of his temper.

“Nothing. I just hate it. I really hate it. I can’t wait to graduate and go to work.”

I looked down and fiddled with the corner of the top page of my open journal. “Oh. I’d rather go to school than study here with Ron.” I said quietly and Chris glanced at me with a smirk.

“Yeah, I bet you would. I bet you’re the teachers’ pet, always quiet and polite. Sucking up to them in every turn.” He taunted and his words hurt more than they should have. I closed my journal and stood up. I was going to see if Rose needed help with dinner. I’d rather not be alone with Chris when he was acting like this. It reminded me too much of the first few weeks of our acquaintance.

“Can’t take a little teasing? Pff, what a wimp.” Chris puffed out when he saw me leaving. I opened the door and made sure not to look at him when saying.

“I never went to school.” I hurried out of the room before Chris could retort and made my way downstairs where Rose was in the kitchen, stirring a big pot of some kind of soup.

“Hello, dear. Everything alright?” She asked when she saw me and I nodded quickly before sitting down by the kitchen table.

“Need any help?” I asked and Rose smiled.

“No, this is almost done. Thank you for asking though.” She said and I nodded again.

“I can set the table then.” I said and hesitated for a moment before letting go of my journal. I could keep an eye on it while setting the table, it shouldn’t be a problem. Rose saw my hesitation but didn’t say anything, instead put the lid back on her pot and set the big wooden spoon she had been stirring the soup with on a plate next to the stove.

“It’s Nicole’s turn to set the table, Jason. You help around more than necessary already. Why don’t you go watch some TV for a change?

“No, I can set the table, really. I don’t mind.” I said and got ushered towards the living room.

“How am I supposed to teach the rest of the lot that this isn’t a four star hotel if you keep doing everyone’s chores?” Rose said with her eyes twinkling merrily. “And how am I supposed to punish you if you misbehave when you already do extra chores almost every day?” She continued and I snatched my journal off the table before offering her a lopsided grin for apology and leaving the kitchen.

Nicole passed me on my way to the living room and for a moment her eyes lit up. “Ooh, please tell me you set the table already?” She asked and pouted when I shook my head slightly.

“I tried but Rose kicked me out of the kitchen. Don’t worry, we’re having soup today so it’s quick to set up.” I said and Nicole rolled her eyes. I continued my way to the living room and couldn’t help smiling when I heard Nicole’s over-exaggerated exclamation from the kitchen.

“Honestly Rose, if he WANTS to do the chores I can’t see why he can’t. We’d all be happier if he did.”

I couldn’t hear Rose’s answer because Kristy bounced towards me from the living room. “Jason, play with me!” I saw the pony game on the floor all set up already and smiled at her desperation to get someone to play with her.

“Dinner’s in ten minutes, no playing now!” Ron piped in from the hallway and Kristy’s face crumbled.

“I’ll play with you after dinner, okay?” I promised and a smile lit up her face again. With a vigorous nod she motored out of the living room towards upstairs. I shook my head at her endless energy and went to sit down in my favorite armchair in the corner. I flipped open my journal again and glanced over the note before ignoring it with determination.



Dinner went by a bit too slowly for my taste. I had my journal tucked in the waistband of my jeans so I wouldn’t have to leave it unattended and it was pressing against my side uncomfortably. To make things even more unbearable, Chris kept staring at me all the way through dinner and I had a feeling I wasn’t going to be having a fun evening.

After dinner I tried to volunteer to clear up but Rose just waved me off and assigned Chris and Nick for the job so instead I returned to the living room and sat down on the floor with Kristy to play with her like I had promised. To my relief Chris disappeared back upstairs as soon as the table was cleared and I could concentrate on playing with Kristy without having to endure his piercing eyes drilling holes in my back.


I hung back as long as I could but eventually Ron came in to turn off the TV and tell me to go to bed. We would start early again tomorrow with my studies. I trudged my way upstairs and opened the bedroom door as quietly as possible, wishing that Chris had calmed down by now and gone to bed. One glance around the room told me that he had; in my bed. I frowned and instead of joining him, went to his bed and sat down on it. Chris who had had his back turned to me turned around and gave me a questioning look.

“What are you doing there?” He asked and I kept my eyes on the floor when answering.

“You’re in my bed so I’m taking yours.” I mumbled and kicked off my sneakers. Chris sat up with a frown and stared at me seriously.

