Unforgivables

\"Hello son...\"

I shot up in bed gasping for breath. Brian sat up next to me, completely out of it still, and rubbed his eyes. \"Christopher?\" he asked me as I tried to catch my breath and kept my eyes on the bed. \"What\'s wrong?\"

It had been really faint. To far away for me to hear completely, but it had been a male\'s voice. \"I had a bad dream is all.\"

He stared at me a moment. \"That\'s not it. What did you hear?\"

I looked over at him. \"I think it was my father...\"

\"Your father?\" I nodded. \"What did he say?\"

\"\'Hello son.\'\" I answered. \"That\'s all. I didn\'t hear anymore.\"

He took a deep breath and fell back against the bed. \"Well, maybe you should try and hear.\"

I laid down facing him. \"What do you mean? How am I supposed to try and hear?\"

He shrugged. \"Well, I mean, I can make myself see certain things in people. Like with you, when I first met you, I made myself see what you were hiding from everyone. It was easy to see you had a secret, even for normal people, and I just dove a little deaper.\"

\"So,\" I persisted. \"Tell me how.\"

\" I don\'t really know.\" he kissed me softly. \"Just open your mind I guess. Sounds like one of those dumb movies about people like us I know but that is really the only way I know how to do this.\"

I stared at him a moment before closing my eyes. My father. I didn\'t have any memories of him. He had barely been around as it was. All I knew of his was a picture that my aunt had of him and my mom in her house.

\"You little brat!\" I clamped my hands over my ears. It was that man. I didn\'t want to hear that man. Brian held me close and I could hear his voice but not what he was saying. \"You\'re useless! You pathetic child! Why can\'t you just see that you are useless! You\'ll end up alone! You will always be alone! No one will ever love you!\"

\"Don\'t say that!\" I screamed. \"Please stop this! Please, please leave me alone! Why are you doing this to me?\"

He laughed in the back of my mind. \"Don\'t you understand anything you pathetic little brat? You are alone! Always have been and always will be! No one has ever loved you and no one ever will! Even that bitch of a mother you had thought of you as a burden.\"

Someone screamed in the room that joined to ours and I knew who it was. Gabriel was across that door. \"Stop it!\" I screamed at him. \"Please leave my friends alone! Please leave them alone!\"

\"Have you ever been raped Christopher?\" the man asked me. Yes, but that was none of his concern. \"Well, imagine being mind raped. Imagine having every one of your senses filled with that feeling. It\'s one of the worst pains in the world...and I love to see your friends squirm.\"

\"No!\" I yelled and sat up strait, shooting from Brian\'s arms. \"Who are you? What gives you this right? Why can\'t you just leave us all alone?\"

Brian turned me to him but my eyes were clamped shut. \"Christopher look at me! Look at me while I can still get a picture of him.\"

I opened my eyes and the next thing I knew Brian was standing and hand his face in one of his palms. \"If you don\'t want me to hurt your friends then why do you let me near them Christopher? Why do you let me into their minds and near enough to touch? When you think about it then you see that it is all your fault that they are in this pain. After all, who\'s mother called you all together?\"

I stared at Brian\'s back a moment before looking away. He was right. It was all my fault. None of them would have been in this mess if I hadn\'t tried to find them. I thought about that a moment. Had I really found them? It had been a complete accident that Brian and I had found Elise, who had been connected to Tran. Then there was Gabriel, who I had met out of sheer fate, and he had been connected to Alexial. Even Brian...I\'d met Brian only because everyone had thought I was insane. None of them, not one of them had been surprised that I had found them. Not one of them seemed shocked or anything like that.

\"How is that...?\" I whispered more to myself. \"Brian.\" I turned to him and he looked back at me, though his eyes were somewhere else. \"Brian why was no one shocked when we found them? Why was everyone expecting this? Why were you expecting this?\"

\"Oh yes, because the mentally unbalanced one will know the answer to that.\" the man said in my head. \"He can barely comprehend who he is let alone something like that.\"

Brian tapped his hand against his leg. \"I don\'t know Christopher.\"

\"Told you.\" the man mocked.

