Brother of thy Blood

Chapter 3

His brother stood over him. His eleven year old face shone of happiness as he held out his hand. A butterfly sat on one of his fingers, its wing was the same color as the rainbow. William laughed and reached out to touch it but as his hand neared the beautiful butterfly it fluttered away from Henrys finger and in to the sky.

“Why can’t I touch it?” he asked Henry

“Because it’s forbidden.”

This made William sad, he only wanted to touch the butterfly, not hurt it. Suddenly he wanted to hug his brother, make him comfort him. But Henry had wings too, same wings as the butterfly had and he laughed and flew away when William reached out for him. William ran after, tried to follow him but his legs was too heavy and Henry flew higher and higher in to the sky.

He sat up in bed, tears running down his cheeks. He knew he had dreamt something awful, but it hadn’t been the usual nightmare about his mad mother. He tried to remember but it was gone. Looking around he realized that this wasn’t his room. The memories from last night came crashing down on him and he blushed at the thought of what he had done. A soft groan made him look down to find Patrick’s blond head next to him in bed. A pair of sleepy blue eyes opened and a lazy smile spread on the younger boys face.

“Awake already?”

“I-I need to go home.” Looking out the window at the grey morning light William guessed it had to be around 4 o’clock in the morning. If he sneaked back home now maybe he could convince Henry that he had come home late last night and that he had gone straight to bed. While working on this excuse he jumped out of bed and tried to locate his pants.

“Why hurry? Come back to bed, let’s sleep and then go to school together. You can tell your brother that you forgot the time and spent the night here.”

As appealing as the thought of going back to the warm bed was, William still wanted to grab this last chance of avoiding his brother’s anger.

Patrick watched as he got dressed and then stretched a bit in bed.

“Pity, I could have taught you some more interesting things.”

Blushing deep William threw his schoolbag over his shoulders and sneaked out of the room.

It only took about fifteen minutes to walk home from Patrick, for William it felt like an eternity. The fog lay heavy around the houses and it made his clothes feel cold and wet. Shivering in the cold air he hastened his steps until he saw the familiar house through the mist. He carefully opened the front door and made a silent pray that none of the servant was awake but the house lay silent around him and he let out a relived sigh. Just as he was about to go up the stairs he saw a faint light shining out under the library door. Opening it he already knew what he was going to find. In one of the big stuffed chairs sat Henry, deep in sleep. In his knee lay an open book. He had waited for him. His brother had stayed up all night waiting for him to come home. Both guilt and happiness welled up inside him. His brother still cared and worried about him. Stepping closer he watched his older brothers sleeping face. Long lashes rested on pale skin and strands of the otherwise tidy raven hair fell over his face. His relaxed features and the dim light made him look much younger, almost as the teenager who he had left when he went to boarding school. The thin lips were slightly parted and William suddenly got the urge to know what they tasted like, to feel that smooth skin, to touch him.

God he is so beautiful.

The image of the young woman with the sparkling red hair suddenly flashed before his eyes.

He can never be mine.

He felt tears rolling down his face and made no attempt to stop them. Suddenly he felt like he couldn’t breathe, loneliness and despair claimed him and almost made him choke. An emptiness started to grow inside him, like ink spilled on a piece of paper. It consumed him, made him fall down on his knees, shivering as if he was freezing to death.

“William?”

The sound of his brother’s sleepy voice was as if someone had lit a candle in a dark room. The darkness disappeared and he desperately tried to hide his tear streaked face. Suddenly Henrys strong hands were on his shoulders, holding him as he was afraid he would run away.

“My God William what is it? Where have you been?”

The worry in Henrys voice made him feel even more ashamed and he desperately tried to remember the excuse he had come up with earlier but his mind was blank.

“Please Will talk to me, are you hurt? Should I call for a doctor?”

“N-no, I’m fine Henry. I was at Patrick and forgot about the time, I must have fallen asleep.”

He felt a gush of hot air as Henry let out a reviled sigh.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were going there, or that you would be late?”

“Like I said, I forgot about the time.” William kept his eyes on the floor, unable to look his brother in the eyes. He felt ashamed that he had worried his brother. But what made him burn with shame even more was thought of the sinful deed he had done with Patrick and the fact that he desired his own brother in the same way. The only thing he wanted what to be embraced by Henry and sleep in his arms for the rest of the night. But he remained kneeling on the floor, eyes glued to the carped, waiting for his brother’s response. It came in the form of two strong arms that pulled him in to the embrace he had wished for only seconds earlier.

