Pain and.. pain?

Thanks a lot for all the reviews once again! I really do appreciate it:)

I can see a Chris hateclub forming already and all I have to say that dont strangle our green haired tough guy to death just yet;)

Please read and review and let me know what you think! And as always, if you pick up major mistakes in my spelling etc. please let me know so I can fix them!

Thanks and hope you like it!



CHAPTER 34



I woke up the next morning in Chris’ swearing again and hugged my pillow a bit tighter, not wanting to get up just yet. I was supposed to start studying today and then go to the shrink in the afternoon. The door to our room opened and Chris fell quiet instantly. He wasn’t stupid enough to swear in front of Ron or Rose.

“Chris, hurry up or you’ll miss the bus! Jason, time to get up.” Ron said from the door and I pushed the covers aside. I had slept in my clothes because I had been wary towards Chris last night. He had been in a bad mood and I had been afraid that if I’d cause any nuisance he would attack me again. Ron arched an eyebrow at me but didn’t say anything, letting his eyes roam the room. Chris had gathered his things already and disappeared past Ron into the hallway.

“Why is your poster on Chris’ side?” Ron asked suddenly and I kept my eyes down, afraid that the man would know that I was lying if I would look at him.

“I changed my mind. I gave it to him.” I mumbled and stood up, ready for the day.

Ron didn’t look convinced but didn’t say anything, just turned to leave. “I’ll wait in the kitchen if you want to take a shower and change clothes, alright?” I watched him go and hesitated for a moment before going to get my towel. I did feel sweaty.



When I ventured downstairs twenty minutes later, I found Ron in the kitchen. He motioned me to sit down and set a plate of pancakes in front of me. I sat down and picked up the fork set on the table. He left me to eat and I nibbled on the pancakes unenthusiastically, thinking about the upcoming day. I wasn’t looking forward to it at all.

When I was done with my breakfast, Ron asked me to follow him and we went to the office. We sat down and I fiddled with my shirt nervously while Ron explained his plan to me. First he made me read out loud to him so he could see how well I could read. My reading was a bit hesitant and not fluent at all but Ron assured me it was ok and that all I needed was practice.

From reading we moved on to writing. Once Ron was pleased that I could read and write well enough, he set me to do basic math. Other than having to be alone with the man I didn’t know and trust, studying was fine. I had always wanted to go to school and I was eager to learn.




That afternoon I found myself sitting in a colorful office with big wide windows letting in the sunshine. I was sitting on a big bulking armchair and across me in a similar chair sat Dr. Melwin. I was sitting on my hands so I wouldn’t fidget with them and kept my eyes down. Dr. Melwin wasn’t what I had expected at all. Or Tim. He asked me to call him Tim.

Dr. Melwin was a man in his late fifties, dressed in slightly shabby looking brown trousers, powder colored collared shirt and a dark green slipover over that with glasses perched on his nose. Not exactly what I had had in mind when I had been imagining the shrink in my mind earlier.

Dr. Melwin was currently telling me about himself, talking about his family and past. I didn’t get it why he was telling me all this and stared at the floor numbly, letting my mind wander.

I hadn’t heard anything from Diana since yesterday and I couldn’t stop thinking about Tristan and if she had found him already. Diana had said she would let me know as soon as she found him but I didn’t want to wait.

“Jason?” Dr. Melwin asked suddenly and I lifted my head just slightly so I could look at him from under my long hair. The doctor smiled and leaned back in his chair. “Why don’t you tell me about yourself? Anything you want.” He said and I looked down again.

“You don’t have to talk about your past if you don’t want to Jason. I’m not asking you to tell me everything right now, I know it’s hard. We can just take it slow and get to know each other a little bit first.”

The man smiled warmly and I chewed the inside of my cheek nervously, my lips hurt too much now to gnaw on them anymore.

“Favorite color, food, movie, anything you’d like to tell, Jason. Don’t feel nervous.” Dr. Melwin said and I felt my stomach clench a little painfully.

We sat in silence for a moment longer until I forced myself to say something before the man across the desk would get angry. “I like.. I like dark colors.” I mumbled and cursed myself for being such a wimp.

“Dark colors? My office is not to your liking then.” Dr. Melwin said brightly and a wave of fear washed over me.

“N-No! I.. I mean y-yes. I mean I.. I like it.” I stuttered out and the smile on the shrink’s face faded a little bit, his eyes taking a serious look.

“I was only teasing you, Jason. I like dark colors too, I rarely wear anything with color but I work mainly with children and having a colorful office makes most kids feel more relaxed.” He said and I nodded quietly, relieved that he wasn’t angry.

