Snowfall

So I suppose you\'re wondering then how they caught up to me this last time. Yes, Albin, if you\'re so clever, how did that happen? It was by pure foolish chance. Fin had stayed to take care of a sick cat for one of the little girls of the theatre company and I went out to hunt alone. I bit the wrong person. Yes, it was that simple. Stupid of me, I misconstrued her fear and anticipation as something other than what it was, thinking perhaps that she was merely afraid of bringing home a stranger and excited by it at the same time. It was not until I had bitten her that I knew the truth. I could feel the adreline rush through her and the anticiptation..AFTER, I began, Strange, that being bitten was what she was waiting for, I paused, she did seem to be enjoying herself but there was something just not right in the experience. I sucked down harder in order to bring her to unconsciousness faster, she\'d no doubt remember that she had been biten but at this point I did not care that I was not gentle or subtle. I just wanted away from her quickly.
I turned to drop her lightly against a wall, and felt the gun shot hit me. Now obviously a bullet won\'t kill me, but it hurts like hell. I turned around to find a whole group of Iuris Divinus armed and waiting. Ok, not really waiting, I was riddled full of more holes and once weakened, they brought me up here and chained me up for the coming sunlight.
Oh yes, with a stake through my chest, do you know what folly I realized after all this time? Amar was right, a stake through the heart did not kill us. I lay here now unable to move and wonder at the terrible irony of my situation. The stake had a strange effect, I could not move at all, perhaps this is how the rumor of the stake got started. Obviously though, some people found that it was not enough which is why some stories suggest following the stake up with the chopping off of a vampire\'s head. The Order was just as thorough with their method, the sunlight would burn me to a crisp and leave nothing but ash.
My love has been motionless in the snow for centuries. Why did I not have the sense to check? The sun was rising, my only thought was to see him properly buried before it came up and I would have to leave him. Had I left him there, he\'d be ash himself, but that might be better than stuck in the ground for ages on end. Surely he had gone mad with the wait by now. I would go back and search for him if I could but it was hopeless now. I could only laugh at the cruelty of fate. To learn such a thing and then be unable to do a damn thing about it. I wish there were some way to get a message to Fin perhaps have him search for Amar but I was unable to wiggle even a finger, had I been able to the situation wouldn\'t be so drastic now would it?
I could only hope they did not go back for Fin. The group that placed me here did not bother to question me or speak to me at all. They were a dour lot. Intoning in Latin some blather about sending my dark soul back to hell and banishing the blight from the earth, may God\'s justice be done. etc... It was faster than some speechs I had heard for which I was grateful, at least they seemed intent on letting me die in peace. I do not know whether they had someone posted to watch to make sure I became a pile of dust or if they would just come back and check the following evening. It mattered not to me. Being alone with my thoughts was a small blessing but one I was grateful for.

I wished Fin wouldn\'t have to go through his life alone and it saddened me to think he\'d feel as I did when I lost Amar. Worse yet he has the Order chasing him as well. Now would not be a good time to be distracted by grief. I wished Edmund were still around for him. Perhaps we should have offered Edmund the same choice but I don\'t think he would have taken it besides he had Rebecka and his children to think of.

So this is the end after hundreds of years, I find myself rather amused. I expected something more spectacular. Flames and fighting, not lying on a concrete roof waiting motionless for the sun to come up over the horizon. I wondered how this could possibly get more fitting, more amusing. You know how the saying goes.. how could it possibly get any worse? It started to snow. I would have howled with demented laughter if I could. Perfect!
Thinking back on my long life I wondered had I become a monster in the end? Was I never the kind soul that Father John and Amar saw? Perhaps I was something less or more, perhaps I was simply Albin. Pushed around by my emotions for both good and ill. I should really do something about that if by some miracle I escape this mess.
The snow was really coming down I had to close my eyes because it was layered on too thick for me to continue blinking the flakes away. So I guess I won\'t see my last sunrise after all. I will just be a blaze of spectacular glory. I idly wondered whether it would be a flash fire or a slow burn. From the feeling of my hands in the sun I would have said a slow burn but perhaps it was deceptive, starting out slow and then catching like dynamite once the fuse reached it. Something inside was combustable? The blood maybe? Albin, you\'re a sick soul.
Thinking of sick souls, I\'ve often wondered if Amar\'s maker still walks the earth. That one creature has been responsible for so much of my joy and pain if you think about it. No Amar without him but no Keenan either. I would have died a priest, never met Fin but never seen my family die. I am not sure if I met him whether I should kill him or thank him. One question that I will go to my grave without knowing the answer to is..why. Why did he make them? Amar said he was mad like Keenan but there was no mistaking that he was driven by some inner plan that only he understood. Did he mean for them to try to kill each other? Or did he forget about them once they were made? Perhaps each one was seperate to him. I\'d have loved to be able to ask these things. Was it his warped way of perserving the relgions or getting them to kill each other? And was he religious or something else? Amar was around in the time of the druids, I can barely imagine how ancient his maker might have been.
I have regrets but now I regret that I will have to wait on Amar some more. I thought him somewhere in eternity and that on my death I might meet him again. Unless his version of things were true and he lived again but I hoped for a heaven. A vampire heaven? or would they let us in the real one? One could hope, I have a lot of people I would like to see again. Now I shall have to go find out for myself, and wait for him.
Amar forgive me my foolishness and Fin forgive me my lack of perception. If only I had stopped to think in both cases. Paid more attention, looked around. I was never a practical person, that kind of thinking eludes me, especially in times of stress. Instead I am full of far away thoughts and half formed ideas. From my earliest days of daydreaming while catching fish.
After so many years you know without seeing when the sun rises. I could feel it coming up over the edge of the buildings. There was no more time to reminece, no more time to regret. For better or worse this was my life and how I lived it. How fitting that it should snow. I was born in the snow and now I would die in the snow. My father was right it covers everything rounding off the edges and making it pure again. Perhaps it would do the same for me.