“Come on. Come to bed.” He said and I pursed my lips stubbornly.

“I am in bed, can’t you see?”

Chris stood up and I had barely flinched when he was already across the room and on me. “Look, I didn’t know school was such a touchy subject to you, okay? I didn’t mean to upset you. Could you just let it go and come to bed?” He asked while pinning me down and I stared at his mossy hair to avoid looking at his eyes.

“It’s not a touchy subject. Get off me.” I muttered and tried to push him away. Chris wouldn’t budge and his frown deepened.

“Then why did you get all jumpy and leave?” He asked and tried to get me to look at him.

“Get off me.” I grumbled and tried to buck under him to throw him off.

“No! Tell me.” Chris snapped and pressed the side of his face against mine. “Please tell me?” He whispered and I went lax under him, drawing a deep breath and tried to keep hold of my anger.

“Why do you care?” I mumbled and twitched under Chris when his breathing tickled my ear.

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

I bit on my lower lip and stared at the ceiling for a moment before sighing and looking to the side. “You were being like.. like you used to be. When.. When you would hit me when you were angry like that.” I muttered barely audible and Chris tensed on top of me. He pulled away a bit and stared at me for a moment in silence.

“You weren’t upset, you were scared.” He mumbled then and climbed off me. He sat on the bed next to me and ran a hand through his already messy hair before looking at me with dark eyes. “I’m sorry, Jason. I never meant to scare you.” He said and I huffed at him while crawling off his bed.

“Yeah, right.” I mumbled and crossed the room to my own, now empty, bed. I changed into my PJs, got under my covers, tucked my journal under my pillow and pulled bunny into my arms before curling up stubbornly to sleep. I heard the shuffling of sheets from across the room and then Chris whispered.

“Good night, Jason. I’m sorry.”

I huffed at him in my head and tried to ignore the sound of his breathing. Stupid mold headed.. hunk. No! I mean.. stupid brat. Yeah, Chris was a brat. A brat for letting me think that everything was okay between us now, that I wouldn’t have to be on my toes around him. I felt tears of frustration and anger burn in my eyes and wiped them away in bunny’s fur. I wouldn’t cry because of Chris. I wouldn’t.



A dark figure emerged from the darkness. I stared at it with wide scared eyes and tired to clutch at bunny but it wasn’t in my arms anymore. I broke my gaze away from the approaching figure to search for the stuffed toy but it was too dark. I couldn’t see anything. Why couldn’t I see anything?

A hand touched my cheek and I gasped for breath. ”No.” I mumbled and tried to twist my head away from the cool touch. Less than a blink later I found myself pinned to the bed, a big heavy body covering me completely. I trashed and tried to push the man away with a cry. “No!”

Hands roamed over my trembling body, forcing their way beneath my clothes and touching every inch of my body. I choked in tears and tried to get away from my attacker. “No no no no Please!” I sobbed quietly and my arms trembled with the effort of trying to free myself.

Rough hands turned me over on my belly, my clothes falling off my body as if on their own and hot breath caressed my ear. “Did you miss me, kid. I said I knew where you are.” Jonathan’s voice whispered hoarsely in my ear and I screamed.




I woke up with a gasp and violent sobs wrecked my body while my clammy hands clutched soggy fur. Bunny. Bunny was here. Sweat ran down my back in rivers and I buried my face in the soft toy, still gasping for air. I couldn’t stop trembling and turned to look across the room at where Chris was. I wanted him in my bed. I didn’t care that he was a brat anymore; I didn’t want to be alone.

Chris seemed to be asleep and I clamped my teeth down on my lower lip to keep quiet. I didn’t want to disturb him. If he was still in a bad mood then.. New sobs forced through when I thought about how angry Chris had been earlier. My hair was sweaty and glued against my clammy skin when I crawled out of bed. It took me a moment to get my feet under me, my legs were shaking and I was feeling weak, before I could walk silently across the room to where Chris was. I was still clutching bunny under one arm and my pillow under the other and stilled when I was standing a few feet away from the bed.

“C-Chris?” I whispered shakily and choked down tears as quietly as possible. “C-Chris?” I tried a little bit louder this time and finally the other stirred.

“Mmh, is it morning already?” Chris mumbled sleepily and buried his face in his pillow.

