Sacrifice Helle

Finale!
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Chapter 38

For some reason I woke up by myself early. The sun again; barely up and hidden away. The sky was clouded, it looked like there might be rain. Then again, weather can change as fast as a woman’s mood. I sat looking at it for a while, then got up, grabbed a new outfit from my closet and went for the bathroom. I stood still by the door for a second looking back at the one sleeping in Asami’s bed like he had done nothing else for his entire life. He had no where else to go, did he? I closed my ears for questions and walked out of the room.

Not even mom or dad were up. I peeked at the watch in the kitchen. 0607 AM. I made myself some breakfast and a cup of tea and walked out on the porch. It wasn’t that cold. I breathed in the fresh air. Why hadn’t I gone out yesterday? A walk would have done me good. Fresh air. Not like the one in the underworld. I took a deep breath and felt surprisingly calm. I had felt so calm since I got home. Except for last night when I had had that talk with Vaan. My eyebrows narrowed when thinking about it. At least he was less of a problem. Less than before. Not at all a problem when you compared to other things. The police would never find Asami. I clung on to her memory, closed it in my heart together with the sadness that belonged to it.

0630. I heard noises from upstairs. Mom and dad were getting up. School would start in 2 hours. I had plenty of time. I hurriedly scribbled down a note and left it on the kitchen table, grabbed a random jacket and closed the door carefully behind me. “Gone out for a short walk, will be back in good time for school ~ Hell”

I ran. I ran in the empty streets, leaving our neighbourhood behind me, running just for the hell of it, running just to get it out of the system. Somewhere people were getting ready for work, starting up their cars, doing their everyday chores. Monday. I never liked Monday, but who the fuck did? Not one day was a good day.

I stopped after about half an hour to catch my breath. If I took a left at the next corner, then went a few blocks down, then the park and the cathedral wouldn’t be far away. I could see it from where I was standing. The spires. They made me sad. Why? I turned my back on them and walked in the other direction. I sniffed. “Shit, I’m getting sick too.” I knew that was not it, still I didn’t want to admit it. I wasn’t crying in public. Never. I felt drops of water hitting my head. “Great, and now it starts to rain. Just completes the mood, doesn’t it…” I sniffed again and continued, watching the ground before me, taking a long way home, not wanting to confront the every day issues just yet. Footsteps behind me. I looked down and kept a firm look on my face, slowed my pace to let whoever was walking the same direction as me pass. I wanted to be alone. The person kept his pace and came up beside me. Dark shoes, black jeans. I slowed down even more, almost stopped, and let him get in front of me. Then he stopped too. My eyes widened and I looked up.

Darien smiled a little at my shocked face. “You never get used to people popping up like that?” I stood there facing him, saying nothing in return, when I couldn’t take his strong eyes on me any longer I faced the ground. My heart razed, I didn’t know what to say to him. I felt like apologizing. Then I took a quick breath and raised my gaze at him again. “I want to thank you for … everything. I wish there was something I could do to return it all. I owe a lot to you. You have put your life at risk for my sake, and I … am much grateful.” I breathed fast, my serenade of words seemed so… polite. And somehow I felt weird. But also, there was nothing else I could think of. I waited for Darien to reply. He kept his eyes on mine and no expression in his face. I drew my lips to a thin line again, then looked away from his piercing gaze. A slight wind grabbed my hair and tossed it around as the raindrops started to increase in number. He seemed to be thinking for a while, then spoke “What are your plans now?”

His words spun around in my head. Plans? Plans? He couldn’t have meant right now, he must have been thinking of my plans concerning the advent and Asami. Yet, what did he mean by that, didn’t he know just as well as me that I had no options left but to pray and let it go? “Are you giving up on her?”, he then asked. I didn’t speak a word. Suddenly he grabbed my shoulders hard and forced me to look at him. Why did it hurt so much inside when I faced his eyes? “Are you?”, he asked once more. I build up the courage to answer him, “What do expect me to do?! What can I do? The only connection I had to her is gone! Vaan is a human! I wont be able to get to her! I don’t shitten know anyone else! She’s surrounded by vampires, and I don’t even have a dark elf to bring me through the fucking gate! And what‘s the point?! I wont ever make it! I’ll end up dead and bring my parents even more grief, then I can have that on my conscience too!”