“Thank God that you are safe. I thought I had lost you.”

Henry’s hot breath on his neck made him shiver. William’s body tingled all over and a fire seemed to spread through his limbs. This was almost the feeling he had had with Patrick, only ten times stronger. He wanted him; he wanted his big brother so much. He wanted to claim those pink lips, drink their taste. He wanted, needed, to touch his smooth skin, let his hands travel over his body and learn all its secrets. Holding back a desperate sob he pressed himself closer to his brother, wishing that this moment would last forever.

“Your heart beats so fast.” Henry said surprised.

Blushing William quickly moved away from the embrace. He prayed that his brother hadn’t noticed how exited his body had gotten just by being held by him. Biting his lip he looked up at his brother’s face, afraid of seeing anger or disgust. But Henry only looked on him with worry in his eyes and placed a cool hand on his forehead.

“You’re burning up! You must have gotten a fever running around so early in the morning. Let’s get you to bed now and we’ll talk more about this in the morning.”

William only nodded, he felt as if he had no strength left in his body. When he tried to stand up his legs gave away under him and he would have fallen if Henry hadn’t cached him.

“Take it easy William, I’ll help you.” With this Henry picked him up in his arm as if he had been a baby and carried him out of the library.

William thought about protesting but the rocking of his brother’s steps and the steady rhythm of his heartbeats lulled him to sleep before they even reached the second floor.

When he awoke again it was already afternoon. At first he just lay perfectly still and enjoyed those brief seconds where he floated between being asleep and being awake. In this state he had no worries, no forbidden desires and no secret sins. Then he had to face reality. He had done a very sinful deed with his best friend and he had liked it. His brother had caught him trying to sneak in before dawn. He was in love with his own brother who was probably going to marry a pretty young lady with red hair. He groaned and hid his face in the pillow. How on earth was he supposed to look his big brother in the face from now on?

Unfortunately he didn’t get a chance to think up a plan, a short nock on the door was heard before it opened and Patrick stepped inside.

“Patrick?! What are you doing here?” For some reason he felt very vulnerable only in his night shirt and he pulled the cover up a bit.

“You weren’t in school today mate so I thought I should come over and see how you felt.”

He walked over to the bed and sat down on the edge. His smile was the usual friendly smile but the eyes glittered with something ells, something that made William blush and pull the covers a bit tighter around him. Patrick’s smile widened and he leaned closer so that William could smell the cold air he had brought with him inside.

“You don’t seem too sick.” A hand landed on his forehead and he had to hold back a gasp. Patrick’s smile changed to a grin. “You don’t seem to have a fever, not here at least.” The hand started to travel down his face, a thumb stroke his chin before it continued down to his neck. Shivers ran down his spine and yet he felt like his fever had returned. The hand grasped the back of his neck and pulled him just inches away from the blond boys face.

“Want me to teach you some more interesting things?”

William realized he had a choice. He knew that if he pushed Patrick away now he wouldn’t insist and keep acting as if nothing had happened. He knew this was what he should choose. The question was; did he really want to. His body was burning again. It wasn’t the flame that threatened to burn him alive as it had been with his brother, but he still wanted it. If he was with Patrick then maybe, just maybe, the feelings he had for his brother would cool down and they could go back to the simple relationship they had had before. With these thoughts in mind he answered Patrick’s question by pressing their lips together.

The weeks that followed were hard for William. After the incident in the library Henry forbid him to go anywhere without first telling where he went, he also made a strict rule than he had to be home before seven o’clock in the evening. Still William tried to stay away from home as much as possible. Being near his brother was starting to get painful. Every time he saw him he thought about the things he wanted to do to him, and the things he wanted Henry to do to him. Yet the fact that it was so impossible that he shouldn’t even dream about it made him feel both lonely and depressed. When he was with Patrick it felt better. Even when they didn’t do those things the blond boy had a way to make him forget about his troubles for at least a little while. Everything with his relationship with Patrick didn’t go as he had planned though. He had hoped that taking out his desires on his friend would cool down the flame that burned for his brother. This wasn’t the case. In fact, the more he learned about the pleasure of the body, the more he wanted this from his brother. And Patrick was a good teacher. He could play with William’s body like a musician plays his instrument, making him feel pleasure he didn’t thought was possible. Yet every time he got close to his brother he started to think how he could make Henry moan his name as he moaned out Patrick’s. With all this the brothers once so close relationship grew distance.

