The Things Left Unsaid

Urg, okay, I am giving up as of now for reviews here on Adult. People are messaging me on deviant and Gaia and what not, but no one is posting comments or reviews of this here! Okay, so my writing style has big words in it, I like the challenge! Oh dear, well at least people are reading this…or at least clicking on the link anyway. I’ll just write to keep my mind occupied during my days off.

WARNING: This chapter contains blood, more hallucinations, and some inward rants. A LOT more of the antigod talk like the fist one, and maybe some fun stuff, I’m making this shit up as I go. :)

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The finally bell chimed annoyingly right beside me and I sighed before heaving myself from my chair. That was a day I was glad to be over with. That stupid boy had followed me around all day, babbling on like some lost puppy, and acted like nothing had happened. Something had happened. I could feel my body tense as I glanced at the door of the class room. Boys were stampeding through it, trampling one another for freedom. True it was a Friday, but these students were supposed to be the smartest children around and they acted like animals trapped in a cage. But of course, this was not the reason I was lingering.

He’s out there, waiting for me, I just knew it. Like a deformed sixth sense that could tell me where he was and what intention he had for me. I wish I had that, then at least I would understand what that damned boy was thinking. I sighed inwardly and lingered in the back of the small room, ignoring the glances I was getting from the BioChem teacher. He was an interesting character, someone that I would never want to meet in a dark alley. I came upon this decision one day when Raenis had banned me from going in during lunch for extra reading. It wasn’t like I would have even listened to him if he hadn’t panicked so badly. He had taken me roughly by the shoulders and made me look straight into his oddly coloured eyes and promise him that I would do my best to stay away from the man. I agreed. How could I not?

I shivered at the thought and cursed hormones once again. I just hoped it was natural to feel their effects from both sexes. Leave it to me to find a way to be unnatural. I sighed one last time before collecting all of my things and heading for the door. I was stopped though by a soft hand that rested gently against my shoulder. I glanced up and saw my teacher smiling a bit at me. I didn’t understand how Raenis could assume such things from such a kind face, but then again a kind face had misled me before. I smiled wearily back at him and relaxed a bit. No need to make my body even sorer then it needed to be.

This man’s name was Kevin Blaire, but preferred us to call him Professor. It was a childish request, but for a man as kind as him I allowed it. For the short month I had been there he was quite helpful, which made the strange warning from Raenis even odder. He had allowed me to spend my horrid lunch hours indoors with his calming voice and even let me bring in separate materials from home. Most teachers here puffed up their proverbial feathers if they caught you reading outside literature in their classes, but not the Professor. He was the one that told me to do as I pleased as long as I wouldn’t mope in his class. That had been a bit embarrassing, but I had gotten over it easily enough. If anything, I enjoyed his small teasing comments, which was interesting. I hate people that that.

His smile widened when I relaxed and his hand ran down my shoulder until it fell from my arm. “You seem a bit reluctant to leave today Liam, is there a problem?” I could feel my throat tighten as my mind willed me to explain. That was something that made me a bit uncomfortable around the older man; I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to sit down and explain everything that I felt and just cry, but that was never going to happen. I would not allow myself to do something so pathetic. That was simply not an option.

I smiled a bit more and shrugged as he had grown accustom to me doing. I had begun to act differently around my Professor and it was becoming a silly habit. I even found myself doing these childish actions when I was around Raenis, and that was absolutely unacceptable. The older boy had refused to cease laughing for a whole period. I would not sit through such things again if it was the last thing I did. So I had started to cut down a bit on said actions, but it was hard to cease all of them. Especially when I was around this teacher.

“Not really, I just don’t want to get run over by the pack.” The man chuckled a bit at my remark and sat himself on the edge of the desk beside me. ‘You shouldn’t be so close to him.’ I ignored my rational side again and smiled at the laugh. ‘Raenis said.’

That made me a bit mad. Who was that stupid boy to stop me from being around people that I enjoyed? And why was I even listening to his warnings anyway? Raenis was obviously severely unstable, so his mind could have over reacted with an innocent gesture and created some sort of evil Image. It was the only thing I could thin of. Completely childish if you asked me. I shrugged off the idea of the older boy and refocused on the teacher that sat before me.

