Fuensalida

Chapter 30

If Cassie had ever wanted to smoke, today was the day. She sat, her foot bouncing against the floor. She never realized how uncomfortable this couch was until today. Was it really uncomfortable, or was her stiff position not helping her along? She really did not know, she just knew that her stomach was twisted into knots and she was waiting, patiently, for Chris to come back down the stairs after he finished changing. She had not even begun dinner. She could not remember a time when she had not had dinner waiting for her family, before or after her husband’s death.

Closing her eyes she sat back on the couch, letting her rigid back push against it. Frederick and she had never had the perfect marriage, maybe in the beginning, and for the first few years of Celeste’s life. Somewhere they had lost their way, but neither of them, in years of corruption and anger, had ever lost sight to the most important thing in the world to them.

Frederick had murdered his best friend’s son, or thought so, to protect that person. Someone had to take the blame, and he and Cassie had both agreed that losing Frederick would have been detrimental to Celeste’s upbringing. Instead, Christopher Fuensalida had been the fall boy. The death of a younger man, someone they had not entirely trusted to begin with, was easier to accept. If they had known the truth… Cassie shut her eyes tightly, fighting back a few tears. If they had known the truth Frederick would have ended in very much the same way he had ended despite the charade.

Only Celeste might have lost them both, or worse, been a part of the elimination process.

They had tried to keep her from the world that they had fallen into. Celeste was supposed to be their innocent daughter, remain naïve and have the highest marks in school. What they had not expected was that her naivety was mostly an act. Allowing her parents to believe what they needed to believe they never saw what their own daughter was becoming.

Cassie had remained blinded even now. She thought her daughter was favored because of her innocence, because she kept Chris in place. She never suspected that she was favored because he continued to enjoy her. She hated him, more than she hated him for murdering her husband, for deflowering her daughter, for taking them away from what they had known. She no longer felt the blinding jealousy she had felt months ago when his attention shifted to Celeste, it was a different feeling now with the knowing of it all. It was pure horror that her daughter was being used, being duped, into being with a man who had killed for revenge. Frederick, Chris, and Cassie herself were horrible people for what they had done to put themselves where they had been. Celeste was supposed to have more.

Chris stepped into the living room and looked down at his wife and clearly saw the revulsion on her face. Cassie crossed her legs and looked up at him. “Where’s Celeste?”

Chris shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe she’s off kicking someone in the face.” She smirked at him and he felt absurdly angry at her approach. He knew this was coming, he had known since he saw her reflection in the mirror, but he would have preferred the blunt approach. “She seems to enjoy that,” he continued.

“I thought you stopped fucking my daughter.”

All right, maybe she was just making sure Celeste was out of the way for this. “Did you really?”

“I did until I saw… that.” He knew what time she was speaking of, she conveniently left out it was the second time she had caught him.

“And… what’s your point?”

He really did make things as difficult as possible. “That it’s not excusable. How can you still be doing that to her?”

Chris crossed his arms against his chest, going into the defensive though he did not feel he really had go. “You must have missed the small detail that she came in there after me.”

“She’s sixteen, Chris,” Cassie snapped, her anger rising quickly. “Her choices still are naïve.”

“You think?” he seemed doubtful, as she felt after everything she had thought to herself not too long ago. “She seems to have a better grasp of the world than most people.”

“Do you really think that, or is it just because you have her coming to you now and don’t want to be in trouble for it?”

“Do you really believe that your daughter is naïve of was that the only thing you could try to hide behind?”

Cassie threw up her hands in a gesture of showing there was nothing in them. “I’m not hiding behind anything, Chris,” she nearly growled at him. “She’s my daughter and I hate that you are fucking her."

Blunt of her. “Which has what to do with her being naïve?”

“She still is naïve,” Cassie argued. “She can be as smart as she is and be naïve. She’s lett you use her.”

Chris waited a heart beat. “Go on.”

“You are fuck me, and her,” Cassie pointed out. He only stared at her. “She’s being used. What? Because she’s young and tight?”

“Really?” His anger was now rising again. He was staring at this woman and only seeing jealousy. “Her position is that I stop fucking you. Funny how that works out.”

Cassie looked up at him in a bit of surprise. “She… and what did you tell her?”

He felt an odd sort of satisfaction telling her, “For some reason I imagine that you can survive without getting it from me.”

“No, I won’t allow this,” she interjected quickly.

He paused. “You won’t allow what exactly?”

Cassie gnashed her teeth together. “You to have some relationship with my daughter.”

Chris could not help smirking. “Why not?”

“You think it’s having to do with jealousy, fine, think that,” Cassie snarled, “but it’s not.”

Chris sighed and watched her. “I’m asking you why not,” though he could hardly deny he thought on some level it was jealousy from her.

“Because she deserves better than you.”

Chris was frustrated he could hardly deny that. “You’re, of course, welcome to explain that to her.”

Cassie nearly glared. “Since when does she listen to anyone?”

Chris merely shrugged his shoulders. “I wasn’t encouraging you to succeed.”

“Because you want to be with her?” It hurt to form it into words.

“I doubt you’re just now deciding that I prefer her.”

Cassie shook her head. “No, you made that clear from the first moment. Preference over one person does not mean you want to be with her only.”

Chris could see the wheels turning in her head. “That comment almost sounded jealous… almost.”

“I mean only, out of everyone, because if you tell her you are going to be with her you can take it as she’ll expect you to say with her,” Cassie told him softly.

