Silent Relationship

I hope the switch from Moku’s POV to Kaito’s POV that occurs quite often doesn’t confuse anyone

AND. when ever I post my chapter up on aff, the paragraph spacing goes crazy. Do pardon it.

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Silent Relationship

Chapter 3

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Turning up at school early was something I was used to doing, so after ensuring that Moku had a cool-pack on his head and had whatever he might need close by, I headed off. Dropping by the general office first thing that morning, I informed the clerk that Moku would be out sick for the day. Good thing it was a Friday, that gave him today plus the weekend to rest. Ms Lee, the clerk, informed me that Moku’s teachers will be notified, and also to come collect his homework at the office before leaving for the day.

 “Please read then sign it, you can pass it back before you leave school today.” She said passing me the daily report booklet for roommates, usually Moku would be the one passing me this book at the end of every week, I guess it was only normal for the office to do so should the student be absent. With that all done, I headed for my classes.

 It was only during lunch did I find the time to read through the booklet. Expecting to easily flip though it like I usually did, it was easy to say that I was shocked to see that there was a few lines filled up by a number of teachers, all reporting on the same matter on the same day. For a quiet student who excelled in his studies, for anything to be worth reporting about Moku was surprising.

 “Late for class by a few minutes, made to stand during lesson” – Mr Jones English

“Late for class by 10 minutes, made to stand during lesson” – Ms Suzky History and Social Studies

“Late for class 5 minutes, made to stand during lesson” – Miss Takizawa Geography

“Late for class by 15 mins, stood during lesson as punishment” – Mr Tan Math (Advance Calculus)

“Late for class… (practical lab session therefore standing during lesson punishment NA)” – Mdm Amelia Science (Chemistry)

Note to pupil: Moku, I hope this isn’t the start of a trend for you. Even as my best student, you still must be on time!”

It seemed even a few of the teachers were surprised to have to be writing anything down, but thought nothing much of it. The remaining lessons he had that day, and the teachers notes were more or less similar – and from what I had read in the booklet, I gathered that Moku had been standing throughout the whole day at school. And for what ever reason, it was linked to him being late for class each time round that day. But the question that was nagging at me was “Why?”

Why was Moku late for every class? What held him back yesterday when he always didn’t have a problem with being on time any other day? Moku was a naturally punctual person, his internal clock made sure of that. How come I didn’t notice him in the hallways that day? Was my mind too preoccupied with the competition? Talking about yesterday, I don’t recall clearly much of what happened before the competition. Despite asking myself these questions, somehow, I knew that I already knew the answer.

 

“Shit!” the hiss escaped my lips before I could reign it back in, Moku winced in his sleep as he moved away from my touch. Undeterred, I reached forward again, feeling his forehead, and neck. Both were blistering hot as if he had just been running one mile in the blazing noon sun, and as I pulled the blanket down a little, I found that his shirt too was soaked in sweat but he shivered nevertheless.

Stripping Moku proved to be easy enough, well, I had practice. Showering Moku (who slept like a rock, a shivering rock) proved to be harder, but I managed. Another shiver ran through Moku and I quickly got him into one of his pajamas and tucked him back in. Bundling up his clothes and heading back out for a cool pack, something white caught my eye by the toilet door- It was Moku’s briefs. Bending down to pick it up, there was a reddish smear on the white material, not thinking much about it, I dumped the whole lot into the laundry bag, got the cool pack and went back to the bedroom.



 

As realization struck me, I could only sit still in my seat, frozen not knowing what I should do next. Rush back to the hostel? But then, what would I say to him? Wouldn’t he be angry at me, he probably wouldn’t want to speak or even look at me… but… wait. If so, then why did he turn up to watch my competition? Argh… This all didn’t make sense! I had downright hurt him, badly at that! So much so it affected his performance in school, yet, he’s not angry at me? Wait. I can’t draw up conclusions on my own… but one thing’s for sure, if he were angry, or worse afraid. I would have a hard time telling.

Shit man…

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I woke up… I think.

My head was throbbing still but not as badly as before, that didn’t mean I felt like moving, especially when my rear end was throbbing too. I laid still for a few moments trying to recall what happened after I passed out last night. Let’s see, uhm, I got attacked somewhat, managed to run away, dumped my stuff down and practically collapsed to sleep not even bothering to change. Then I remember waking up again when it was time for school, but giving up the next second and going back to sleep. And now, its … ah it’s a bit after 1pm, I guess my stomach woke me up.

Rubbing my tummy, I debated if I should get up for some food, or just sleep my hunger away till I felt better. Speaking of which… when did I change into pajamas? Uurgh man, all this thinking just seemed to have made the both the throbbing worse. Deciding to grab an aspirin before heading back to sleep, I begrudgingly pulled back the covers leaning on my side.