Physically he was a bit younger looking then he should be. If he was a teacher of the magnitude that he was he should at least be in his thirties, yet he looked no older then twenty-four. His short ginger hair framed his pale freckled face well. All in all he was attractive. Bad thought. I had been trying to learn to stop myself before I even got to that point, and so far I wasn’t entirely good at it. I glanced down at my feet and my teacher sensed it. I know that sounds odd, but that’s the only logical reason I could think of.

His smile faded a bit and he tapped the desk beside him to regain my attention. My head snapped back up and I smiled nervously. His face seemed bemused as he stared at me and I could myself fidget a bit. His eyes were slightly intense when he did this. I was used to seeing him use this stare on other people, students that didn’t obey rules or would ignore his lectures. It wasn’t something I’d enjoy to see pointed at me again.

Finally he smiled a bit and shook his head. “Are you uncomfortable Liam?” I wasn’t expecting the question, so I didn’t answer it. He leaned down so he was a few inches from my face and I could feel my cheeks warm up a bit at the smile he gave me. “You seem like something’s upsetting you, maybe-”

A loud crash made us both jump, and when I glanced up I cursed beneath my breath. Raenis stood in the doorway, his face as blank as it was earlier in the bathroom. For a moment, after my anger and shock, I felt worried about him, but then the Professor spoke. His voice was soft, yet had a small edge to it. He normally used that voice to lecture bad students, and as far as I knew Raenis didn’t even have this class.

“Mr. Silvane, how lovely to actually see you in the same hallway as my classroom, here to ask for someway for me to change your grade again I presume?” Okay, maybe he did have this class. I glanced over at him, expecting him to glare or even smile, but he just stood there with that face. I couldn’t tell if I liked that face or not. It was an odd feeling, something crossed between guilt, naseoua, and dizziness. It was a feeling I didn’t enjoy so I’d have to assume that I hated that face. “Oh come now Raenis, don’t give me that face, I was only talking to the boy. He seemed upset and I wanted to know why.”

He didn’t even react as I was used to at that. Instead he sighed deeply and stepped into the room. He took my wrist softly and stared at our teacher for a few moments before responding at all. “Talking.” His voice was soft, just like before, and the word confused me a bit. It wasn’t a question, or even really a statement, just a reaction. I could feel him pulling a bit at my arm, and I couldn’t help but follow helplessly after. I could feel the Professor’s eyes on the back of my head and it made me uncomfortable. It made me glad Raenis had come….

“What did I tell you?” I could feel the awkwardness leaving me and I become myself again. I scoffed heavily at his words and pulled my wrist from his grip.

“You tell me a lot of things, be more specific.” He turned and became himself again as well. His eyes glared darkly at me over his shoulder and he kept walking. I could feel the anger coming off him, but for some strange reason I kept following him. Normally I would have found anyway to get away from the older teen if he was angry, but I just couldn’t seem to do that at the moment.

“About him Li, what did I tell you about him?” I rolled my eyes dramatically and laughed. Well, it was more of an angry scoff, but it’s the same thing really.

“And why should I listen to you, and when have I ever listened to you? Please, make this easier for me to understand.” Really shouldn’t have said that.

I didn’t have time to register the small rational voice because Raenis’ hands were roughly pushing me into the lockers we were walking past. I could feel the cold metal digging into my back and my mind seemed to shut down. His eyes were the darkest I had ever seen them and my heart plummeted. A sick smile spread acrossed his face as he squeezed my shoulders painfully.

“Because, when I tell you something like this, you really should listen to me. You see, I don’t give advice much Li, and when I do its good shit. Now be a good little boy and listen to me will you?” I could feel myself nodding before I even knew I was, and his smile grew. “Good boy, now you’ll stay away from him okay? Like a good boy.” Another nod and his hands slipped down my arms to grip my wrists. If things weren’t confusing enough.

The older boy sighed softly, as if he was trying to calm himself down, and stroked at my hands with his thumbs. “You make me crazy ya know. I can’t stand you half the time.” I wanted to tell him get the hell away from me then, but my voice couldn’t seem to come out. This seemed to encourage him a bit. He sighed again and leaned down a bit, pressed his forehead against my, and breathed in deeply. “Be careful, for me.”

He left me there, just standing there in utter confusion. Be careful for me. Now that wasn’t something that even made any logical sense in my mind. Not even the rational voice in the back knew what he could have been talking about. Raenis hated me, and that was that. There was no way around this, he hated me more then I had seen him hate anything.