April came and the weather got warmer. Even in the middle of the city you could sense the coming spring. The trees dressed in fair green and birds started to sing in every street corner. Usually William liked the spring; it was a departure from the cold and dark winter and the promise of summer. Though as it was now he wasn’t in the mood to enjoy it, he had too much on his mind.

One evening after Patrick had left him more exhausted then usual he fell asleep for a short while making him come home late and missing his curfew time, therefore earning his brothers anger.

“Why are you an hour late?!” Henry wasn’t angry, not yet at least.

“Our chess game drew out of time that’s all.” William answered looking at the floor. He didn’t want Henry to look at his face, afraid that he somehow might see what he had done only an hour earlier. He turned around and walked toward his room, hoping that Henry would leave him alone. His wish wasn’t granted. He had barley closed the door behind him before it was reopened rather forcefully.

“Don’t walk away when I’m talking with you.” Henrys voice was a bit louder than usual and he could hear the anger in it now. It made him feel very small.

“I’m tired of you spending all your time with that Patrick boy.”

“He’s my friend! Why shouldn’t I spend time with him?” William snapped back.

“Well I’m your brother, don’t I deserve a bit of your time too?” Henrys voice suddenly sounded very small and William felt a sting of guilt. “I barely see you now a day, I know you are starting to grow up and probably don’t want to spend so much time with your brother anymore, but we are family and we need to stick together.”

William clenched his fist, suddenly feeling very angry.

“You’re the one to talk! You’re going to marry and get a new family soon anyway!” He felt tears of anger gather in his eyes.

“Marry? What do you mean little brother?”

“That red haired lady, the one I’ve seen you talk and laugh with twice. Isn’t she your fiancée?”

Suddenly Henry started to laugh, a rich deep laughter that made that familiar fire in his stomach lit up once again.

“Fiancée? No, she is the wife of one of my clients. I freed her husband who was suspected of murder. First she came and thanked me and then she invited us both over for dinner. It’s in two weeks and I hope you’ll be able to join me then.”

“S-so you’re not going to marry?”

“Not anytime soon anyway. Why would I need a wife as long as I have you?” Henrys smile was warm and a bit teasing and it made William blush very deep.

“I-I’m not a woman!” He almost shouted and realized how stupid he must sound.

Henry chuckled and embraced him. The feeling of his older brother’s strong body so close to him almost made him moan out load and he had to bit his tongue to hold it in.

“No, no you’re not. You are my adorable little brother who is the most precious thing in the world to me. My only wish is to have you by my side as long as I can. I hope you don’t find me selfish but right now that is my only desire.” His brother mumbled down in Williams black locks.

Those word of love and adoration, the feeling of the hot body pressed so close to him. It was almost too much for William to handle.

“I…brother please, let go of me”

“I’m sorry William.” Henry sounded a bit ashamed and slowly loosened his grip around him. “It must feel awkward to have your big brother say such things to you. I only want you to know that I love you and that I always will be there for you.”

They still stood very close. William could feel his brother’s breath on him as he spoke; smell the soft fragrant of soap that always lingered around his body. He took a step closer Henry. Felt his body heat and heard his slow breathing that seemed too quick up just a little bit as he got closer. Looking up he met his brother’s gaze, an unspoken question lingered in his eyes. None of them said anything. If he listened carefully he could hear the others heart beat, it was quick and hard. When his hand moved up to caress Henrys cheek it was as if it moved on its own. It traveled down the jaw line, over the chin. A finger nudged the lower lip and he could hear a faint gasp.

“What are you doing?” The question was barley a whisper, almost a breath.

“I love you.”

William almost didn’t recognize his own voice, it sounded like it belonged to someone ells. He looked deep into his brothers eyes, tried to find an answer that could end his confusion. Henry moved his lips as if he was about to speak but said nothing, did nothing. Only stood still and met his younger brother’s gaze with a look that revealed nothing. William let his hand travel to the others neck, caressing it slowly, enjoying the feeling of the others skin under his hand. He knew this moment couldn’t last forever, in the end something had to tip the scale. He decided to be that thing. Stretching his neck while pulling the other down he let their lips meet in a kiss not shared by brothers, but by lovers.