“I.. I like your office, s-sir.” I forced out and Dr. Melwin sighed lightly. Suddenly he stood up and walked around the wooden desk.

“Let’s move on to the couches, shall we?” He smiled and motioned me to follow him. I obeyed hesitantly and when Dr. Melwin sat on one of the big armchairs, settled myself on the bulking red couch, avoiding the man’s eyes. I didn’t feel any more relaxed on the couches than over by the desk but I didn’t say anything, I knew he was trying to make me feel more comfortable around him.




Ron picked me up from the Dr. Melwin’s office when the scheduled hour was over and I followed him outside and into his car, clutching a journal Dr. Melwin had given me tightly in my hand. I was supposed to write in it daily, to help me deal with everything that had happened.

Thankfully my next appointment with the shrink wasn’t until next week.

“How did it go?” Ron asked while settling himself behind the wheel and I shrugged my shoulders slightly.

“Ok, I guess.” I mumbled and Ron glanced at the journal in my hands. He didn’t say anything though but concentrated on the traffic.



We returned to the house and I went straight upstairs. Chris was already there so I tip toed across the room to I sit on my bed without disturbing him. He was throwing the ball up in the air again. I sprawled on the bed on my stomach and opened the black covered book Dr. Melwin had given me.

I stared at the white empty page for about fifteen minutes until a snide remark from Chris from across the room snapped me back to reality. “Writing a diary like a little girl, Jason?”

I felt my shoulders tense and closed the book before shoving it under my pillow. I’d write later, when Chris wasn’t in the room. I lowered my head to rest on my pillow and stared at the blank wall in front of me numbly, trying to ignore Chris completely.



I finally had a chance to write after dinner when Chris went to take a shower. I flipped the journal open quickly and picked up a pen from the small desk where the few school books Ron had given me earlier were. I started by scribbling down my name at the inside of the front cover before writing down the date at the top corner of the first page.

I stared at the date for a moment, fiddling with the pen nervously. I had no idea what to write. I had never had a journal before.

I ended up scribbling down a few words about my day, feeling stupid while doing so. I really did feel like a little school girl, just like Chris had said, before hiding the journal back under my pillow and setting to sleep.



Diana didn’t come by again until three days later, on Friday. She sat me down by the kitchen table, the folder with my name on it with her again. “How are you doing dear? Everything alright?” She asked once we had sat down and I just nodded in reply. “How was Dr. Melwin? Do you like him?”

“He.. He’s ok.” I mumbled and Diana smiled.

“Wonderful. Ronald told me you have started studying as well, that’s good.” She said and I gave her another short nod. “I have some good news for you Jason. I think I found your friend.” Diana said next and my head shot up quickly.

Tristan?

“Tristan?” I asked carefully and she nodded with a smile.

“Yes. I have a picture here so you can tell me if it’s him or not. He hasn’t been talking since taken into fostercare so we are not sure who he is exactly yet.”

She pulled out a glassy surfaced photo out of another folder I hadn’t seen her having before now and set it on the table before me. My heart gave a jolt when I saw a skinny boy with a mop of brown hair and big puppy dog eyes looking at the camera with an untrusting expression.

“It’s him! It’s Tristan!” I said and picked up the photo excitingly. Tristan. He was alright. He wasn’t hurt. Not badly enough to have to be in a hospital anyway. I looked at Diana who was watching me with a small smile and asked. “Can I see him? Is he okay?”

“He’s fine, Jason. Physically at least. Like I said, he hasn’t said a word since the police carried him out of the club.”

“C-Carried him out? But.. But you said he’s okay?” I said hesitantly and Diana nodded.

“He is dear. He was just exhausted when found, don’t worry. And when it comes to you seeing him, I was actually hoping you might be able to get him to talk. I’ve set up a meeting for you two for tomorrow.”

“Can he come live here too?” I asked, hope filling my heart but Diana gave a tired sigh and said. “I’m afraid that is not possible at the moment, Jason. Rose and Ron are at their limit as it is. They could barely take you in. Tristan is fine where he is, Jason.”

I didn’t even try to hide my disappointment but didn’t argue with Diana, afraid that if I’d give her attitude, she would not let me see Tristan after all.

I frowned angrily at the table and wished that Rose would kick out Chris so Tristan could share the room with me. Chris could swap with Tristan, he could go live in the other foster home while Tristan came here. I lifted my eyes off the table and opened my mouth to ask Rose if Chris could swap with Tristan but before I could get any words out, she said firmly but gently.

“Tristan can’t come here Jason. You can see him tomorrow and I’ll make arrangements to have you two meet regularly.”