Eh? Now when did that get there? Blinking and rubbing my eyes didn’t seem to take the mirage away so it had to be real. Right there next to my futon was a glass of water, the aspirin’s I was about to get, and something under a napkin. Ah. A grilled cheese-ham-lettuce sandwich

Downing everything didn’t take long, thou the sandwich had gone cold it was still edible. Full and drugged, I easily slipped back into slumber wishing my headache, my fever and the pain in my ass would be gone the next time I woke up, I hoped. 

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 “Oh Jesus! Sweet mother Mary!!! *takes a deep breath* God bless you captain!” Casey said dramatically as he lunged at me, man hugging, my feet practically left the ground for a second before they met again with said ground. Rolling my eyes, I shut my locker door, slung my duffle over a shoulder and headed for the exit doors. The plan was to get out of school asap and back home where Moku needed me… well, if he forgave me first. I hope he does. Shit man! What if he doesn’t? How am I gonna apologize? What if he’s not there anymore when I returned back? How am I even going to begin explaining my behaviour? Crap, why the hell haven’t I gotten out of school?!

Blinking, I realized I had stopped walking sometime during my mental… thinking, thing. And Casey was now in my face again going a mile a minute but none of his words were really reaching me. Blinking again, I mentally berated myself for blanking out, I had actually stopped walking just to concentrate on thinking. Man, we men really couldn’t multitask… not that we let the girls know that. Shit, they don’t need another chip to deflate our manliness. Argh! Who cares of the girls, Moku was enough to worry about!

 “-was really awesome dude, really capt’n you should do it more often.” My vice-captain apparently was done with his rant, which I only caught on at the last sentence. Which made no sense to me as to what was it I should do more often. ‘Be nicer to your lover, that’s what you should do more often’ said guilty conscious thought number 146 of that day. Shaking my head, I forged on, leaving Casey to keep up with that Manchester-won-last-night’s-game look on his face.

Wonder what got him so happy, all I did was cancel the club meeting today.

Okay, I’ve got more important thing’s to concentrate on; like getting back home without stalling suddenly in the middle of the hallway, or worse, the road.

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Having finally found a way to sit without hurting myself took long enough, not to mention it took two pillows and several extremely uncomfortable moments of adjusting to get comfortable just sitting down. And the last thing I needed was to hear the front door open, followed by the sound of the key’s being dumped on the kitchen counter just the way Kaito did when he came home. Scowling to myself, I glared at my blanket. Who the hell lived in this damn place but him anyway, it could have only been him who entered the door just now.

As if to clear any lingering doubt, said bane reason and literal pain in my ass poked his head into the bedroom. Looking directly at me with slight surprise painting his expression. What’s he so surprised about, who else could it be in this room. Stupid roommate. Stupid idiot, pain in the ass, stupid me for loving said stupid idiot. Stupid damn situation! Why the hell am I in such a bad mood!? I didn’t even have time to stop and ponder over my odd mood, because my usually not talkative roommate had chosen that moment to let his mouth run.

“Hey~ Moku. Feeling better? Man did you have a fever or what last night!” Said the stupid idiot as he chucked his duffle on his side of the room before returning to my side. I wanted to glare at him, scowl even. Heck! I was fuming mad, at him!, but it wasn’t showing on my stupid expressionless face I bet!

“You’re better yea?” Kaito went on, sounding like he was more of reassuring himself than asking me a question. Stupid idiot, being the idiot he was, was probably avoiding the situation of why I was sick altogether. One of the few things about him I disliked was when he avoided things or situations that he wasn’t comfortable with, especially when said situation was about us. Damnit what’s wrong with me?! It’s the fever, right, the fever’s going to my head, making me angry. Fever is hot. Angry is hot too.

“Of cause you’re better!”                                      

There goes the self assuring tone and statement again. He sure choose a great time to start being talkative. It was coinciding perfectly with my fever induced mood swing.

“You even ate the lousy sandwich I made!” anyone would have eaten a lousy sandwich if they hadn’t had breakfast lunch and dinner the previous day

“And you even took the medicine” again, anyone would have to take the medicine if they had a fever and pangs of pain striking their head and anal regions.

“So of cause you’re better!” Damn it Kaito! I am not better! I bit my lower lip, and resisted the urge to clench my fists. I wanted to yell at him, freaking yell at him that I was not okay. I wanted to shout myself hoarse at him, remind him about our promise. After that unforgettable (painful!) first time with him, I made him swear he’d prep me well and never be too rough especially if he was planning on doing me so many times in a row! Damnit! I mean freaking hell! That guy had a prick the size that made men gape!

