Zombie Plans and Other Things
folder
Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
3
Views:
6,622
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
3
Views:
6,622
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Chapter 3
Chapter Three
Shawn never did make it to his wine bottle. The announcement of Sidious’ triumph had Jesse yelling for him to “get in here and see our baby!”
He lived in a world of unending nightmares.
Trudging back into the living room he was once again confronted by the holographic projection showing something that looked like his lover’s internal organs. He wondered idly if it was the bile that brought the body shudders or if it was the other way around. Either way he manfully swallowed and sat on the arm of the couch.
Jesse was radiant. The news of his impending fatherhood had him glowing like a supernova. Shawn hadn’t known that he wanted this so badly. Maybe they could talk about a surrogate or a private adoption when this didn’t work out. He knew both their mothers would be over the moon with a grandchild to spoil, and the idea of a kid was starting to grow on him.
The hologram, fake or real, was cool. It looked like it came straight out of all those sci-fi shows. If this was a hoax it was a fairly expensive one, and confusing. They didn’t have any friends that would just shell out the money for two actors and a mini projector like this. Well, he didn’t. Who knew who Jesse came in contact with?
How the hell could you even tell where the baby was anyway? One of his coworkers had gotten pregnant and came into the office waving this sonogram picture. She was showing at five months so the baby had to be big enough to be recognizable, but all he could see was blob, blob, white blotch. That version of the Rorschach test was clearer than this was. He still didn’t see why people coo-ed over those things.
“Exactly what am I looking at?” Shawn asked warily.
“The internal organs of your lil’ uke-boyfriend here.” Sidious answered promptly holding out his hand for the money a grumbling Epona was forking over.
Putting his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose Shawn asked patiently, “And how does that convince me he’s pregnant?”
“Well, you could use the fact that I just paid him as proof,” Epona offered. “Or you could notice the blinking spot right there.”
“Congratulations, honey!” Sidious crowed. “You have your very own A$$ Baby and the honor of being our very first satisfied customer.”
“No! No ass babies!” Shawn protested. “We’re gay and that means it’s a sacred hole nothing the size of a baby is supposed to emerge from!”
“Relax, he knows the baby is going to be C-Section.” Epona poked him. “You’re kinda twitchy aren’t you?”
“I don’t think that ‘twitchy’ is the word I’d use to describe the unfortunate individual who’s just been told that his male lover is pregnant with his child by two escaped Halloween lunatics. Has the FDA even heard of you people?!”
“Shawn!” Jesse protested. “You promised to trust me on this one.”
“No, no I didn’t because I know better than that. I still remember the laxative incident. It’s permanently engraved into my brain right beside the plaque that says; Never accept the words ‘Trust Me’ out of Jesse’s mouth.”
“That…” He started to protest, then grinned. “Okay, I still think you over-reacted, and that it was really funny. It was an honest mistake.”
“A mistake that happened because I believed you when you said trust me!”
“I bought you a missile silo,” Jesse offered.
“You bought yourself a missile silo then secretly included me in your lunatic plans!”
“When the zombies come you’ll be glad that one of us had foresight.”
“There’s no such thing as zombies!”
“There could be,” Sidious offered.
“You’re not allowed to help him. You got him pregnant.”
“Oh no he didn’t! You did that all on your own and if I have to get a paternity test I’m going to kick your ass.”
“You… He…” Shawn gaped for a moment. “That’s not what I meant!”
“It better not be, buster!”
“Whoo! Them hormones can be a real bitch can’t they?” Epona chuckled.
“Oh sorry,” Sidious apologized. “I forgot to warn you about those. Since you’re male and don’t have the normal fluxing a female goes through every month…”
“That’s one way to describe the red tide,” Epona chuckled.
“Right, anyway yours is probably going to be twice or three times as bad.”
“No, just no. I refuse to deal with this. Fix it! Wave your magic wand, brew another potion, I don’t care, but do something! I refuse to deal with pregnancy and hormones.” Shawn yelled.
The stifled sob from the couch made him freeze. Fat tears rolled down each cheek and tragedy shone in large green eyes.
“Oh dear god in hell,” He got out before the explosion.
