Wounds

okay, so this is really short, i decided to split this into two chapters because i want to specifically focus on certain points in the story. i want to go more into character background and detail over the next few chapters. this chapter has a lot more dialogue than the first, and a lot more cursing, but i havent really gotten anywhere, and i gratly apologize for that,i am really trying to make this good and work, i have a few ideas of what i want to do with this so please bear with me.

and i need to stress that i would really appreciate input on this, because i have no idea what anyone is thinking about this, is it bad? does it scuk, is ist good? mediocer? what can i do to improve??? please reveiw and let me know how im doing!!! well, lets continue on with the story shall we?

WOUNDS
chapter two

I never knew what to do when this stuff happened. I just sat there in silence. I wanted to say something but I know it would hurt a lot later. Then again, I would be reprimanded just as badly for not saying anything because that would be insensitive. Given who this was, I wouldn‘t mind be insensitive, he never cared if he was or not. I looked over to the bed. I started to wonder if it was my fault somehow. I knew I would be blamed someway or another, but I wondered if it really was my fault. He was still breathing at least., or unfortunately, which ever way I wanted to look at it. I was still in a little shock, so I was more prone to be nicer. I heard Josh come into the room. He brought dinner with him, the good shit, not from the hospital.

"You ok?" he looked concern, again.

"I haven't the slightest idea," I replied in the most cavalier way. It was as empty as my mind. "I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should say something, if I should leave, or if I should stay by him." I looked at the food. It looked like he was planning on us staying.

"Would it be different if what happened last night didn't happen?"

“Um,” I started to think about it. That wasn’t an easy question to answer. "No. He's still my father. I'm still scared shitless of him. I always was and always will be. No matter what. So no." I looked at Josh. He had his "serious" look on his face. "Is it my fault?"

"No!” he stood up when he said this. He went over to me, as like to consul me or something. “Don't even think that! You didn’t give him the keys to his truck after he got piss drunk did you?” I was silent. “Did you? Yes or no.”

"No of course not."

"Then don’t think about it that way."

"But I'm the reason why he drank."

"Fuck this, this isn't your fault. You've been through enough. Don't let it get to you this much. You can't.”

"I know. I'll...I'll just let it be. Let's go dude. Let's get away."

"No." It was a rarity when he blatantly denied me something, and when he did, he stuck to it. “you need to confront your fears with your dad. You need to be here for him if he needs you.”

“Needs me?” I started to get angry, which was the first time in a long time I got angry with Josh. “He almost fucking killed me last night and you want me to be here for him!”

“I know-”

“No you don’t! you don’t know what its like to be pinned to the ground, an inch away from death, by your dad! You don’t know what its like to want to die every time he looks at me!” Josh stepped back hurt. I just snapped. I didn’t mean to be an asshole about it, but I was angry. I walked out the room without saying anything.

“Where are you-”

“I’m going for a walk.” I always hated hospitals. Everything was white, there were weird smells, all the nurses had very high pitches, and all the doctors were fat and skanky looking. As I walked through the corridors of the hospital, I looked around and saw so many different people there. There was a little girl with a broken leg. She had dark pigtails and a dark blue cast. She was laughing as her parents gave her an overstuffed animal of some sort. I could see genuine happiness in her teary eyes. The father, looking about forty, bent down to whisper something in her ear, and gave her a kiss. My father has never shown me love like that. Starting to get pissed off again, I walked further into the hospital.

Eventually I found my way to the cafeteria. There were a lot of people there that day. I saw a lot of old couples sitting together talking about how they needed to go to the grocery store. Then there were some younger people there looking for something somewhat pleasing to eat. I sat at an empty table. Just to gather some thoughts.

My mind wandered from rant to rant about how much I hated his guts ans how much I wanted him to die a painful death, and then it switched to how I never got to know him and how much I will regret never telling him how I felt. I even started to remember one of the very few good times we had. I was about five or six, we went to Disney world together. It was my first time there. Mom had to stay home and work on a project, that ended up making us a lot of money.

We were there for about two weeks. We went to every single park, almost every single ride at least three times; well all the rides I could go on because I was so young. I loved it. I was like that little girl with the broken foot, laughing, smiling, cheerful. The whole trip was a nice time we spent with each other. But as when we got home, everything changed. my dad started working a lot more, I went to private school, and I never did that again. That’s when we started to separate.

As I threw my self back into reality, I realized, I wasn’t sitting alone anymore. Across from me was a girl, she had on a standard Abercrombie and Fitch teeshirt on. She was looking at me with interest in her eyes, at first I thought maybe she knew me, but I had never seen her in my before than. She had nice long blond hair, which looked real for once. I looked at her, a little confused of why she was sitting here.

