Heart of Stone

37. The Perception of Failure

After dinner, Mary cleared the uncertainty out of her mind and the group woke a male called Dara without incident.

Since their first conversation, Mary had begun to notice a change in Meris. He'd learned English faster than the others, but he had also learned customs much more easily than even Aiden had. He embraced the new world he found himself in, wanting to become a part of it in every way. He read everything he could put his hands on, fiction, news, history, anything that would tell him more about this new time and how it differed from the one that he remembered.

Mary was happy to help him in any way she could. On nights when she was sleepless, she would go down to the library and sit with Meris while he read. Often, he would ask questions. Some she could answer, some she couldn't, but she enjoyed the discussions. After Dara was awakened, Mary noticed that Aiden began to rely on Meris in a new way. Meris became the main instructor for the others. He had a title, but Mary wasn't able to pronounce it. She knew that it was a point of pride for Meris to be given such an important role within the clan.

The night before she was going to attempt the next waking, Mary wandered downstairs for a cup of Aiden's tea, hoping that would calm her enough to sleep. She'd just put the water on to boil when she heard a soft sound in the kitchen doorway. She turned quickly, Meris smiled a little.

“I hope you will excuse me Z'tavick, I heard something in here and I wanted to be certain everything was alright.”

“It's fine. Would you like some of Aiden's tea? I'm not sure what herbs are in it, but he finds it appealing.”

“No, thank you.” He took a step into the room. “I have not developed a taste for hot liquids yet.”

“It took him awhile too.” Mary sat down to wait for the water.

“Was there a newspaper today?” He asked, sitting in Aiden's chair.

“No.” Mary wasn't sure if she should tell him the reason or not, she decided one of the others was likely to tell one of the other gargoyles anyway. “The crowd's gotten so thick that deliveries aren't getting through.”

“Then we are cut off from the rest of the world?” His eyes widened, he leaned forward in the chair.

“Well, I guess that depends on what you mean by cut off.” Mary had been telling herself to stay calm since she found out earlier in the day. “We still have the Internet, so there's e-mail. You could always go online to read the news. I'm not sure how comfortable it would be for your eyes, though.”

“Is it difficult?” He asked, curiosity gleaming in his eyes.

“No.” Mary laughed. “Let me get my tea and I'll show you if you like.”

“I would like that very much.” He smiled broadly. In the moments of silence that followed, his smile faded to a look of worry. “Does Z'avi know about the crowd?”

“Not that it's gotten so large that no one is able to get in, no.” Mary admitted.

“Keeping it from him will serve no purpose.” He said quietly.

Mary looked away. “I'm not exactly keeping it from him, I just don't want to upset him.”

“What do you fear he will do?” Meris asked.

Mary shrugged. “I don't know really. I just have these visions of Aiden and Calvus attacking people as they stand there.”

“If he sees their presence as a threat to you and the others, then it would make sense to eliminate that threat.” Meris said.

“But I don't think they're even there voluntarily. They're pawns in this whole thing, and I think if Aiden attacks them, it'll make it more difficult for the rest of the world to accept all of you as cultured and civilized.” The water started to boil. Mary got up and prepared the mug and then added the hot liquid. She grabbed a spoon and started toward the library. Meris followed.

“Perhaps you are right about that, but he still must be told the truth of the matter.” Meris said. His voice was perfectly rational.

Mary sighed. “I know. Whenever I think of telling him though, it sounds terrible in my head.”

“Tell him what you told me. That you do not believe the individuals in the crowd are truly responsible for what they are doing.”

“Alright. I'll see if I can find him tonight before I go to sleep.” She set the tea down on a side table. “Could you bring a chair that fits you behind the desk? You'll be much more comfortable sitting down.”

“Of course.” Meris said. She stepped out of his way while he moved the furniture around. When the room was suitably rearranged, she created a profile for him on her computer.

The size of his hands and talons made the laptop's touchpad doubly challenging, and they worked on moving the pointer, clicking and double-clicking for quite some time before he was comfortable with it. Typing presented a different challenge. Meris could read English, and he knew the order of the letters in the alphabet. The order of keys on the keyboard was a different matter. Mary felt certain that he would learn, so she was patient while he practiced.