\"I just know that the first time I saw you, I knew you were someone who was going to take me away.\" he gave me a small smile. \"I knew you\'d rescue me Christopher. I just remember feeling...free...the first time I met you. I knew that some day I would be in a better place with you. Like heaven but made from our own minds.\"

It was silent a moment. \"So the mentally challanged one can be somewhat deep. It\'s cute seeing handicap people try and think.\"

I clenched my fists at the man. \"Maybe you were thinking of someone else.\" I muttered. \"Someone you saw inside of me that doesn\'t exist anymore.\"

He crawled back in front of me. \"Christopher it is some one that I saw inside of you, someone I think you have forgotten about. It\'s that someone you stopped being the day you came to the hospital. You wanna know how I know that it is you?\" I nodded. What the hell right? \"Your eyes. No matter how much you change on the inside, or the outside, your eyes will always stay the same.\"

\"I think he may really like you Christopher...\" the man muttered in my head. \"To bad he\'ll most likely end up dead because of you. He\'ll burn to the ground just like the rest of your family.\"

I jugged Brian close and burried my face in the crook of his neck and shoulder. \"Brian please...make him be quiet. Make him stop saying all these horrible things. I don\'t understand why he hates me so much Brian.\"

\"He doesn\'t hate you Christopher.\" I looked up to see Brian staring at something behind me. I looked back for a moment but nothing was there. \"He hates that he\'s dead, hates that he\'s stuck to this world, and most likely hates that he has to watch others live out their lives fully. It\'s not you he hates. He\'s just letting his anger out on you because you are someone who can hear.\"

\"That doesn\'t mean he has to hurt all of you. Not because of me.\" I curled back into Brian. \"He shouldn\'t hurt all of you just because of me.\"

\"It\'s not because of you Christopher.\" Brian assured me. \"He could have gotten to any one of us. He just found you first.\"

\"I wish he hadn\'t!\" I yelled into Brian\'s chest. \"I wish none of this had ever happened! I wish I were normal! Like everyone else! Then no one would have died!\" I began to cry. \"I wish I had never been born!\"

Brian\'s grip on me tightened, like what I said would come true at any moment and I would slip away from him. \"Christopher please...never say that again.\" he turned his face into my hair, I could feel his warm breath rushing through the strands. \"One, because living your life wishing for things that will never come true will only block what is really important. Two, never wish the best parts of life away from someone.\"

My grip tightened around Brian as I realized what I had said. \"I wish I could do what you want Brian. I wish I could create some perfect world for us. I wish that I could give you that boy that you saw in me all of those years ago...\" I was trying hard to hold back my tears but it was hard. \"But he\'s dead. He died when my family died. Just like you died with yours.\"

The man in my arms tensed. \"There...there is something you need to know about me Christopher.\" he said softly. \"Something I have only seen in one other person besides myself. It\'s having no remorse. No empathy. I have never felt anything about killing my family.\" I looked up at him shocked. \"I can\'t explain it really well. You would have to talk to Tran.\"

\"T...Tran is the other person?\" I asked dumbfounded. \"You\'re telling me that you killed your entire family and feel nothing for it?\"

\"I told you Christopher...I can\'t explain it. I just know that it happened and other then that...other then that there is nothing.\" Brian answered. \"Maybe it is the type of home we grew up in, maybe it is just how we are, but neither Tran nor I feel bad about it.\"

\"Then...then what would stop you from feeling that way about me?\" okay...that came out sounding more like some woman then I had wanted it to. \"Brian how do I know you even care about me then?\"

Brian gave me a smile. \"Course I care about you Christopher. And don\'t you ever think differently okay?\" I nodded. \"Good. Now,\" he pulled me close again. \"Lets get some sleep shall we?\"

A warm blush crossed over my face. I wasn\'t sure how I was supposed to ask this but...I wanted to sleep with him so much. Heaven only knew if we would ever get the chance to be with each other again, at least alone. I just...I needed to feel him again.

\"Don\'t worry.\" Brian whispered in my ear. \"I saw.\"


A/N : Muahahahahahaha. Whatcha think? Huh huh huh? Review please. other then that I have nothing else to say. Tah tah, until next time.