But as usual, instead of doing what I was thinking, I was simply sitting down in front of him staring downwards, looking as thou the futon covers were the most fascinating thing in the whole world. Another slow breath filled my lungs, bit my bit, his words were beginning to annoy me a lot more than it would have should I have been in a better mood. I had the feeling that today would finally be the day that Kaito saw the uglier side of me.

“You’re better… aren’t you?” Kaito said making it sound like a question this time. The annoyingly cheery tone was down replaced by one of uncertainty, and nerves. Thank god he stopped ranting! I seriously would have decked him had he continued. I must be really really mad… I could feel the frown on my face, the folding of skin between my eyebrows was a feeling I wasn’t accustomed to. And why the hell was my vision getting blurry? Argh, damn! I ducked my head lower. Damnit, what the hell were my eyes getting watery for?! Argh! Stupid. Stupid. Stuuupiiiid!!!

“Moku?” the close proximity of his voice made me glance up, Kaito was leaning closer, peering up at me. Aargh! No way! Back off man! In my rush to back away, I scrambled to get up and push myself backwards at the same time. That got me half standing, then half falling down - backwards. On the hard floor, and on my sore butt - Like I needed anymore crap today…

Someone cried out in pain… Oh, that someone was me, but the sound sounded distant over the throbbing of my head and jolt of white hot pain that went up my spine. Stupid! Stupid! I rolled to my side, gritting my teeth and took a deep breath. Stupid! My traitorous hands just had to move down to cover the sore area like a preschooler who just got his bottom smacked. Snatching them back to my chest, I clenched them into fists and curled up. Stupid! Stupid! Argh!!!

“Moku! Shit Moku, you okay? Hey you alright?” Kaito was next to me again in an instant. Stupid fast idiot, couldn’t he leave me alone in my embarrassing pain? It didn’t help me the least that the tears had now spilled down my face. What little pride I had was being so stripped away from me right now. Everything just sucked. And when I felt his arms scoop me up into his lap I just wanted to get away and hide in a closet. Why the hell must I be treated like a baby?!

“No!” I had yelled, pushing him away, struggling to get out of his grip. “No. No. NO!” No I’m not alright. No I’m not okay, I’m not better and No I don’t want your hands on me! Why the hell did he have to be so strong? Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? It didn’t help that I was weaker today to begin with. And that idiot had the audacity to put me in his lap! His freaking knee was hitting my sore behind as I struggled against him. And it hurt. Damn it!

“Moku, calm down.”

“Stop it! Now! Let go!” that idiot’s knee slammed again, ouch! Damnit!

“Calm down first, come on” Maybe I should. Or maybe he should let me go!

Or maybe, I should just yell. Out loud this time.

“You’re freaking hurting me!!!”

I had yelled, and punched his chest for good measure, and he let me go. I should have done that earlier. Before I had my face in a tear-splotched mess, my breath ragged and my ass throbbing even more madly than before. Shit. I should have locked the bedroom door!

“Sorry” he said… the audacity! Prick! I glared at him, wanting to smolder him with my eyes. But judging from my blurred vision, salt water was still pouring out of them and thus weakened my glare, the glare wasn’t effective. Shit him. I glared nonetheless.

“I’m really sorry…” he said again, sounding really sorry. Stupid! Stupid me! Why’d I think he was really sorry for? Damn he was really! Pricks like him who thought with their dicks didn’t have the capacity to feel sorry.

“Sorry for what?” I asked, my voice shaking, making me even more mad, which led to more salt water being produced. This whole thing was all just screwed. And it was screwed worse because part of me thought that I had some blame for the screw up. Like, if I had just pushed him away when he was being rough. Or if I had just not let him sleep with me when I knew he was out of sorts… but. But.. it was just stupid! My chest felt tight, and I wanted to get that feeling off. So I yelled.

“You insatiable jerk!” I yelled at him, before he even had the chance to speak again. “I told you! I told you enough that night, I told you to stop, but you! You, you incubus! Idiot! Were you like in freaking heat?! It was like you were deaf! You even had that glazed drunk look when you were *inhales* argh! Do you have any idea how uncomfortable, painful, inconvenient it was to simply walk to class yesterday! Then to top it off, those muggers just had to chose that day of all days to bother me! Stupid! Jerk! Stupid stupid JERK”

Phew, that felt better. Out of breath, but at least my chest didn’t feel so tight anymore, my shoulders even felt lighter. And throwing all the pillows at him while yelling did help, he looks so shocked now. With good reason - this is the first time I blew up on him, coupled together with the way I looked - tear stained with a slightly nutty edge - he should be shocked. Sighing I sat down, and was greeted with another jolt which got me groaning and rolling over onto my stomach. My head was spinning again, and throbbing at the same time. The throbbing from my head, then my rear end drummed like some tribal beat. Bad combo bad

“Moku…” gaaah that voice was making the combo even worse now, why did it sound so close, why wont it shut up? My head’s spinning again.

