Pain and.. pain?

An update!

I'm not entirely pleased with this chapter and that's why i've been delaying putting it up but here it is at last! Let me know what you think, i may have to re-write it later but for now i'm
pleased with the next few chapters. I'm currently starting on chap #38 so the story is definetily moving on. Tristan will be making an appearance soon;)

Anywhooo, please read and review!

As it is my birthday i expect extra reviews!!! :DD

Please make my day, my hangover is horrible after the party last night. another year older and boy do i feel tired!






CHAPTER 35



My eyes flared and I jumped Chris, shoving him hard against the wall and reached for the diary. I got an elbow to the stomach but didn’t let go of Chris who was trying to throw me off. I couldn’t remember this angry in a long time, maybe not ever. I didn’t stop to think about what I was doing but rained Chris with punches, hoping to hurt him as much as possible.

I had just managed to get a hold of the photo of Tristan when the door slammed open and Ron ran in. “Stop it! Both of you!” He yelled, seized me by the waist and pulled me away from Chris. I heard the picture tear and screamed. Ron hauled me across the room and dumped me on my bed before turning to look at Chris and taking a deep breath.

“Explain! Both of you, right now!” He demanded and Chris who had managed to climb onto his own bed too was quick to comply.

“He attacked me!”

Ron’s angry eyes flashed towards me and pressed myself against the corner before defending myself meekly. “He.. He took my j-journal.” All the anger that had just ran through me was gone now that I was afraid of Ron’s reaction. I could see that he was furious and I had too many experiences of erratic men in my past.

Ron turned his eyes back to Chris and saw the black book in his hand. “Chris, that book is Jason’s. Journal’s are private, you know that. Give it back to him and apologize.” He said a bit calmer already and Chris pulled a face but obeyed.

“Sorry.” He spat when throwing the book across the room at me and folded his hands across his chest when it landed with a thud only half way through the room. Ron picked it up and handed it to me before matching eyes with me and asking.

“Jason, did you attack Chris?”

I looked down and Ron took that as an answer. “Right. Apologize to Chris Jason.” He said and I mumbled a barely audible ‘sorry’ at the green haired boy sitting on the bed across the room.

“I’m going to have to tell Diana you’ve been fighting Jason. The meeting with your friend is cancelled.” Ron said and my head shot up in fear.

“No! I want to see him!” I begged and Ron gave me the strictest look since I had come here.

“Fighting has consequences, Jason. You are both grounded for a week and that means no visits from anyone, including your friend. You can see him next week.” He said and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

“No. No. I’m sorry. I’m s-sorry, s-sir. P-Please. I.. I need to s-see h-him. P-Please.” I begged, big tears rolling down my face but Ron didn’t seem fazed by my tears at all.

“Next week, Jason if you behave yourself. Now, I don’t want to hear another peep coming out of this room after I leave, is that clear?” Ron glared at both of us and Chris nodded from his side of the room. “Jason?”

“I’m s-sorry, s-sir. I’ll be q-quiet, I p-promise. I promise. P-Please let me see Tristan, s-sir. I’ll do anything. I’ll take my punishment. P-Please.” I sobbed and crawled off the bed to kneel in front of Ron. “You can h-hit me. I w-wont t-tell anyone. I n-never tell. I promise. P-Please l-let me see him s-sir.”

Ron who had been watching me gloomily so far seemed alarmed when I told him he could hit me. He pulled me up from the floor and put me back on the bed, tucking me in while speaking in a low voice. “Shh, Jason. Calm down. I’m not going to hit you, we don’t work like that here, okay? No hitting. I know you’re sad but you can see your friend, just not tomorrow, okay? You can’t fight Jason, it’s not nice to fight. You can see Tristan next week if you’ll be good, I promise.” Ron said and brushed my hair soothingly.

I jerked away from his touch and pressed myself against the wall, still sobbing. Ron pulled his hand away and stood up. I heard him wish me good night before telling Chris to behave himself. I heard the door close after Ron and fear engulfed me again, clenching my belly painfully.

Chris moved in the room behind me and I pulled my pillow in my arms and buried my face in it trying to stop crying. Ron told us to keep quiet, he would get again if I kept crying. A hand touched my shoulder and my breathing hitched.