“You were like, in a total trance just then,” she had the very girly high pitched voice. She sounded nice though. “I came here to see if you were okay, and like to see if you were gonna get out of that trance!” she laughed as if she said a funny joke. I wasn’t amused.

“Um, thanks?” I didn’t know what to say. She sat there like she knew me, and that didn’t make me comfortable. I had never hit it off well with the ladies.

“I was also wondering if you knew where any good food was, cause like, no offense to the people who make this, but um,” she even curled her hair with her fingers, “this is like totally nasty!” She let out another prissy laugh. I just looked at her, still shocked that she was talking to a complete stranger like this. It wasn’t like me at all. I don’t trust people very much.

“Um, not really.” Truth was, I did know where better food was, I just didn’t want to talk to her anymore, I thought that she would leave me alone after that. I was wrong.

“So, like what are you doing here?” apparently, she was really bored and wanted someone to talk to.

“Um, someone I know is hurt.”

“Why aren’t you with that person then?” she was annoying.

“Because, ‘that person’ really pisses me off.” She looked a little troubled. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“It’s okay, I understand.” there was some silence between us, which was nice considering I didn’t even know who the hell she was. She took a sip out of her drink she was holding. “Well, whoever it is, you should like forgive them or something you know?”

“Why should I?” I got a little defensive.

“You don’t know how long you have left with him, or like her whoever it is.”

“That doesn’t bother me.”

“Wow,” this was the first time she stopped smiling and looked serious, “that is like totally mean.”

“Well, I am an asshole after all, so, it isn’t anything out of the ordinary for me to say.”

“Well, like whatever,” she stood up from her seat and left without another word. The silence was nice, but I started thinking. I don’t like when I think. I thought of that little girl again. Then, I started thinking of that blond girl saying I should forgive him. Could I really forgive him for hating me without reason? I walked back to the room. As soon as I entered jas stood up and out his arms around me.

“I’m, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” I stood there, a little cooled off from before.

“I’m sorry too.” I put my arms around him. God, how I loved being entangled in his arms. I looked into his eyes. “You’re right, I need to be the bigger person. I need to stay.” I gave him a kiss on the lips. I went to sit on the chair adjacent to my dad’s bed. Josh sat on my lap. It was times like this when I loved Josh more than ever. He was always there for me, no matter how mad he was, no matter how much I hurt him, he was always there for me.

“What made you change your mind?” He weaved his fingers through my hair as we sat there an talked.

“I really don’t know.” I thought about the two girls I saw and tried to construct words to explain how they moved me, but it wasn’t easy. I guess I didn’t have a real reason, I just did. “I guess, I figured, yeah he’s my dad no matter what, and maybe, after all this we can put the past behind us and start again.” Josh stopped playing with my hair.

“Do you know how many times you have said that?” He looked at me worried and uneasy.

“Yeah, but I just feel that its might be dif-”

“It wont be, and you know it.” he looked away from me. “You know I’m not trying to be a bitch, but it always ends bad. He doesn’t want to forget, he doesn’t want to be on good terms with you. I hate to say it, but he wants nothing to do with you.” I looked at him with a bit of anger.

“Then why the fuck did you tell me to be a bigger person?” I started to raise my voice. “Why bother if nothing is going to change!” He sighed heavily and got off my lap.

“Because, you are a good person, and he is an asshole, and-”

“Fuck that man!” I was even more upset with him now then before. “What the fuck do you want from me! You tell me that I am a good person, but I need to be the ‘bigger person’, then you go and tell me how nothing is going to change between me and my dad, but just a coupe days ago you told me I should stop being so harsh on him!” at this point, I was screaming and crying.

“Drew, calm down.”

“Calm down? Who the fuck do you think you are?!” I was infuriated at this point and didnt even notice the nurse in the room. “You have know idea how hard it is to be ‘calm’ these days!” He just stood there, taking me harsh words. “You have no right to tell me to calm down, you havent lived through the shit I have!” I turned away from him and that’s when I noticed the nurse. I didn’t realize how loud I was. She was obviously upset about it.

“You need to leave,” she barked in a stern vice, “immediately.” I was about to step in and say something real nasty, but josh pushed me aside and apologized for the noise and said we would leave in a sec. She left the room with a little “humph”.

“Is there anything you want to say to him before you leave?”

“What? No fuck that.” I took my jacket and walked away, not looking back.