“You don’t want us? You don’t want our sweet baby conceived in love?” There was volume building in each word the red head spoke. “You want someone to take away the gift I’ve slaved to give you? This is a miracle, Shawn. The result of centuries of efforts of the gay population to be independent of the cruel hand Mother Nature dealt, and now that the pinnacle of science has been achieved you want to abandon our child?
“Well guess what? You don’t get off that easy. You don’t get to be like all those uncaring fathers on daytime tv. I want child support or I’m calling your momma!”
“I think you misunderstood me,” Shawn said slowly. “I meant that I don’t want any wandering hormones invading. You already have enough.”
“You don’t love me!” Jesse wailed. “You’re going to leave me and tell me that I’m since I’m female now and you’re gay that you’re going to leave me for a younger model. You’re going to take my child and toss me out into the street to be a homeless prostitute again!”
“You’ve never been homeless much less a prostitute!”
“Well, I’ll have to be one to get the money to hire a lawyer to fight you, you heartless bastard. I can’t believe you want to take my baby way!”
“Jesse, come here,” Shawn sighed. The sobbing man threw himself into his arms. “I’m not taking the baby anywhere.”
“I told you you didn’t want him!”
“You didn’t let me finish. I was trying to say that I’m not taking the baby anywhere without you being there with me.”
“Really? You promise?” He sniffled.
“Have I ever lied to you?”
“Yes.”
“Have I ever lied to you in a way that affected your life in a long term negative way?”
“No.”
“Then you know that there is absolutely no way I would lie to you about something this important, would I?”
“You don’t hate me and you want to keep our baby?”
“Of course not! He’s a part of the most amazing person I’ve ever known. Why would I try to deny myself the opportunity of getting to know him?”
The kiss had enthusiasm and style earning him at least an 8.5 from the judge, then Jesse bounced back over to the sofa. “Good, then we should finish the scans. God, I’m starved! Where’s my emergency chocolate?”
“Can I take them home?” Sidious asked. “They’re better than daytime tv and I need popcorn.”
“No.”
“You don’t love me at all!” He pouted.
“I can live with that,” She smirked.
TBC~
Shawn never did make it to his wine bottle. The announcement of Sidious’ triumph had Jesse yelling for him to “get in here and see our baby!”
He lived in a world of unending nightmares.
Trudging back into the living room he was once again confronted by the holographic projection showing something that looked like his lover’s internal organs. He wondered idly if it was the bile that brought the body shudders or if it was the other way around. Either way he manfully swallowed and sat on the arm of the couch.
Jesse was radiant. The news of his impending fatherhood had him glowing like a supernova. Shawn hadn’t known that he wanted this so badly. Maybe they could talk about a surrogate or a private adoption when this didn’t work out. He knew both their mothers would be over the moon with a grandchild to spoil, and the idea of a kid was starting to grow on him.
The hologram, fake or real, was cool. It looked like it came straight out of all those sci-fi shows. If this was a hoax it was a fairly expensive one, and confusing. They didn’t have any friends that would just shell out the money for two actors and a mini projector like this. Well, he didn’t. Who knew who Jesse came in contact with?
How the hell could you even tell where the baby was anyway? One of his coworkers had gotten pregnant and came into the office waving this sonogram picture. She was showing at five months so the baby had to be big enough to be recognizable, but all he could see was blob, blob, white blotch. That version of the Rorschach test was clearer than this was. He still didn’t see why people coo-ed over those things.
“Exactly what am I looking at?” Shawn asked warily.
“The internal organs of your lil’ uke-boyfriend here.” Sidious answered promptly holding out his hand for the money a grumbling Epona was forking over.
Putting his thumb and forefinger to the bridge of his nose Shawn asked patiently, “And how does that convince me he’s pregnant?”
“Well, you could use the fact that I just paid him as proof,” Epona offered. “Or you could notice the blinking spot right there.”
“Congratulations, honey!” Sidious crowed. “You have your very own A$$ Baby and the honor of being our very first satisfied customer.”
“No! No ass babies!” Shawn protested. “We’re gay and that means it’s a sacred hole nothing the size of a baby is supposed to emerge from!”