I let my head drop in defeat and dug my hands in my sweater, disappointed.



The meeting with Diana took another hour and only when she was finally satisfied that I was all set here and doing well did she start packing her things away. I had been staring at the picture of Tristan the whole time, only answering Diana’s questions with one worded answers but now I looked up.

“Can.. Can I keep the picture? P-Please?” I asked hesitantly and Diana looked at me for a moment before smiling and nodding.

“Of course dear. I’ll be here tomorrow at noon to pick you up, alright? I’ll see you then.”

I nodded absentmindedly and picked up the picture of Tristan before going upstairs. I slid the picture inside my new journal and picked up a pen. During these few days I had found out that I actually really liked writing and it DID make me feel better. I smiled at the picture of Tristan and wrote about my meeting with Diana and about the upcoming meeting with Tristan. I was going to see him again!




Chris returned from school in a bad mood as usual. He slammed the door shut after himself, making me jump and glared at me furiously when I dared to make my presence known. “Get out!” He spat and I winced at his cold tone. He was really angry this time and I wondered what had happened.

I hurried out of the room, clutching my journal tightly in my hand and went downstairs into the common room. The house was buzzing with life now that everyone else had come back from school but I managed to settle myself in an empty armchair in the corner of the livingroom. I flipped open my journal and stared at the big photo of Tristan for the thousand time tonight. I really did miss the little boy.

I was suddenly disturbingly aware that someone was staring at me. I lifted my eyes off the photo and saw Kristy, the small girl who sat by me at dinner standing in front of me with a board game in her hands.

“Play with me.” She said, more demanding than asking and I hesitated.

“I don’t know how.” I admitted with a small blush and Kristy smiled widely.

“I’ll teach you!” She said happily and sat on the floor, opening the box containing the game. It was a game about ponies racing around the board, jumping over fences. “Chris always plays with me but he didn’t want to today.” Kristy made a face and continued to set the game up. “His mom didn’t show up again so he’s angry.” She continued and I moved to sit cross-legged on the floor opposite her.

I had a hard time imagining Chris doing anything nice for anyone, let alone play a girly game with ponies in it with Kristy.

The game turned out to be quite simple, you just had to roll a pair of dices to gallop forward and jump over the fences while trying to avoid any other obstacles slowing you down on the way to the finish line. I had a rotten luck with the dices and Kristy was leading me with almost half a board when Chris walked into the livingroom.

“Kristy, I’m sorry about earlier. I’ll play with y…” Chris fell quiet when he saw us on the floor and his face darkened.

“Chris! I’m winning! Jason’s got even worse luck than you!” Kristy practically screamed and I hunched my shoulders.

“Great.” Chris forced out with closed teeth and turned to leave the room. I felt fear clench my belly and got on my feet quickly.

“I.. I need to take a shower before dinner. Chris… Chris can finish for me.” I said to Kristy before inching my past Chris. He shot me another glare and maybe I was imagining it but it wasn’t quite as malicious as the previous one. Maybe he would calm down if I’d stay out of his sight for the rest of the day.

I ran upstairs and sat on my bed to take a deep breath before picking up my towel and heading towards the bathroom; I might as well take the shower I had said I would be taking even though I had showered that morning already.




At dinner later I kept my head down and managed to avoid any eye contact with Chris. When I volunteered to clean up after everyone, Rose seemed happily surprised and tried to suggest that Chris would help me but I insisted on cleaning up alone. My plan was to stay away from the bedroom as long as possible, only going in to sleep. If I wasn’t around, Chris wouldn’t be able to be angry at me.




I delayed going upstairs until Ron told me to go to bed so I wouldn’t be tired tomorrow. It was almost eleven o’clock and I had spent most of the night watching TV with the older girls. Now I was the only one up though and with reluctance I climbed the stairs to the first floor.

Chris had disappeared upstairs as soon as he had been excused from dinner and hadn’t come down since so I was positive that he would be asleep already. When I opened the door to out bedroom though, I saw the other boy sitting on my bed with my journal in his hands. I froze at the door and closed it behind me before saying.

“That’s mine.”

Chris looked up and held up the picture of Tristan. “Who’s he? You’re seeing him tomorrow, is he your brother? You don’t look alike.” He said and I felt my hands clench into fists.

“Give it to me. It’s mine.” I said, sounding a lot more sure of myself than I was feeling.

“What if I don’t?” Chris asked and got up from my bed, heading across the room to his own, my journal and the picture of Tristan still in his hand. I don’t know what came over me. I had tried so hard not to make him angry again and I had let him have the Ramones poster but this.. this was too much.