The Love of Ownership

Amara

It was the end of my first day of community college, my friend Meghan was talking at me, while we waited for the bus. At first I was paying attention, until I saw him walking towards us. He was tall and thin, His thick framed glasses and spiked hair giving an air of mental prowess that enticed me. I get on the bus, and notice shortly after that he also climbed onto this bus. It was pretty packed, so he didn't have many seating choices, but when he sat next to me, I flushed immediately. Meghan slowly grew quite at the bus filled. He noticed a friend of his, and they began to talk, I sat patiently, listening to the sounds of his voice, hoping for a place that I could interject and talk to this handsome man. Eventually he mentioned my hometown. I piped up quietly "I'm from there."

He gave me an odd look, that's when I realized I wasn't actually part of the conversation, and had interrupted someone I didn't know, but he seemed to brush it off quite easily with as shrug and "Yea, I just go to the college there."

I was deflated as he immediately went back to talking to his friend. Then he mentioned something that made my heart drop even further. They were talking about something and he said the sentence every girl in love fears. "I'm not into girls."

He was gay. I wasn't sure what to do at this point. I was certain that I wanted to know this man of mystery, but with the prospect of a romantic relationship outside my reach, I was afraid I would ruin it before it began.

Soon his friend got off the bus, and the object of my attention put on his headphones and began to listen to his music. I wanted to talk to him, but wasn't sure how to approach him.

I was feeling dejected as I got off the bus, but when I felt the presence of someone behind me, I turned to see him, walking behind me. He noticed me and took off his headphones "Oh, it's you!" his cheery voice showing that he was willing to talk to me. "where do you live?"

I motioned off in the direction of my house. "Me too!" he smiled at me as we engaged in small talk, until he stopped at a house that was three down from my own.

"This is mine." He smiled happily as he waved, "it was good to meet you..." He closed his eyes as he tried to remember my name, unfortunately I hadn't told him yet so he was looking for a memory he didn't have. So I gave him my name.

"Amara." My voice is quieter than I wanted it to be, but I was too enamored for anything else. I knew it was wrong. He was gay, he had no reason to date someone like me.

He didn't seem to notice my hesitation, laughing again and continuing "It's nice to meet you Amara, I'm Krys." I smiled at his name... It was strong but not oppressing, and it matched him perfectly.

It was the next morning that I saw him again, this time on our way to school. I didn't recognize him at first, he was pensive and quiet as he sat down closer to the front of the bus, obviously not noticing me in the back.

I turned to Meghan "That boy up there is really cute." She smiled at me and laughed her annoying, high pitched laugh. I tried to shush her just in case he looked back but he didn't seem to hear her.

"That's the gay guy you walked home with yesterday... What did you say his name was? Krys wasn't it?"

"Oh..." I deflated again as for the second time in 24 hours I was attracted to this guy who I thought wouldn't ever have me.

***

It was a few weeks later, and we had been talking on the bus on our way to and from school, when one Friday he turned to me and asked "Hey, are you doing anything this weekend?"

I shook my head, I didn't have any homework and hadn't planned on doing much past watching tv or surfing the Internet. But my mind raced at what he wanted to do with me on a weekend.

"Would you like to go to the mall with me?" I nodded quietly, unsure of how to react to the idea that he wanted to take me out to the mall.

***

Krys met me outside my house and we walked to the bus stop, I wasn't quite sure of what to do, so we just exchanged some small talk, then found we hand similar interests in books and began to talk about that. It wasn't long after that we found ourselves in the mall, browsing the shops and talking. I expected him to go looking at clothes or at least display some of the common stereotypical aspects of gay behavior, but the only thing he showed was his unending chivalry as he bought me lunch, and was a perfect gentleman for the whole day. It was on our way home however that he dropped something on me that I wasn't quite prepared for.

"Amara," His voice was quiet, not the standard boisterous happiness that he showed usually.

"Mmm?" I looked over too him sitting across from me on the bus. He looked at his feet for a moment before looking back at me and telling me "I find you very beautiful."

I almost dropped my phone in surprise. "B...But you're gay?"

"Not exactly... I just got out of a really bad relationship with a girl, and was pretty certain that I wasn't going to be able to trust them anymore... however I think... I think I may be able to trust you... but I'm not sure if you will be able to accept me." His voice started confidant, but as my face didn't change, he began to reel, accepting defeat before he had even asked the question I knew he was asking.

I knew there was only one way to respond to this. "Yes," I took his hands in mine "Yes, yes, of course, yes!"

Krys looked at me in confusion, "Did you..." He wasn't sure how to word his question. I smiled at him and replied "Yes, from the day I met you on the bus I've wanted to, but you told your friend you weren’t interested in girls, and so I stayed quiet about it."

He smiled at me and offered me into his arms.