“Relax, he knows the baby is going to be C-Section.” Epona poked him. “You’re kinda twitchy aren’t you?”
“I don’t think that ‘twitchy’ is the word I’d use to describe the unfortunate individual who’s just been told that his male lover is pregnant with his child by two escaped Halloween lunatics. Has the FDA even heard of you people?!”
“Shawn!” Jesse protested. “You promised to trust me on this one.”
“No, no I didn’t because I know better than that. I still remember the laxative incident. It’s permanently engraved into my brain right beside the plaque that says; Never accept the words ‘Trust Me’ out of Jesse’s mouth.”
“That…” He started to protest, then grinned. “Okay, I still think you over-reacted, and that it was really funny. It was an honest mistake.”
“A mistake that happened because I believed you when you said trust me!”
“I bought you a missile silo,” Jesse offered.
“You bought yourself a missile silo then secretly included me in your lunatic plans!”
“When the zombies come you’ll be glad that one of us had foresight.”
“There’s no such thing as zombies!”
“There could be,” Sidious offered.
“You’re not allowed to help him. You got him pregnant.”
“Oh no he didn’t! You did that all on your own and if I have to get a paternity test I’m going to kick your ass.”
“You… He…” Shawn gaped for a moment. “That’s not what I meant!”
“It better not be, buster!”
“Whoo! Them hormones can be a real bitch can’t they?” Epona chuckled.
“Oh sorry,” Sidious apologized. “I forgot to warn you about those. Since you’re male and don’t have the normal fluxing a female goes through every month…”
“That’s one way to describe the red tide,” Epona chuckled.
“Right, anyway yours is probably going to be twice or three times as bad.”
“No, just no. I refuse to deal with this. Fix it! Wave your magic wand, brew another potion, I don’t care, but do something! I refuse to deal with pregnancy and hormones.” Shawn yelled.
The stifled sob from the couch made him freeze. Fat tears rolled down each cheek and tragedy shone in large green eyes.
“Oh dear god in hell,” He got out before the explosion.
“You don’t want us? You don’t want our sweet baby conceived in love?” There was volume building in each word the red head spoke. “You want someone to take away the gift I’ve slaved to give you? This is a miracle, Shawn. The result of centuries of efforts of the gay population to be independent of the cruel hand Mother Nature dealt, and now that the pinnacle of science has been achieved you want to abandon our child?
“Well guess what? You don’t get off that easy. You don’t get to be like all those uncaring fathers on daytime tv. I want child support or I’m calling your momma!”
“I think you misunderstood me,” Shawn said slowly. “I meant that I don’t want any wandering hormones invading. You already have enough.”
“You don’t love me!” Jesse wailed. “You’re going to leave me and tell me that I’m since I’m female now and you’re gay that you’re going to leave me for a younger model. You’re going to take my child and toss me out into the street to be a homeless prostitute again!”
“You’ve never been homeless much less a prostitute!”
“Well, I’ll have to be one to get the money to hire a lawyer to fight you, you heartless bastard. I can’t believe you want to take my baby way!”
“Jesse, come here,” Shawn sighed. The sobbing man threw himself into his arms. “I’m not taking the baby anywhere.”
“I told you you didn’t want him!”
“You didn’t let me finish. I was trying to say that I’m not taking the baby anywhere without you being there with me.”
“Really? You promise?” He sniffled.
“Have I ever lied to you?”
“Yes.”
“Have I ever lied to you in a way that affected your life in a long term negative way?”
“No.”
“Then you know that there is absolutely no way I would lie to you about something this important, would I?”
“You don’t hate me and you want to keep our baby?”
“Of course not! He’s a part of the most amazing person I’ve ever known. Why would I try to deny myself the opportunity of getting to know him?”
The kiss had enthusiasm and style earning him at least an 8.5 from the judge, then Jesse bounced back over to the sofa. “Good, then we should finish the scans. God, I’m starved! Where’s my emergency chocolate?”
“Can I take them home?” Sidious asked. “They’re better than daytime tv and I need popcorn.”
“No.”
“You don’t love me at all!” He pouted.
“I can live with that,” She smirked.
TBC~