Bittersweet dreams

Author's note: I never noticed while writing this but Dante's charcter actually turned out scarily like Alucard in Hellsing. It was only after someone pointed it out and I watched an episode of the anime that I realised...still I think the comparison works quite well for my purposes.
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The moment Sywryn woke she wished she hadn’t. Her limbs were numb and her whole body ached after recovering from last night’s exhaustion. She groaned and buried her head in the pillow, hoping to drift off again. There was no such luck however and after five more minutes she was completely awake. She found herself mulling over the events, how they’d found the girl, how Alexandra had taken a bayonet through the chest and how she’d been able to taste her blood as it spattered across her face. Moreover she found herself thinking about her talk with the woman afterward. Maybe it hadn’t been what she was hoping for but it was certainly enlightening, hell, it probably contained more words than they’d ever exchanged before put together. For some reason such a little thing had made her see her cold comrade a little differently……she had seemed almost…..human. Well, there was probably no point in thinking about it anymore. She swung her bare legs out from underneath the sheet and winced as her feet touched the floor. She wondered what time it was since neither the lights in her quarters nor the heating had been switched on yet. Sleeping in a cold bed was something she had to live with since the nightly shutdown let the generators recharge overnight. Not that Sywryn had any idea how they recharged. She was blessed with as much technical understanding as Frost had conversation skills. After pulling the bathrobe by her bed on over her underwear Sywryn felt her way to the table and plopped down in a chair. Her hand played with the empty plate in front of her and she vaguely remembered not having eaten for nearly a day, maybe more. Her stomach growled appreciatively for being remembered. And it was soon forgotten again as the door to her quarters whirred open politely. Sywryn wondered who’d be intruding on her this early….unless of course it was Frost come to ask for a report. Sometimes she wondered if he ever slept. The figure outlined in the dim light from the hallway stepped inside without asking and Sywryn already knew why. She could tell who it was by the outline alone and she sank inwardly.

“What do you want?, I’m very tired.” Her voice sounded harsh even though Sywryn wasn’t very good at it. The name of the man making his way into her dark abode was Dante…..and he was the bane of her life. Right now though she was far too tired to deal with the games he always insisted on playing with her and she just wanted him to go away. He could come back and bother her later when she was awake enough to remember why she hated him.

“A little cold today, aren’t we miss Alruien?” Sywryn frowned at the use of her last name. “Am I not allowed to drop in on my fellows, since you seem loathe to show me any attention.” His voice had always had always had a strange tone about it. In the dark Sywryn found she heard it all the more. It was like thick darkness although that wasn’t quite right, that should have been harsh, cold. Instead Dante spoke with qualities that were thick, almost luxurious. It might be better to say his voice was like thick darkness wrapped in velvet or milk chocolate. It still didn’t make her any more pleased to hear it.

“I hear there was another survivor…..and a lot of spilled blood.” He continued, making his way to the chair opposite her and flopping down into it, putting his feet up on the table as if he owned it. He meant to stay a while Sywryn realised.

“Yes but she’s fine.” She hoped such a blunt reply would curb his interest but she could almost feel him smirking at her through the dark. The generators chose that moment to come to life, humming away beneath Sywryn’s feet and springing the lights to life. Now that she could see him she realised her assumption was correct, he was grinning, malevolently. But about what was anyone’s guess. It gave her the shivers. He wasn’t unattractive but he was certainly exotic. Dante was born a sorcerer, one whose magic flows in his blood undiluted like it does in others. They control magic through instinct and natural ability rather than through years of careful practice and control; throughout human history there had always been prodigies but being born a sorcerer was like being born a world class marathon runner without ever training once. It also tended to lead to bizarre appearances. While Sywryn’s eyes or Frost’s hair colour were common enough examples Dante’s entire appearance had been warped by the magic in his veins. Pale blue hair spilled across his face which seemed to have been sculpted from white marble, rich violet eyes watched her with faint traces of amusement from across the room and when he rose a hand to brush away at his fringe she noticed his nails were long and sharp…..like claws. If it were not for his deep voice it might be hard to tell which sex he belonged to as well, the way his body curved was almost as enticing and elegant as hers. But in his case personality certainly came before looks in Sywryn’s mind. She sat for another moment or two, trying to beat him down with her stare. It didn’t work, it never did. When it became clear he was full well intending to stay put against her will she felt her rare moments of true irritation beginning to spill over.

