Of Faith and Doubt

3.

Matthew was in the church, at seven in the morning. Normally, it wasn’t difficult to get up early, even on Mondays, but that morning it took a bit more effort. He’d hardly slept, his dreams had been confusing, and he had been far too nervous to wake up properly. He was grumpy.



Standing in front of the cross behind the altar, Matthew looked hard at the statue of the Saviour. “You’re testing me, aren’t you,” he muttered softly. He crossed his arms. “You sent Randy on my path, to see how I’ll cope. What have I done to deserve such punishment?”



He would’ve muttered some more, and even become unfriendly, if the door hadn’t opened. “Good morning, vicar!”



Matthew turned around. Randy stopped, and stared at him, eyes wide. “Good morning,” Matthew tried to save the day, but it was no use.



“Oh dear. You didn’t sleep well, did you…?” Randy stepped closer, and put a hand on Matthew’s shoulder. “Coffee?”



The vicar managed not to pull back. He could feel that hand burn through his habit, and he froze, but he didn’t slap it away. Actually, he wanted the touch. He threw a mocking glance at the statue, and pulled his face in a smile for Randy. “Sorry. I had a terrible night. Yes, I have coffee… Follow me to my office.”



The office was a small, bare room. Matthew used it to prepare his sermons. He also used it as a safe haven, to be away from the villagers, to have some rest and a secret smoke. There was a coffee maker in one of the corners, and he took the mugs.



Randy looked around. “Gee, this is your office?” he smirked. “Not much in here, is there? You don’t believe in curtains, soft chairs and general comfort?”



“I’m supposed to work,” said Matthew quietly. “Not to enjoy myself. Milk and sugar?”



“No, just black, thank you.” Randy sat down on a hard chair, trying to make himself comfortable. After a bit of shifting, he crossed his legs. “Next time, we’ll meet at my house,” he murmured.



Something like ‘comfort is the seat of the devil’ urged to come out, but Matthew just smiled as he joined him. “We could,” he said. “But we met here to have a look at the church, not to socialise.”



“Fair enough… But shall we socialize after we’ve looked at what has to be done? I would love to get to know you. You seem like a nice guy who works too hard. We could just have dinner and watch a video? Have a glass of wine? You know… relax?”



Matthew hid his blush in the steam of his coffee. Relax, wine and dine with this stranger? He was being tested… Someone tried to tell him something, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for it. “We could,” he mumbled. “But first we’ll go through the church. Shall we take the coffee with us?” He wanted to move. Sitting there like that made him nervous.



Randy stood up, holding his mug between his hands. “Excellent idea,” he smiled. “The sooner we go through it, the sooner we can have fun. Come on, show me your leaks and holes.”



Oh, Lord! It was an innuendo; Randy was even chuckling! Matthew closed his eyes, and sighed deeply. “Yes. Let me show you my leaks and holes.”



There would be enough work for one carpenter. Randy followed Matthew through the building, looking at the problems. Especially in one of the narrow corridors at the back, he noticed a few holes in the roof and missing bricks in the thick walls. He stopped, and nodded slowly. “In short, only the floor is still usable. Oh my, seems I’ll be around for a while, vicar…”



“You don’t have to do it,” said Matthew quickly. “You can mend the houses first, if you like. This building won’t collapse… I’m sure it will last for decades, even with all the leaks.”



“Don’t be silly. I’d love to work here every day! No, we stick to the agreement; I’ll do the repairs and maintenance and you’ll give me breakfast or lunch. I won’t forget the houses. Don’t worry, vicar…” Randy turned to Matthew, and winked at him. “Don’t tell me you wouldn’t like my company.”



Matthew rolled his eyes. “If only you weren’t that cocky,” he muttered. “Yes, Randy, company would be nice. Now tell me… why would you prefer my company?” He too could play that game…



“Prefer your company over what?” laughed Randy. “All the pretty ladies here?” He laughed again, aloud this time. “Yeah. Hum. Actually, Matthew, you are all the company I could wish for. You don’t mind, do you?” Tilting his head, he looked serious now. “Do you?”



“No…” It felt like a confession, even if it was the truth. “No, I don’t mind. Just… try to keep your teasing to a minimum, alright?”



“Teasing? Me?” Randy chuckled softly. “I wouldn’t dare. You’re a vicar… I would never tease you…”



So close. They were standing so close to each other. Matthew could feel Randy’s warmth, he could smell him –so masculine– and it was so tempting to reach out and feel the muscles under the sturdy clothes. “I don’t believe you,” he said quietly. “But I guess I’ll have to take your word.”



“Yeah. You do so, vicar…” Randy’s eyes were gleaming, laughing, as he tried to keep a straight face. “Take my word for it.” He leaned even closer, and whispered in his ear, “We’re done, here. Want to show me around the village… vicar?”



It was no tease. It was a genuine question, Matthew told himself. The fact it was whispered in his ear made no difference. Did it? He repressed a shiver, and moaned very softly as he briefly closed his eyes. Reaching up, he slid a hand behind Randy’s head, and pulled him down. He could tease as well… “Randy,” he said in a husky tone, “behave.” Just before the carpenter could respond, he let go and stepped back. “I’ll show you around now.”



Randy staggered slightly, and chuckled again. “Yeah. Show me around.”