I took a deep breath before making my way down the empty hallway. At least all of the other boys were gone; I would have had to kill myself if they had witnessed that. It worth the so called sin of living in hell. Truthfully if there was a hell, I think it would be somewhere in Chicago. Not many good things came from that city.

I sighed to myself as I pushed open the doors that led to the freedom of the outside world. Now all I had to do was find Terrance so I could go home. I glanced around the parking lot, feeling warm under the sun. The brilliant stylists of the school decided that black all year round was a great idea, and with my fair skin and dark hair I felt even hotter. Where was he?

I searched again for the car I had grown used to looking for and saw nothing. He had to make it blatantly clear that he would be home and yet he didn’t even bother to come and get me? The trial probably took a bit longer then they thought it.

I hit my head harshly against the wall beside me before wandering down the steps. I needed to stop thinking about such trivial and hateful things. It would be the end of me if I didn’t manage it somehow. I would end up just like Raenis. I didn’t want that to happen.

The boy was such a horrible creature. Self-hating, sadistic, and just flat out cruel to almost everyone he met. It was hard to believe he hadn’t been murdered yet. Especially with all the anger running through teenage boys these days. They were shooting at each other all the time, it wasn’t even surprising anymore. I stopped watching the news all together just because of that one sole reason. It was sad that all of us were thrown in the same mold as the gang members that used god as a crutch. That part amused me though; the fact that they thought it worked that way.

I sighed and started the long walk to what was now my home. This was going to be a long walk, but at least my mind had it’s bitching to keep itself entertained.

I had heard of a gang, I shall not name the title of said organization, that believed they could do all of the gang related things including murder and drug use, then go to church and pray. The funny part was that god actually forgave them, or so they believed that he did. Talk about the stupidity of the human mind. How could someone be that completely idiotic? And further more, how could what the bible called God even forgive them? They went around killing each other and delivery drugs to small children and god loved them?

The god that the bible preaches of, that mother loved so much, would never forgive such horrible acts. The god that mother loved would not want to even hear the prayers of those disgusting pigs, but then how many prayers did he actually listen to anyway? A good reverend once said that when you pray only fifty percent of the time does anything even happen, but that is obviously a simple coincidence. Natural occurrences brought on by peoples own actions and what not, it wasn’t like a man sitting on a cloud decides what happens to us.

And even if there was a god, what kind of sick person would he be? Bad things happen to good people and good people happen to bad things. Why even bother to ask some sick creature to cure your daughter, he was the one who gave her the cancer.

That leads me to my next point, why would god kill a child? I have seen thousands of unfair deaths, but none have actually upset me other then the murders of a child. The father of our church used to say it was the sin of humans that kills such innocence, but if god is all powerful then don’t you think he would be able to stop us? ‘God gave us free will,’ he would tell me. ‘He did this so we would not be just his mindless creations like animals.’ Very lovely, animals have become more civilized then humans, brava.

Then I was told that it’s all part of some giant plan that god has for us to weed out the sinners and the holy meant for heaven. That’s just plain deformed. I could understand the idea of a cosmic plan that involved finding a bad seed before it sprouts, but why cause innocent to suffer because of it?

After this, I was told something a bit more cynical. It was when I was in the hospital that I met the girl. Marley Angleman. Her father had found her unconscious in her bathroom, mother’s pain pills scattered about. Nobody knew why she had done it, but she told me that it was because she was tired. Tired of existing in a place with no love for one another. She had told me what she thought about God and his ‘plan’.

‘God is just a spoiled child,’ she said one night while the machines beeped quietly in the background. ‘He doesn’t care about us anymore, the only reason he didn’t get rid of us all when he first got bored was because the devil made a bet with him. He thought that humans were naturally evil, but God said they couldn’t be, he had made them in his image. The devil thought this a joke, how could it be true with what horrible things the humans did, unless god himself was evil. So the devil said that by the end of the thirtieth century if humans were still evil then God himself was evil as well. If they weren’t, then the devil would stay away forever. God took the bet.’

The next night she overdosed on insulin and instead of helping her, the nurses took her away. I could only assume she was dead.

Her point was proven to me that day. How else could one justify the thought of god without assuming such things of him? A child with nothing else to do then watch the pretty lights and colours after an explosion of a car or a building.