“Do you want me to call security?” She said, not wanting to let on how uncomfortable he was beginning to make her feel. He arched a slender eyebrow…….now why did that look like a dare to her.

“And why would I want you to do that?......Not that you ever do of course…….or is it that secretly you like me being here?” Sywryn found her mind strafing off as to what he could possibly mean but as soon as her vision landed on the lecherous look in his lavender eyes she felt an embarrassed flush creep across her face.

“No……NO! I mean……I just don’t throw you out like I’m sure most people would.” Don’t and can’t, she thought bitterly. Dante could easily fry her to a crisp in an instant if he were so inclined and Sywryn didn’t want to invite such an inclination anymore than necessary. He laughed unpleasantly, knowing full well he was making her fidget in her seat.

“You’re so easy to tease…..I never tire of it.” Sywryn muttered something unwholesome under her breath in response and pushed herself out of her chair, taking to the bed instead. She wondered why he chose her of all people in the underground city she called home to torment, why couldn’t he go and pick on someone else……..like Alexandra…..then he’d get what was coming to him. The image brought a little smile to her face although she feared what his revenge might be. She felt uncomfortable around him not just because of the way he treated her but because everything he did, from the words he used to the way he moved hinted at a madness beneath his jaunty exterior. Maybe it was better she was his victim; it saved anyone else from getting on the wrong side of him even if she had no idea how to deal with him either.

“Why do you always play these games?” She asked wearily, staring up at the whitewashed and sterile ceiling above her bed. It felt like living in a clean room sometimes and Sywryn yearned for just a little colour in her life, even if it was the murky darkness of the wastes.

“Why else? Because you’re so indescribably cute when you blush……. And it wiles away the hours between when they let me out to kill locusts for them.” Sywryn knew all about his reputation. Still, It didn’t change the fact that she hated participating in these duels of words and innuendoes with him, she was certain to lose each time because she didn’t know how to fight him with words.

“You just do it to see me blush….?” He grinned once more.

“Maybe….” He leaned forward, reaching past his long legs to the lone apple in Sywryn’s fruit bowl. A rare treat since only half a dozen trees had been grown so far in the hydroponics bays beneath the city. Before she could complain he bit into it. For some reason she found herself watching a trail of juice as it ran down his chin. The blush rose once more when she caught him watching her and tore her gaze away to something less incriminating. She had a feeling she didn’t want to know the rest of his thoughts, from the look in his eyes they were less than gentlemanly. Even lying down she could still feel him scrutinising her body; all the stronger since silence had fallen over the room. She hugged her knees, feeling embarrassed and strangely afraid under such an intense stare. Sywryn was used to being largely ignored until someone was injured. Nevertheless she was determined not to let Dante get the better of her. She stood up almost defiantly and crossed to the simple mirror above her equally Spartan dresser and picked up a hair brush, running it gently through her waist length locks that were still tussled from sleep. It was the first time since his unwelcome entrance she realised she was still only wearing a bathrobe, and one that only came to mid-thigh at that. She cursed her taste in clothes but it was so comfortable! She’d be damned if she was going to get dressed into something more modest right in front of him though, that was just the kind of opening she’d managed to avoid giving him since his first un-announced session of attention. Her slender eyebrows rose when she spotted him by her shelf with a book in his hands. That’s funny…..she didn’t remember leaving anything over there. Then she spotted a glimpse of the cover and immediately a feeling of pure horror and panic filled her. The sick feeling in her gut told her it was the less than orthodox romance novel she’d so stealthily picked out for herself. Dammit, of all the things she could have let him find why did it have to be that? She could already here a roll of cutting and hurtful remarks filling her ears and she knew with cold dread she’d not be living this down for a very long time. He seemed to catch her staring open mouthed out of the corner of his eyes and the corner of his mouth turned up into a mocking and very amused grin.