While he watched, she created a list of favorites for him that included a number of different reliable News sites as well as sites that focused on history and science. She included some gaming and leisure sites as well, though she wasn't sure if he would use those or not. By the time Mary was tired enough to go to sleep, Meris was comfortable navigating those websites and had learned to use Google to search for topics he was interested in.

She brought the empty cup to the kitchen and then went to her room. Aiden wasn't inside, but she could hear raised voices out of the balcony. She knocked first and then went outside. Aiden, Calvus, Jerel and Dara were there, and it looked as though she had interrupted some sort of disagreement.

“Child? Did we wake you?” Aiden stepped forward, ushering Mary back inside. The others stayed behind.

“No, I was up getting some tea.”

“When I left you were sleeping.” Aiden helped her back into bed again.

“You know I haven't really been sleeping through the night lately. I can't seem to get comfortable and stay comfortable.”

He got in with her. “Does the little one wake you?”

“Sometimes.” She nestled against him. For a few minutes, he simply held her. Mary was almost content to let that go on. Meris had been right about telling him though. “Aiden, you know the crowd has gotten bigger.”

“Yes. We have been monitoring it very carefully.” He kissed the top of her head.

“Has anyone mentioned that they're not letting anyone through anymore?” She said carefully.

“No, but with there being so many of them, I assumed that point would be reached soon.” Aiden answered. He started to gently massage her lower back with his knuckles. Mary moaned softly.

“Is that what you were arguing about?”

“How did you know we were arguing?” He sounded surprised.

“The way you were all standing with your arms crossed and your wings spread just a little bit.”

He chuckled. “You are very observant, whether you understand our spoken language or not. Yes, that is what we were arguing about.” He sighed. “It is becoming increasingly difficult for me to to justify our inaction. This latest bit of news will make it almost impossible.”

“They don't know what they're doing. Whatever he's done to them, whatever he makes them believe, it's like they have no choice in the matter.”

“How do you know this?” He asked curiously.

“From the police. They've caught a few of them. As soon as they get away from the property they have no idea what they were doing here in the first place, or even how they got here. I have to think that everyone out there is in the same situation.”

“Perhaps you are right. Our kind has never slaughtered innocents, not even when they were trespassers.” He sighed and held Mary a little closer. “Do you know where Meris is? He has become so closely acquainted with your customs, I would like to hear his views on this subject.”

“I left him in the library. I taught him how to find news on my computer.” Mary could feel herself starting to drift off.

“And he could do it?” Aiden sounded genuinely surprised.

“Well, it's not that difficult really.” She chuckled softly. “I think learning to type will be the hardest part for him.”

“You are probably right about that.” He agreed. His hand drifted over Mary's back, urging her closer to sleep. “I have read that the Internet is unsafe for those who do not understand it.”

“It can be, but for tonight I think he'll be satisfied exploring the sites I have set up for him, especially if you need him for a meeting.” She couldn't suppress a yawn.

He kissed her forehead. “Perhaps it is a good thing that he learns your technology. You spend a great deal of time with him when you are up at night, do you not?”

“I spend some time with him, yes.” Mary wasn't sure where this was going.

“And he treats you with respect?”

“Of course he does! He just happens to be reading when I'm wandering around. There's nothing more to it than that.” Mary said firmly.

“I was not accusing either of you, Child. In fact, I am pleased you are continuing to extend your ties within the clan. I would be remiss in my duties as your mate and protector if I left the question unasked.”

“I'll admit, I enjoy spending time with Meris in way that's different than the way I enjoy time with Calvus.” Mary said.

“I am not certain I know what you mean.” He brushed a few stray strands of hair from her face.

“Calvus is kind, but he's also very formal and that makes him kind of hard to relate to at times. He's different with Robbie. Meris isn't as formal about everything. I can ask his opinion and I know he'll be honest about what he thinks. Sometimes I think Calvus just agrees with me to protect my feelings.”

“That is how he was raised, yes. Meris is much younger. Our culture shifted through time as yours does, though I will admit, not as quickly. Calvus is from a time when most males equated the state of being with child to extreme frailty. Perhaps his ideas are outdated, but he does care for you.” Aiden kissed her forehead softly.

“I don't doubt that. I care for him too. Will you stay with me until I fall asleep again?” Mary asked. Her arms tightened around him.

“Of course.”