“N-No. C-Chris?” I whispered and shuffled nervously on my feet. Chris didn’t move first but then turned his face towards me and squinted sleepily in my direction.

“Jason? Why are you awake?” He mumbled and I looked down.

“I.. Nightmares. C-Chris, can.. “

“Come here.” Chris said at once and lifted his blanket for me. I crawled in happily and Chris pulled me close, hugging me from behind. I shivered when the warmness of his body met my clammy skin and pressed closer to Chris. I needed to feel him against my back.

“I’m s-sorry. A-About earlier. I didn’t mean..”

“Yeah you did. Don’t worry about it, you were right. I was acting like I was before. I didn’t mean to scare you, I’m sorry.” Chris murmured into my back and I liked how his arm went around my waist settling against my belly.

“I’m s-sor..” I started but got shushed into silence.

“Don’t worry about it, Jason. Do you want to tell me about your dream?” Chris asked and the trembling that had somewhat subdued by now picked up momentum again.

“N-No.”

“Okay. You don’t have to tell me Jason. Do you talk to your shrink?” Chris whispered and hugged me closer.

“N-Not about.. about the d-dreams.” I whispered back and felt Chris’ breath against the back of my neck.

“Why not?”

“I.. I d-don’t want him to k-know. I d-don’t want anyone to k-know.” I mumbled shakily and expected Chris to ask about what I didn’t want people to know. Instead he just gave me a squeeze and murmured.

“Okay. Go to sleep. I’m here, I won’t leave you.”

I snuggled bunny and closed my eyes, feeling my heart rate slowing down to normal levels now that Chris was close.



I woke up in the morning into the offending sound of Chris’ alarm. He groaned into my back where his face was buried between my shoulder blades and my lips curved in a sleepy smile. I think I liked him the best when he was like this; only barely conscious and not yet annoyed by anything. Well, except by the alarm.

Chris didn’t move and soon I heard steady breathing from behind again. He had fallen back to sleep. “Chriiiis, you’ll miss the bus.” I mumbled tiredly and tried to poke him in the side with my finger. My head felt heavy with sleep and I soon gave up on my efforts. I didn’t care if he missed the bus to be honest; I liked the idea of him staying home today and maybe studying with me and Ron.

Twenty minutes later the door to our room banged open and Ron started from the doorway. “Chris, get u..” His voice died away when he saw us both in Chris’ bed and he just stared at us for a moment before taking a deep breath and continuing. “Chris, get up. You’ll miss the bus.”

“You can take me.” Chris mumbled from beneath the blanket where he had hid himself the minute Ron had busted through the door and Ron rolled his eyes.

“No. Get a move on. If I have to drive you, you’ll be grounded for the rest of the week.” He said and that got Chris moving.

“Blackmailer.” I heard him mutter while climbing over me and I hugged the blanket close to myself as soon as he was off the bed to stop cool air from creeping into the warm cocoon of blanket. Chris stormed through his morning routine in a hurry, pulling on first clothes that he could reach and picking up his backpack without bothering to check what was inside while Ron stood watching in the doorway like a prison guard. Or that was what I heard Chris mutter from under his breath while fishing his sneakers from under the bed.

When Chris was out of the door, Ron turned to look at me and asked. “Are you alright, Jason?”

I nodded tiredly and fiddled with bunny’s ears; they were long enough to be made to a bow but I didn’t, thinking it might not feel nice to have ears tied up together like that. “Yeah.”

“Are you sure? Why are you in Chris’ bed?”

“I’m sure. I.. had nightmares, he helped me sleep.” I muttered and rubbed my cheeks against the pillow. I was still tired and didn’t want to get up yet. Ron didn’t look completely convinced but didn’t press the issue.

“Alright then, up. Go have breakfast and then start reading the next chapter from the history book I gave you. I need to run some errands first but you get started.” He said and I hesitated for a moment before asking carefully.

“If.. If you have things to do, can’t I sleep a little bit more? I’m still tired. Please?”

Ron looked at me for a moment and I was sure he was going to tell me to get a move on when he sighed and nodded. “I suppose so. I guess we can take it easy today.” He walked closer and picked up Chris’ alarm clock from the bedside table and set the alarm. “An hour more, okay? I swear rooming with Chris has a bad influence on you.” The last sentence was barely audible from Ron’s muttering and I grinned to myself. Ron left and I turned my back to the door before curling up in the warmness of the bed.