“Why Sywryn you are a dark horse.” He said, flicking through the pages. “I never would have imagined you were into this sort of thing.” The young woman could already feel the hot blush creeping across her cheeks. What she wouldn’t give for hole to crawl into and die at that moment.

“I don’t……well, what I mean is I’m not……not usually…..I just like it.” Her voice was almost choked with humiliation as she blurted out her useless explanation while trying to sidle up on him to snatch it back. “It’s just nicer to read than some things.” She muttered under her breath. “Now give it back!” She tried to reach up to snatch it only to realise how much taller he was than her, she barely came level with his shoulder and his grin only deepened as he held it out of her reach.

“Cassandra took a nipple into her mouth and suckled gently, her lover’s mewls of pleasure only spurning her on.” He read slowly, making sure she heard every word. ‘Oh god…..anything but that bit, Sywryn thought. Of all the unfair things that could happen to her. “I think I might keep this for myself actually……it’s certainly intriguing. You’re full of surprises miss Alruien.” Somehow he managed to make the words sound like a prideful compliment and an insult at the same tone. The low drawl in his voice left little doubt as to which parts he found interesting. If anything Sywryn knew when she was beaten and she slumped in defeat, skulking away from him to plonk herself back down demurely onto her bed.

“Fine….” It was obvious he wasn’t going to let her go so easily though. He swooped down upon her, setting himself on the bed beside her. His proximity made her shiver. Sywryn had always been sensitive to magic and the vast amount flowing so close to her sent a buzz through her that rose goose-bumps on her skin. Being this close to Dante made Sywryn feel uncomfortable to the very pit of her stomach but she didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of backing away. Suddenly she felt the touch of skin on her cheek, circling around, tracing the elegant line of her jaw, cupping it and tilting her head toward his. She found herself face to face with her self proclaimed nemesis and she was certain she’d never been this close to him before. Sywryn stared into violet eyes, unable to look away although she knew she should, right now his eyes were locked on her sapphire and blue but in a moment they’d start to stray and she didn’t want to see the look on his face up close when they did. Seeing it from a distance was quite off-putting enough.

“You’re very enticing like this…..” He told her, his warm breath somehow feeling like a caress. For some reason Sywryn could feel her mind fogging over, unable even to be angry at such an outrageous comment.

“Wh-what?” She asked after she remembered how to speak. Her ill-ease seemed to have been forgotten; now there was only the feel of the hand that gently stroked the soft skin of her cheek. It too sent little shivers down her spine, shivers that weren’t entirely unpleasant and as the hand made its way to the nape of her neck and re-started its ministrations there they began to pool in a place between her legs she’d rather not think about right now. Even now she still couldn’t tear her gaze away from his eyes. They were mesmerising, as clichéd as it was she felt like she was beginning to drown in them. Somewhere in the back of a mind that felt like warm golden syrup Sywryn knew this wasn’t right, she shouldn’t be reacting like this, she loathed the man after all. Wait….was he putting some kind of spell on her? She knew Dante was powerful but just how much would it take to do this? But did it matter? What he was doing felt good, it felt exciting, no-one else had ever even tried to be this close to her before.
“What…are you doing to me?” She felt her eyes begin to close, like she was about to drift off to sleep only she wasn’t tired. She could also feel him very acutely as he shifted position beside her. ‘This isn’t right, this isn’t right, this isn’t right.’ She kept repeating to herself over and over but it didn’t help to break whatever hold he had over her.