Our eyes were burning into each other, fighting over who dared to hold the stare longest. If only there was some magic word that would make it all alright, a magic thing I could do or say that would fix everything and make the pain go away. I didn’t know where I was any longer, or who were my friends, did I even have any? And all along I felt like I was doing Darien injustice by taking Vaan into my house. And then this constant pain inside.

I was dripping wet. My hair clung on to my face and jacket, the rain would make it curly like it always got when wet and it was cold. I felt Darien’s hands warm my shoulders and kept asking silently for him to give me answers to everything I could not. The dark creature held my gaze, my burning eyes, with no affection, making me think that there was nothing I could ever do to hurt or harm him. Then without warning he lent in and kissed me. His lips were wet from the rain, still, he was warm. I reached my hands up and touched his face, his skin warming up my cold hands. He let go of my shoulders and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him. I started to feel the impact his kiss had on me, I felt calmer, yet eager for more. For moments out of time we stood there, the heat raising, lips pressed against each other. The lust for more than an innocent kiss awoke, Darien felt it immediately and so he slowed down and let me go. I longed for more, but tried to push the thought of it away, blaming the drug effect. I closed my eyes and tried to focus my brain. Why did he just do that? And why did I like it so much I never wanted to stop?

“You’re getting soaked.”, he stated. I smiled and snorted out a “Yeah.” I felt my hair with my hands, dripping, curling, messy, and rolled my eyes at the sight I must have been. Darien then trapped my eyes with his again and looked at me for a long time. For every second he held the gaze new questions came to me, thoughts and things I wanted answers to, questions I didn’t even know how to formulate, feelings I didn’t even know what to name. I felt utterly confused and messed up. The calmness that resided within me scared me to death, because I didn’t understand it, but I didn’t know what I wanted to be within me at all. Maybe that was the scariest thing of all, that I had no idea of what I wanted. It all build up in me like a mountain that I couldn’t possible climb and then Darien said something. So out of the blue and yet so delightful.

“It’s gonna be okay somehow.”

I took his words inside me. They felt good. Was this what I wanted, for someone to tell me it was all gonna be okay? Maybe that was just what I needed to hear. I remembered so long ago when he told me something similar. At that time when what I thought were concerns were only daily matters and hardly important at all. Not to worry about it he had told me then. I smiled at the memory and him and nodded. “Now,”, he continued, “Cheer up a little. And go home and change!” “Will I see you around?”, I asked. He grinned and pulled my hair which resulted in me punching his hand away rather forcefully. “Sure. Sometime. Why not?” Then the cheerful light in his eyes darkened again and he seemed to be in thoughts. “What?” He smiled weakly and then shook his head. “Nothing. Well.. Eeh.. I will probably not be around too much. There’s.. stuff happening.. Which I need to attend too. That and.. We’re not really supposed to be here.” “What do you mean?” He sighed and gave me a worried look. “Never mind it. Problems related to me and not you. Don’t worry about it.” Then he smiled again, “I will see you again sometime, Helle, I’m sure. Maybe soon, maybe later. You just stay out of trouble, okay?”

The wind made me shiver and he stopped talking, tipped his head and smiled at me. “Get home! Go to school! And make sure to kick that human apprentice’s ass when he needs it.”

I laughed a little. It seemed he would let that case with Vaan slip through his fingers, thankfully. “Bye then.”, he finished. “Yeah, bye. Take care.”, I whispered back.

I left him standing on the pavement in the rain, knowing that he would be just fine whatever happened, only needing to take care of myself.