“Y-You c-can hi-hit me if.. if y-you w-want. I.. I d-don’t c-care.” I gasped out between sobs and closed my eyes tightly, waiting for the punches. Something was set on the bed by my head and a soft voice said.

“I fixed it for you.”

Footsteps retreated and then sheets shuffled when Chris got on his bed. I opened my eyes and saw the picture of Tristan on the bed in front of me, tape running across the middle where the image had torn in half during our fight. I sniffed and ran my fingers across the surface lightly, making sure it was really there before taking hold of it and closing my eyes again.

“T-Thank you.” I whispered carefully to my roommate and buried my wet face into my pillow again.



My eyes were still red when I woke up the morning. I had slept barely few hours, tears flowing uncontrollably down my cheeks.

Tristan.

I had fucked up again and now I didn’t get to see him after all. He’d be all alone for another week at least. My eyes burned again and I rubbed my face with the sleeve of my sweater. I had slept with my clothes on.

I heard shuffling of sheets from across the room and searched for the picture of Tristan with my hand instantly. It was tucked under my pillow and I felt the edge of the tape cutting across the smooth surface. Chris had fixed it for me. I frowned and felt worried. Why had the other boy taped the picture back together for me? It wasn’t like Chris to be nice. Not towards me anyway.

“You better get up. We’re grounded so we’ll have to do extra housework today and if Ron has to come upstairs to wake you up, he’ll give you all the worst chores.” Chris said from his side of the room and I turned to look at him. He was already dressed, ready for breakfast.

I got up too and avoided the other’s eyes while getting changed. I could feel Chris’ eyes on my bare back and waited for a snide remark about my scars. He hadn’t seen me shirtless until now, I always changed in the bathroom but now I was too tired to care. He could taunt me all he wanted for all I cared. I deserved to feel miserable after fucking up the meeting with Tristan.

But Chris didn’t comment on my scars, just pulled the door open when I was ready and let me in the hallway before him.

We went downstairs and were met with Rose’s scolding words instantly before she told us to have breakfast and start cleaning. We would be doing other people’s chores today as well. I didn’t mind really. I was used to cleaning and it was something I knew how to do. Chris would probably swear under his breath the whole day though and get angry at me again for getting him in trouble. I hoped they would let us work separately.




The day went on slowly and I put all my energy into cleaning and staying away from Chris. I had noticed the green haired boy glancing at me continuously through the day and feared for the moment when we would be back in our bedroom. I was convinced that the other was biding his time, waiting for his opportunity to make me pay for getting him in trouble. After dinner Chris and I were told to clean up and when we were done, Ron said.

“Alright you two. Upstairs, now. And if I hear a peep coming out of that bedroom tonight, you’ll both be grounded for a month, got it?” He didn’t sound please at all and I kept my head down.

“Yes, sir.” I mumbled quietly and went to follow Chris out of the bedroom when Ron held me back by my arm. I shifted away from him nervously and Ron let go of me.

“I told Diana about your fight, Jason. Your friend was really upset that you couldn’t come and see him. Stay out of trouble and you can see him next week, alright?” He said and I nodded with tears in my eyes. Tristan was upset because of me. Because I fucked up. “Go on then, off to bed then.”

I made my way upstairs slowly, not in any hurry to get hit by Chris. The said green haired boy was sprawled on his bed in his usual manner, holding the small ball he was always throwing in the air when I entered the room which seemed somehow gloomier than usually. Maybe it was just my gloomy mood that made me think that.

I made sure not to look at Chris, not wanting him to see the tears in my eyes. I got changed into my pajamas and felt Chris’ eyes on my back as I did so. I got under the covers and buried my face in the pillow, trying to fight the tears and losing miserably. I just couldn’t stop thinking about Tristan, all alone in some foster home, scared.

I heard Chris move behind me and couldn’t help the tension that spread over my shoulders instantly. I kept still until I heard Chris moving closer and whirled around to face him, pressing my back against the cool wall before lifting my head to stare at him, breathing hard. Chris, who had been walking across the room towards me, stopped half way across the room and stuffed his hands deep in his pockets. He took in my fierce reaction and looked down.