“Not much….the rest is you.” He growled in her ear. That sounded like a caress to her. She felt his hand brush down across her shoulder, creeping closer to what he wanted. It was like a static shock when his fingers traced their way across the generous swell of Sywryn’s breast; she almost jumped in surprise as the alien pleasure reached her brain. But the shock also brought a measure of clarity with it and the spell on her was broken as quickly as it had been cast. All of the sogginess and confusion that had been filling her mind evaporated instantly, only to be replaced with a churning mix of anger, fear and humiliation all vying for dominance. In the end anger won out and rightly so. She leapt off the bed so quickly she almost fell over and had to grab the table for support. She was glad it was there. Her legs felt like watery mush and she doubted she could support herself. She stared in shock at him still sprawled out on her sheets as casually as if he’d just said good day to her. For a moment her muddled brain couldn’t piece together what had happened but the anger she felt boiling inside at him and the warm tingle in her belly made her mind up for her. Did he think he could just get away with something like that? And more importantly why didn’t she try to stop him? Sywryn felt like punching him in the face, just to wipe that smug and triumphant expression from his glassy countenance. It would be a first because Sywryn had never punched anyone before; no-one had ever made her this….angry before.

“I don’t know what you did……” She seethed once she remembered how to work her tongue. “But you can get out right now! Get out!” She watched him stand slowly, pulling himself to his full, luxurious height and slowly sauntered over to her. There was a look of animalistic lust in his eyes and it scared her more than the locust hordes prowling above them. This was a predator she couldn’t fight. She tried to back away from him but the table was unyielding in its attempt to stop her retreat.

“I think she wants you to leave…..” At that moment that deep voice was the most beautiful sound that Sywryn had ever heard. She managed to turn her head just a little in order to make out the figure of Frost, silhouetted in her doorway with one hand on the hilt of his unmistakable sword. When she looked back to Dante the hungry look on his face had gone, replaced with his usual maniacal expression. The tension still hung thickly in the air between them though; it was as if it were meant for just the two of them. Sywryn didn’t dare take her eyes off him as he slowly moved past her to the doorway. He waved once before he slipped past frost and out into the hallway without even acknowledging his presence; something that was very hard to do. It was only when she could no longer hear the sound of his boots on the metal outside and heard the swish of the door as it whirred closed that the mahogany haired woman even relaxed her death grip on the edge of the table. She had been gripping so hard her fingers ached in protest as she coaxed them away and expected to see dents. Finally she collapsed into the nearest chair, all the anger and confusion and muddled feelings leaking away as she breathed a massive sigh of relief. She felt like she could finally breathe again.

“Thank you captain……thank you so much.” She quietly whispered.

“I assume you’d like him thrown in a cell for harassment?” Sywryn knew Frost had said something to her but without anger her body had returned back to the state of fatigue she’d been in before. She barely heard him.

“Hm?”

“I asked if you want me to have him arrested.” He looked her up and down but at least his scrutiny didn’t make her flinch. In this she saw only concern rather than the layers of venomous longing that made her want to shrink back and hide in a wall. Frost sniffed the air. “I can smell fear remember……” Right now the idea of Dante safely away from her was welcome, although she had to doubt how much good it would do. She was certain he’d see it as just another extension of their little game, he’d made his move today and it had been a bold one, now it was time for her to make hers. Against her better judgement she shook her head.

“…..No, don’t. I’d hate to think what he’d be like when he gets out…….” She thought back to shivers of power she’d felt by simply being next to him, the fresh memory made her goose-bumps rise anew. “I don’t think a cell could hold him if he really wanted to get out anyway……it wasn’t that bad, don’t worry about me. “ She forced a bright smile, one she gave by the bedside as she told a mortally wounded patient they would be fine. Each time she did it a little piece of guilt added itself to the pile, making it a little heavier as she watched them smile with a relief that would soon be dashed. She didn’t know why she thought of that now…….Dante had stirred things up inside her she’d never have thought of normally. Damn him. Frost clearly wasn’t that easy to convince but whatever he thought he kept to himself.