Mary fell asleep with him stroking the side of her stomach.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Mary decided that the days she was supposed to attempt a waking didn't pass like other days. That day was no different than the others. In the early afternoon, the time dragged by so slowly she wondered if the clock was moving at all. As dinner approached though, everything seemed to move too fast. Almost before she knew what was happening she was standing in her now-familiar place at the head of the circle, facing a new statue with the other gargoyles behind her and the rest of the group waiting for her to begin.

When it began, she could feel the barriers that stopped the transformation slipping away one by one. In her own mind she likened it to untying knots, though she had no idea if the others experienced it the same way. Like money and sex, a person's intimate experience of magic was one of those things that was not discussed in polite company.

Even though everything went according to plan, this one wasn't waking. Mary kept trying, looking for something else – some other enchantment – that might be holding him back. Finally Aiden put her hand on her shoulder.

“Mary-” He said softly.

“You can't be sure.” There were tears in her eyes as she spoke.

“I am certain. You have done all you can.” He brushed her tears away, and Robbie stepped forward.

“Then why doesn't he feel any different than the others just before they woke.” There was a tremor in her voice.

“I do not know, dear one. Perhaps it is simply a part of our nature.” Aiden said. The others had already disappeared into the darkness. “To leave him as he is would be denying him a final honor.”

Mary couldn't find the words to answer him. She simply nodded and let Robbie lead her back to the house. She didn't notice if anyone stayed behind, and she didn't notice what the rest of them did once they got back to the house. All she knew was that Robbie brought her into the library again. Maureen brought her a cup of Aiden's tea, but it went mostly untouched.

She didn't know what Robbie said to her, though she knew he tried to keep her calm. Eventually she curled up on the sofa. She felt him put a blanket over her, but that was all she felt until she woke up in Aiden's arms. He was carrying her up the stairs. Mary snuggled closer and closed her eyes again.

*~*~*~*~*~*

The next evening Calvus stayed closer by her side than he usually did, and there was something comforting about that. It helped when the others started badgering her about attempting another waking the next night. She'd refused to talk about it during dinner, and afterward she'd disappeared into her sitting room, locking everyone but Calvus out.

“Perhaps they are right Z'tavick.” He said quietly.

“We had a plan and a schedule, all I want to do is stick to the plan, is that so terrible?” She looked away when she realized how defensive she sounded.

“You are to be commended for wishing to honor the agreement, but only if you wish to honor it for the right reasons.”

“I don't know what you mean.” She said, still not able to meet his eyes.

“Yes you do Z'tavick.” He said softly. “It breaks your heart every time one of us does not wake, and it takes away another little piece of your confidence in yourself.”

“It means I failed.” She whispered.

“How could you possibly interpret the acts of nature as a personal failure?” He sounded surprised.

“Because if I had been here earlier-”

He shook his head. “It would have made no difference.”

“You can't be sure of that.”

“Neither can you.” He said firmly.

Mary sighed. “Calvus, I don't know what I'm doing, not really. I've never been taught magic, half the time I just make it up as I go along. I can't shake the feeling that I'm doing something wrong.”

Calvus sat back in Aiden's chair and thought for a moment. “Do you know who taught me to make rings like the one you wear?”

Mary touched the ring in her ear absently. “No.”

“No one. The technique did not exist until I created it. Just because you have taken your own road does not mean it is the wrong one.”

“Sometimes, all it seems so enormous.” She murmured.

He nodded. “A great deal rests on your shoulders Z'tavick. Burdens like yours are only given to those who can bear them.”

“I'm not saying I'm going to do it, but would the others feel like I was rushing things if I did agree to try the next waking? Is there a period of mourning that would be violated?”

Calvus thought for a moment. “For his immediate family, there would have been a grieving period. For the clan in general, that would depend on his rank. Last night we performed the ritual that returns one of us to the earth in an honorable way. I do not know if Z'avi will decide that we owe him more than that.”

“What do you think?” Mary pressed.

“I cannot-”

“Calvus please, can't you just tell me what you think for once.” She couldn't keep the annoyance out of her voice.

He watched for her a moment, considering his response. “I think that he was a stranger to all of us. We have given what is appropriate, and I do not believe any more is owed.”

Mary nodded. She knew that moving forward was probably the right thing to do. Unless Aiden disagreed, the next night there would be another waking.