“I just wanted to apologize.” He mumbled and shuffled on his feet restlessly.

“A.. W-What?” I mumbled and frowned. This wasn’t the Chris I knew.

“I.. I’ve been a bit.. a bit of an dickhead to you and.. and I just wanted to say that.. that I’m sorry.” Chris mumbled barely audible and kept his eyes on the floor. I just stared at him with growing suspicion before it hit me.

“Fuck you.” I grumbled, anger rising in my chest and stared at Chris with furious eyes.

“W-What?” Chris asked hesitantly and looked up at me.

“I don’t need your fucking pity! You think that just because you read my diary you know me?! Fuck you!” I yelled and jumped off the bed and towards Chris. I caught him off guard and with his hands still deep inside his pockets he couldn’t do squat when I shoved him backwards hard. Chris fell on the floor on his back with a loud thud and a cry, hitting the back of his head against the hard floor. I clenched my fists tightly and took a deep breath.

Shit shit shit. I hit Chris again. I fucking hit him.

A wave of fear washed over me and I backed away until the back of my knees hit the edge of my bed and I fell to sit on it. I backed away more until my back hit the wall again and stared at Chris with my heart pounding hard in my chest. I was going to get beaten to a bleeding pulp because of this.

The door slammed open and tired looking Ron stood in the doorway, staring at us, clearly not happy at all. “What’s going on in here? I thought that I made it clear that I want this room nice and quiet tonight. Explain, now. Both of you.” He said, a hard edge in his voice and I let my head drop in shame and fear that he’d ground me for a month and I wouldn’t be able to see Tristan in a long time.

“We weren’t fighting. I was trying to walk on my hands and fell.” Chris piped up from the floor and my head shot up in surprise. Ron glanced at him and then me.

“I heard yelling.” He said, suspicion in his eyes and Chris grinned sheepishly.

“Yeah, well. You know me; loud and obnoxious.” He said brightly and climbed on his feet, rubbing his bottom gingerly. Ron still didn’t look convinced but thankfully let it be and just told us to get in bed and sleep, tomorrow we’d be doing more housework.

Chris crossed the room to sit on his bed and stretched his back with his arms high in the air. I just stared at the floor again. I couldn’t believe I had just managed to escape a month’s deserved punishment.

“I don’t pity you.” Chris said from his bed and I glanced at him with a frown again. “I don’t.”

“Why..”

“Why did I lie to Ron?” Chris asked and I nodded slowly. He shrugged his shoulders slightly and sprawled on his back. “Because he can be a brat sometimes and I.. I really wanted to make up for being such an asshole to you whole this time.” He said and pulled a blanket over himself, apparently ready to sleep. I just continued to stare at him, completely taken back by his complete change of character.

We sat in silence for a long time until I got a move on and got back under the covers. What ever. I didn’t trust him but I wasn’t about to start another argument now that Ron had already been up here once tonight. I turned my back to Chris and closed my eyes, hugging my pillow close.



The following Wednesday I found myself sitting on the couch in Dr. Melwin’s office again. We had been talking for almost an hour already, well he was still the one doing most of the talking but I had forced out a few words too. He had continued to prod me into talking about myself more and I had tried. I honestly had. I just wasn’t easy. I didn’t know what to tell the man to keep him happy.

When Ron picked me up some fifteen minutes later, I was feeling tired. You would be surprised to know how tiring not talking could be. We rode back to the house in silence and I frowned when I saw a familiar car on the driveway. I glanced at Ron and he saw him studying the car with mild interest.

We went inside and Rose came to greet us in the hall before I could hide upstairs. “Jason, how was your meeting with Dr. Melwin?” She asked happily and I just shrugged my shoulders slightly. Behind her a long man came into view.

“Hello, Jason. You doing alright?” Thomson asked from the kitchen doorway and I tried to smile at him.

“Yeah.”

“Good.” Thomson smiled and came forward to shake Ron’s hand and introduce himself.

“Coffee, everyone?” Rose asked briskly and Ron ushered me towards the kitchen after her and Thomson.

We sat down and I kept my eyes cast down, not sure what to think of Thomson being here. I had a bad feeling about this and I wanted to ask about Kevin but knew that it was better not to in front of Rose and Ron.