“Go ‘way” I think I managed to say, trying to yank the covers over myself. The room suddenly felt cold again now that my anger no longer warmed me. My arms flopped down, giving up, but the covers somehow had found their way over my body. The edges of my blurry vision grew dark, and the last thing I remember was a cool hand over my burning forehead before everything blackened out.

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An hour had gone by since Moku’s… outburst. And there I was, sitting cross-legged in front of a now sleeping Moku, balm in one hand. It was one of those balms that could be used for cuts, to burns, to mosquito bites. So I figured, it could be used for fixing… uhm sores. Groaning, I slapped my hand to my forehead for what felt like the 27^th time that day, the same hand then raking through my hair.

As I gripped the strands tightly, I contemplated what Moku had said (yelled). Truly… I was a ‘Stupid Jerk’… But ‘Incubus’ and ‘Drunk’ was over the top… was it? Groaning, a shook my head, trying to rid myself of the self-berating thoughts… Idiot I was, and sure still am… What the hell was I thinking behaving like that the moment I got home.

“Stupid! Idiot! Jerk!” Moku’s words echoed themselves in my head, and I found myself agreeing.

Before I decided against it, I applied the balm to his sore area. Each time he flinched in his sleep, my heart stopped and I froze before going back to the task at hand. After what seemed like at long last, I withdrew my hands and pulled his pants back up.

No blood, I breathed a sigh of relief, there was no more blood. I took note of that, wiping my fingers on some Kleenex. But it did look, well, raw… inflamed? Or just raw-er than usual, perhaps? Argh damn it, I groaned as my hand slapped my forehead yet again. Sighing, then just sitting there, staring at his face. Not even a minute later, I was fidgeting again. Fusing over his blanket, un-tucking and tucking it back again. Checking his cool pack again. Looking at the time, again.

Man! I just could not keep still! So I got up, and paced to the window, then sat back down next to Moku. Before getting up and walking to the window again. Okay, what to do… think, think. Asses what happened. Decide what to do. And Do it.

Let’s see. Moku yelled more than I’ve ever heard him yell before since, well I never heard him yell since the time I’ve known him. It was probably the loudest I’ve ever heard his voice become. And after just sitting there and listening to him yell at me, I pretty much gathered that he was fuming mad and he was also … sad, in pain as well... shit man. His eyes… his eyes had always reflected his every emotion. It was how I knew his feelings even thou he rarely voiced them out. ‘thunk’ with my (slightly throbbing) head now resting against the side of the window, I thought again.

 It was also the first time I’ve ever seen him cry. Recalling back, how he’d looked like, a heavy uneasy feeling grew into a tight heavy feeling in my chest. Usually, when I saw other men cry, I felt grossed out or just plain awkward… but… but Moku. Well, I sure felt different about him crying, especially since it was my fault. Shit man! I was such a jerk! Even after knowing what happened, then coming back home and pretending like nothing was wrong. Argh! (head meets window again)

 I had apologized, and he had yelled some more. All with good reason. I was hoping he would have just hit me. I definitely should apologize some more later. I wasn’t a huge fan of dishing out ‘Sorry’s’ But well… I wasn’t one to deny being in the wrong either. If it was my screw up, I’d take the blame. And I would freaking hell apologize even if my pride and ego was against me doing so. I took too much care not to screw up in one area, I tend to end up screwing up in another.

Sighing again, I turned to look behind me at the sleeping figure. Once Moku fell back asleep, I had checked his forehead, he obviously looked like he was burning up again. But I just stood there lost for a moment. Reeling back and gathering my thoughts after being yelled. It made me recall back that time long ago when mum yelled at me for smoking, then flicking the still smoldering butt into the leaf litter in the back yard from my bedroom window, which nearly burned down half the house. I never smoked again.

So. After Moku yelled at me today, I just stood doing what I was doing now, reflecting. At something I faintly remember doing. What I did remember was, that it was the day (the night) before the competition. And I was a nervous wreak. The thing about me was, I don’t appear nervous when I am. I tend to just, zone out. But now as I thought back about what had happened in the pass week, the memories were getting clearer. And the more clearer it got, the more it made me realize… that I was freaking asshole! Maybe I was freaking drunk in someway that didn’t require the consumption of alcoholic beverage.

Heaving another sigh. I came to a decision.

I would apologize, and many times necessary. And we would talk… I don’t know, maybe set down some rules, or precautions. So that next time I go into a self induced drunk mode Moku would have a switchblade ready to stab me with… or maybe not a switchblade.

Flimsy decision as it may be, at least it was something. And I hoped it worked…

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Yay~~~~~ hehe? Long chapter much?

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