Sacrifice Helle

This would be the last time I would let myself be drained of blood… It was starting to make me sick. You would think that it was something to get used to, I don’t know, but I didn’t. In all stories that I’d read they all said that being drained of blood by a vampire is so delightful. And being turned was this incredible feeling. I felt like dozing off, and started to wonder what the hell Anne Rice knew about vampires anyway. Maybe I should ask her once I became one. Just knock on her door and say “hi” with a big grin to flash of myself. That’d be cool.

This was taking long.. How much blood does one need to drain from a human before you could turn it? All? God, creepy…

“Oh, fuck…”, I whimpered as a sickening feeling overwhelmed me. I thought I was gonna throw up, and my immediate reaction was to get up and run to a toilet or something. Without thinking I tried to get up, I felt dizzy and it was hard to move, even harder as Vaan firmly laid his hand on my shoulder and pressed me back down. He moved away from my neck for a second and hissed at me.

“Don’t move around!”

I gasped as he returned his piercing fangs to my neck. Not only that, I panicked. I can’t explain why, I just.. Panicked. I wasn’t thinking, I guess it was like what those people in “fear factor” get into, they willingly put themselves there, but then there comes a point where they freak out. Suddenly. I suppose… I suppose this wasn’t really what I wanted. Wait, of course this wasn’t what I wanted, this hardly did anything good, actually it didn’t do much good at all. I only wanted it too. That maybe, somehow.. Me sacrificing my life could do something good. I saw the image of Asami and felt so sad, so sad.

“Stop.”, I whispered.

Two seconds went by with no action. Then Vaan finally faced me.

“It’s weird how you react to this, it’s supposed to be a nice experience. It was for me. And no one has ever complained before, or wanted me to stop, like you do.”

He looked a bit troubled, then he shocked me with his next question: “You are human aren’t you?” I widened my eyes, “Of course I am.” He then sank his head down towards my neck again, “It wont be much longer, I’ll do it fast so that you wont feel bad for so long.”

“You don’t understand.” His eyes glittered towards mine, “What?!” I sank my eyes in his and said tonelessly “I wont drink your blood.” His face paled if possibly even more. His hands framed my face and he lent his face closer to mine, searching my eyes. “Why?” I felt so tired, and even questioning myself as to why I was making trouble. Yet there was this something inside me that made me just know that this wasn’t right. Something in me had died already, it felt like so long ago, and I just knew that I didn’t want to die like this, by getting turned. Maybe it was the light of an angel that told me not to. I don’t know. Just something. He would most likely kill me then, Vaan. I prepared for it. It made no sense, I just knew that I didn’t want to give up my soul and die. Rather just die then.

“Iselin told me that you can’t turn me if I don’t accept your blood. I wont drink it.” “Are you aware of the amount of blood you have lost already? We can’t go back now. You have to, Helle, you said you would.” “Forgive me for fooling you.” I closed my eyes and turned my face away from his. For so long he didn’t say anything. Then it came, “You’ll die.” “I’m still living aren’t I?” “You are strong and young. It wont be long. You’ll die. You’d rather die than be a vampire with me?” “I’m sorry.”

I looked up at him again and got surprised. He looked desperate and lost. He stared at something within himself, clenching on to the sheets, grabbing them hard, I heard the seems get ripped up slowly. He scared me. “What’s wrong?” There was something other than not me wanting to be a vampire. He was scared to shit and it frightened me. “What is it?!” I raised my voice and tried to gain his attention.

“What it is?” his eyes turned to mine with an angry look in them. Then he snarled at me, leaning in on me, his eyes glowing stronger and stronger, he grabbed my hands and held me down forcefully, and started taking me again, rapidly. This time I bit my lips from pain, he wanted to hurt me and he did. I didn’t blame him, I had told him that I’d let myself turn and now I didn’t want it. I was stupid, a stupid pathetic human who couldn’t make up her mind about shit, being in a stressful situation was not an excuse. And it appeared to me that there were reasons behind Vaan’s anger that laid beyond my knowledge.

I drew my breath quickly as Vaan buried his nails in my chest, small stripes of blood appeared and Vaan clenched his fist, then stared at me. I whimpered and closed my eyes, expecting a hit.

“If I suck out more of your blood and you don’t take mine you’ll die. I promise you that.” I opened my eyes again. His fist was down and he looked more like he was about to cry now. “But if you don’t take my blood… Then… The curse… I’ll…” “What?” “The Lord… The asshole, he… You wont take the blood? What if I suck out all your blood and kill you for it?!” I wanted to scream. But instead I forced myself to say “No. I wont take the blood. I can’t. There is no point in dying and giving up my soul, that will not bring Asami back. And… and I believe that there are other ways.” “And you tell me this NOW?!” I closed my eyes again and hid, looking to the sides, letting my hair fall over my face and hide behind the curtain it created. Inside I cried. He’d kill me. Most likely. Why would he ever let me go? Still. There will always be hope.

“Oh God.”, he whispered. Like it was far, far away, a distant feeling, I felt him touch me softly, his hands playing along my skin, then confirm their existence by wrapping themselves around me. A kiss over the wounds he had made on my neck and then.. He made love to me. I didn’t move, just laid there surprised. He was so gentle, so warm. Slowly… I believed this was how you would make love, really, not simply sex, but with someone you loved. When I couldn’t hide the pleasure it gave me I turned towards him again. His eyes didn’t have the glow in them, they were different from before. Calmer. It was like he had accepted his fate like I had. But what fate? I caught myself embracing him, and experiencing a calmness and closeness I had never felt before.

So his lips found mine once more, in a long tender kiss, and then he moaned out load, pressing me tightly to him and I knew it was over.