A young boy came and replaced her in the bed beside me. His name was Charles Ferliz. He was a sweet child, always smiling and happy with the world. He would tell me fabulous stories about his family, and then I met them. There was nothing fabulous about these people, about the way they acted around their young son. The father was disgusting, reminded me of a horny stuffed pig, and the mother. Well the mother was on a different page. I don’t even think she knew where she was or who the little boy that was hugging her during their visit was. It made me naseoua to think that this darling boy loved them. They didn’t deserve it.

I loved him though. Just seeing him made me smile when I awoke. He was no older then five or six, and he never would be any older. His chest infection cleared itself and he went home to his parents. Not even a week later I heard them talking about how his father beat him to death.

My throat had closed itself and I could feel myself crying yet again. Why did I go and think about all these depression things? Why did I go and torture myself like this? I was happy once, a long time ago, why couldn’t I be happy now? What was wrong with me? Why was it that I am so sadistic that I am unable to move on? I reached up and wiped my eyes of their tears as I grew closer to the street I now lived on. I saw the car that was there this morning and sighed. Some relatives of the Richards family were probably illegally double parking again.

I should be happy. Terrance was such a good man, and I even relatively enjoyed the school days. I would enjoy it more of that damned boy would leave me alone for once, but even Raenis made the days a bit brighter in a sick cosmic sorta way. He would walk next to me in silence when he could tell that I was really upset, and he would smile softly when I cried. He would only smile like that for me.

I could feel the heat rising in my cheeks as I thought this and cursed beneath my breath. The sooner I got over these hormones the better. The sooner I stopped thinking these thoughts the better. I’m not broken; I needed to stop acting like I was.

I smiled a bit at the thought and began to walk up our driveway.

Terrance would be in there probably flustered that he didn’t come pick me up. My shoes clicked on the steps to my new home.

Even if he wasn’t home yet, everything would be fine. I turned the knob.

I opened the door and stopped. Everything was red. Crimson. My heart stopped along with my breathing and I dropped my bag on the floor. What happened? For a moment my vision blurred when an overpowering naseoua washed over me and I hit the doorframe. The smell of iron. The sound of crying, of praying. My knees shook a bit and I managed to pull myself into the main room, closing the door shakily behind me.

‘You shouldn’t close that.’ I didn’t hear it. I took a wary step towards the living room and prayed with all my might that I was hallucinating again. It wasn’t true, it couldn’t be.

My knees completely gave away when I saw the source of all the liquid. His hair looked as stained as the pale carpet beneath him. But who was crying? My eyes wouldn’t leave him, I couldn’t. This was my fault, it was always my fault. First my father, and now she took him.

The crying was coming from behind me now, but I couldn’t turn my head. Somehow I knew what I would see, or at least what my mind thought it would see. The tears on my face finally started up again and I screamed. I couldn’t hear it, but I could feel my throat becoming raw.

Iron, everything smelt of iron. I felt the ground behind me and gagged as I felt the warm liquid behind me. It was everywhere. Iron.

I stumbled to my feet, not knowing whether to turn and run or to rush to Terrance’s side. I could feel my throat tightening again as I made my decision. I slowly made my way over to the bleeding man, gagging all the way, and knelt down beside him.

Iron. I started to rock on my heels when I saw him up close. It was clumped in his hair, streaking his perfect skin, past his open glazed green eyes, and down to his neck. Iron. Crimson red iron.

The crying behind me was louder now, and I thought I could make out the voice. I knew her voice. “Please, just kill me this time.” My plea was soft, cracking through my closed throat and I heard her sigh wistfully.

“Kitten, kitten, I wouldn’t go and do that to you.” A pain blossomed in the back of my head and everything spun again. I looked up, desperately trying to see her one last time, and there she was. Her long black hair seemed shorter then I remember. Iron. Crimson red iron.

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Muahahahahahahahaha I had fun with that chapter. True, nothing to fun for the reader, but a literary orgasm for me. I’m plotting such deadly fun for Liam, and I’m even thinking of what should be done about Raenis. Ideas, ideas, what are ya gonna do with them all ne? Oh well, do you really think his mommy did all this? Silly Panda, it wouldn’t be a yaoi if his Mamma did it! Please Review and you will be loved.