The others kept up a light conversation but I didn’t take part. I could feel Thomson’s eyes on me and couldn’t stop fidgeting on my seat. The others were talking about my studies when Chris walked into the kitchen.

“Rose, I need you to sign a form for school.” He said before noticing Thomson. “Er..”

“What form, dear?” Rose asked with a raised eyebrow and Chris grinned guiltily.

“I may have gotten in a bit of trouble at school.. Nothing big, I just need you to sign it.” He said and Rose glanced at us.

“Right. Jason, why don’t you show Detective Thomson your room, dear? Christopher, sit down please.” She said and I could see Chris raise his eyebrows when he heard the word detective.

“Um, sure.” I mumbled and stood up, eager to get away from Chris and to talk to Thomson. “This way.” I mumbled to the detective while inching my way by Chris and Thomson stood up as well. We walked upstairs in silence and not until I had closed the bedroom door behind us, did I look up at Thomson.

“Nice room.” He said and I shrugged my shoulders. Thomson’s eyes traveled the walls but I kept my eyes on him. I wanted to know why he was here. “Nice poster too, you like Ramones?” He asked suddenly and I snapped my eyes towards my end of the room. My Ramones- poster was pinned neatly above my bed. I frowned and looked at Thomson again.

“Is Kevin..”

“He’s fine, don’t worry.” Thomson said at once and handed me something. Just now I noticed the carrier bag he had brought with him and felt a frown wrinkle my forehead again.

I took the bag hesitantly and opened it slowly. My heart gave a jolt when the first thing I saw was a lot of curly white fur. Bunny!

“Kevin asked me to bring it to you.” Thomson said and moved to sit on my bed. I pulled out bunny and saw the clothes Kevin had bought me underneath it, including soft PJs with ducks. I made a mental note to ask Kevin about his fixation on giving me children’s PJs before smiling crookedly and hugging the bag close.

“Thanks.” I said quietly and Thomson smiled.

“No worries kid.”

I emptied the bag into the wardrobe before sitting on the bed with Thomson. I fiddled with bunny restlessly for a moment before lifting my eyes to the detective sitting on the other end of the bed. “Where’s Kevin?” I asked carefully, not sure if I wanted to hear the answer and to my surprise Thomson smiled.

“He’s doing fine, Jason. Don’t worry about him. He’s not going to jail” He said and I stared at him in shock.

“H-He’s free?” I whispered, barely daring to speak and Thomson nodded, still smiling.

“He made a deal with the state. He has to do six months of community service but otherwise he’s off the hook.” He said and I nodded. That was good. I felt a little better knowing that Kevin wasn’t going to jail after all.

“Do.. Do you think I can see him?” I asked carefully and Thomson’s smile wavered.

“I don’t think the social workers are going to find that a very good idea, Jason.”

“But he didn’t do anything wrong! And he wasn’t sentenced..”

“Yes he was, Jason. He might not be going to jail but he was sentenced. He has to get through the community service without trouble to not to end up in jail.” Thomson pointed out and I gnawed on my lip, nervously.

“He won’t.” I said, trying to convince myself more than Thomson.

We sat in silence for a moment until Thomson glanced at me carefully and said. “I heard what happened with your roommate. That you didn’t get to see your friend because you two got into a fight.” I looked down and felt a blush of shame creep up over my cheeks.

“I..”

“Why were you fighting Jason?” Thomson asked with a sigh and I pulled my knees up slowly.

“It was nothing.” I mumbled and set my chin against my knees.

“I seriously doubt that you would be fighting for nothing, kid. I was surprised to hear that you had been causing trouble.” Thomson said and stared at me for a while before glancing at his watch. “Anyway. I need to get going. I’ll come by again later, okay?” He continued and I nodded quietly. “And call me if you need something, okay? You still have my number, right?”

I watched silently how Thomson got on his feet, brushed the wrinkles out of his trousers and left. When the door closed after him, I twisted to lie on my back and stared at the ceiling, my mind a bit calmer than before. At least now I knew that Kevin was okay. He wasn’t going to jail. Maybe I hadn’t fucked up his life after all.