“Very well…….” Obviously he didn’t believe her, nor did she expect him to. He was famously hard to deceive and she was a poor liar, something that had never bothered her before. Her multi-coloured eyes found the empty plate again and she remembered being hungry. She didn’t feel like eating anymore but she refused to let Dante get to her that way, she was sure that was what he wanted, why else would he have done that? Sywryn could imagine him smirking as she sat staring blankly at a wall, mind churning over every connotation of his actions…..well she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. She marched to the counter, picked up her morning ration packet and began to force the unappetising contents down her throat. It tasted like cardboard mixed with soap but at least it filled her up a little. Frost was still standing in her door and when she looked it was like he was purposefully avoiding looking at her. Finally taking the time to look at herself Sywryn realised the hem of her robe had risen up on her hip, revealing her white cotton panties to the world. After blushing so many times she was amazed she had any blood left. She tried to surreptitiously pull it down again.

“You can come in captain, I don’t mind….. “ She said, waving her steely faced commander through the door. She was fairly certain Frost didn’t even care about such things anyway. “Did you want to talk to me about something?”

“Indeed, I wanted to ask about Alexandra.” Sywryn was amazed at how difficult Frost could be to read, judging by the fact that he had even come to see her was proof enough something bothered him but his voice was as gruff as usual, his expression as stony as ever. “Apparently she discharged herself from the hospital last night, but since this her it only says she is well enough to walk.” Sywryn’s first instinct was concern and irritation. People weren’t supposed to just walk out of hospital without her checking them over thoroughly first but when she thought back to how the girl had been the night before she couldn’t worry that much. Thinking about how intricately difficult Alexandra could be to look after brought a strained smile to her.

“She seemed fine….” Sywryn wanted to ‘physically’ but restrained herself, she knew Alexandra wouldn’t want anyone else fussing over her. Frost had to know how she was anyway. For some reason though she felt like she’d discovered some terrible secret, even though she knew nothing important had really been said. Still, she worried all the same. Looking at Frost now, standing by her door with his mighty weapon across his back and the gleam of alertness in his eyes Sywryn wondered how two people who had been through the same horror could end up so utterly different. Whether it was her caring intuition or just a thought of her own making Sywryn thought she understood why her friend never said a word. Her voice had been close to breaking. “I don’t think the wound was as bad as it looked. She’s stronger than she seems anyway.” From the way frost nodded it was obvious he knew what she meant.

“I see….Well enough to return to duty?” He said, obviously hoping for an affirmation. Every soldier was needed as the locust population only grew. It was why children had to pick up weapons and why Sywryn seemed to wear permanent tired bags under her bright eyes. There was so little time for rest anymore.

“I think so; she seemed alright when I talked with her last night.” She poked at the remains of the sauce in her ration pack; it looked like engine oil…..smelt like it too. Finally she pushed it away from her, having had enough of masochism for one day.

“She talked to you?” Frost asked, arching an eyebrow. His surprise in turn surprised her, the way he said it made it sound like the most unlikely thing in the world.

“Yes….” After he carried on watching her she wondered if some explanation might be necessary. “I just thought she always looked so sad. We were alone for a bit so I wondered if she might want to talk about it.” She mumbled. “Is it really that strange?” He crossed to the table sitting down in a chair so politely compared to Dante’s overbearing and insultingly nonchalant manor. Normally Sywryn found the man as impossible to deal with or understand as his compatriot but right now his chivalry was like a breath of fresh air. She would have hugged him but wasn’t sure whether he’d appreciate it. On second thoughts, probably not. He crossed one calloused hand over the other and fixed her with a deadly serious look, as if he were about to tell her the most important thing she had ever heard in her life.