“What’s your point?” Chris asked, though his voice had softened. He was no longer speaking to an ex-lover, or a woman he had abused, he was speaking to a concerned mother who was protecting her child, however late.

“Can you do that?”

“Since she’s your daughter I won’t respond harshly to that question,” he explained. “I do have to ask what makes you think I couldn’t?”

“I’m sorry,” she said in a way that admitted she really was not, “but you haven’t proven to be the most stand up guy. You’re spoiled her and given her what she’s wanted, but how long are you going to be able to indulge a partially selfish personality? And I say that with the utmost love for my daughter, but it is who she is.”

Chris managed another shrug. “Who do I know who doesn’t qualify as a partially selfish personality?”

“All right, she more than partially selfish,” Cassie conceded. “She’s spoiled. She had horribly childish moments.”

“If you really think I’m the one you have a better chance of convincing, don’t you think you’re simply out of luck?” he asked.

“How about… I’ll throw everything away to keep you away from her,” she threatened.

He did not mean to ask what her definition of “throwing everything away” was. She was willing to go to jail, to send him away for life, to keep Celeste away from him. He could not determine whether it was an idle threat or true desperation of a mother protecting her young. “You can try,” he told her casually, “but what happened the last time you underestimated me?”

“How would she feel now if you hurt me?” Question of mild concern, she was being conversational. Mostly idle threats.

“I wasn’t threatening to hurt you,” he explained, “not directly.”

“Of course not,” she brushed it away. “All right, tell me what makes you think you could stay with her?”

Chris smirked. “Because your only con was… she can be childish.”

Cassie shook her head, frustrated. “That’s not really enough of an answer.”

Chris sighed. “You already admitted that you’ve always known I vastly preferred her to you.”

“No one ever said the word ‘vastly’,” she defended. “But hey, I’m this deep. Why is that?”

Chris, because it was hard for him to not be a smart ass even during a serious conversation, could not keep himself from replying, “You may not have noticed, but she is generally an all around likeable person.”

“I think I know that about my daughter. Why her over everyone else?”

“Is that really the king of thing you should be able to instantly explain?” Chris looked over Cassie and sighed, “Sorry… bad example.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Hackles rose, her anger once again finding the peak.

“That you know exactly why you chose your husband,” Chris argued.

Cassie winced and found it vastly harder to keep herself from standing and turning this into a physical fight. “You know what, despite what you think, I loved my husband at one time.” She could not deny that in the end that love had been minimal, if non-existent. She had been more afraid to be humiliated than worried about losing him.

“Mmhmm,” he made a small noncommittal noise, “You married him for ‘love’. Any other bullshit you wish to sell me?”

“You’re an ass,” she said quietly, bluntly. “I loved him. You don’t think we are… were… enough alike that it was possible? Are you going to tell me you are going to promise Celeste forever and you don’t love her?”

“I don’t care to dispute whether or not you ever loved him,” Chris snapped. “Since you totally avoided what I actually said all you’ve done is reinforce my claim that it wasn’t why you married him.”

“And you aren’t in love with Celeste,” Cassie counter-argued. “Meaning you’ll just leave her, or hurt her.”

“If you’re incapable of doing anything other than tossing around baseless accusations, this conversation is over.” He started to turn. He would regret ending this conversation without any resolution, but he had enough.

“I just want to know why, Chris.”

“No, you don’t,” he said calmly, looking back at her. “There’s absolutely nothing I could say that would satisfy you.”

“No,” she agreed, “I’m never going to like that you and my daughter are some sort of unsolvable mystery to me, but if I know why maybe I won’t feel like throwing my hands around your neck and watching you suffocate every time you step into a room.”

Well worded. “I don’t see that happening any time soon either.”

Cassie could not help a small chuckle from escaping. “I didn’t say it would happen soon. Just that maybe it would happen at all.”

“Then there’s no need to rush into some lame attempt to explain myself,” Chris said. “You have plenty of opportunity to judge for yourself.”

Cassie leaned her head down into her hands. “Just tell me something that will make this feel better.”

“Like what?” Chris asked her, at a loss. “That I love her? Maybe I do… or maybe I’m getting there… but that won’t make you feel any better now.”

Cassie moved her hands to her stomach and looked up at him. She felt physically ill now. “No, not really. It should, I thought it would…”

“And there’s no point in suggesting that you trust me,” Chris said quietly.

“No.”

Chris looked down at the woman, looking over her casually. He conceded. “She really is off kicking people in the face right now. If you’d like, I’ll let you go pick her up.” Well, he had mostly conceded. He was still being possessive, how could he not be?

“She enjoys the class,” Cassie said softly.

“It’s good for her,” Chris agreed.

“Keeps her from hitting us,” Cassie continued.

“Not interested in picking up a self-defense course or two?” he asked of her.

“To keep me from hitting you?”

“Really?” Chris laughed. “If anything, it would make you better at it.”

Cassie chuckled and slowly stood, for a moment feeling her age. “You pick her up, I know you would prefer it.”

“That’s probably for the best,” Chris agreed. “A moving car is probably not the best place for you to… loudly explain why she’s making a huge mistake.”

Cassie chuckled again, because she would tell her daughter that, but she knew she would be as successful with her daughter as she was with Chris. “I’m going for a walk.”

“Enjoy,” he told her jovially.

“And don’t you enjoy too much,” she told him.

“I’ll try not to… the car isn’t that big.”

“Yes it is,” she sighed.

“I meant to enjoy it too much.”

Cassie swallowed. “Now you’re just trying to make me sick.”

“Yes,” he grinned widely. She walked out of the house, trying hard not to picture it.