“Alexandra hasn’t spoken an unnecessary word since the incident.” He said slowly, it was obvious he didn’t feel any better about it than Alexandra but at least his voice held none of the hopeless despair that hers had been thick with. She badly wanted to ask him about it, remembering Alexandra’s crass refusal to speak of it herself but she restrained herself. It just didn’t seem right to go behind her back like that. If she heard it she wanted to hear it from her lips.

“Not even to you?” Sywryn finally replied.

“No….” She took a seat opposite him. She knew Alexandra wasn’t the most talkative of people but to not say anything outside of replying to orders….how long had it been since then anyway? She found herself searching Frost’s face for any sign of why but as usual he gave away nothing. She could imagine how seeing that much death could hurt so much you wanted to shut yourself off and just push it down as far as it would go, sometimes when she was alone she felt it herself. That hopeless knowledge that another life had gone and she couldn’t do anything to stop it….But what had happened that was so horrible it made a person want to stop living? That was what Alexandra had said wasn’t it? The emptiness in her voice when she realised she was still alive worried her more than her injury a thousand fold. Frost picked up the half eaten remains of her apple and the knife, deftly cutting away the hand Dante had bitten into and tossed the good piece to her. She still didn’t feel like eating but it would rid her of the taste of the pack at least. She bit into it, finding it sweeter than she remembered. And he ruined half of it…….

“I wonder if anyone’s even tried….” Her voice was soft as she stared blankly at the table. “To talk to her I mean.” She watched Frost shrug. He may not be an open but she could tell he was pretending not to care.

“Perhaps, many I expect. I prefer to leave others be. But if she’ll speak to you at all maybe you can help her.” The way he spoke said he didn’t hold out much hope. “She would hate for me to say this but I worry for her sometimes. In part I am responsible for why she is like this.”

“What do you mean?” She asked, wondering what hand Frost could have had in it. He adjusted the straps that held his sword on his back, making Sywryn wince at the obvious weight. Why did he carry that thing around with him anyway?

“Nothing, it isn’t important anymore.” He steepled his hands on the table, silver hair framing an equally pale face and his eyes giving her a look which said he had no intention of talking about it. She wished people would stop giving her enticing titbits of information but she knew her chances of wrestling it out of her icy commander were basically zero. Sywryn looked around the room blearily. There was the bed, white cover, white sheets and a white pillow, all still rumpled. A white counter with grey ration packs that had built up while she hadn’t been around to eat them. White walls, white cupboards, stacks of unfinished paperwork on a white desk in the corner. The only real colour in the room came from her satin blue dressing down and the remains of her apple. She felt like she’d kill for a bit of vibrancy in her life and marvelled at her own sanity sometimes.

“Captain?....” She ventured carefully, toying with strands of her hair that settled in her lap when she sat down. She preferred it loose like this but it wasn’t very practical in the field. “What was she like before, I didn’t even know her back then.”

“It seems I barely remember anymore…..Like you, almost.” He seemed to study her carefully, obviously thinking about something. “Maybe she sees something of herself in you. I couldn’t say.” Finally he rose from his chair and headed for the door. “I have to go, I’m expected…….Sywryn, if you wish to help Alexandra that is your choice but do not pry. I trust you but some scars are too deep to heal, even for you.” She couldn’t help but question how true that was; it didn’t feel right to just resign herself to not being able to do anything. As she heard the door swish open her eyes fell on the book discarded hastily on her shelf, still open at that one mocking page. She bit her lip gently and then decided on the safest option.

“Wait….Alexandra said the same thing, it’s alright. I don’t want her to hurt anymore than she already is…….But I have a favour to ask.” She grabbed her little secret from the shelf and handed it to Frost, scuffing her bare foot on the floor in nervous embarrassment. “Can you…keep this for me?” She mumbled. Frost quirked a brow, but mercifully he said nothing; again she had to wonder if he even cared.

“I won’t ask……..and stop calling me captain, it’s irritating.”